My Girlfriend

I am the first guy she has been with, i am 19 she's 18. I also took her v-card. She says she doesn't have much self confidence but i don't really buy it that much. Other than that we're dating for around 3 months and having a great time together!


Situation

When she's in school she has some classes with a guy, let's call him ''John''. She might have these classes twice or 3 times a week or something, when she has these classes she sits next to him.

Around 1 month ago i saw her posting on twitter ''I love @John''. Appereantly it was ''John'' that was on her mobile, this stuff happens a lot, im not really that bothered by it (till now)

Now 2 weeks ago she told me that this ''John'' guy told her that he liked her, she told me that she didn't believe him and that he just wants attention.. (Not sure what to think of this)

The same week she told me that he tried to hold hands with her but that she declined that ''offer'' and told him about me (he already knew she had a boyfriend). She told me he got semi mad at her for talking about me.

Yesterday she told me that he wanted to massage her in class, she told him to stop but he didn't, then the teacher told him to stop and he did.

Today she told me he wanted to walk arm in arm with her but she told me she didn't do that and told him to stop with all the stuff he is doing, he got semi mad again.


Problem:

I'm not sure what to think of this, remember that i am new to this kind of stuff (Being alpha and shit). Should i act like i don't care about it? Basically how i see it is this guy wants to ''steal'' my girl and i am annoyed by the fact that he just ignores that she has a boyfriend, like i am some kind of joke that he can gets around with

Note: She also told me that he did this to one of her friends some time ago when she just got a boyfriend.

My Response:

I told her that i trust her and that i am not worried about it. But i am a little, i read a lot of forums and just see a lot of stuff like ''my girlfriend cheated on me''.. I dont know im just scared it will happen to me.

I told her that i was annoyed by him that he just ignores her having a boyfriend and thinks he can get around me (As i previously stated).

I then asked her: ''How would you feel if there was a girl in my class who sits next to me everytime, admits she likes me, wants to hold my hands, massage me, tries to walk arm in arm and post on my mobile ''I love @Girlname'' at twitter?''

Her respone: '' Well i would just trust you because you wouldn't do something like that and i dont know what to think of it i didn't really witness it.''

She also stated that she thinks this guy is ''just weird'' and only wants ''attention''

''If he got pissed at her talking about you, this makes me think he already "assumes" that there is more between them than just friendship.
''

This makes a lot of sense to me ..

Also you say i should act before it's to late, what would be the appropriate thing to do?

If you wanna know what i think, I think she kinda likes him a little bit. probably not as much as she likes you tho. You know girls will really cling to you after you take their v. Its instinctual. Can they sit wherever they want or do they have assigned seating? if you wanna know the truth. I thiink she probably is lying to you. i mean really, what guy will go and creep on a girl like that after hes been told several times to stop? i could be wrong tho. there are some pretty hardcore AFC out there. lol. If i was you Id start to see other girls, and I would change a lot. make an improvement in yourself. And I would change the relationship a lot too. make it less boring for her. dont act like the guy bothers you tho. thats a dlv.

Something is off here. Normally a girl would stop talking to a guy if he exibited this kind of behaviour on a constant basis. Maybe your GF craves the attention? BTW you acted completely fine. You should not act like a baby but still tell her this behaviour offends you, which you did.

Have you met this clown?

Yes they can sit where they want, what do you mean with ''make it less boring for her? ''

No i have not met him. She told me he did this with a friend of her to when she just got a boyfriend, and that boyfriend came to school to look at him and after that things were back to normal.

And if it helps, not trying to be racist here, but dutch people will understand what i mean; he's from Morocco

What I mean is start to be more of a challenge to her. Make her work for you rather than her working for you. If u start seeing other girls she will feel the need to work for you. Also just change things up. Girls are programmed to want different guys. You need to simulate a different guy by acting different.

Jup i am dutch, and no he's different from those people, some friends of mine also know this guy and they all say he is a really nice guy and one of the ''good one's'' when i told a friend who knows him for some time about this story he said ''wow i really didnt expect that of him''

By the way i might have forgotten something important, a friend of mine (who is a girl) knows this ''John'' and talked to him about his love life (while sending their conversation to me).

Girl: So how is your love life going SPAM?
John: Not much, no one special for me at the moment.
John: The last 3 weeks i really thought: ''I want a girlfriend''
John: But then i started to annoy people
John: And that got me into arguments with them
John: I did it out of boredom

....


Thanks alot man! Will definitely try this and post back the results next time i see her!

And one more thing I just thought I'd put out there. Whenever u guys hangout just have a good time with her. Fuck her. Make sure she's having the time of her life. Then just start acting kinda like u don't really care about the relationship as much. And start to make her work for that good time that you give her. Google how to become a women's drug. It's a post in this forum that I think could help you out.

Hahahaha yeaa, typical John.


Anyway, i can't wait to talk to my girlfriend about this, will update as soon as i will! Thanks guys!

Damn man, difficult situation.

So your problem is that: You can't physically beat him, without consequences.

Then you have two choices:
1. You and your girlfriend go to her school together. When you see him, with your girlfriend clinging onto you, talk to him or just let him notice you watching him. Say that you wanted to see the guy that is desperately trying to get a girlfriend who already has a boyfriend, while half laughing.
Eye contact is important, but never give in to/start a fight, unless he begins to touch you and you have a chance of winning.
2. (what I would do but I understand your 'dutch' situation): Go to his school, search for him, then tell him to not touch your girlfriend anymore. 'What are you, pathetic? Can't find your own girl? If he still acts tough, FUCK him UP if necessary with a bat. TOTALLY. (But I know that you will have to be more careful in the future as he will want 10.vs.1 revenge probably, I'm guessing that is your problem. In that case, carry a knife)

Or you could tell your girlfriend that if he's that touchy and all she could've just really tell him to stop, which will lead to him not liking her, because she is now acting mean and ignoring towards him.
If she really meant it when she said stop to him, he would probably really stop. I can't see how someone can massage someone while one person pushes arms away and moves their shoulders.
Maybe she wants a bit of his social attention because he's popular, else her social value would lower a lot. I think that these kind of girls have to grow up and start getting more confidence.

Okay, I am normally the kind of dude that would tell you that there's nothing you can do when some other dude are hitting on your girlfriend but trusting her. However, if she is really doing what she tell you, this guy is harassing her! And you should do something about it.

I've been in tons of situation when a guy is harassing a girlfriend of one of my boys, and he basically find him and beat him up hard. If you're not really in the fighting scene, I guess you could just scare him or whatever.

But... Like I said, those scenarios are if she is telling you the truth... Because the fact that she is still sitting next to him when he's "harassing" her by trying to massage her sounds weird to me.

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Dear Optimist, Pessimist & Realist,

Just to let you know that while you guys were arguing about the glass of water...... I drank it!

Sincerely, the Opportunist

UPDATE

Ok, so i saw my girlfriend tonight, we were just normal talking and our conversation went to something on twitter, i found this the perfect moment to switch the conversation to ''John''. I said ''By the way how come John knows the password of ur mobile''

Anyway, i asked her if she liked him, she was suprised and laughed, basically said ''No way how can you think that'' with a smile on her face.

But i kept asking more questions, not in a strict way but just on a normal calm way, like ''How long did he massage u?'' She said it was less then a second because when she felt it she immediately withdrew herself.

She also told me she finds him annoying

And about the sitting together in class: I asked why she kept sitting with him in class if she is annoyed by him, she told me that she usually sits on her own and he joins her (if that makes sense).

I also talked with a friend of mine who is a girl and she's at the same school. She said that ''John'' does this to other girls as well (including herself) and she stated that he is just a creep and that i shouldn't worry about it.

When she said this i came to the conclusion that my girlfriend is probably telling the honest truth and that this guy is just a creep.

But she did tell me something that annoyed me, when he tried to grab her hands and stuff she told him about me and ''John'' said: ''Wow your BF is really jealous isn't he''.

She told me she would take care of him by herself, i told her that if she did that he wouldn't be bothering her anymore, and he is, so it's not helping.

I told her that the next time he does something like this she has to tell him that i am getting tired of his behavior and he better stop it and if not i will come visit him personally to ''tell'' him. She said she would.


Did i handle this correctly? I'm pretty happy with the results to be honest ..

only if you can kick his ass, lol

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

If your gf is attractive, men will come, and you should take that as a compliment. She should just say, she has a bf, and at that point, nothing is to be worried about unless of course, she reciprocates to him by flirting. Then, she is your gf only by title only but, not in real life since, she doesn't behave as a gf should.

Girls are too nice in these types of situations. It's going to stay a problem if you let her handle it. It might be time to pay him a visit and strike some fear into let him know you'll beat his candy ass.

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