I am a very weak person. i wasn’t like this until I lost my self confidence or self esteem. Other people might feel pitty when they look or talk with me. I am out of shape and really not social at all and no dress sense at all. I am fat.
I want others to respect me and see me as an individual and not as a object and like me like I am.
I would like to change my way I act when I talk with someone, my shyness and non confidence.
I would like to be more confident, more happy and more strong and wise and endless sex.
I am about to follow 30 day challage by Neil Strauss and I will see if it helps a bit...

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Shine

Day 1 (1/2/12):-
TALK TO 5 STRANGERS TODAY---
1) TALKED TO ONE LADY I KNOW HER BUT NOT SO WELL.
2) TALKED WITH ANOTHER BLONDE SHE SEEMS TO BE DR I SAID HI AND THEN WHEN I LEFT I SAID SEE YOU LATER.. I THINK I MADE FOOD OF ME AS I WAS BIT SHY.
3) IN THE LIFT I TALKED WITH AN OLD LADY.. SHE ASKED ME WHAT FLOOR AND THEN I HAD 2 MIN CONVERSATION ABOUT WEATHER IS GETTING WELL
4) I SAW A WARD CLERK WITH A HB 9 AND I SAID HI TO HER AND ASK HOW HER DAY IS GOING JEMMA.
5) I AM IN THE UNI NOW AND I SAW A HB 9 SITTING ON HER PC AND SHE WAS SNEEZING AND I THOUGHT TO OFFER HER A TISSUE
I GOT SO MUCH FUCKED UP IN MY MIND... I GOT AA AND FINALLY I SAID FUCK THIS SHIT... NEIL SAID THE ONLY SHOT I MISS WHICH I DONT TAKE IT AND CAROLS XUMA TOLD THERE IS NO FAILURE IN APPROACH... SO I MADE UP MY MIND I STOOD UP AND WENT CLOSE TO HER... AND I SAW 2 PEOPLE IN THE ROOM AND I GOT CHICKEN SHIT AND I LEFT THE ROOM I CAME BACK AND I CURSED MY SELF ( THOUGH I SHOULD T DO IT) AND I GATHERD ALL THE COURAGE AND I SHOUTED DO YOU NEED TISSUES LOVE AND SHE SMILED AND SAID OH THANKS OFFOURSE SHE STOOD UP SHE CAME HALF WAY AND I CAME HALF WAY... AND I SAID HERE TAKE THE FULL PACKET I HAVE AN EXTRA AND SHE SAID OH DONT BE SO SILLY SHE IS FINE NOW...
MY MAIN AIM HERE WAS TO COMPLETE NEIL'S 1ST DAY CHALLANGE.. WHICH I THINK I DID AND I AM FEELING SO PROUD OF ME...
I THINK I STILL HAVE AA BUT IT WILL GO DAY BY DAY... MY MENTOR IS NEIL IF HE CAN DO IT THEN I TOO CAN AND YOU TOO....

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Shine

Day 2 (2/2/12)
Here comes day 2… feeling bit better today as yesterday I said hello to 5 people and made very small talks.. today is bit different I will say hello or hi to some people. I said hellow to a chinese girl which smiled and returned my hello.. then I said hello to a cleaner man who did the same. I met two people from ward so I said hi to them and asked everything ok over their end… now I will be talking to strangers and look in their eye…feeling very nervous but also thinking what to do if someone is not even looking at you…or just ignoring you…..
There was a patient in ward and his family was surrounded him.. i wish to stop and say mate you are so lucky to have a family like this.. but i was chicken shit ;-(
Nothing much happened after it.. i went home and i was proud of me as i made a goal to go to gym and I did go there even if it was cold..
As nothing special happened on my 2nd day and I didn’t complete the task, I gonna stretch day 2 on day 3 and continue like this…

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Shine

Day 3 (3/2/12)
I noticed why i didn't complete my yesterday's task... one i was chicken shit second i just did home>work>home... in gym i didnt talk with anyone... just felt to be alone...
As nothing special happened on my 2nd day and I didn’t complete the task, I gonna stretch day 2 on day 3 and continue like this…
So I wanted to do this eye task where you have to note eye colour. I was waiting for the lift and then I saw this old blonde lady next to the lift and when the lift came we both got in. obviously I was a gentleman and asked her to go on first. She asked me what floor and pressed the button. I was facing her and she was facing the exit door. I gathered my strenght and asked .. whats the weather outside? Is it still cold like morning? I had a smile… this women didn’t even turned towards me but she did answer its getting sunny and bright but still cold.. anyways…. I got off..
So another cockup of mine… I meet this girl who worked as a nurse in the hospital and I saw her waiting outside the lift. She said hi to me as we know each other work relations. And I had honestly brain dead episode because I never saw her in such pretty state.. she wore glasses which were different now it was fashion glasses and she looked like DIVA 9+ hb… I just stood like a little lost boy infront of her.. I asked whats new she said she is a researcher now and she works in high place now.. so this was DHV from her and she asked whats new in my life.. GOD I blow my self.. I said same shit .. same work same office… god she changed her tone and talked in a pitty way…
I guess or I know it was my DLV but later I tried to add what I am doing extra etc but it was too late.. i also had social belifs fucking up my mind...
also i didint want to loose her thinking if i will ask her out etyc she will be fuck up
Lesson take…
I was chickenshit again not to ask what she is doing tonight as its fucking Friday./.
lessons… don’t take it persoanlly if you feel other person is shit…
don’t think of anything extra which you don’t plan.. like my aim was to have a conversation only but I thought of other thoughts which fucked my head.
speak slowly , don’t get mind fucked, even if you don’t have anything just say something which DHV you.. increase your value…
Next I wanted to have this movie recommendation line. But I was chicken shit.. I will try again soon..
Positive things today>
Atleast I am getting bit talktive..
I am looking at people and giving them a smile..
Help needed here please… how can I not be a lost bioy and be more confident….

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Shine

Hey man happy to see you are working on yourself. Question though, how do you expect people to respect you if you have zero for yourself? Pick up a book, it's called "The new Psycho Cybernetics"

Read it twice, do the excercises.

Many Thanks mate for your help. i will look in to this book.

tA

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Shine

Continuing from day 3rd. So I went to Tesco’s and I saw all of these pretty women and some were so pretty that I thought I was in a fashion show. Anyways I was thinking to do my homework by asking people if they can recommend me and good films they have seen lately. But I was chicken shit and so much of AA. I was afraid what will the people think of me etc etc. I gathered my courage and I saw these two big girls 4.5. I was walking in front of them and I had an eye contact with them when I looked back but just for less then a second. So I saw them standing near the changing room and then one of them went into the changing section. I thought to ask can I come in and we can have some good time in cubical.. Joking.. Anyways I acted that I am looking for clothes and I saw a staff member there so I gathered all of my energy and I thought for fuck sake I am not gonna make Neil look like a fail. So I thought of him pushing me to open. And finally I said oh its getting hot in here. I was wearing jacket and the staff member looked at me weirdly and then said oh aye its hot in here and then I said hey did you notice they said it gonna snow in weekend. So she said blab la and I looked in her eyes for some secs those were light brown eyes and suddenly the other girl also spoke oh yes she hates snow. Then dead silence. I gathered my energy and I said hey did you guys have a white Christmas last year.. Was it snowing. She talked for some minutes then I changed the topic.. I don’t know why girls take so much time in changing.. then she said with blush.. we have to take time.. god…. I had a exact line at that moment… ONLY THOSE PEOPLE TOOK TIME WHO WANT TO BE BEAUTIFUL BUT YOU SEEM TO BE A NATURAL GIRL BUT A BAD ONE… god I was frozen as this is just y 3rd day.. but I did noticed her eye colour and it was such a pretty deep green.. well out of 5 peole I have gathered 2. tomorrow I hope I will gathered or open more.. I am thinking of confidence at the moment not thinking of number close etc…

Lesson learnt… when I asked girl about whte Christmas after he answer I could have said oh lucky you.. you had white one.. I was doing some charity work in Africa or I was in Egypt on my travel… just showing her I am more adventurous hence DHV

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Shine

Nothing Happened today as I was working and it was Snowing so I enjoyed my time taking pics in snow and just chilling on my warm bed...

Lazy I am....

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Shine

Again nothing did I do. It was snow so I went to Manchester for Sky Diving. Oh I do remeber to have an eeye contact with the receptionist and her eyes were dark like eveil ( no disrespect) more browner than mine or very dark.....

Bloody Snow...

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Shine

STILL SAME SHITTY ROUTINE.. HOME> WORK.. I MIGHT GO TO THE GYM OR I WISH TO COOK TODAY.. HAD MY HAIR DONE GOT SOME SPIKES AND SOME WOMEN IN WORK NOTICED IT...

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Shine