Especially from my girlfriend. Luckily, she is like me and is okay with it without us feeling clingy or "trapped".

But I really really need to get over this.
I have always been like this, and I don't know why.

Even if I'm serving people at work, and I can tell they find me funny/charming - it totally makes my day!
But if I have a day where I feel off and I notice people treating me simply as a "worker", as someone who has no impact on their day - it gets to me.

Hopeless, I know.

Why is it a problem?
Because it MUST mean I have serious internal issues. Maybe I'm in denial about being really insecure or something?
What does it feel like to be significantly insecure?
I don't feel worthless or anything like that, but I do have days where I don't feel empowered.

It's as if my security is based completely on attention. That's it!
Usually I feel very secure because I have a good number of friends etc, but whenever my girlfriend/friends flake I feel lonely and find the need to immediately find new friends.

For example, tonight in particular my girlfriend flaked on me. It was sort of my fault, because I said I'd probably be busy so she made other plans etc.
But in response, I contacted every attractive female I know to fill my empty time and see who was free. When they all suggested another date due to short notice, I even went to a local bar and made a new female friend who I could definitely k-close, but didn't because I don't cheat. Yet, the reason why I gamed her was not to do anything WITH her, but simply for proof I suppose that I am a likeable guy and i don't NEED my girlfriend.

It's retarded, I know. I'm 19.

I don't know what advice I'm looking for, but just tell me anything you think might help me/assure me/give me an epiphany/make me a normal individual who isn't obsessed with being loved.

I was the same when I was your age. I was great at getting attention, still am. I just had to be loved by everyone. Well, I figured it was because I was basing my value on my perceived value (by others).
Basically what happens is this; every time someone pays attention, gives you love and affection, compliments, etc., they send energy your way. This is what makes you feel good, you're getting the energy. It's the same reason some girls are attention whores.
When they take that energy away, you feel like shit because you don't have a permanent source of energy. It's the same with value. The positive reactions make you feel validated, but underneath this all is just a simple energy exchange.
What you need to do is draw the energy and happiness from within. Now, this isn't as easy to do, it's an "inner game" issue.
One way to base your value on you alone and not on the perception of others is to constantly work on yourself, learn new things, improve yourself in any way possible, excel in school or at a job, have goals and work towards them, etc.
Try spending more time alone doing things that interest you, that will bring value and satisfaction to you.
Another thing you have to do, and this one can be tough, is not to give a fuck what other people think of you. That one was the toughest for me, I still struggle with it, but to a much lesser extent. You have to realize that people will not like you more just because you're compliant to their demands. Learn how to say NO. The problem here is you (me and everybody else with this problem) have a huge ego that needs to be fed attention. One one hand your ego needs attention, on the other your ego needs to do what it wants and satisfy some urges. When there is a clash between those two needs you feel very conflicted inside. For example, someone wants you to do something, you don't want to do it, but you still comply because you're afraid you'll lose their good grace and attention if you don't. YOU WON'T! It's hard to see that, but people will respect you much more if you know how to say NO. I know you didn't say this was your problem too, I thought it might be because of the other things you said.

What helped me get me going into the right direction was actually working more on my spirituality. I know this may not be your thing, but this is what got me a permanent source of energy and started solving other things automatically. I'm not talking about religion, just realizing there is this vast source of energy you can tap into any time you need. If you don't believe that, it doesn't matter. You can still meditate and you'll get some good results.
When you feel like shit, just sit or lie, empty your mind, and focus on your breathing, don't let your thoughts wander, try to just empty your head. Do this for 15 minutes to start with and you'll see you'll feel much better, energized etc.
This is one thing you can do any time you feel like shit because of petty stuff, like not having a date for the night.
Another really easy thing, to change your state. Feel grateful. Look at all the things you have and think about those poor, deprived kids in Africa that have no food, no bed, no clean water. Just be grateful you have soooo much! It instantly changes your perception and your energy.
Whenever you catch yourself going into the self-pity state, mental slap your self, use one of the methods above to change your state and then do something positive with your time! Pamper your self. Indulge in stuff that makes you feel good. Or learn something new, find a way to grow.

I'm not saying this can turn things over night, it will take some work and getting used to, but the moment you make your feelings and behavior conscious, that's a good way to get out of the bad emotions.

Hope this helped. Cheers!

_________________
rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

Shit self esteem. You need to be validated to make yourself feel good. Do you have mood swings? Some days manic highs and others somewhat depressed?

+3... He had some great points

I struggled with this a lot in the past, and like her said its because you are depending on other people for you happiness. It's the same reason I used to only be able to approached women when my friends are around. or if i told a guy on the street " do you dare me to go approach that girl".. I would be using their energy to live my life.. It's like I didn't feel like myself without having a friend around or someone to give energy.

The way I began to push through this was to start doing things on my own... Learn to approach women alone.. Even if its just for the sake of conversation. Go to the biggest mall, by yourself and just have fun as if your friend were they're. Force yourself to..

This will also improve your relationships a ton because you will not need your partner for any of these things. It takes a lot of stress off the relationship.

60 years of challenge Relationship Roulette Section touches on this some too... Give it a read.

_________________
Email me: EddieFews@WayOfThePlayer.com For 1 on 1 coaching or consultation via SPAM, phone or IM.

Now You Can Read My Articles Here! ------------> http://wayoftheplayer.com/category/play ... fews-tips/

She

Great thread!
Reading this really hit home with me, I've struggled with the exact same thing a lot. I've come to the conclusion in my case at least that it's because I was never validated in childhood (was also bullied a lot). My parents weren't abusive or anything, they just pretty much ignored me. I developed a depency to be validated by others to feel good because I lacked the inner security. It might never go away fully but you can fix it to a certain degree though, just takes a lot of work and self reflecting.