Hey,

Well I guess I had to do something about it one day or another. This is a little long. The story is long as well.

This is really screwing my life. It's really hard for me to speak or write about this. Im crying already. In a lot of ways, this girl IS the fucking story of my life.

Im a 35yo guy from Barcelona. Like 11 years ago, in 2001 I met Anna. I liked her very quickly: I thought she was very pretty, even if she's very thin (5'4'', 100 pounds) and I don't usually like girls THAT thin. But we had that special connection we still have (she openly admits she has just two very close friends, a female friend and me) We went into the friend zone very quickly (It used to happen a lot. Now it happens to a much lesser extent, but still). A point worth noting is that, at 33, she has never had one succesful relationship (more than a month, yeah, really). She looks MUCH younger than she looks (like 26 I would say) and is still very pretty if not more. I think (and she does) she's very afraid of relationships. She allegedly likes sex as much as anybody (she is lately complaining about the lack of it). I don't think she's a lesbian or has lesbian tendencies, but could be.

We were best friends, would chat for hours, etc etc the usual crap. One day Like 2 years after first meetinfg her, mind you, I confronted her, tell her my feelings and attempted to kiss her. I kissed her on the lips once. She told me, yeah, you guessed it, the usual stuff ("I just want to be friends"). I was so heartbroken (maybe the worst love disappointment of my life) that I just told her that we'll have to stop hanging out with each other for a long time, because I just couldnt see her that way. She was mad at me. It is maybe worth noting that before that I broke up a healthy relationship with very good sexual communication because I thought it wasn't fair for her. Im such an idiot sometimes.

So we stopped being friends altogether, but she became mad at me for "being such a one-sided decision".

At 30, following a very harsh dispute with one of my best male friends, I decided to lose weight (I was 5'7'' 215lbs) and stop smoking (I smoked like 30 cigarrettes a day). I am now 175lbs and havent looked back ever since.
I started dating Carla a year afterwards, a friend that Anna introduced me to. They were still friends. So, as it seemed like I had turned the page, I started seeing Anna again after about 4 years. I still liked her a lot, but didnt think I was in love with her anymore. Carla and I split up in March. Well, we had the usual sex for 6 months afterwards, so we really splitted up like 3 months ago. The thing is, ever since I started seeing her again, even while I was dating Carla, this feelings are starting to grow stronger again. I feel like I never will be able (time is running down...) to overcome this and date and maybe share my life with a girl I like more than her. I suspect (irony mode on) that her being such a challenge for such a long time doesnt help. Just to make my point, 2 years ago, while I was still dating Carla, Anna met a guy in a disco and started kissing him and I felt really sick, like physically sick, my stomach in pain.

She even managed to help me getting me a low-cost house subsidised by the state I still live in.

The thing is, for the last year, even before Carla "left me" after a 3 year relationship, we have become very physical. I mean VERY. She routinely slaps my butt, we hold hands while walking, she lets me have my hand lie over her tights in the cinema, like 10 cm away from that zone. We caress each other's hands and arms. She has pecked me once in new years eve. 2 weeks ago, we stayed at my place watching a film and I gave her a massage. She will let me massage her bare butt. Wow, I was so excited. I couldn't believe it. She even told her best female friend in new years eve about that BEFORE ME to her amazement.

She's not that special. I mean, she's pretty and intelligent, but has HUGE flaws, obviously. But I like her so much. I still do, after all these years. I fear so much no matter what I do, I won't be happy in my relationships, because she's the one I would like to spend the rest of my life with and I won't be able to overcome this no mater how hard I try.

Thanks for reading this. Really.

Dude, I feel your pain... really.

But the truth is you've got to do something about this: you cannot let the situation go on.
People would usually advise you to go and fuck another 20 girls, and that your oneitis will not feel that special after that, but in the light of what you have written I would take another approach.

Obviously, being a nice guy and a friend is getting you nowhere... If I were you here's what I'd do: next time she lets you have your hand on her thigh, with your other hand get your cock out. Make sure you're hard. Then take her hand and put it on your cock...

It's a bit of an all-or-nothing approach, but at the same time, it seems like everything else has been said and done between you two.
If she responds negatively to it, move on.

I agree with Agent Juliet, read "Relationship Roulette" by Sixty Years of Challenge. It's all explained there why this would be a good approach in your situation. It may seem extreme, but this is your best shot.

Salut i força al canut, especially your hard one with her hand on it

_________________
rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

Wow, 11 years, you really need to do something about it before it ends up destroying you (don't mean to be harsh). In that case maybe try being a little more aggressive and be more sexual with her. I'm not sure what advice to give, but please do not let this feeling get the better of you, don't let it control your life. perhaps you should fuck her and see how you feel afterwards.

Sorry to make this sound like a therapy session

_________________
There's no I'll try, its do or die

Thanks very much, I really appreciate it. Ill read the book.
I have even taken my cock out (hard and not) but in a playful way and she would just laugh and say somethin like "you are nasty" in a playful way.

Any other suggestions?

marry her

Wow, now that is depressing. I can relate to your situation from my own experience that has been going on for years, but now thankfully for me it’s more of a thing of the past.

What definitely helped me, though I don’t know possible this is for you, is to not have any contact with her and ideally not be in the same part of the country as her (thankfully for me our situations changed and this girl moved a long way away). I know that feels like it would hurt but in the long run it certainly helped me. What also helped, and I’m sure it would help you, is just to keep going after other women. Yes, I know you’ve said you’ve had other relationships, but you’d feel even worse if you had no other women in your life. More importantly, however, I’m sure eventually you would meet someone that you like more than this oneitis of yours too.

I would also recommend Angent Juliet’s approach as it sounds like you have nothing to lose, and you really need to try and explode through that friendzone.

Don't just take it out... stroke it ; put her hand on it and encourage her to stroke it... grab her tits...push her mouth down on your cock... play with her pussy.

In other words force the situation.

After that, and depending on her reaction, move in or move on.

Again... a standstill is destructive and should not be an option at this stage. Force the situation!

I DID IT.

I FUCKING DID IT.

IT HAPPENED. AFTER, WHAT? 11? 12 YEARS?
IM ABOUT TO BURST INTO TEARS. IM SO AFRAID IT WONT HAPPEN AGAIN.

and......????

what happened?

Sex? Was it worth waiting 11 years for? Pumpington is right on, just fucking marry her. Fuck it.
Congrats for finally conquering this mountain of your lifetime. Good for you, bro! I'm happy for you!

OK. Calm down.

I lost almost 2 hours of writing yesterday because I accidentally closed the browser’s window. Whatever. I’ll start again. I need time to arrange my thoughts anyway.

So well, the relationship with Anna continued to be as sensual/sexual as it already was, if not more. Now I am allowed to squeeze her butt ( I really enjoy that!) and when I try to kiss her lips sometimes I succeed and she appears a little angry but for like 10 seconds.

She, as usual, would not, according to her, have a relationship nor even sex (I think she might have kissed and touched somebody, but still) with anybody. Me, on the contrary... I have changed a lot. I don’t usually get stuck on the friend’s zone anymore as I used to do in the past. And the last 4 months or so I have been with like 3 different women (one of them Paula, I had and still have a huge crush on, and she knows, and even told Anna that I cannot love her anymore as much as I used to because of her, and it’s true, and she knows it’s true, but, you know, as true as in “The Smiths song” “Stop me if you think you’ve heard this one before”: “...nothing’s changed, I still love u ,I still love u, only slightly, slightly, slightly less than I used to.. my love...”
It might be interesting to tell you what I think have changed for you guys. Because, frankly, I used to be a HUGE FREAK. I aways got involved with girls I didn’t like much for just not being alone and have my sex dose. Now it seems and I feel asi if, if I wanted to, could get involved with nearly everyone I wanted to.
To start with, I guess I appear a lot more confindent than I used to. I have undergo a therapy process which took like 4 years in which I have confronted my deepest fears and still survive. That helped a lot. I dress better, but not much better. I take a shower almost every day (yeah, admit it, some of you don’t do it, and smell is VERY important. If you don’t SEE it, it doesn’t mean is less important. Quite the contrary here.)
I state clearly my desires. If I like someone, I told her. Directly. Cocky and funy, yeah. Only that I have always been, I think, a funny person. I think. Now I look, as I said, more confident. Because I am. Psychotherapy, lots of body therapy (mainly tantra, bioenergetics and biodance as well), so i feel more at ease with my body. I lost some weight. I go to a good hairdresser. Always the same one. I keep good eye contact, try t help people, genuinely care for others, and I give damn good massages. Believe me. The massage did the trick. If you don’t know how to massage, go to course. Get over the sensation that you cannot do things. Just do it. Nike.
So well, she, I think , but maybe it was “we” suggested that we could go on holidays together to an island. I told her Ibiza would be a great choice. I knew a fantastic place there where some tantra workshops are made. Share a bed with her. Wake up together and see her face beside me each morning and mabe kiss her good morning and good night. Oh my.

Oh, fuck. Sergio, a common friend of ours, wants to come with us. He’s gay, not even bisexual. He’s one of Anna’s best friends. I have known him for a long time as well, but we’re not that friends. Not because he’s gay, it’s just that we don’t seem to have much in common.
Anyway, I managed to come up with a “Salomon solution”: he would spend more than half of the time (5 days) alone and 4 with Sergio. First 5 days in the resort I told you about, the rest in a 2 bedroom aparthotel. Well, I thought that was enough. I asked her if she would prefer the three of us or alone with one of the two, and she said kinda diplomotically she would either prefer to be alone with me or the three of us rather than going with Sergio alone.
We almost lost our plane with Ryanhell. I don’t want to go into details, but a minute more and the story could have been a lot different than it was. We arrive to Ibiza. She drives. Yeah, I can’t drive. Whatever.
Curiously enough, we arrived to teh resort at 2pm , the same day the tantra workshop ended. The “teacher” wanted to take some photos, and because I have known him for a long time, he suggested I could take the evening class together with Anna as long as he was allowed to take his photos. Oh well. Her first tantra experience. I took my first tantra (or, rather, neotantra) class like 10 yeras ago, and, even if I haven’t been very thorough (spent periods of some years without even thinking about it) I know some tricks and I gibve it some of the credit of being able to be better sexually and be more at ease with me and, particulary, my body.
We started the course. It was beautiful, she felt very at ease, enjoyed the experience, which was very sensual and, in the end, quite sexual (huge hug, with clothes on but loose ones, in yabyum position –google it- for like 10 minutes. I loved it,and she liked it a lot as well but said it could be really different had she di dit with someone other than me).
We went to the pool. I am a nudist. She isn’t, but wouldn’t complain. We sat by the pool, played in the water. Laughed. If this isn’t paradise on earth, I don’t know what would be. I don’t need 100 virgins. I need Anna.
August 20th, 2012. Ibiza. Im always jokingly complaining about, you know, that massage I told you about in my first post because she wouldn’t give me another in exchange. Ok, now is the time, she said. We borrowed some oil from the lady who rents the bedroom. Dim light, night time, about 10 pm I would say. She massages my bac, arms. I moan when she touches my butt and told her I really liked it. She would not touch me deeply but still. I told her it wasn’t over. I turned over. She massaged my chest and the rest of my body except my most obvious erogeneous zone and it’s inmediate surroundings. I was completely nude.
It was my turn. Oh yeah. I felt so nervous, as if something was going to happen. It could happen. She offered me her nude back. I gave her teh most loving strokes I could give. When I arrived to her butt, I lowered the bra saying it was necessary for the back massage and because it seemed as if she would allow me to touch her bare butt with no probs as it happened before 7 months ago. She complained a little, but loved it, she moaned. I told her i fit was alright, if she liked, She said yes. I moved my fingers around. I touched her inner tights, trying to get her as horny as humanly possible with my gentle touch. I turned her over, and she layed my shirt over her breasts, but, you know, as a towel, leaving the rest of her beautiful skin free to touch directly. I touched her face, touched a little the beginning of her breast, with such subtelty she couldn’t complain not even be a lot aware of what was happening. I slowly made my way into her breast. I finally removed my t-shirt from over her breasts and touch them. First time in my life. She said “The situation is getting out of hands”. Hell yeah. I icked her nipples like there was no tomorrow. She moaned. Complained a little. I kissed all her body. I removed her bra and, for the first time in my life, I knew what she tasted like. I loved her beautifull small vagina. I made her cum. Without asking nor saying anything, she took my penis with her little hand and began to move. I asked her if she could lick my nipples because I love it and it makes me cum. She did. We kissed a little. I ended.

I was shocked. Told her. The sweetest shock of my life. Asked her if she though it was a mistake. No, it wasn’t, but she seemed like “it has happened, ok, I liked it, but this is, in some way, wrong. You know, Carla, maybe she doesn’t like me sexually that much – I don’t know, really, but we love being hugged by each other. I kiss her more than she wants, but I just can’t help it. I would kiss her and caress her and look at her eternally. And , according to her words, she would enjoy eternally to receive my massages. So she likes my touch. She likes my tongue inside her, I guess. We didn’t fuck.

The next day she had her period. I managed to get her to caress me until the end in my penis, but she wouldn’t like or desire anything moret than that. Then she went something like “we cant go on like this forever” like...you know.. this is kinda wrong in some way. And surely not only because of Carla. Maybe because that and... her fear of relationships, the fear of losing me as a friend, not being a lot attracted sexually to me (I dont know about that one, I think she likes me more now right? .
3 more days. I tried to kiss her goodnight and she would complain but give me a lips goodnight kiss.
When Sergio came nothing changed, except when we only were very affectionate with each other (as usual) when he wasn’t around. But nothing really sexual, just hugs. Me nude. Me kisses. She a little of clothes. Me Tarzan. She Jane. I want her.

So, well... you know what to do now? I have had some issues with her in the past because she would think I called her too much, so Im kinda polarized in my decision. Should I try to meet her ASAP to try to give some continuity to this “thing” we just started? Should I give her more space? So far, she has SPAM me a little with a picture of sthg I offered her and we exchanged some emails with pictures and stuff.
She starts her wortk again next week.

WOW.

I MADE IT. AT LEAST, I KISSED HER. I HAD SEX WITH HER.
I feel like I could happily die now.
Thanks.
Suggestions are much welcome. I would specially like those given by women.
Thanks for this. Really. I hope you enjoyed the story.

/bump