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Hey everyone, I'll try and keep this as short and direct as possible.
Three weeks ago I met this girl at the club I work at. Hot girl and seemed like a very good sport. I got her number, spoke to her a bit via text messages and we scheduled the next day at the coffee shop. She flaked 2 hours before and apologized because she had something important to take care of, BUT she rescheduled.
Shit happens, maybe her cat died, maybe she had to go help a friend in need, whatever... I'd give her the benefit of the doubt if it's the first time.
So, next time we met, and it was fun times. Built attraction, and after the meeting she wanted to reschedule again, so we did. She flaked a 2nd and 3rd time on me, always apologizing and always rescheduling.
Talk is cheap, apologies included particularly if they aren't backed up with action. She's a repeat flake offender and knows she can bat her eye lashes and give you a false apology and keep you on the line. I wouldn't have allowed her to reschedule, but rather told her "Hey this week is kinda up in the air right now, give me a shout on the weekend and we'll figure shit out then"; this shows you aren't going to play her game of cat and mouse. By flaking and rescheduling she's testing how much you'll comply and ultimately trying to take control of things.
We met again, took her home, made out with her, but she was afraid of sex. I was ok with that. She left with a big smile on her face, but feeling a bit akward i guess due to the fact that we had just been making out and her dry humpin me for an hour but exits with a "cya" as if she had just met me.
Fuckin tease. You need to get her ridiculous horned out and back the fuck off of her, she'll go bananas, guaranteed. Turn that shit around! Start flexing your sexual prowess, own your masculinity get girls so turned on and then back off, do what they're accustomed to doing to guys all the time. Flip that shit.
Anyway, thats when it all started. That same week, she ditched me a 5th time and I stopped talking to her, so she drove to my house and apologized in person. That night, she spent 60 bucks on a cab just to come see me DJ, but, for some reason was very jealous of all the girls dancing in the booth so she left with an attitude.
You being surrounded by women = pre-selection, and was a clear indicator that you can have other women. This drove your value up in her mind (DHV), and his her jealousy circuits. I wouldn't have apologized for this, that's her issue, not yours. Let her sweat it out and want you more, don't capitulate or placate, fuck that noise! Don't do this again, next time play it to your advantage with a cocky funny response or simply ignore it.
You know.. the whole "oh i didnt wanna bother you and the girls dancing" attitude.
She called me after i was done work and i explained to her "its part of my job, those girls mean nothing to me bla bla bla", i cold hear her smerk on the phone, i guess she was liking what she was hearing.
You failed her test here. Also, why are u rewarding her letting her know she's the one when she hasn't worked to earn this from you? $60 cab ride doesn't justify you telling her this.
quick note here: even though i was getting ditched, this girl would constantly ditch me and tell me things like "i wish i was in ur bed with u right now" or "can i sleep over tommorow?"... but would never sleep over..
Talk is cheap. "I wish this, I wish that.." who fucking cares at the end of the night she's not in your bed and it's not as though she can't make this a reality - had no problem cabbing to your place unannounced before. Read between the lines homeboy. Standard push/pull nonesense ditching out and implicitly saying she sexually desires you and wants to be near you
Anyhow.. From that day forward, we rescheduled to see eachother before xmas. I got ditched again. Then the week of xmas, we reschedule and the girl actually says "i really wanna see u tommorow...can we do tommorow instead of wednesday?"
Me, thinking "well she did pay 60 bucks to see me, i guess i can make an exception here", so i agree.
guess what, got ditched again..
Don't ever agree to see her again on her terms, until the girl is actually your girlfriend but even still do so sparingly. Basically she said "jump through this hoop" and you willingly jumped through it. If you read my above comment you'll see I did the same with this girl, and did it all too many times and it was so transparent she was the one in complete control - a 95lb 5'0 girl controlling me, a muscular 5'10 190 lb bodybuilder. Ugh!
Since then, she barely texts me, and when she does, its like shes a completely different person. I mean one cold hearted bitch. As if she is god's gift to men and as if she uses me for attention or something.
So to conclude here, i stopped texting her 5 days ago. "happy new year handsome" was the text i got from her on new years, kinda just answered "u too".
And last night I just put a stop to everything when she texted me with self loathing bullsh1t. I literally just busted her balls "you just love the attention dont ya? ", her response "oh ya totally, but didnt u get my joke???" , Myself: "yup. u better smarten up tho", her "i do what i waaaaanT" , myself: "awe how cute uve been using that attitude since u were two years old. You didnt get away with it then, and certainly arent getting away with it now." , her: "hmmm feisty boy" , myself: " u have no idea , gotta run now ttyl" , her: "peace out boy scout"
Good for calling her out on her bs.
So after you guys get the picture here of what shes pulling, my question is, is this the best way to go about doing things or should i be handling her another way? I mean, i really dont have an idea at this moment if I should just ignore her for a couple of days or if I should re engage in conversation...
any input would be appreciated.
thanks guys.
In terms as to what you should do, well that depends on what you want from this girl. She's flaked so many times, and so early into things, is this a person you truly want to pursue? And if so, why (is this just a case of one-nitis)? Be honest with yourself and define your objective.
It seems as though she does something such as flake, freakout about you being surrounded by girls, and then try to rectify by an apology or being self-loathing. Misbehavior, in and of itself, as well as self-loathing are behaviors that are intended to garner attention from others. Self-loathing comments such as "I'm such an ass!" are validation seeking statements. If you value you the person you'll often make excuses for them as well as normalize their behavior with a response like "You aren't an ass, we are all entitled to make mistakes sometimes, its cool".
Freezing her out will likely result in her loss of interest as she'll seek the attention of another guy who'll supplicate her. Quite honestly, she sounds as though she's not ready for a mature relationship and instead needs somebody to validate her. You need to therefore ask yourself if you want to be that someone.
CHAT
