How To Get Rid Of Approach Anxiety
How to get rid of approach anxeity is a classic question that I hear repeatedly from guys, their frustration echoed through thousands of blog posts, forum threads and emo Facebook rants.
There is no single cure on how to get rid of approach anxeity as there are myraid of problems beneath approach anxiety that are not being addressed. Your approach anxiety is a refelection of yourself, and is a feeling as unescapable as your own shadow. There are however, some tools you can use to help you get rid of approach anxiety.
Visualization To Get Rid Of Approach Anxiety
Visualization is a hugely benefical tool that you can put to use in getting rid of your approach anxiety. Your mind can't tell the difference between an imagined, fabricated experience (a visualization),or a real life experience. This is an old NLP trick that can be used for countless life situations and is regularly practiced by athletes, professionals.. you get the idea.
I find that the best way to do this is to make the visualization as explicit and defined as possible: a girl standing at a bus stop, or maybe she's in a group chatting with her friends. I try to visualize it down to the smallest details, the sound of the pavement beneath my shoes, the wind on my face, the smell of the grass and the warmth of the sun. Picture yourself walking up to her confidently, watch her light up in enthusiasm, look at the sparkle in her eyes, the elation in her voice. Then visualize you bouncing her to a nearby coffee place and getting her nearby, all the while focusing on those GOOD EMOTIONS you can feel and anchor them to that successful approach. Doing this regularly and often you 're-program', yourself into giving yourself new, positive experiences of approaching women instead of your apprehension of rejection and fear.
Warm Yourself Up First
Just like a runner doesn't run a marathon before stretching his legs, neither should you begin your night or day of talking to beautiful women before talking to other people first. This is especially important if you work in a highly analytical or left-brained orientated job. Your social and conversational skills come from a different part of your mind, and often you need to kick start that motherfucker before you 'feel like', approaching women.
By having at least 5 to 10 quick interactions with people you find that you will no longer 'run out of things to say', when talking to women because your creative side has been stimulated through those impromtu conversations you've had with the bar man, the clerk which sold you gum, the bouncer etc. You will stop being so analytical and god forbid you might actually enjoy the conversation you're having with her.
Sometimes You Are Just Horny
Wait.. what? Yes. On some occassions you see a girl and she is just so beautiful you just stare as she walks past. When you do finally come to your senses she is ten feet in front of you and you think you have lost your chance.
When you get so blown away by a girl that you can barely form a sentence you know that on some level (not just her looks), she has made a strong unconscious impression on you. When sort of experience happens (1 out of every 2000 or so girls for me), I just KNOW that that girl will feel the same and she is waiting for someone like me to give her an amazing experience because of the explosive amount of chemsitry we'll experience – amplified ten fold through a cold approach!
When you get an experience such as this you can cherish it as one of life's unique experiences which happen to only a select amount of people. Interestingly when I felt an instantaneous connection like this with a woman I have NEVER been snubbed from the approach, stranger still it seemed like she 'expected', to be approached and was completely cool with it.
The Truth
The reality of what approach anxiety is and why it manfiests itself comes from a variety of unrelated reasons. What they all have in common however, is that they are all fundamentally irrational. You can be the biggest douche bag in the world and nothing will ever happen out on the field, I have seen every retarded line, every fucked up situation possible and I have NEVER been legitimately concerned for my friends' or my personal safety. The reality is that the worst that can happen is that she can say no, that's it. Noone is going to start laughing, she's not going to slap you, her boyfriend (if that even is her boyfriend..), isn't going to beat you up. It's all good.
The way you deal with approach anxiety is through your acceptance of it. By being completely accepting of the feeling you get, the fear, the adrenaline, without any labels, rationalizations or self-talk attached it just fades into the background. When you exercise and it hurts you don't stop, you just keep running or working out or whatever you're doing, because you know at the end of the day THE PAIN IS GOOD.
The uncomfortable feeling you experience and the pain of rejection you face is going to be the furnace that is going to forge your new emergent self. It's the baptism of fire that every man must go through in order to get closer to his core, and you are never more of a man when you are directly challenging your fears, and never taller than when you are standing up for yourself.
Learn to embrace what you fear and you will become invincible.
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