Hello, I posted in my introduction thread that I'm not interested in achieving courtship with females, but I am interested in psychology. I have 15+ sexual encounters in my life and would like to post them here in hopes that others can comment on them in regards to their thoughts on why experiences turned out the way they did, or perhaps to share similar experiences.

I'd like to note that I've had difficulty in deciding what classifies as a sexual encounter. After all, even basic forms of touch (such as hugs), or simple communication (such as compliments) can elicit sexual feelings. I decided not to include sexual encounters that occur at work unless they're either of an unusual occurrence or of a significant duration. Furthermore, most sexual encounters I've experienced as a stripper and gogo dancer I've not found satisfying, and none of them as a porn star. So, for the most part, I define sexual encounters as the encounters I have which are both sexual in some form and that I find interesting. If some forms of encounters involve sexual behavior but I don't experience sexual feelings or don't find them interesting, then I don't document them.

Many of my encounters involve semi-celebrities so I've altered names to avoid detecting my identity as well as theirs.

I won't post all the stories at one time since that might be overwhelming. I'll start with a few and go from there.



1992 (Age 5)

Encounter 1

There was this girl, Arian (not positive about spelling), age 5, in my kindergarten class that I thought was pretty. I went to sit next to her and somehow we became friends. Coincidentally she lived in the house right behind mine, so we sometimes saw each other outside of school. Even at that young of an age, I picked up the impression that nudity and kissing is bad, so I never put a move on her. However, she would often kiss me on the cheek, though we never kissed lips. On one occasion she got naked in front of me in the bathroom. I remember being turned off by her body. Despite being only 5 years old, I already had preferences in regards to what I found attractive. I liked skinny females at the time. Though I thought she was pretty in clothes, I found that in the nude her midsection was too pudgy for me. Perhaps due to both her unfit body and my discomfort to private parts, I felt less attracted to her from that point onward. The next year we were in different classes at school and got out of touch with each other.

2001 (Age 14)

Encounter 2

I became one of the cool kids in eighth grade. One of the hottest girls in middle school, Priscilla, age 14, took a liking to me, and I to her. She had a boyfriend too. Derrick and I hung out with her a fair amount over summer. Her boyfriend got upset one time when he found out I was calling her, so Priscilla and I tried to keep our relationship secretive, despite never having done anything sexual with each other. She invited me over her house one day. I was hoping something sexual would happen between us, and I'm confident she was hoping the same. However, I'm also confident we were both inhibited by the potential of guilt. I was religious at the time and would have felt guilty to initiate something sexual, but if she would have initiated it, I probably could have rationalized it as being something done to me rather than something I did, and thereby avoid guilt. Unfortunately, she was probably hoping similarly so she wouldn't have had to feel guilty for cheating on her boyfriend. So we ended up just watching television for a bit and talking, nothing sexual ever happening between us. One day, Derrick and I both went over to her house while her little sister was there, who was probably around 5 years old. Derrick got a boner on this particularly occasion. Priscilla just kept staring and giggling. We didn't realize her little sister had seen, but apparently she told her dad that Derrick's private part grew bigger. Derrick was probably about 9 inches when erect at that age so it's not easy to miss. We weren't allowed at Priscilla's house anymore after that. We gradually got out of touch from there.



August 2007 - January 2008

Encounter 3

28 August 2007

NOT TELLING.

02 January 2008

NOT TELLING.



June 2008 - August 2008

Encounter 4

NOT TELLING.



31 July 2009 (Age 21)

Encounter 5

Part of my virginity was dismantled. I don't say lost because I know damn well where it went!

So I was told that our stripping company was getting a limousine service. This was a new and unique thing our company was doing, having stripper parties inside limousines. I was pretty much the guinea pig. That's right, I was the first stripper to actually test this out. Larry's the owner of Hotties, my boss basically. Jeremy was the driver of the limousine. Because Larry wanted to see how this whole thing worked, he went along, sitting in the front with Jeremy. The window was closed so that Jeremy and Larry couldn't be seen during the ride, but there's a camera so that they can see everything that's going on. David was my assistant for this party, he was supposed to watch to make sure that nothing is getting out of bounds. The thing is, since this was the first time we'd done this limo thing, Jeremy thought that David should stay in the back so that he wouldn't be in the way of the party, but this turned out to make it hard for David to see what was going on.

I walked into the limo and all the girls are inside and it felt awkward at first because you can't stand up all the way, but I got used to it quick since I'm sitting in girl's laps most of the time anyway. These girls were way wild, most of them, including the bachelorette, were in their 30's. I told them the rules in the beginning, no grabbing my wiener, no making out, and you can spank but not too hard. As soon as I got started, they were already stuffing bunches of dollars in the bachelorette's bra and panties and I was getting them out with my tight virgin mouth (which wasn't so virgin after this party). Then she started putting dollars in her mouth and I got them with my mouth. After doing that a few times she started making out with me! That was the first time I made out. Once I got down to my thong, things got even more wild. I'd be dancing for a girl and a bunch of other girls would get behind me and start groping me. One of the girls was even kissing my glutes but then she worked her way to the center and started eating my tight virgin asshole and then she actually tried fingering me, but I was pretty tight without lube so she gave up. Those were also firsts for me.

They were putting dollars in my thong and the bachelorette would get them with her mouth and later on some girl put a $20 in my thong. Once that happened, the bachelorette came over to get it. By the way, I was getting erect quite frequently during this party and my wiener had flung out of my thong plenty of times. Anyway, so once the $20 was in my thong, she started caressing me and bringing her face next to my dick and then once I got hard, she pulled down my thong and started sucking me! Yet another first for me. All the girls were huddled over so David couldn't see this going on. It went on for probably between 30-60 seconds. By time David saw, she had stopped, because one of her friends told her "not without medical clearance", haha.

I thought for sure Larry or the driver would get on my case for letting these girls do that stuff to me, but Larry was so easy going about it. Once I got back to the stripper house, I asked Larry if Jeremy saw anything that went on, he was just like, "Ya, Jeremy thinks you're bad ass!" I thought maybe they couldn't see everything with the camera they had, so I probed further, and he was like "Oh ya, we could see EVERYTHING!" I asked him if I was in big trouble, he chuckled and said he'd just need to talk to me. He said not to worry, that it was partly their fault for not putting David where he could see what was going on and stop it. He said just not to let them do that stuff to me next time.

You are a stripper and a virgin? WTF is that about lol

June 2010 (Age 22)

Encounter 6

So I got paid to work the gay pride in LA which was pretty cool, just walking around topless and having people take their picture with me. While some people could push the boundaries a bit with the poses they'd have me do for pictures, one individual especially stood out. She was a hot T-girl, probably in her mid-20's. Though her face was noticeably masculine, everything else was very feminine and sexy. She had a friend taking pictures and the first thing she did was pull down my pants to expose my glutes and then she gnawed at its bare skin with her teeth. Quickly, hundreds of people gathered around to watch this photo session. For the next picture, she reached her hand around me and into my pants, I started getting hard as her hand rested on my genitals for this picture. She tried to take advantage of this occurrence by turning me around and tugging on my pants. I kept asking her what she was trying to do, worried about where these Kodak moments were going, but she just kept mumbling something about how good the pictures will look. So I relaxed for a moment, glanced into the crowd, all seeming deeply amused by me and this sexually aggressive transsexual. As soon as I let my guard down, she didn't just pull my pants down, she pulled my briefs down too, exposing my shameless erection, and she quickly started sucking it, and then the sucking quickly turned to deep throating. I wasn't sure why I was getting turned on so easily and so much by this, but I was, yet I was genuinely worried about getting in trouble as I had seen police officers patrolling earlier. I told her to stop, but she wouldn't take no for an answer. It seemed as soon as I got my pants back up, she pulled them right back down, and started raping my dick with her mouth again as the crowd stood in shock (and many probably in arousal). She held my glutes tight, forcing me into her mouth and not letting me go. As much as I was enjoying being raped, I was just too worried to let it go on, with struggle I eventually escaped and then trotted away unabashedly as my erection bounced up and down, as if waving good bye to the onlookers.

It definitely wasn't a traumatic experience even though it was at least mild rape since I was saying no and she kept going (and probably no one would have a hard time recognizing that if I were a female), but it did leave me confused. I didn't understand what got me so turned on. I didn't know if I had a special attraction to T-girls, if I was an exhibitionist, or if I just like being raped by females. This experience would lead me to more experimentation in order to figure myself out.

Encounter 7

Schmitty, mid 20's, was another model that worked gay pride both days with me. He's bisexual. After gay pride, he took me to clubs at night, and we gogo danced together. I had a photoshoot coming up soon in the area, so Schmitty let me crash at his place.

A few days went by with me and Schmitty hanging out a bit during the day and then gogo dancing at night, with nothing too overtly sexual between us, until the final night I stayed at his house. He put on a porn film. I don't seem to get turned on from much porn, I guess because I'm picky and have an odd sexual orientation. Regardless, I was pretty horny from some earlier experiences that night, and I sensed where this was going and had the curiosity to pursue it, so I played with myself anyway. Once I was hard he asked me if he could suck it. The only gay sex I had prior to this was on film, in which case it didn't seem genuine since I'm having to concentrate on overacting, positioning my body for the camera angles, etcetera. I wondered what it'd be like to do it just for recreation, would it be any different? So I took a chance, I told him yes.

He wrapped his soft lips around my pulsating cock and gently started sucking at the head. It wasn't long until the pulsating died down, clearly this wasn't turning me on. Once I went flaccid he just said, "Mmm, that's nice." I smiled then continued stroking myself. I eventually got hard again. This time, as he was sucking me, I continued stroking the base of my penis to keep it hard as he sucked on the head. I was essentially masturbating by hand while his lips happened to be on my dick. I drifted off in my mind, to a cute female that was ogling me while I was gogo dancing that night. I quickly realized that this isn't much different for me than when I'm doing it on film, there's less to concentrate on, sure, but I still ended up finding myself thinking about females to get me going rather than the guy in front of me. We were quiet the whole time as he sucked me and I fantasized, quite different from how the sex had been that I experienced on film. My breathing got heavier and faster, then it started to happen. I started cumming in his mouth, and he swallowed it all down as soon as it came out. I stayed silent as I watched. All I could think about were how my superior genes were being wasted down his throat hole.

July 2010

Encounter 8

On the night of 13 July 2010, I was specifically gogo dancing at MJ's Bar. After I hopped off stage to take a break, I noticed Jesus, the manager of the Scum in Los Angeles, the homeless shelter I stayed at for 2 years. Jesus is the very one who found all the sexuality materials, the needles, and the surgical knife in my room, who was aware of my gender identity issues, my sexual problems, and my self-abusive tendencies. I said hi, told him he probably doesn't recognize me but I'm Marc (it's been over a year since he'd seen me and I look way different since then), and that I got into "modeling" now so I'm just dancing at night while I'm down in LA for a shoot. He seemed stunned, I think he was just caught off guard to bump into me at a gay bar and he didn't know what to say. He just told me "What a nice surprise." I agreed and said I'd talk to him later. Towards the end of the night, I got engaged in a conversation with someone who was tipping me while I was dancing, I felt someone quickly stuff a bill into my underwear from behind me, I turned around and saw Jesus quickly walk away. I don't think that dollar bill was a "I think you're hot" kind of tip, I think it was more of a "good for you for getting out of the homeless shelter and making good money for yourself, even if it's a frowned upon job" kind of tip. When the bar closed down, he briskly walked out, and I paced quickly behind to catch up to him. I saw him a few yards down the street, I was going to yell his name, maybe talk briefly about life with him, but then I figured maybe he doesn't want to talk. Managing a homeless shelter and then going to erotic gay bars at night might be kind of similar to working with children and being a porn star. A surprise for sure, but maybe a little more awkward than nice.

As Schmitty and I left the bar, a woman, probably in her late 20's, seemed to be following Shmitty around. Apparently she was flirting with him the whole night, but he probably wasn't as interested in her as she was in him. Since I was hanging around Schmitty, she then noticed me and started flirting with me too. She became very direct very quickly. What started with her telling me I'm hot and groping my arse and wiener, quickly became her whispering in my ear and telling me she wants to fuck me. She wasn't ideal to me, but she wasn't bad looking either. She had a cute face and nice boobs, she wasn't as athletic as I prefer and her glutes were nothing special, but she was good enough looking that I thought I should be able to function sexually with. Furthermore, my curiosity in regards to having sex seemed to be growing to an increasingly frustrating degree, so I just wanted to get it over with. I told her she could come with me to Schmitty's place if her heart so desired. She said that Schmitty would want to fuck her too if she did. "We could have a threeway then." I explained. She didn't seem aversive to the idea, but Schmitty did a bit. We walked to our cars as we talked. Schmitty explained that he was just very tired and had already masturbated 5 times that day so he just wasn't much in the mood, though it's possible he just wasn't attracted to her enough. Now we had a bit of a dilemma. This woman, who's name I hadn't yet learned, wanted to drive me to her place, but Schmitty needed me to drive him to his place, and I wanted her to come to Schmitty's place even if the threeway wouldn't happen just because I thought it'd be more comfortable in a familiar setting plus it might be funner with someone else in the house. At this point we had made it to our cars, which happened to be parked in front of a church. I suggested abandoning all other plans and if Schmitty wasn't going to do the threeway, me and this woman should just have sex in front of the church while Schmitty films. I thought the blasphemy would be awesome. Schmitty loved the idea. This woman was almost going to do it but ended up backing down. After all this debating about where and how we should have sex, she ended up following us to Schmitty's house so I could drop him off. As I drove Schmitty, I told him I'd never really had sex with a female, I told him I had some brief encounters with oral sex when I was a stripper, but that's about it. He seemed surprised. I then told him how funny it was that I saw Jesus at the bar, who was the manager of the homeless shelter I stayed at for 2 years. Schmitty never knew I lived in a homeless shelter. Basically, I gave him 2 snippets of information about my life that deserved deep conversation, but there was no time for that. I had arrived at Schmitty's place. He just asked me, "Are you going to be okay?" To which I replied, "Ya, I'll be fine." Then I hopped in this woman's car and she drove me to her place. As we drove I told her, "I feel bad, I haven't even learned your name." She answered, "Don't feel bad, my name's Jen." What a well-mannered young slut I am.

When we got to her place she put on Indiana Jones. She told me she thought it'd be so kinky to have sex with that movie on. We took off our clothes and started hugging and feeling each other's bodies. I'll say right now that I was rarely fully erect through out the night, most of the time I was only semihard. With my semihard-on, I put on a condom while she went to the bathroom to do whatever. Once she came back out, she layed on the bed, then I layed on top and she took hold of my winky and slid it inside her. I couldn't feel anything. Probably just 10 seconds of humping later, I went flaccid and it slipped out. I made the excuse that it started getting soft while she was in the bathroom and I just need to get it hard again. She was cool about it. She started stroking me with her hand as she asked me a bunch of questions. She asked me when I last had sex with a girl. I intentionally didn't want to tell her I'd never had sex with a girl since I was curious if she'd be able to tell. I just told her it was a long time ago and I've mostly just been doing it with guys lately. I added that I think wearing a condom makes it much more difficult for me. That was just a hunch I had, but later experiences would confirm that condoms really do affect me horribly. I would take penis pills for my porn scenes which would help me stay hard when wearing condoms. Without penis pills, I tend to lose my erection quickly when wearing a condom. Furthermore, I don't feel just less sensitive when wearing a condom, often I can't feel anything at all. Later in life I'd also find out that how wet a female is can affect how much sensation you feel. If a female is really wet, it can decrease the friction. With all that being said, nerves didn't play a role. I wasn't nervous at all actually, compared to porn where my every intimate moment is being filmed, this was easy breezy.

She did get me semihard again as she stroked me, but the reason I was having such a difficult time functioning sexually, and knew I probably would be for the rest of the night, was more complicated. For starters, I only thought she was decent looking. Decent enough for me to find her attractive, but not super hot which might have helped. More importantly, I'm not attracted to vaginal sex. The idea of being inside a female's vagina doesn't excite me the way being inside a female's mouth does. To add further problem to that was the fact that I couldn't feel myself inside her, due both to the condom and how wet she was, which meant that thrusting wouldn't stimulate my penis to help me stay hard. She was extremely wet actually, I could see her natural lubrication on her external vulva. With all that being said, I did give her vagina another go, and it went better the second time around.

I found that I could press the base of my penis against her pelvis as I thrusted which helped it stay semihard. She wanted me on top when we started but I became exhausted from thrusting (I had to work very hard to keep from going soft) so I asked her to try top. This position was less exhausting for me but I still couldn't feel much. Then I suggested we try in the shower, I was desperate to find a position I might function better in. We tried standing and we tried on our knees in the shower, neither felt any better for me. Also, I got body gel in my eyes which didn't help. We eventually went back to the bed with me on top. She was actually really enjoying it even though I was only ever semihard and it kept slipping out. She started moaning a lot, and eventually her moaning started sounding like she was crying which turned me on a lot. That was the first time I got rock hard, and I felt disturbed by that. At that point I felt like I might have been able to orgasm just by bashing the base of my penis against her pelvis, but I had my legs straddled originally and I guess she liked it better when I thrusted with my legs together, for she grabbed them and closed them on me, so whatever chance I had was lost at that point.

She was really into role playing. She wanted to say "No" while I say "Yes" and act like I'm raping her basically. So I was like "Fuck ya, I'm going to fucking fuck you no matter what." You don't have a choice, I'm never going to stop fucking you." Etcetera. I got up from a laying position and started thrusting from bent knees. She would keep asking me if she felt tight and I didn't know what to say, I didn't even know what tight was supposed to feel like. I'd just tell her that it feels good. I told her I think I'm more into oral though, but she wouldn't do it. I asked her about getting tittyfucked. She declined on that as well. Basically, she was unrealistically scared of getting semen on her body. Interestingly, however, when she'd get really horny she'd ask if I wanted to put it in her vagina without a condom. I'd decline on that one, I felt like I didn't want to waste that experience during such a disappointing occasion. She ended up offering to give me a handjob. I was almost able to cum from the handjob, but failed. I ended up jerking myself off in front of her, but of course she had bunches of towels on hand, and as soon as I came she covered my dick with paper towels because she was so worried about getting any semen on her body or her bed or floor, and that pretty much ruined the joy of orgasm for me. She said she had a perverted fascination for looking at semen. She had me hold the paper towels up as she looked at my splooge on them. It reminded me of how little kids blow their nose into a napkin and then look at it afterwards.

We put on our clothes and then spooned. Sometime during our spooning, I got rock hard. I started gently thrusting my erection against her glutes and she liked it. Admittedly, the spooning turned me on, but I actually wasn't even thinking about the consequences of my actions. I was already exhausted and depressed and didn't care for anymore sex, but she then got on top of me and starting thrusting her pelvis against my dick. I could feel that so much better than fucking her vagina, but was still too beaten down, both physically and emotionally, to care much for it. I had to work extremely hard for it, but somehow I managed to orgasm a second time. She then got a vibrator and started getting herself off as she held my hand. She asked me to talk erotic to her while she masturbated. "My fat dick feels so good inside your tight pussy." "I don't care if it hurts you, I'm never going to stop fucking you." She got off from that stuff so much. She said she came 6 times but she also defined "cum" and "climax" differently. She said cumming is like a wave that relieves tension but climax is like going over the peak of excitement. We cuddled with each other and fell asleep, then she drove me back to Schmitty's place in the morning.

I'd like to take this moment to stress the importance of not equating orgasm with enjoyment here. Even though I came twice, I had to work very hard for both of them, and the experience as a whole was negative. What made it so bad was how many boundaries she had and how self-consumed she was. This was my first time having sex with a female in a private setting and it left a lasting impression on me that would affect me later on. She texted me for about 2 weeks afterwards, but I ignored her.

I told Schmitty how she thought I was a hot fuck and she had no idea it was my first time (I never did tell her). He joked maybe it's because I've had so much practice with myself already. Schmitty and I got into a deep conversation about our lives at this point. It started off with me explaining why I'd still been virgin for so long. I ended up telling him pretty much everything about my life aside from aspects of my sexual orientation. He told me a lot about himself too. He said he didn't recall getting an erection until he was 8 years old, but he had sex for the first time when he was 6. It was with his female nanny. She would often stuff his flaccid penis inside her vagina. He just found it interesting at the time, he remembers it feeling warm and wet and hearing her moan, but he didn't experience any sexual feelings from it. He says at 8 or 9 he had some other sexual experiences with a male nanny that elicited sexual feelings and erection. "Do you think that had an impact on your sexual orientation?" I asked. "Ya, actually, it probably did." He replied. "And with the female nanny, were those experiences traumatizing?" I asked. "Kind of, actually." He replied. "But was it traumatizing immediately, or did you not feel traumatized until much later?" I questioned. "It wasn't traumatizing until years later, when I thought back to the experiences, but I got over it, you just have to get over it eventually." He answered. But how could any of us know if he really did get completely over it? After all, how many of us would willingly have sex on camera for millions to see, even if you're getting paid a few thousand for it? Statistics would tell us that children who've had sex with adults are more likely to turn to prostitution as adults. Despite how well-adjusted me and Schmitty might seem in our day-to-day social lives, perhaps we're still just damaged souls. Don't get me wrong, I'm still nonreligious, but "soul" just seems such a fitting word, as if it's the deepest aspect of one's being. "Did your parents ever find out what your nanny was doing with you?" I asked. "I tried telling my mom, but she didn't believe me." He replied, a response that has now become cliche to me after all the child sexuality books I've read. I told him how I think a lot of parents just don't want to accept the possibility that it might be true because they don't know how to process that. "Ya, especially since I would tell my mom how much I like my baby sitter, she wondered why I would like her so much if she was doing those sexual things with me, but I did like her in all other ways, I just didn't understand the sexual stuff." He explained. "Mmmhhhmmm, child sexuality is not a black and white issue, it's very complicated, and I think most people just don't know how to deal with it." I sighed. "Ya, they just don't understand." Schmitty added.

I told Scmitty how I still don't feel like I've lost my virginity. "I guess everyone just makes it seem like it's such a big deal to have sex for the first time. It's never felt that way to me, even when I first had oral when I was a stripper and my first time having gay sex for Randy Blue, it's never felt like a big deal to me." I explained. "It probably would be if you were younger." Schmitty said. His first time having sex, excluding the nannies, was when he was 12 with his girlfriend who was 14 or 15. We agreed that it's probably because children are kept in the dark when it comes to sexuality so there's much more of a mystery value. Virginity is a man-made concept. Virginity doesn't have to refer to sexual insertion or to vaginal sex, perhaps virginity could refer to the mystery value associated with sex. In which case, the mystery value of sex wilted away for me over the years. I told Scmitty that the funnest part of hanging out with Jen was when she was driving me back to his place in her convertible and she told me to put my hand on her boob as we cruised down the freeway. I held a camera in my other hand and tried to snap pictures of people's faces as they saw my hand squeezing her boob. That was so much fun, a lot more fun than having sex, and I felt so damn surprised to catch myself thinking, "Geez, sex is overrated."

Was that a typo? what 14 yr old has a 9 inch penis??

WTF is this shit you creep.

April 2010 - December 2010

Encounter 9

I got my own apartment in Fresno. The apartment manager told me a cute girl was living by herself in the apartment behind me. I soon found out that, coincidentally, this girl living behind me was a girl that was on my acro team at Gym Masters. Her name was Christy, she was 19. I told her she was welcome to come visit me if she wanted. She actually showed up one day. I got the impression she was weirded out by me based on my living conditions. The apartment was nearly 1,000 square feet yet I kept it mostly empty. The living room only had a couch and a lamp. I also kept one of the bed rooms completely bare. Furthermore, I hung unique pictures on the walls, either odd sexual stuff or drawings made by children. Upon telling her the drawings were made by children she called me "creepy". I took her to my bed room, the only section of the house that had a decent amount of objects, and we sat and talked a bit. We hung out only on a few occasions, and then she ended up moving out of her apartment and back in with her parents. I thought she was too disturbed by me to have much interest in me, but one day after having not talked to her in quite a while, I got a text from her. She said she wanted to ask me a personal question but was worried I might get upset. I assured her I wouldn't, but had not the slightest hunch what she might ask. It turned out she wanted to know how big my penis was. We flirted a bit that night but then didn't talk again for a few days.

She had stopped going to gymnastics near as often as she used to, but I encountered her one day at open gym and she came up to me saying that we should hang out. I consented to the idea, and so we went to the movies. I didn't know what to think of this behavior. Were we going as friends or was there something more to this? Nothing sexual occurred or was even hinted at. She started texting me a bit more, with occasional sexual tincture so I felt more confident about her intentions around this point. I mentioned how I was off to LA to work soon. She said she wanted to come with me, so I said that would be fine if she wanted to tag along. Over the several days we were at LA together, we grinded with each other while at a club, but that was the only thing sexual we did together. Back in Fresno, she invited herself over at my house one night. I knew there was a strong probability that she was hoping for something sexual to occur, but I was both too passive and not attracted enough to her to pursue. If she would have made a move, I wouldn't have said no, I would have went along with it and seen if it could have been enjoyable or not, but she didn't make any attempts. So we just cuddled, and I felt a bit awkward about it, and she stopped asking to hang out with me after that occasion. She got a boyfriend approximately 1 week later. I was basically just going along for the ride to see where it went, and I felt a bit guilty for it, on the basis that I might have led her to believe our relationship was something that it wasn't. She knew that I was a porn star, she was probably hoping we could have been fuck buddies and I was probably a huge disappointment and waste of time for her.



07-08 February 2011

Encounter 10

I had just recently found out that Janet, my sister, had moved to LA! So since she was in town, she asked if she could come to the Cybersocket awards with me. She's under 21, so it was problematic trying to get her in the club, but long story short, a friend of mine was eventually able to sneak her in.

At the awards show, there were quite a few T-girls, I think all of them with their male genitals still intact. I wasn't super attracted to any of the T-girls, but I was attracted and desperate enough to at least give one of them a try. Out of all the T-girls, Fiona was the hottest, and she seemed very into me. She was flirting with a lot of the guys, but definitely with Matt and me the most. She was dancing with us, making out with us, having us suck on her boobs, she even spent some time sucking our dicks, and yes, this was all inside the club. Eventually, security caught on to our behavior so we had to leave, but before I get there, I'd like to mention that somewhere inbetween all this T-girl sexual experimentation I was doing, I had introduced my dear sweet sister to gay porn star of the year Rocky!

Fiona is bisexual and while we were hanging out she went straight up to Janet and tried to make out with her, it was a funny sight to see. Janet basically just stuck her head back displaying an obvious lack of interest. I digress though, the main article of interest here is that Rocky and Janet seemed to really hit it off. We all met up outside of the club by the end of the night. Fiona hopped in a cab with Matt and another porn star Sam. Even though she seemed much more into me than Sam, I thought 2 guys might be enough for her so I waited outside unsure if I should join or not, but soon enough Fiona impatiently demanded me to get in the cab with her. I guess 2 wasn't enough to satisfy her sex drive. I looked at Janet and Rocky as I hopped in the cab, wondering what was going through Janet's mind to see her previously sexually repressed brother get in a cab with 2 dudes and a T-girl. At the same time, my mind was blown as well, to see my not-quite-as-sexually-repressed but still somewhat-sexually-repressed sister hanging out with a porn star and I was just wonderfully wondering how the rest of their night will go.

I got to the hotel room with Fiona, Matt, and Sam. Fiona got in bed with Sam. It was a bit surprising since she didn't seem to flirt with Sam near as much as me or Matt in the club. Regardless, Matt and I just watched as she sucked Sam. I manually stimulated an erection in myself then I went to lay in the bed next to Sam expecting some action too. She took her time with Sam and when she finally went to go down on me, it barely lasted. She crawled over to make out with Sam, I put my dick in her face and, again, she barely spent time sucking me, but instead put my dick down Sam's throat, and he actually put in a great deal of care and time into sucking me, unlike Fiona. Unfortunately, it wasn't something I cared for. Matt joined in around this time, then Matt and Sam took turns switching between fucking Fiona's ass and getting their dicks sucked by her.

Around the time Matt joined in, I turned on my camcorder, wanting to document another interesting life experience. You can see in the video, I was ignored most of the time, and towards the end you'll see how she barely spent anytime sucking my wiener, and instead kept offering it to someone else. That's what the sex was like before I started recording it, and that's how it continued to be after I stopped recording it. I eventually got fed up with it and just sneaked out of the room during a point in which they were all under covers, probably too occupied with each other to even remember I was still there. I ending up taking a cab home, feeling a bit sorry for myself for having a problematic sexual orientation and for having an apparent knack for unfortunate sexual experiences, which probably doesn't help my sexual orientation problems.

I just didn't understand it, why was she so into me at the club, but once we got to the hotel, apparently she didn't want me anymore? She was the one that actually invited me into the cab and to the hotel after all. I noticed Sam and Matt were both circumcised. I initially thought she just must not like intact penis. Though she spent quite some time sucking me in the club, it was dark, and the way my cock was pulled through my pants easily made it look like it could have been circumcised. I figured she could have simply not noticed I was intact at the time. So in the morning I joined her porn site and downloaded about 30 of her videos. In 3 of them there was a male performer that had foreskin. I was watching attentively, looking for any signs of discomfort with the intact performers. In one of the videos, she could be perceived as showing displeasure by taking her time and being distant in the beginning, but it could also be perceived as just starting off teasingly. The other 2 videos didn't seem to show any noticeable sign of displeasure. So in the end, I felt unsure. On the one hand, she did have some videos where she performed with intact guys, so it's not like she would completely avoid such contact. On the other hand, people will often do things for money that they won't do for love or out of care for someone. Perhaps she'll perform with intact guys because she gets paid, but off camera she doesn't like guys with foreskin.

Later that day (since I didn't get to sleep until about 3:30 in the morning, it was technically the same day), Rocky and I had a liveshow to do for Porn Studs. I texted Janet to ask what her and Rocky did after I left. She only said they "hung out", but I heard from Schmitty that a bunch of the Porn Studs boys were at the hotel, and they saw Janet go into Rocky's room. Am I really to believe her and Rocky were alone in a hotel room that morning and only "hung out" the whole time? When I met up with Rocky at the office. I asked him excitedly if he had sex with my sister. He avoided the truth in that not-so-subtle way, stuttering and simply saying he just "hung out" like my sister did. I tried to squeeze it out of him, but he would only tell me he doesn't "kiss and tell", but he gave me that sort of smile that just lets you know that what you're thinking is the truth. You see, he's married and his wife wouldn't approve, on top of that Janet probably told him not to tell me anything. I laughed, knowing that in all likelihood, my sister and Rocky had sex that morning, and that same day I'd be having sex with him too. I liked to imagine that he didn't shower after having sex with my sister, so that all my sister's saliva, pussy juices, and probably butt sauces too, would still be covered on his dick, and shortly enough, inside my mouth. Not that I'd be turned on by such a thing, I just have a sick sense of humor I guess.

So Rocky and I did our nasty ass cock-to-cock show, then it was off to the airport for me. There'd be one more strange experience for me before I got back to Fresno though. I took pills before my liveshow, but they didn't help because I took them too late, and so I had difficulty staying erect for the show. I made it to the airport and suddenly I got a throbbing erection that wouldn't go away. I started jacking myself in the bathroom that way I wouldn't be walking around with a leaning tower of penis. Unexpectedly, I heard someone ask, "You need help in there?" I stayed quiet, unsure who he was talking to, but he then repeated the question. "Me?" I asked. I was surprised he could tell what I was doing, I was being so quiet about it, he must have been paying very close attention to me. He said he thought I might need a friend to lend a hand. I told him I'm okay and I just had a porn shoot, took some pills, and now had a relentless erection. He sounded as if he didn't believe me but he left anyway. I finished jacking it, but felt spooked for the remainder of the session. I then left for Fresno, thinking to myself, definitely not for the first time, that I have a pretty crazy life.

Update: Janet found out I posted the story of her hooking up with Rocky on a tricking forum and she was upset. I told her how only a few random nerds go there and no one cares. Apparently it was her first time having a one-night stand and though she didn't regret it, she seemed ashamed. Whereas I'm nervous, awkward, and unsure of myself in real life sexual encounters, Rocky is even more confident than he appears in his porn scenes. A fused magnetic aura surrounds his body that exudes all things masculine and all things sexual. It draws you in and holds you tight, never wanting to let you go. All female sexual fantasies are fulfilled by his presence and embrace. You ask for the moon, and he'll lasso it, pull it down for you, and along with it will come a shower of stars as freebies. He has the perfect mannerisms to go along with his perfect body. A sex symbol that well-deserves his title. My only point is, why be ashamed for making it with gay porn star of the year Rocky... what female would turn that down?

24 May 2011

Encounter 11

This girl gave me her number one night after dancing. I didn't have even an inkling of attraction to her, but texted her anyway because sometimes I still get turned on by flirtatious texts. I got bored however and was on the verge of ignoring her, but then she said something that really caught my attention. "Oh and dancing is my number two fav thing to do in the whole world, right behind hanging out w little kids " This, along with earlier texts telling me she engaged in prostitution, created a lot of curiosity within me. Either, by themselves, might have meant little to me, but together they were captivating variables.

On the chance that we actually ended up meeting together in person again, (she's in LA, I'm in Fresno), I told her that I'm not actually fully straight. I told her I'm 90% gay and 10% straight, on the chance I couldn't function sexually with her. She was still interested in me. I also told her I'd never had sex with a woman before. I did that because the first woman I had sex with, I never told her it was my first time, so this time I thought it'd be funny to say it was my first time when it actually wasn't.

It turned out I was having my first scene on the straight side of porn. I thought I'd feel more comfortable if I had practice before hand. I had never performed oral on a girl so it turned out I wasn't completely lying when I said it was my first time. I also needed to get the STI testing done in LA. So everything worked out quite conveniently. I told her I could practice oral on her while I was in LA to get tested. By the way, she wasn't charging me money for this. On a side note, it turned out the practice was pretty much unnecessary since my first and only scene on the straight side of porn only involved less than 30 seconds of eating pussy so it's not like much showmanship was needed. The scene basically just involved me and a couple other dudes getting beaten up by 3 women for a few hours.

I left right after acrobatic training and showed up at her place around 1:30 a.m. I greeted her with a hug then told her, "I really have to go peepee". Which caused me to chuckle in my head, "I'm off to a good start". She introduced me to her bathroom and told me her room mate is sleeping so we have to be quiet, a request I probably failed several times. After I finished evacuating myself, I found her sitting on her bed. I sat next to her, not sure what's to come of this. We both seemed nervous. I was surprised she was nervous considering she's an escort, but I later realized how hypocritical that was of me to think that. The reality is, doing something because it's work is a significantly different experience from doing something for other motives. I didn't know how our conversation would transfer to sex.

We spent probably an hour talking, mostly about our childhoods and how retarded religion is. She asked if I'd ever have sex with animals. I told her I'm not very sexually attracted to animals, but if I was then I probably would. I asked her the same. "No." She giggled. "But what if you had a really hot boyfriend you loved and one day he turned into an animal, then would you?" I pursued. "Ya." She giggled. Eventually the conversation turned to my upcoming gig on the straight side of porn. I told her I've never given a girl oral before and she needed to teach me so I'd be ready for my porn gigs!

She sat up and seemed interested but also said she was shy. I told her I was shy too and asked if she still wanted to go through with this. She confirmed. Neither of us were budging. I quickly realized we were both passive, and I also quickly processed that the awkwardness would escalate the longer both of us remained still, so I stepped outside of my comfort zone and suggested we start with making out. I laid her down and started taking off her shirt as we made out. She stopped me and said she wanted the lights off. I was surprised and thought she'd be used to having sex in light as an escort. She explained, "But it's different with you because you have, like, 0% body fat." I laughed and humored her request. "I'm going to be clumsy now that I can't see." I joked. I laid back on top of her, made out briefly, then started licking and gently caressing her nipples for a bit. "Ooh, that feels good." She moaned. Then I kissed my way down her tummy and commented, "Okay, now you have to critique me." "No, wait." She said. I took it as a ridiculous display of token resistance. "We don't have to do this unless you really want to." I said, and she consented. Then I started licking and sucking her vulva. That went on for about a minute, then she questioned, "Are you sure this is your first time doing this!?" "Am I really doing that good?" I asked in surprise. "Ya!" She assured me. "What feels better, when I lick or when I suck?" I sincerely asked. "Both feel good." She responded. So I went on for a few more minutes then told her my tongue was getting tired, so she told me I could take a break.

I then laid side-by-side behind her and asked her where her clitoris was. She tried to show me in the dark but it was too hard to see so I just had her grab my hand and guide me. She placed my middle finger on it. "It's small, huh?" I asked. She said she wasn't sure if it was considered small or not. I told her how I know the clitoris feels better but it's hard for me to know where hers is at because it's small. I then started manually stimulating her and asked her which feels better, doing circles, or going up and down, as I demonstrated the motions on her. She said they both feel good. I asked her if she liked being fingered too. She said ya and told me to try it. I stuck my index finger inside her and started feeling around. "Woa, is that your pubic bone!?" I asked in amusement. "Ya." She giggled. She started moaning and squirming a lot at this point which turned me on a bit and that was actually the only time my penis engorged at all, but even then it was only semihard. I took her hand and put it on my symbol of heterosexuality and told her, "Look, maybe I'm not as gay as I thought!" I then got naked myself and she stroked me briefly as we talked about whatever. She seemed very uninterested in touching me, as if it was a chore. I then told her I want to make her cum, so I went down on her again. She told me to put a finger in while I do that, so I did. I already knew a lot of females have extreme difficulty or an inability to orgasm from sex, but I didn't consider at the time how it might put her in an awkward position to say I wanted to make her cum. She started squirming a lot again, and soon enough she said she came. I really don't know if she was being honest or not though.

I asked her if she'd return the favor. She sounded reluctant about it, but didn't decline. She got her laptop out and said she has to put on this specific song before she gives oral. The song was Imogen Heap - Speeding Cars, which felt both soothing and sad upon first hearing during the encounter, and upon listening to the lyrics more closely later, it's suicidal. In fact, when I looked it up on Youtube, apparently the female who uploaded it left a suicide note and had apparently killed herself just a few weeks after this experience.



I find it to be a curious desire that she likes to play that song for giving oral, though it turned out to be fitting for the experience. I was flaccid when she started going down on me. Probably around 3 minutes went by with no response from my penis, so I told her she could stop. "Maybe I'm just too tired right now or maybe I'm just too gay, I don't know." She laughed about it, there was minimal embarrassment, not a big deal, just depressing on my side. I expressed positive regard to her for teaching me how to give oral to a girl and I admitted surprise that I did a good job for my first time. She reciprocated by saying she had fun.

In the morning I found further difficulty in playing off that I was gay. She kept showing me pictures of guys on her laptop and asking what I think of them! She asked me who's a celebrity guy I think is totally hot, the best I could think of on the spot was Juji, bwahaha! After looking at hot guys, we watched some of my Porn Studs porn together, then we both left at the same time, her to work with a client and me to get tested.

We stayed in touch for a short while after having our sexual encounter, but soon I'd find out the answers I sought from her. Not long after that, I lost interest and our relationship faded. The answers I sought were of course sexuality related. I knew prostitutes were significantly more likely than general society to have been sexually traumatized as children. I also knew children who have been sexually traumatized are more likely than general society to become pedosexuals. A prostitute that tells me that her favorite thing in the world is hanging out with children sounds suspicious to me. She emailed me one day voluntarily telling me about her childhood sexual experiences. Her and her brother used to have sex with each other, starting when she was 7 and he was 8, and it went on for several years. She said it felt good but even at that young of an age she picked up the notion that it's the female's duty to please males, so she felt she had to let her brother finger her even though she felt ambivalent about it. I called her one day and told her details about my sexuality, then she confided in me details about hers. She seemed both asexual and pansexual. On a side note, she seemed to treat synonymously the lack of need for orgasms with asexuality, but the reality is many people still like sex even if they don't orgasm. She said she doesn't like sex but that she's essentially able to get sexually aroused over a wide variety of characteristics, including males, females, and children. Why would she have sex with me if she's asexual? From what I could gather, she probably suffers significantly from delusions of grandeur. She was likely ingrained with an idealistic and backtracked view of the world, in which females serve males and males provide females with things. She was probably hoping she could make me love her by having half-assed sex with me which, by the way, increased my pessimistic view of sex. Though we had similar experiences in childhood, we had little in common as adults, and there was no attraction to keep me pulled in, and so I drifted away from her.

HIGHLIGHTS OF OUR CONVERSATIONS TOGETHER:

HER: And with a girl you get to be manly and strong and protect her and make her feel safe and beautiful
ME: But what if u accidentally rape her, then she might not feel very protected anymore.

ME: Well u said one time how it seems guys NEED to orgasm but girls don't. Does that mean hypothetically u could go your whole life without having anymore orgasms and not feel any tension/frustration/going crazy!?!
HER: Yes.
A lot of girls don't orgasm ever.
I could go the rest of my life w no sex and i would be fine.
ME: Hmmm it seems God has been unfair in his creation of the sexes...
I shall destroy him for this!
HER: I like affection way better. Hold my hand or brush my hair away from My face w your fingers or spoon me .. That's what i like
ME: No excuses, God must die for this inequity!
HER: God who

July 2011 - September 2011

Encounter 12

This girl named Alli, age 16, messaged me on Facebook. She was really hot and flirtatious. She had an ideal body for me, she was athletic, with nice sized boobs and butt. She was apparently quite tall so I'm not sure how that would have been in person, but in the digital world it didn't matter. We quickly exchanged phone numbers and started sending each other nudes. I lived in California whereas she lived in Nevada. Our behavior was quite a conundrum as 18 is the age of consent in California yet 16 in Nevada. Through the power of the internet, our behavior could be half-legal and half-illegal. At her initiative we got on web-cam a few times. A couple of those times we got naked, which was also at her initiative, and I also masturbated one of those times at her request. Knowing me, I probably screen captured some of our web-cam experiences. She eventually got a boyfriend in real life and we gradually stopped talking to each other.



6-7 August 2011:

Encounter 13

So I was booked for a photo shoot in Fremont followed by a gogo dancing gig at Faces in Sacramento that same night. There were tons of girls at Faces and the girls there were even more sexually aggressive than I'm used to them being at other clubs. The crowd was probably 75% female so deindividuation likely played a bigger role than usual. Anyway, despite all the girls at the club, there was really only 1 that caught my eye. She wasn't as athletic as I prefer (though she didn't look out of shape either), but she was exceptional in every other area. She had a perfect face, boobs, and butt, plus a nice overall figure so that was enough to get my interest.

Her name was Leslie. A nice name, but perhaps one better suited for her sister Jenny or friend Amanda, both of whom seemed to be lesbian from what I could gather, whereas Leslie was bisexual. Leslie came up to me while I was on stage and asked for a picture. Not much later I was rummaging my coarse hands across her boobs and embracing her with my boner. She got on stage with me and we talked a bit as we danced. She asked my age. When I told her 23 she called me a "baby". She was 28. "Do you care about age?" I questioned. "No." She simply answered. "Me neither." I assented, only a half-truth. She said I seem like I'd be gay. I asked her why I'd have a boner if I was gay, but she still seemed skeptical. Perhaps it's my personality or the way I dance, or maybe she was just being goofy, but I do get that a lot from girls. Regardless, her skepticism of my sexual orientation didn't prevent her from grabbing my hand and leading it to her forbidden treasure. I started fingering her over her undies as I grinded against her from behind. During times when the bass hit so fucking hard in the music, I too, would simultaneously smack my hips so fucking hard against her ass in perfect synchrony.

At one point Amanda came up and started making out with her as I thrusted from behind. Afterwards, Leslie turned her head and made out with me. Leslie then took turns going back and forth making out with us. As the saying goes, sharing is caring! Jenny was taking pictures practically the whole time. Oh how I'd adore to get a hold of those pictures of yore! At the end of the night, Leslie told me that the 3 of them were going to a strip club. "Can I tag along or would that be awkward?" I asked with genuine concern for their social comfort. "Ya, that'd be cool." Leslie responded. So off we went to Club Fantasy!

It was while conversing in this club I found out that Jenny was married to a male. She claimed she loves him too, though I'm assuming in a nonsexual way. The 3 of them all got a lap dance by the same stripper. I was the only 1 that didn't get a lap dance at the club, haha, no girl asked me if I'd like one nor was I particularly hyped about getting one. Leslie had a striking ease of touch that I admired. She rested her legs upon me as I sat. I tried to step outside of my comfort zone and emulate this trait. I playfully tried tickling the feet that laid across my lap, but they didn't appear ticklish. I then complimented her smooth skin as I ran my fingers across her legs. She responded well to this and guided my hand higher upon her thigh. I wasn't sure if that was her way of suggesting she wanted me to finger her again, left uncertain I just stroked her legs as we watched the strippers on stage. Leslie invited me to their apartment, although Jenny was hesitant about me coming over, she said because she didn't want us being noisy. Regardless, Leslie persuaded her in my honor.

So I ended up at their apartment, and not long after getting there Jenny and Amanda went to the bedroom to sleep. Leslie and I were left together in the living room with only a couch. I laid down first and then she laid on top of me. We made out a bit and did some rolling around on the couch. I pulled down her top and sucked on her tits briefly, but then she pulled her top back up and stated, "I don't want to seem too easy." Why would she care how "easy" she seemed? Was she worried what I would think of her? Why would I think badly of her, I was being just as much of a slut as she was being! Most likely, she wasn't saying that for me, she was saying that for herself, to reduce the shame she might have felt. Moving on, she seemed to find the couch too small to comfortably fit us both. She grabbed a blanket and rolled it out on the floor, so that's where we moved.

We both laid down together. She seemed increasingly tired. It was around 4 a.m. and she had to be up at 6 a.m. for air force training. I rolled on top of her and asked, "So do you want to fool around or do you just want to sleep?" She giggled then replied, "Shhh, you're going to wake them up." Her once active, touchy-feely personality had dissolved into a passive, reactive one. When I'd kiss her, she'd kiss back, and when I'd touch her she'd respond with a quiver or moan, but other than that she was relatively placid. I was unsure if she was drifting into an erotic dream, a mixture of her mind's own creations guided by her subconscious tactility to my body, or if she simply wanted me to have my way with her with no questions asked. If the latter was the case, I was unsure what my "way" was, for I had no compelling sexual impulses to guide me. I only knew that I desperately wanted to receive oral sex first. I had no condom and would have felt presumptuous about sticking it in unprotected. Even if I did put it in unprotected, I wasn't sure if I'd enjoy it and might still end up going flaccid. I would have felt so much more comfortable and confident in myself if I could have gotten oral first, but I didn't know how to ask for it without feeling awkward, keeping in mind I was trying to be quiet and speak in brief sentences. Not knowing how to articulate myself under those conditions, I just drifted my head down to her clam. I lapped on her clit like the good puppy that I am as I fingered her insides, curling my finger in a "come hither" motion.

After a short while I went back up, licking on her nipples and then giving her a kiss and asking her if she wants me to keep going. Though she was moaning I was still uncertain how she was feeling. She responded, "If you want to". I went back down, but only a few seconds went by and then the door opened. Leslie quickly rolled over and I laid my head down as if sleeping, despite being suspiciously close to her genitals. In my peripheral I could see Jenny just standing there. As bogus as the scene looked, I was hoping she'd somehow believe we were asleep and just go back into her room. Unfortunately, what must have been a literal 30 seconds went by and she still stood there speechless. I couldn't help but burst out laughing, finding it awkwardly hilarious that she would stand there that long without saying anything. "I think you should leave." She rudely posed to me. I asked her if we were being too loud and I apologized for it. However, she mentioned nothing about how loud we were. Jenny only complained that she's in a difficult position now because Leslie has a fiancee and now she might feel obliged to tell him. Leslie fought for me, my hero! She explained that it's not what it looks like and it's not a big deal and it'd be cruel to make me leave at that time in the morning. After some bickering, Jenny went back into her room, shutting the door loudly, her neuroticism resonating through the noise of the slam. "I don't know if this is meaningless, but for what it's worth, I'm sorry for causing any trouble." I whispered. "Don't worry about it." Leslie whispered back. We both decided to try to sleep after that, she fell asleep quickly, I stayed awake however, but for no other reason than the room being too humid. I sleep best under mildly cold conditions these days, the temperature seeming to coincide with my heart.

The alarm went off soon enough and Leslie went to get ready. I really feel like under different circumstances, we might have been great together. I think it was another disappointing experience only because of the conditions, not because of her as an individual. If she was wasn't so intoxicated and so tired, and if we didn't have to be so quiet, perhaps we could have had a lot of fun and I could have gotten to understand certain aspects of my sexuality much sooner. Anyway, I called a cab and left a Post-it note on the table for Jenny reading:

"Sorry for
being such a
trouble maker.

- Marc"

Leslie let me kill time in the car with her as I waited for my cab. We discussed what happened last night, and by last night I mean what happened just 2 hours prior. I explained how I couldn't read her, I didn't know what her boundaries were (in regards to if she wanted me to put it in unprotected), nor did I know if she was in an open relationship. Her attitude was basically like "whatevs". From what I could gather, she was neither in an open relationship nor was she in one that was very committed. It was as if dalliance was just expected even if not approved of. She said she had fun, that what we did wasn't a big deal, that her fiancee probably won't get too upset, and that Jenny was both overreacting and being hypocritical. She then sent a text to her fiancee at that time, which I didn't get to read but I can imagine the jist of it: "Sup babez, some gay gogo boy ate my pussy, lol, hope u dont mind." She then laid her head on my shoulder to rest as I waited for my cab, slowly generating back to her touchy-feely self it seemed. I told her I might be dancing at Faces again soon if she wanted to see me again, but she said she wouldn't be back in Sacramento until October. That's right, she'd be leaving back home soon... back to Alabama (that's where Juji lives).



20-21 August 2011:

Encounter 14

I was booked to dance at Faces again. I saw this same T-girl tonight that I saw last time I danced a couple weeks ago. We bumped into each other and talked briefly, she said her name was Karen. She was pretty good looking, but I wasn't very antsy about having any casual sex since my history with them has been mostly tragic. However, she bumped back into me once I was done dancing and wanted to take me home. I was hesitant but she seemed very interested and insistent so I decided I'd try. She held my hand and walked me outside then we got in a cab. She put her hand in my pants and began caressing my dick, then she grabbed my hand and placed it on her boobs. The cab driver turned around and said something like, "Don't worry, it's okay with me, you can suck him if you want!"

When we got to Karen's place, I kept fondling her breasts and butt which both had implants, and she kept stroking my dick. I wasn't getting hard though. To be blunt, her body felt too fake. The synthetic quality turned me off. She, on the other hand, was rock hard. She asked if she could take off her panties and wanted to make sure I wouldn't freak out. I knew she had a dick, I went into the situation well-aware of the good probability that she would. She whipped it out and I stroked it briefly so she wouldn't feel neglected, but didn't have any interest in it. I was still trying to concentrate on her more feminine features to see if I could get turned on, but it failed. Shortly enough, she flipped me prone and began rubbing her dick against my glutes. "I wanna fuck your ass." She whispered into my ear. After that, as politely as I could, I told her this wasn't working out. I explained to her that I was curious and just wanted to experiment, but this wasn't for me. I kept repeating myself as I went to get dressed and leave the apartment, just telling her that I'm sorry and I hope I didn't upset or disappoint her.

October 2011 - XX XXXX

Encounters 15

So I moved back to Los Angeles in October 2011. As soon as I moved, Mia, age 27, and I quickly decided to become acro partners and do circus performances together, so we started training together a lot. Somewhere around 2 weeks went by and we both finished work for the night (we both gogo dance). I usually take the bus but she offered me a ride home so I took it. While in the car she told me of her troubles with Ken and that she didn't want to go home. I told her that I thought they were boyfriend and girlfriend. She declared they weren't, that he just calls her his girlfriend, and she only moved in with him out of convenience. I could understand that much, but I knew they also put a site together advertising their circus work. That seemed pretty committed of a thing to do with someone you don't get along with or don't see a long-term future with. The whole conversation left me confused, all I knew confidently was that she was telling me she's single, she wants to spend the night at my place, and she asked me to send her a hot picture of myself to her phone.

I never put a move on her through the whole night. "I'm playing with your hair, can you feel it?" I asked her as we cuddled. "A little bit." She giggled, and that was the furthest we went. I was somewhat expecting her to never sleep over at my place again since I failed to put out. Yet, for whatever reason, she continued to crash at my place over the course of the next few weeks. The 2nd and 3rd night we still never did anything sexual. The 4th night she gave me a kiss on the cheek when she got up to leave. The 5th night nothing happened. The 6th night she randomly straddled on top of me in the morning as I laid prone and she bounced on top of me. "Are you humping me?" I laughed. Then we had a discussion about how female hamsters are notorious for doing that to male hamsters.

I was actually very attracted to Mia, she had an ideal body to me. She had an athletic physique, nice sized boobs and butt, plus she was very flexible! One of the nights she came over she modeled some clothes in front of me and wore a sexy outfit to bed. I got the impression she was trying to turn me on. The reality was she already had my attention, she just had to make the move because I wasn't going to. I had too many bad sexual experiences at this point and so I was too pessimistic to attempt something sexual with her. It made it even more nerve-wrecking that she was a friend and circus partner rather than some random chick I met at a club. If we were to fail together sexually then the consequences could be much more tragic. Perhaps she had similar anxiety, but likely not to the same degree, and so was reluctant to make a move as well.

25-26 November 2011:

The 7th night is when shit got real. We talked quite a bit before we fell asleep. Mia made the comment that I'm, "so unslutty." She made a comment like this several nights ago saying, "You don't seem like a slut." This was in response to comments I would frequently make online and in text, saying about myself, "Slut for life, yo!" Previously I felt unsure how to respond to her statement. This time I felt more capable of explaining myself. "You're probably right, I'm probably not a slut. I probably wish I could be more of a slut than I am." I started. Eventually I got to telling her, "Depending on how you define sex, I've possibly only had sex once with a female." And I told her the story of that encounter and how it was a bad experience for me. I asked her if her first time was good or bad, and she said bad. Apparently she agreed to have sex the first time when she was 15 in order to try to save a relationship that was failing. She said it was a bit painful and it didn't help the relationship, but that sex in general got better over time. I then finished the subject matter with, "So far all my sexual experiences in life have been tragic or tainted in some way." She let out a bit of a depressing sigh at that. I assured her I wasn't saying that to get sympathy, but that I just like to tell it as it is. We then cuddled together and when we awoke in the morning, we ended up in a position where our noses were touching each other. "We're basically giving each other Eskimo kisses." I giggled, then continued, "You know what that is, right? They rub their noses together and smell each other." Mia giggled with me and we rubbed our noses together. Our Eskimo kissing only lasted briefly though, for Mia laid a kiss upon my lips from there, and we transitioned to French kissing. I don't think I could have imagined a more ideal beginning.

We started out snogging side-by-side but shortly enough I grabbed her and rolled her on top of me. We dry humped each other as we made out, and eventually Mia said she was getting hot so she took off her top, exposing her breasts to me. I would switch between grabbing around her back and compressing her body tight into mine, or grabbing her butt and pressing her sex against mine as we grinded.

I was sexually aroused, but my penis kept fluctuating through this encounter, going from hard to soft and back again. I knew it was because of anxiety. My mind was flooded with worries about where this encounter is headed, what implications it would have for our relationship, and what was going on through Mia's mind at the moment. Mia eventually put her hand over my pants and on my penis and was feeling it a bit. "Mia... can we slow down?" I whispered. "Ya, I'll respect your boundaries. I'll stop touching your penis." She laughed. I'd explain to her in more depth why I was hesitant at another time, but for now I just told her that I like her and it's been fun, but I want to take things slow. "I'm sorry if I'm sexually frustrating you." I finished. She laid on her side with a mild smile. I noticed her arm moving up and down. "Are you playing with yourself?" I asked playfully. "Mmmm, it feels good." She responded. She then grabbed my hand and placed it on her boobs. I stroked her nipples in different ways, asking how she likes it best. After a bit of that, I got on top of her and started sucking on them. For awhile I kept going back and forth between squeezing and sucking on her boobs and kissing her neck and lips. As I did so, we continued to thrust our organs against each other with our clothes still on. Though eventually my kissing faded down and she asked, "Do you want to slow down?" To which I confirmed with a yes. "Now I'm sexually frustrated." She spoke in a manner that sounded joking, but perhaps was partially serious too. All I could do was apologize and offer her another encounter in the future. I felt I needed time to process and analyze the experience.

28-29 November 2011:

Mia spent the night at my house again. I took a penis pill on the chance that either my anxiety acts up or that she wants vaginal sex and I don't enjoy it, then at least I could perform. I waited for an opportunity to explain to her why I was so hesitant to go further with her last time, but before I got the chance she started making out with me. We got to groping and feeling one another's body. That went on for awhile. I also played with her nipples for a bit. Eventually I suggested, "Should we take it a step further now?" She responded, "If you wanted to I wouldn't say no." So I undid her pants and panties and kissed my mouth down to her vulva. I licked and sucked, then I added a finger into the mix. After giving her a fair bit of attention, I stood up and suggested I should get naked too so I took off my pants and undies. I straddled on top of her and caressed her body, but only briefly because she quickly sat up and, without a word, headed for my dick. She probably had no idea how much of a relief that was to me! As she sucked on it I would stroke her hair or squeeze her head, thrust my hips, tell her it felt good, and let her know when she hit a sweet spot or rhythm. Some time went by and she said she needed a breather. I then laid on my back and she went at it again. I then gave her a second round at sucking her and fingering her. This time around, her panting paced up and my fingering hastened to match it. She sounded so intense at one point I wondered if she had an orgasm. "That was sexy." I told her, then I gave her some kisses. I guided her head to my dick again for some more oral. That went on a bit but she said it was an awkward angle so I laid back down and she went at it some more. It felt good but I didn't feel the ability to cum from it. We both said we felt tired at that point and were ready to sleep.

I embraced her close to me before we slept and asked her if she came. "It's all right if you didn't, I know a lot of girls don't cum from sex. I wouldn't be offended, I'm just curious." I added. "How do you know that? From all your sex books?" She laughed. "Ya, females vary a lot more than males in their orgasmic abilities." I answered. She explained that she's able to make herself cum but she made it sound as if she's never been able to cum while having sex. I told her I'm probably similar in that I can get myself off easy but it might be harder from sex (I wasn't sure how true that was, but I assumed it so since I didn't feel I could cum as easily from her sucking me compared to stroking myself). I then tried to explain to her why I was originally hesitant about sex with her. I told her there were 2 basic reasons. 1 was that sex in real life feels so different to me than sex in porn. In porn I'm told what to do and there's little communication involved in the sex acts. With real life sex, I feel lost. I feel uncertain of the norms, rules, and boundaries, and I feel compelled to know my boundaries otherwise I feel uncomfortable. 2 was that I'm not even so sure what I like sexually. I explained how I rarely watch explicit porn, generally just booty shaking videos and stretching. I also told her how my sexual fantasies are generally limited to thoughts of hugging, kissing, and saving females in danger. I left out many details, not to lie, but just for brevity's sake. To these explanations, Mia only responded by saying that there aren't really any boundaries to sex, you just do whatever feels good. I wasn't sure how well she understood me, because I wouldn't assume all females are comfortable with all the sex acts so common in porn, and a couple of the females I had a sexual encounter with either did have significant boundaries or were uncomfortable with certain sex acts. Regardless, I just apologized with a, "Sorry for being a weirdo." She forgave me.

4-5 December 2011:

Mia told me she was extremely sore from recent circus gigs she was performing, especially her glutes. So I gave her a massage with special focus on her butt as we watched movies on my laptop. I would take breaks and lay on top of her from time to time. After about an hour, we were both ready to sleep. We spooned each other with me behind. She turned around to kiss me but I pulled away before she could. I told her I recently had an outbreak of oral herpes and was worried about infecting her. She thanked me for telling her. I told her I could still use my hands, then I traced one down to her vulva. First over her pants briefly, then I went under her panties. I started rubbing her clit, then she complained it was too rough. I apologized and tried it softer. Then I went inside her with a finger. It was a bit difficult to manage with the angle I was at. Before I got much into it, she suggested she was ready to sleep. I told her that's fine, we can sleep if she wants. She said we could have sex in the morning. In retrospect, I think I probably wasn't very sexy in going for the genitals right away. That probably wouldn't be the best approach for someone to sexually arouse me, so I shouldn't have expected it to be so for her.

When I awoke in the morning, I put some eggs on the stove, then saw Mia still laying on the bed. I hopped on top of her and started massaging her again. Then I injected some growth hormone, and afterwards began eating a bunch. I practiced hand stands a bit as she dealt with business phone calls. Then I started working on projects on my laptop as she continued to rest on the bed beside me. She was apparently very burned out from all the work she had been doing lately. My shirt was riding up me as I laid back with the laptop on my lap. She took that opportunity to give me a raspberry on my tummy. Then she caressed me with her hand and traveled it excitingly close to my penis. "Ooh, where's your hand going!?" I played. She just laughed then seemed to doze off a bit, coquettishly leaving her hand there. After I finished a project on my laptop, I spooned her again. She worked her hand behind me to play with my penis. I then reached my hand under her arm and down to her vulva. We stroked each other briefly, but the position we were in was probably a bit difficult for both of us. I tried using my other arm to stroke her which was more comfortable, but still not the best position for either of us. I suggested a change of positions, so I sat on top of her and removed her clothes as well as mine.

I was careful to stroke her clit gently and asked her how it was feeling. I then did some more fingering. I'd play with her boobs and nipples as I did this. After some time, she sat up and started sucking me. I continued to finger her and play with her boobs as she did so. That went on for quite some time then I told her she could take a break if she wanted as I didn't want her to wear herself out. "I want to make you cum." She sighed, which really made me horny. She then stroked me by hand for a bit as I continued to finger her. Then I laid on top of her and told her that she's great but that I typically have to work really hard to be able to cum. After talking and caressing one another a bit, I then shifted my body upwards and she seemed to know what I was going for. "Here, you can tittyfuck me." She said as she squeezed her boobs together. So I slid my penis inbetween and went at it. She soon bent her neck down and started sucking the head of my penis as I humped her chest. That's what put me over the edge. "I'm going to cum! I'm going to cum!" I panted. She continued to suck me as I unleashed my load. Shortly afterwards she jogged to the bathroom to spit it out.

Even after cumming, I never went even slightly flaccid. I had taken a penis pill at night to be on the safe side, but it was likely to have worn out by this time, meaning I was functioning naturally with her which made me feel so much more confident. I wouldn't feel the need to use penis pills with her anymore after this experience. "I'm still hard for you." I stated as she walked back from the bathroom. "Oh, you're ready to go again?" She asked with a speck of surprise to her voice. "If you want to." I giggled, then explained that I don't always go flaccid after orgasm, depending on my mood. We cuddled for a bit. Then we got to caressing one another's body and complaining how it sucks we can't kiss each other and I can't use my mouth on her, which I forgot on a few occasions, by briefly licking her nipples amongst other things.

I rolled on top of her back and massaged her again. She arched her back up at one point as I was massaging and I told her how tempting she looks like that. "Like this?" She said as she arched her back again, this time even higher. I laid on top of her, my penis going inbetween her legs. I wasn't meaning to put it inside her as I figured I'd need a condom, but suddenly it started to feel as though my penis was being engulfed. It felt really good, and I started thrusting briefly, but then I got worried. "Shouldn't we use a condom?" I asked. "You're not inside." Mia answered, and I felt mildly embarrassed for not being able to tell. She was simply gripping my penis with her legs. Not much later, I rolled us to a spooning position and caressed her.

At some point I laid supine and she grabbed my sex and moaned, "You're penis is perfect!" "Perfect? In what way, like the way it feels or what?" I asked. She said everything about it, then she said she wanted to ride it. "Should we do it?" I asked. Then I pointed at my big bag of condoms. "Not yet, I'm going to make you wait." She giggled. In past conversations she'd called me a tease many times, so I joked with her on that point, "Now you're the tease!" I laughed. She explained how she wanted to do it at a time when it's not so late in the day and we wouldn't have to worry about going to run errands and train. Perhaps also, I thought, it'd be better to save for when I could use my lips upon her. Afterwards, she sucked my penis a bit more, then we cuddled. She stroked my nipples a bit. I told her I have sensitive nipples and she should suck them, and so she did.

She went to check a message on her phone, sitting with her back towards me on the edge of my bed. I snuck up behind her, embraced my arms around her, and tackled her on top of me. I thrusted against her back from here, while I caressed her breasts and abs. She'd arch her back to stimulate me from above. "Flex your tummy!" I requested of her. So she did and I told her how sexy it was as I felt them. She grabbed my hand and started sucking on my finger which I found to be super hot. Eventually she rolled over and we just cuddled with each other for awhile. I brought up the topic of orgasm with her again, asking her if she's not able to cum at all through sex, or if she can but it's just extremely difficult. She suggested I'd be her first, but I couldn't tell if she was being serious or teasing. I tried to explain to her how it's not a big deal to me and I'm just curious beyond all else. I don't know if that statement really registered with her though. The reality is, I value honesty and information beyond having some desire synthetically fulfilled.



16-17 December 2011:

I had been sick for a really long time. I recently recovered from the worst sore throat of my life which was also one of the most painful experiences of my life. When I awoke in the morning I caressed Mia's face as she slept. She eventually awoke and caressed me as well. "Are we allowed to kiss now or are you worried I'm still contagious?" I asked. She granted permission and so we made out side-by-side for a bit. "I've missed your kisses." I said as I rolled her on top of me and made out some more. In a bit, I took off her shirt from that position then I compressed her against me with one arm and played with her left nipple with the other hand as we continued to make out. The recent night we had watched an episode of The League before we went to sleep in which there was a running gag about one of the characters having breast favoritism. "I just realized I'm having breast favoritism." I joked. We laughed, then I rolled on top of her. I played with her breasts then I kissed my way down her abs. She told me to hold on then she ran off to the bathroom. Once she came out, I told her I really had to pee then I went to the bathroom. "Where'd we leave off?" I asked teasingly once I came back out, then I laid on top of her. "Um, going back to sleep." She joked. After locking lips a bit, I headed my mouth back down to her vulva. I undressed her then went at it with my mouth and fingers. I would reach one hand up and play with a breast at the same time. I'd occasionally also shift my body up to make out with her as I manually worked her pussy. Eventually I took a break and straddled on top of her.

She sat up and started pulling down my clothes. I stood up to remove them for her, then she sucked on me briefly. I asked if we could try 69, and she was down. "I'll be on bottom, it'll probably be easier that way. So I laid down and she straddled over my face. I went to town on her snatch as she moved her mouth upon my dick. I tried also working a finger on her, but it was difficult from that position so didn't do it much. We went at it for several minutes but then I told her my tongue was getting tired and needed a break. I laid on top of her and we kissed, then I went down on her a bit more, then I went back up to make out with her. "I want you inside me." She moaned. "Should I get a condom?" I asked. "Ya." She replied. I sat up to get some more oral first, then I went to grab a condom.

After I put a condom on, I went over to her as she laid on her back. I put it inside her and couldn't feel anything, I was only semihard and nearing flaccid, and it kept slipping out as soon as I'd start thrusting. I groaned then apologized, "I just can't feel anything with a condom on, I'm sorry." She assured me it was okay then sighed, "I wanted it to be good for both of us." "I hope you don't think this is because of you." I worried. "I don't." She assured. We got to kissing and caressing each other for awhile and I eventually got hard again. I asked if we should give it another try and she was down. So I put on another condom, and this time we attempted it with her sitting on top facing me. I was only semihard with the condom on and the same thing happened. Once she put it in, it'd keep slipping out as soon as she started thrusting. "Dang it, I wish we could do it without a condom, but that'd be reckless, huh?" I somewhat rhetorically questioned. "Ya." She answered with a sigh. I explained to her that there are 2 reasons why condoms don't work for me. 1 was that the condom doesn't seem to let blood flow through to me which makes it more difficult to stay hard and 2 was that I just can't feel anything with a condom on. She asked why I can't feel anything and I told her that I'm not sure but that I could only assume different guys are different and some just can't feel as much as others with a condom on. I then suggested that in the future I could look into different brands of condoms that might help with sensitivity, and I could also use a pill to help me stay hard while wearing a condom. For the time being, we gave up on vaginal sex and just went back to kissing and caressing one another.

I rolled on top of her, humped my dick against her abs as we kissed, then I tittyfucked her for a bit with her lapping at my cock as I did so. I played with her breasts and pussy a bit more, then I rolled her on top of me. My dick was rock hard and I kept rubbing it against her body as we held each other. She said something along the lines of her still really wanting it inside her. "Should we be reckless?" I asked. "Just for like 3 seconds." She hesitatingly replied. So I held my penis steady and she engulfed her vulva around it. We went at it for a fair bit longer than 3 seconds. She'd bounce up and down on my cock, and I'd grab her by the hips and control her grinding from time to time. This experience was a big relief to me to find out I could stay erect while having vaginal sex! I found I can still enjoy it, I just don't concentrate on my penis being inside her, instead I focus on her body, her noises, or the pleasure I'm giving her. She made sexy faces while this went on, but eventually she said we were being too risky and should stop. "Are we going to regret being reckless?" I asked her. "You're asking me?" She replied, rhetorically referring to me being inclined to obsess over issues. I then laid on top of her, double wrapped my legs around hers and would hump her abs like this. Then I tittyfucked her and got sucked by her a bit more. Somewhere around here I also got my fingers sucked by her as I grinded against her body. Eventually though, she decided to get dressed and head out for the day. First though, she went to look at some stuff online. After she did so, I rested prone on my bed, still nude.

She gave my bottom a light spank. We were discussing recently how I was in the running for rear of the year for DNA magazine so we kept joking about that. "That's the rear of the year you just spanked." I laughed. She complimented it, then I asked when I'm going to get a butt massage from her (since I've given her a few in the past), so she agreed to butt massage me. "That's the rear of the year you're massaging." I laughed again. Afterward she asked for a butt massage. She pulled her clothes down just enough to show her bare bottom, and I massaged. I got a boner and told her, "You've gotten me horny again. I laid flat against her, with my penis between her glutes, and began humping. I worked one hand under her chest to play with her nipple and another underneath her to play with her genitals over her clothes. She seemed to get pretty turned on by this and I found it to be an especially hot position myself. She decided to get naked again. After she removed her clothes, we returned to the same position. I continued to hump her, play with her nipple, and finger her or rub her clit. I'd switch between this position and another where I'd reach both of my hands under her chest and just squeeze her boobs. It felt great because her breasts were pressed into my hands by my weight on top of her.

We kept complimenting each other all through out our encounter, saying how turned on we are, how sexy we find each other, etcetera. She complained about condoms ruining it for me, then moaned, "I wanted you to fuck me hard." Around this time I told her my dick was throbbing. "Should we be reckless again?" I asked. "You're a bad influence on me." She joked. "You can say no if you want." I assured her. She didn't say no though, she just arched her back, and I made my way in. This position felt intense! "You feel so fucking tight in this position." I told her. I'd switch between leaning forward and kissing her or leaning back and squeezing her ass. I kept telling her how good it felt and she just kept moaning. Eventually she told me to pull out though. I assured her I wasn't going to cum and I can feel it about to happen if I am going to cum. She was worried about precum though. I get precum a lot so chances are it was too late for that, haha.

I laid on my back and she followed me over. She started stroking me and her demeanor was all beaming and shit. "I like how excited you get!" I exclaimed. "It's like a present." She replied, then she started sucking me a good while. She eventually said she needed to catch her breath, she came up for short breathers only to go back down for more. "I just can't stay away." She said inbetween breaths. "I want to see how much you can deepthroat it, that'd be sexy!" I requested. She didn't quite make it all the way down, but she put in a damn good effort.

I then sat up, laid on top of her, and humped her abs while we made out. She told me how incredibly wet she was, so I used my hand to find out, and she really was the wettest I had felt her so far, she was gushing! I put my middle finger inside, soon accompanied by my ring finger and worked her insides for a good while. Then I told her I wanted to taste how wet she was, so my mouth took place of my fingers and I gave her plenty more attention. I then maneuvered my body up and made out with her some more. I told her how I felt as though I could have sex with her all day without losing my hornyness. We had already been having sex for several hours, and it was sometime around here that she decided she should really get going since she had so many errands to run. I agreed that I also had things to do even though I could enjoy having sex some more. So we cuddled a bit more than we separated.

03 January 2012

She called me wanting to have phone sex. I was at gymnastics though so I declined.

12-13 January 2012

Mia had been bombarded with errands all day and we both had to wake up early so I could take her to court (she got her license taken away for some complicated reasons). I asked her if she just wanted to sleep or if she wanted to fool around. She didn't say no right away, but seemed ambivalent. She was hard to read, so I started caressing her and kissing her to see how she reacted. She went along with it for a bit, but then she explained that she was really horny but was just too stressed and wanted to get sleep. Her voice still sounded ambivalent though, so I continued to play with her. "But I just want to suck you off!" I giggled, but when I went to take off her pants she responded. "I thought I said no." To which I replied, "You're really gonna say no?" And she confirmed. So I stopped and just cuddled with her.

13-14 January 2012

I wasn't expecting sex tonight since Mia got barely any sleep last night, and didn't get to nap during the day like I did, but she initiated it. She grabbed my hand and placed it upon her breast. We had sex for quite awhile, must have been between 2-3 hours. After some caressing, kissing, and oral, we got to vaginal. I ordered new condoms that were thinner and contoured. I put one on and admitted to her I'm pessimistic. I worried I still wouldn't feel anything. Initially I didn't, but she was riding it and eventually she adjusted her angle in a way where I was surprisingly able to feel a fair amount. I was actually able to stay erect that time, but the condom somehow slipped off. I put on another one and we went at it again. After a fair amount of time at vaginal sex, we took a break from it. I explained to her that I seem to be feeling more sensation this time around, but that she still feels so much better without a condom. I asked her if the condom affects her sensation as well or if it likely affects males more. She agreed that I feel better without a condom. Through out the night we transitioned between oral and vaginal in a variety of positions, and apparently we both gave up on using condoms, haha.

There were some memorable moments. At one point when I was thrusting into her at a certain angle, I felt to be reaching the back of her vagina. It was some time near then that Mia stated, "You have the biggest penis in the world!" I responded by chuckling, "It's above average, but not the biggest in the world." She maintained, "No, it's the biggest in the world." Haha, I found it more comical than sexy, but it was a cute sentiment nonetheless. There was an action on her part I found especially hot. She got on top of me and kept telling me to hold on when I would move. "Ooh, you want to be in control?" I played. So I stayed still and let her have control over my dick. "Mmmm, you ride that dick exactly how you like." I'd tell her. On another occasion, when I was on top of her, I'd stretch her legs out wide and tell her how sexy her flexibility is. In a previous day, Mia somewhat jokingly said she'd repay me in sexual favors if I helped her with something, which I did. So during this occasion I reminded her of the sexual favor she owed me. I had a position in mind that I saw in porn before and it looked pretty hot. I laid her head over the edge of the bed so it was like upside down oral sex. It wasn't as exciting as I hoped it'd be, but that might have just been because I was having to squat so low to position my penis in her mouth. Doing it on a higher bed probably would have been more comfortable. I didn't stay in that position long and remarked to her that I just wanted to experiment.

Eventually we both became very tired and decided to sleep. She seemed to crash almost immediately, she didn't bother even covering herself with the blanket or position her body in its normal sleeping position. I woke up in the middle of my slumber because I felt Mia's body shaking against mine. I saw that she was masturbating. I thought that meant she wanted more attention from me, so I put my hands on her, but she grunted rudely and turned away. I thought it odd that she reacted to harshly. I went back to sleep, and when we both woke up in the morning, I explained to her how she confused me by masturbating and then reacting so crudely when I responded to her body for it. She said she didn't remember such a thing. We both figured she must have been doing it in her sleep.

We cuddled upon awakening and Mia started rubbing her butt against my genitals. I got hard fast and she commented on how I get hard so quickly. "It's because of you." I told her. We started getting to sex again. In the beginning I was having a bit of trouble staying fully hard, but she was also having trouble staying wet. I think we were both worn out from last night. But after a few minutes, we really got in the mood and things started flowing smoothly from then on. Eventually she said her pussy was getting sore so we stopped. She finished by giving me a handjob. I got really close to orgasming, but not quite.

26-27 January 2012

We had sex again, with another attempt at condom use that we ended up abandoning and just having sex bareback. I made a joke another day about being gay, so we both agreed I'd have to convince her otherwise tonight. Through out having sex, I kept kidding her about how turned on I'd be right now if only I was straight. We did some positions we hadn't tried before today, like reverse cowgirl, missionary with her knees tucked, and doggy with my legs in front of her legs. I was pounding her really hard at one point in a standard doggy position. I asked her if I was being too rough but she said no and that she liked it. We eventually got tired and felt ready to sleep. She asked me if I could cum with a condom on. I told her almost definitely not, as I have a hard enough time cumming even without a condom on. She asked me why. I explained that I didn't know, and just assume that different people are different. I also countered by pointing out that she has a hard time having orgasms through sex too. It seemed like a good point, and she accepted that fact, but perhaps there was still a double standard looming in our minds, that because I'm a male I should have an easier time than her. I asked her if she had a preferred position she could come from, but before she could answer I brought up research I read by Shere Hite. I told her how she stressed that most females orgasm more easily through oral sex or manual stimulation. Mia agreed with that, yet said vaginal sex just feels so much more intense. This left me bemused. I wondered why vaginal sex would feel more intense if it doesn't put as much focus on the clitoris. I also wondered why, based on statistics, females rarely finger themselves when they masturbate if vaginal insertion is supposed to feel so good. Furthermore, I thought I spent a fair amount of time performing oral on her, and wondered why she wasn't having orgasms through it. I explained to her how I wish I could have a vulva, just so I can know what it feels like. She said she also wished she could have a penis, but mainly to know what oral sex would feel like for a male. She got the impression that oral sex is a significantly different experience for males and females. That was something I never considered, but now it's given me something to ponder. You can't suck on a vulva in quite the same way you can on a penis. A vulva isn't much inserted through oral sex like a penis is either. Perhaps there is something fundamentally different about oral sex between males and females. I have a lot to think about and to ask her in the future.

I had a hyperreligious upbringing as well as a high anxiety personality with obsessive-compuslive tendencies. I ran away from home and escaped religion at age 19, but I felt too uncomfortable around women to socialize much with them. 2 years went by with such discomfort so I decided to throw myself in cold water by becoming a stripper. When you throw yourself in cold water, you either find it's too much to bear or you actually adapt. I gradually adapted. It's the human condition that we're more likely to perform actions we're uncomfortable with if we're told to do so by someone else, especially from authority figures. As a stripper, it was my duty to interact with females, something I felt unable to do by myself alone.
He was a legend at my school, he peaked at 10 inches by time he finished puberty.