Is it possible to appear to have too high of value?

I have heard from girls that I know in one of my social circles that I appear intimidating and highly selective at first glance. I am not sure how, as most of the time I actually feel somewhat insecure at functions when I am not engaging in conversations with people. For the most part, I just talk to people that I hang out with on a regular basis from the group.

I am naturally a very gregarious person--though initial approaches are the paralyzingly hard for me--and I am involved in several different groups and film project, both in front and behind the camera. I worry, as I did back in high school, that the stories and experiences I have to share make me sound "too cool" for those around me, even though I downplay the glamorous element of what I do (which, for those who do similar work know, is never stretching the truth).

So, I guess that I am either overestimating my social impact or have a fatal flaw in my social interactions, but I don't know which. Regardless, the women don't flock to me, or even approach me unless I have a previous rapport with them, and I can't figure out why.

Thus I ask, is it possible to appear to have too high of a social value?

NO, I do not think it is too high social value at all. It sounds like approach anxiety and your nervousness can be read by woman.

Do you use routines, natural game or some regular openers? How many approaches do you make in a week?

Most people who don't open strangers don't get opened by strangers. The people who do just have an energy where people all seem to flock to them. They open people because they are talkative and have fun. Not to pick up on people.

You may need to smile more and add open palms. Your body language may need to be friendlier and more non-threatening. Being seen as intimidating is most definitely body language related. If you aren't smiling some people may perceive your face as unfriendly. Even if it is merely neutral, if you are self conscious and insecure that can also be seen in your face and body language. We hide or shy away from people with our body language when we are insecure.

Possibly a more interactive personality you will get opened more often. However keep in mind people don't go talk to strangers all that often we are told not to for years and years and then we are suppose to just ignore what we were told growing up? Believe it or not that implants in our head and effects our behavior later.

Don't expect to be opened more often then you open, certain extrovert personalities(not all extrovert personalities) that naturally start having a conversation with strangers are the life of the party and for that reason they consistently get opened by people. It is easy to talk to them because they make it easy. If you want to be that guy, you need to be an interesting guy, offer something everyone is interested in, humor, entertainment, whatever, you need to hold their interest and then everyone will open you.

As far as social value, people talk to people they are comfortable with, if they aren't comfortable with you they are less likely to talk to you. So yeah, show some humility, raise them to your level, don't look down on them.

The easiest way to put it is we need "reasons", "excuses", or however you want put it to talk to someone. Especially if they are intimidating, someone famous may intimidate you, but your admiration for them is why you talk to them and ask for that picture. The weight of talking to them out weighs not talking to them. So make it as though they want to talk to you.

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Just another guy from back in the day.

Blogging again living life: http://www.Scienceofnaturalgame.com

Yes, it is possible to have "too much value" in the sense that people will feel you are an ass for trying to be better than them even if it's just the case and you aren't even really trying.

Your problem is social anxiety though. If you were *actually* looking down on people and you would just be a douchebag who takes what he wants and is happy with that then nothing would be the matter. But you don't take what you want because you aren't genuinely feeling better than them, thus any superiority you may display is simply a shield to keep them away from your insecurities. People do pick up on this (I have done this and am still doing that to some extent).

The result is that people will respect & to some extent revere you (i.e. they won't bully you or talk too much shit about you behind your back) but they will also be scared of you because you act in a way that is not in the least predictable to them. They will never approach you when you give off this vibe (mind you, a lot of guys give off this type of vibe that they feel elevated above the rest and such an expression never comes from confidence). If you make the approaches and during these you show your soft side, this doesn't have to be an issue.

That is exactly what I have been thinking about this--I have a huge network of friends and I am genuinely friendly to everyone I meet, but people seem intimidate to approach me.

I have done enough acting and theater (and listened to my mom enough growing up "stand up straight") that no specific body language issues are likely to be the culprit problem. I guess I rest most of the blame on social anxiety.

I know that I suffer from social anxiety--my cold approaches are non-existent--yet if there is context for conversation, I am completely comfortable. I was, and still am, a natural non-tool AMOG and get asked to head up groups during projects even in my university classes, yet I get a paralyzing anxiety whenever I am about to start talking to a girl that I find even remotely attractive. What's with this failure-to-launch-AMOG complex? Is there anyone else that has this happen? I know the best way to get over it is to talk to people, but I can't get out of my head.

Any suggested mantras to run through my head whenever I start psyching myself out?

Thanks for the support, gents. While I still think that there may be the potential for too high of social value in a closed-group system (for which this fits my dilemma), I may have disproportionately shifted the blame to it. Shame on me.

Any further advice or tips you can offer would be highly appreciated.

I have the same problem, I can't speak about your issue specifically but mine is as follows. I learned way too much inner-game stuff but didn't practice enough outer-game. As of right now I'm not interesting enough / funny and can't really keep a conversation going so they die but because I don't act needy, clingy or supplicate the people assume I am just too cool for school. It's essentially a reverse incongruence. Instead of seeing me as loser trying to act cool they see a cool person but since a cool person can't act loser (in there opinion) they must assume I think I am better then them. Improving my outer-game is really the only way to get over this sticking point IMO.

let's be honest if you were truly high value...you'd be approached nonstop

you are basically just trying to be "cool" more or less

i've had this issue at times too

the only thing of value is if you already knew a certain person beforehand, as a result they are of higher value due to familiarity

Most people do not approach strangers. Only some people may approach strangers they like. But if that stranger is "truly high value" most of them who are able to aproach may be intimidated by that value. Hence there won't be "non stop" approach happening to you..

So because you have done acting and theater you can't possibly have bad body language? If people aren't approaching you because you intimidate them it is off what people SEE. What do they SEE? They SEE your body language. I'm just saying the body language of people who deal with social anxiety is normally pretty rough. Our feelings leak out through our body language. If you are anxious I nearly guarantee it shows in your body language.

Body language works two ways:

1. How we act is dependent on how we feel.

2. We feel how we act. In other words if you stand confident you feel confident, if you stand anxious you feel anxious. So if you are feeling anxious your body language is that of someone anxious.

It would surprise me if you were the only person I have ever come across that had body language that didn't match their emotion. You can only fake so much, your anxiety will leak out.

I will say this if you don't appear easily approachable you won't get approached. You have to give people openings, people appreciate people who show humility and interact. I get a lot of attention and interact with a lot of people not because of my "Too High of a Social Value", it isn't as if I have weak social value. I know tons of people everywhere I go because I am a talkative guy that enjoys meeting people. If you don't want to go out of your way to meet strangers don't expect them to go out of their way to meet you. If you are sitting there quiet sitting in the corner not going around talking to people that is what you will get.

_________________
Just another guy from back in the day.

Blogging again living life: http://www.Scienceofnaturalgame.com

I've wrestled with this problem for years. I have just recently begun to overcome it. I was almost always able to be the life of the party in a group of close friends, but I have had struggles with cold approaching. I realized, with help from the forum and Tyler Durden's videos, that I had a serious problem with congruence. I was approaching people with a "game face" on; I was putting on an act. People were seeing through it.

Why was I acting? Well, quite frankly, I did not have confidence in my self. I was trying to hide my true essence because I was somewhat ashamed of how candid and obscene some of the things that my natural self wanted to say were. That being the issue, I adopted a persona that was partly-me with what I thought was a little more "cool" thrown in. THAT DID NOT WORK.

I ditched that person yesterday and became myself. I still missed out on a approaches, but when I did approach, I said what was on my mind(most of the time,lol. I'm still becoming more comfortable with being myself.)! I talked to women and men that I did not know, and I had a great time. The life of the party that had previously been confined to social circles busted out into the world of cold approaches!

For me, the main problem was congruence. I was not being the best ME that I could be with strangers. I was worrying too much about receiving the validation that I knew was almost guaranteed in my social circles. Once I realized that I could validate myself, I just chilled out and had fun making comments to random people. It was awesome.

Self-validation might be your problem. If you find that it is, then I suggest doing what it takes for you to mentally accept yourself. You have to be so strong mentally and emotionally that you will neither be made or broken by the reactions of your targets.

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"Simple. Escalate, if she's into you, she will escalate with you, if not, you will know soon enough." - SexAddict911