Hi fellas,

Got a little situation which I'm not 100% sure on how to handle and would love some input. Situation is basically as follows: Met a HB recently, she seemed to be really into me immediately so tried setting up a date which had to wait two weeks and took place at the earliest logistically possible (for me) time. In the time between she was showing a lot of interest (initiating texts, trying to make me jealous even by hinting she was out with a guy lol).

So about the girl, she seems to have some serious self-esteem issues and is also being treated for borderline or something (some kind of mental disorder that makes her unhappy). I don't know exactly why I like her in the first place, but I do and this is not up for discussion in the usual GFTOW-style of this board. If you have experience with crazy girls or crazy people in general please help me out. Also, it's not like her "condition" has really shown during my interactions in-person with her.

So on to the date: it went pretty well, she was giving me some nice sexual IOIs (squeezing her boobs together and everything). We also had really good bodylanguage rapport going on from the time I met her. I am a terribly lazy dater so I barely said anything myself that could have fucked it up.

Once outside the dreaded kiss me/kiss me not moment arrives and she was basically begging me to kiss her so I did. Unfortunately I'd made out with her far too long so this wasn't conducive to my vibe for pulling her, so we (I) left it at that and I figured instead of being a tryhard I'd just get her to my place some other time. I did get a lot of compliance (her chasing me) and I was the one to pull back every time.

Now the bad part, I texted her two days after (I told her I'd be busy b4 that and I was) to come cook me dinner and suddenly she's "busy indeffinitely". Then I text her a few days later to meet me for a walk in the park and that I knew something was up with her (I am quite sure she wasn't too busy to cook me dinner). So in the text conversation following basically she said it wasn't going to work because it'd be too much trouble for her to keep up her act that she is fun and that she doesn't get why I'd go thru so much trouble for her. I felt a little annoyed at the time so I said "If you want me to not go through any trouble you should just tell me you don't like me" to which she replied "Ok, I don't like you". By the way, after texting me she was busy she did text me to ask how my project that I was busy with had ended.

Normally, that would be the end of it for me. However she keeps sending these annoying IOI's which make it impossible for me to close the case (I subscribe to the school of persistence unless the odds are 0%). The two most pertinent are that a few days after that last textversation we had to meet with a group of people which we are both part of, I took place on opposite end of the table and she moved the vase which was in-between us after a minute or two (so she could see me...nobody moves a vase so they can see someone they don't like at all but rather would be happy it was there(I was happy it was there b4 she moved it)). I also drunk-texted her a smiley shortly thereafter at 2am to which she replied in under 60 seconds "What's up?" to which I unfortunately replied "It's too bad I still think you're cute and sexy". Which was a few days ago, and now I'm kinda wondering if I should make another move and wtf it should be.

Also, I have no idea wtf her problem is since she was so into me and practically begged me for a kiss and given the physical compliance there I am pretty sure I wasn't doing a bad job at it either.
So I guess the most likely causes are:
-Incongruent expectations (either she thinks I want a relationship and she doesn't, or she thinks I want a ONS and she doesn't)
or
-She actually doesn't like me (but then that would make no sense to me)
or
-There's some other dude boning her and she's happy with that (but I think that's what she would have said if that were the case)

Ok, so don't give me shit about putting this much thought into a girl I've only had one date with and only k-closed and who is definitely a little unstable. Sometimes you meet someone you feel a connection with and you're willing to put in the extra mile. I am looking for ideas on what could have gone wrong and ideas on how to fix it up. For the record: I want to bang her, multiple times. I'm not looking for a solid relationship although I am not 100% against it, it's just that I just don't make commitments like that to people I don't know super well so it's not an immediate concern to me whether or not I consider someone "relationship material".

P.s.
I have already considered (and am doing a) freezeout but she's not the kind of girl who takes initiative at all nor does she go for what she wants so I'm quite sure that even if she would be thinking of me all the time she still wouldn't contact me so it is probably not the most effective way.

hey man, keep in mind with this, that it is all just a random guess, this is not 100% just a hunch,

ok, so if we are to review the situation thus far according to your post, things go wrong at the date, everything is going great, you are getting interest, so you raise her buying temperature to a huge height, then make out with her raising it further, I'm sure at that point she would have done what ever you said as long as you took responsibility (in other words right after make out she was horny enough to come back to your house), now with that in mind, instead of capitalizing on the situation and getting her home to close the deal, you turned her on big time then let her cool down,

now next day rolls around, her anxiety kicks in, asd goes through the roof, OMG I LIKE THIS GUY, BUT IF I SEE HIM AGAIN WE COULD TOTALLY HAVE SEX, IF WE HAVE SEX IM A SLUT, OMG GOTTA STOP THIS, HE PROBABLY JUST WANTS TO FUCK ME AND NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN ... BLAH BLAH BLAH a million other things race through her head, she over-thinks everything and gets neurotic

so, now you are in this situation, she still likes you, still has high interest when you talk to her, she likes to be in contact with you (it seems like anyways) but any time you request isolation, FLAKE MODE ACTIVATED, she has a slight case of buyers remorse (this is my guess)

so, what is your solution to this problem?, you gotta play the long game, persistence and congruence, you are going to have to be totally detached from her, while still congruently demonstrating you like her and holding an attractive frame

she is going to test you to see how serious you are, don't get mad at the stupid things she does to get a reaction, don't try to punish her or call her out on flaking or anything like that, just stop caring either way if she meets you or not or if anything happens, move her to a lower priority in your life and go for other girls during the time you are running the long game, hold the frame you are into her but don't care if she does anything with you/for you, could take weeks, could take months, could never happen, either way here is an idea for a strategy of attack

-don't go out of your way to contact her, one time a week, until she gets in the habit of missing you and contacting you

-don't go out of your way to make her like you, just be normal and flirty

-one time a week use your judgement but it is a good idea to throw out invites that are lower investment on her end, you got some comfort work to do to lower this asd (if she always flakes, a few times don't invite, just ping her a show a tad of caring)

-once she is chasing and initiating, do not ask her out, only do it when you contact, wait until she invites you out, make yourself unavailable and reschedule on your time

-if she challenges the frame of you being into her, no matter what stay congruent, if she brings up other guys, don't react just freeze her out a bit longer (2 weeks), stop the regular contact, she has a boyfriend you still like her, she tells you she doesn't like you and can only see you as a friend, you can't help how she makes you feel, you still like her, hold the fucking frame (keep in mind use your interest like bait, you throw it out, but stay withdrawn, let her chase but use the interest as bait to get her chasing)

-soon as you can get a meetup from her into isolation and you get the buying temperature high, don't mess it up, close, don't be the ''good guy'' and let her cool down to over think things, be the badboy and fuck the shit out of her so she can over think how special you are since she spread for you, either that or don't raise her buying temperature so damn high (kiss but don't make out, too horny with no close will spook her)

GOOD LUCK

Wow. Really good advice from pumpington. Yeah.

The idea is not to forget to invite her out every once in a while, she might decide to go for it on some random week, but to otherwise minimize her in your life. No more drunk texts, as well, though that simple one was fine.

She'll be thinking about you a lot more than you think about her, and that gives you free time to do a lot more important things.

Thanks pumpington, you're awesome. And congratulations on your 1000th post! So the options are either you are right, or she actually really doesn't like me and is just responding out of politenes. Since the second case is a no-win situation, I might as well assume the first which is more likely in any case.

I think I did let ASD take the cake on this one. I keep forgetting how different ppl (particularly girls) are from me. I don't like to rush into a close (I mean, not on the 1st date) but that's probably my own insecurity because I think I need more comfort (or for her to take the initiative a bit which will never happen).

So the main problem is I have never attempted "long game" except for the clean freeze out. I probably shouldn't send any sexually explicit texts (I was considering this to get her temperature up a little but probably not the best way). So like the usual suggestive stuff that makes no sense so she comes asking for an explanation (which I won't give ofc)? Or just straight up keep inviting her every week to low-investment stuff with no unnecessary filling? Probably I should try to do a bit of both.

Also I already tried low investment the last time (it doesn't get much more low investment than taking a walk) but I'll probably need some variety so if anyone has good examples of what low investment activities would further entail that would be nice. (Movies? Seems kinda mid-range, maybe something like meeting up in a random place and having an "adventure" lol)