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I'm a big fan of blondeguy/Ryan but not much of a fan of this recent-write up.
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Empowering Belief 1: Confidently displaying your romantic interest and sexual intent to a girl is one of the most attractive things you can do.
^100% agree. The question is, how will you go about displaying your interest and intent? There are a thousand different ways to deliver the same message and all thousand ways can be received
differently. "Direct-indirect" is a male-centric term. Regardless of what we think we're doing, women only gauge "This guy is into me" or "This guys is a bullshitter" - You can achieve either of these perceptions through both 'direct' or 'indirect'.
Thanks! Always enjoy a debate with you
Totally agreed. The point is essentially that you're more likely to get a "this guy is into me" response if you are direct and straightforward, and very much more likely to get a "this guy is a bullshitter" response if you are indirect and try to hide your intentions. MOST guys who are not at the refined level of microcalibrating their indirect opener whilst subcommunicating sexual intent non-verbally, will benefit by simply being honest from the start, and beginning their interaction with that clear statement of intent.
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Empowering Belief 2: Your “value” is already exactly as high as you believe it to be – it’s within you, and has nothing to do with what others think of you.
The PUA community is as insulting to economics terminologies as American rock songs are to English grammar. "Value", by the definition of the word, cannot be set by the provider. Value = price/benefit. Of this equation, you can manipulate price (make it cheaper/easier or expensive/difficult) and you can demonstrate 'benefit'. By manipulating these two variables, perceptions for "value" can be perceived differently. The only person who is capable of judging your value is the person standing in front of you.
Of course - your perceived "value" is determined by other people in the room. However, when it comes to MINDSET, you're more likely to project that you are of high value, and thus are more likely to be perceived that way, if you actually believe yourself to be before you begin the interaction.
In much the same way as, if you assume the interaction will go badly, chances are it will, and you're more likely to have a positive interaction if you assume it will go well.
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You don’t have to bring anyone down to feel better about yourself, and you don’t have to impress or prove anything to anyone.
Sure, no reason for any of this at all.
Cool
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Simply act how you want to act, and if people want to join in the fun, then great. If not, so be it. You are good enough, and if the people around you don’t see that, it’s their loss.
I'm a big fan of feel-good speeches but I'm a bigger fan of reality. Don't act like a monkey, if you're hoping to be treated like a VIP. Don't act like a 12 year old retard, if you're hoping to be treated like a potential mate. If people judge you as low value, you are low value (for that particular interaction). . . it might be 'their loss'(because you can only assume what's in their minds) but it's definitely YOUR loss. If you don't like the word 'value' as it pertains to pu, then don't use it. But butchering it up to make newbies 'feel good' is silly.
There's two points to this.
1. MOST guys' problem is not that they "don't know what to say" or that they're boring or anything like that. It's that they spend so much time "in their head" thinking about whether they might be criticised, judged, ridiculed or embarrassed, that they say nothing out of fear rather than risk a negative reaction. It's why so many people turn to alcohol as a "social lubricant" - it doesn't give you any more stories or make you any more intelligent, interesting or funny. It just releases your inhibitions so that you are more present, in the moment, and expressive. The goal behind the statement is to say - before you start worrying about whether something you do or say (e.g. telling a girl she's hot) might create a negative reaction, why not just fucking do it because you want to. You may well find the reaction is quite positive after all! Of course, that's not to say consistently getting negative peer-feedback should be completely ignored, but that comes with calibration in the future, once the initial inhibitions are removed.
2. What I've found in my life personally, is that when I was very keen to "fit in" and not express opinions that went "against the grain" or risk being criticised or embarrassed, I ended up significantly toning down my personality to the point where my average interaction was normal, but quite boring. Maybe 1-5% of people I met instantly recognised I was interesting and funny, but they would have to make quite an effort to get to know me and draw information out of me before they would be able to come to that conclusion. Another 1-5% of people would instantly dislike me, and that left about 90% of people who were very indifferent to me in general.
After releasing myself from my inhibitions, stopping caring what other people thought of me, and just expressing myself authentically in my interactions, I've found that a good 10-20% of people now instantly like me, another 20% of so start out favourable, and only about 40% remain indifferent. That leave a higher 10-20% that instantly dislike me - but even that's a plus, because I would never get on with those people anyway, so it's best I know sooner rather than later so I don't waste any effort trying to get them to like me. Life is too short.
What you might notice is - people, especially women, are more drawn to a person who has a very strong reality, and who cares passionately about what they believe in
even if they don't share their views than a person with whom they have a great deal in common but expresses themselves meekly and without conviction.
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If she’s not into you, no amount of perfect routine-following will make her suddenly become attracted to you.
How is ^this 'empowering'? You make it sound as if we have no input into the way others perceive us. Can you at least tell me if you think if it's possible to get her to totally hate you? You could drool, tell her that you raped a girl last night, then tell her that you'll make it painful for her. . . Did you or did you not just manipulate the p/b portion of the equation to make her totally devalue you as a potential mate? . . . How can you believe that the opposite of ^this is not possible?
It's empowering because it makes you realise that if a girl "rejects" you, it's nothing personal. If you spent a minute or two talking and got an instant "no," it's likely that you're just not her type, or she already is in a relationship, or a million other reasons that are
not your fault. Plus, she saved you time because it only took a minute and now you can focus on an extended interaction with a girl who does actually like you! The point is that, a quick "no," doesn't mean you did anything wrong - you probably didn't fuck up a routine, you're probably not universally ugly to all women, and you DO have a chance with the next girl, so don't dwell on it or think you "failed" in any way.
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If it doesn’t work out, SHE failed to recognise how great you are, and that’s HER fault, not yours.
What happened to our youth? Everybody gets a ribbon? We're all winners as long as we participate? Are the kids who sign up for these classes that fragile? First off, it's never a girl's fault for not recognizing that you're this or that. This is her choice. This is her mind. Learn to respect it. On the other hand, if your goal was to demonstrate how great you are and you sucked at it, it's your fault. Go home, go cry, do whatever it is but at least recognize that you have the power to shift the way others perceive you. If you suck at it, work at it. Why is sucking at something such a big problem? It's OK to suck at something. If you want to get better at it, accept that you suck at it and work on it. However, sucking at something and then blaming a person for actually RECOGNIZING your sucky ass shit is delusional.
Two points again:
1. If you're thinking in terms of having a "goal" to "demonstrate how great you are" then you've already got the wrong mindset. That's why all the bullshit "DHVing" just doesn't work for most guys. It's try-hard, usually fake, and comes from a place where you need to "say the right thing" to women instead of actually finding out about them to see if THEY'RE worth your time.
As an example, a classic "DHV" is to mention female friends or ex-girlfriends to show "preselection," an attractive quality to women. For the past year or two, I consistently got the "player vibe" from women I would meet, usually within the first hour or two of our first date. I tried to avoid mentioning any ex-gfs or any female friends except very briefly and in passing, or in response to a question, yet I could never shake the vibe that women got, and immediately knew that I was seeing multiple other women, without even setting foot in my house or me mentioning any of them.
The fact is, if you believe you are worthy of beautiful women and you are good enough, you will project that, and you don't have to SAY anything about what you do, how much money you make, what car you drive, your stripper ex girlfriend, or anything else.
2. You DO have the power to change how people perceive you. And this is what learning game, being your best self, and all the facets of self-improvement are about. However, once you've done all those things and are doing as much as you can to be an amazing person, then if it doesn't work out, it's more healthy to have the mentality that SHE fucked up for not recognising your greatness, then to start spiralling into self-doubt and self-pity.
Again, a belief does not have to be true to be useful. Sports psychologists talk about "having it both ways" to stay positive - if you hit a bad shot, you're "due" for a good one next time. If you hit 2 great shots in a row, you're "on a roll" and the next one will be great too. Now, both of those can't be true, and are both examples of the "gambler's fallacy" (no, not Richard La Ruina!) However it doesn't matter what the "truth" is when it comes to having positive beliefs - what matters is that players who have those beliefs tend to fare better than those who start over-analysing every bad shot and get themselves into a terrible rut.
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Empowering Belief 4: No man on earth is universally attractive to ALL women. No man can talk his way into every woman’s heart (or panties!) Some women will simply not be into you. But that’s ok, because for every one of those, there’s a woman around another corner for whom you are the perfect type!
Of course.
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*I am unsure if the driving force behind this wishy washy stuff is an attempt at marketing or if people really believe in lowering their sense of power and unloading their responsibility/accountability to others but generally, these are the habits of losers in every facet of life.
My philosophy in life, whether it be game, sports or business is this - do the best you possibly can to increase the chances of a positive result (goto the gym, dress well, smile, use confident body language, etc.) and then all you can do is roll the dice, after which point things are often outside of your control. There is no 100% certainty that things will definitely go well, no matter how much effort or skill you apply. All you can do is give it your best shot, and if things go well, great, but if things go badly, you simply have to accept it, try and see what you can improve on next time, and then try again. The set of beliefs I talked about above are just positive ways of doing that, which have helped me and I hope will help others.
CHAT
