I noticed many of the questions being posted pertain to the same issue, shit tests gone wrong, so I thought we should take a moment to address the topic. I implore everyone to contribute anything else they might have to add.

We should start I think, all the way at the beginning, by identifying the problem. A shit test is a subconsciously guided hurdle a girl will throw at a guy to flush out his betaness, test his capacity to remain “in control,” and otherwise gauge his general level of inner Alphaness. It is crucial that you understand WHY and HOW a girl does this. They DO NOT CONSCIOUSLY think “I need to test my boyfriend” or “Let me get him jealous to get more attention,” it is an INTUITIVELY generated response that follows the tidings of attraction.

Why do girls do this? The most popularly circulated reason in the PUA community is that this is a woman’s way to screen out lesser men. Remember what Neil Strauss said in The Game – “Survival of the Smoothest.” We live in a world governed by social adaptivity rather than physical adaptivity, shit tests screen out masculinity the same way polar bears and lions used to screen out feeble men by eating them.

But there can be other reasons, stemming from this more fundamental desire to screen men. For example, a girlfriend might…

(a) Flirt with another guy to get more attention out of you
(b) Call you whipped to poke a hole in your state control
(c) Test you under her man-slut radar with a question like “Are you a player?”
(d) Insult you to make you insecure in order to gain more commitment from you

Once you can IDENTIFY shit tests, everything in your relationship will become easy. Yes, Easy. However, they are so numerous in form that it becomes difficult, especially in a long-term relationship where guys tend to lax their grip over Game.

More important than knowing how to PASS a shit test, is to know how NOT to fail one. I promise 90% of you are doing one of the either, both of these being the incorrect response:

(a) Freaking out. Whether through rage or grief.
(b) Supplicating. Appeasing her for a pussy hand out or just because you’re afraid to lose her.

If you yell, scream, or act too butt hurt, you have been broken. Her shit test was designed to see if she could phase you, and she’s done EXACTLY that. You are a sulking beta. You’re freezing her out? Fail, she knows you’re ignoring her on purpose. You’re telling her “A lot of girls likes me to!” Fail, you will only make her resentful. You’re threatening to break up and screaming at her? Fail, you will make your relationship unstable and now she KNOWS that you care too much.

Whoever cares LESS in a relationship has MORE power. It’s the gruesome, yet brutal TRUTH. If this scale becomes unbalanced, your relationship becomes unbalanced.

Supplicating we need not go over. How many times have you apologized when you know you shouldn’t? Begged to get an ex girlfriend back? Cried over your girlfriend withdrawing secks?

The proper way to handle a shit test is a cool and calm as fuck mentality, an untouchable state control. Revert back to the way you were on Day 2 of your relationship, an unpredictable demi-god, the perfect distillation of masculinity.

She asks you “does this dress make me look fat?” You ask her “Do these pants make my dick look big?”
She flirts with other men? You never noticed
She insults you? You think its cute
She asks you “how many girlfriends have you had?” You reply “I don’t keep count”
She mentions her ex? You look distractedly towards the sky and reply “yah…I remember my ex…good times” and say nothing more.

You MUST also filter out your freeze-outs in this way. If you go No-Contact with a girl, she CANNOT know that you are INTENTIONALLY going no-contact. If she thinks “he’s ignoring me to get my attention,” Game Over. She needs to WONDER “why is he less available?” or “Why is he suddenly getting more attention from other girls?” or “Why is he going to the gym so frequently now?” She should not be able to think “He’s going to the gym to impress me,” or “He’s trying to make me jealous.” It must seem natural. AMUSED-MASTERY is always the answer. You must always seem aloof and untrying.

Around 40% of your communication with your girlfriend will take the form of shit-testing, conversations/ fights that result from shit testing, or something related to shit testing. Once you begin to train yourself to NOT fall for the emotional mantraps that lesser men succumb to, you will become disillusioned by your girlfriend’s antics. They will be funny, not affronts to your ego. You will be a master of both yourself and her.

Now be warned, there are exceptions to this. Sometimes you will want to show a bit of betaness or fail a compliance test to build the appropriate rapport in a relationship. At the opposite end of the beta bitch spectrum are the guys who can never properly commit in a relationship. The key is to BALANCE your uncaring asshole with your caring super-lover self; weave both personalities together.

Sometimes a girl might break up with you just to yank your chain. She wants to see your ego crumble. In such a scenario, respond with the proper aloofness. In other instances, she might break up with you because she truly wants to see more commitment. In such a scenario, throw a big fit about how much you love her and break a vase or something. Read the poetry between the lines, communicating with your girlfriend means understanding what she's feeling, not what she's saying.

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My Blog: www.solvemygirlproblems.com

Loving your posts.

Really insightfull.

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Oh! You've gotta be kidding me!

Think of a "shit test" as more of a congruency test. She's throwing something out there to determine if you are in fact the man you present yourself to be. Women have to do this (and have done so since the beginning of time) as barring a child is a huge responsibility and requires a commitment from both partners; if he's masquerading as an Alpha, for example, but he's really more of a beta male, she needs to know this. Moreover, she needs to know that he can protect her and this means not freaking out over little things, or cower when faced with an outside threat The more she intuits incongruency in your behavior, the more tests she will hurl at you. every guy will be subject to these tests, albeit to varying degrees. For example if her initial attraction to the guy is quite strong she will be less liberal in testing him then she would with, say, a guy who she feels isn't her 'type'. The key to disarming shit tests is 1) being able to recognize them, and 2) being non-reactive (not freaking out or getting defensive).

Great post Hakuna, but whats up with 'secks'?

good stuff man! thanks

genius

Excellent thread, thanks!

Great stuff...one question thought:

How do you regain control AFTER you recognize that you have failed a shit test? Particularly if she's freezing you out b/c you failed it? I failed one with this one particular girl, she's been freezing me out (I haven't tried calling either) for a week. I don't blame her b/c I did show her some DLV (didn't know what that was until I learned later by reading Mystery's Method). I feel like by calling her, I would DLV even more.

Obviously, there are more particulars in this situation, but I'm thinking everyone has experienced in general what I just described above. Thanks in advance.

Don't worry about fixing the situation; that would make it worse. Think about it, if passing a shit test means you adopt a mentality of AMUSED MASTERY, then if you're fretting about FIXING a shit test, AFTER you failed it, you are technically giving even MORE weight to the initial shit test, savy?

Instead, just don't worry about it. Failing a shit test in a relationship doesn't really mean anything, you generally have a wide enough margin where it's irrelevant unless you consistently beta backslide to the point where you erode your relationship away. We all occasionally slip up, having a strong frame and a positive internal belief system is more important than perfectly executing at every minute instance of game.

See everything optimistically. This situation could be an advantage. By showing her your beta side "just this once," you've utilized vulnerability game. By shifting to your more regular Alpha state now, you'll have her craving to monopolize your attention even more, she will yearn to own you the way she once did in the past.

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My Blog: www.solvemygirlproblems.com

How can you do this if she already thinks you're doing this for more attention. How can you start to make it more natural.

Of course, by simply focusing on yourself but this is the interesting point where it all starts. Anybody can play a no-contact game but she will back fire at you. So the main question is how to do it naturally and not thinking strategically about every move you make?

real helpful, nice one!

however you know how you said its very beta to stress out at your girlfriend or get angry with her you see i do that all the time working on pavlovs dog reward and punishment system, so what would you offer as an alternative to keep her obediant, or submissive to you if you like! So she doesn't get away with bad behaviour scott free and so you not being too paranoid/ defencesive?

Hakuna, I read some posts of yours last evening and must say they were fine - your posts, when stating facts from physiology are excellent e.g. post on sex drive. But they start falling off the cliff when it comes to Approaching and then on relationships.

I have to respectfully disagree with your post above. Your, techniques could be applied only in the initial phases of courtship. But, if the same mindset of ignoring while she is flirting, being evasive when asked about ex girlfriends etc.. are applied later in the stage you would quickly frustrate girl and in most cases yourself.

I'm not sure where you are getting the idea of 40% of communication with your girlfriend is in the form of shit tests !

Also, a girl who values her relationship with you will never threaten to break off leave alone breaking off.

I really must ask what you do differently. How would you recommend handling shit tests later on in a relationship? In what way has using Hakuna's tactics caused you frustration in longer relationships (or are you just keyboard-jockying this)? Hakuna's advice is fairly sound, based on my personal experience. It's also not anything new.. it's advice that many, many members of the community have tested repeatedly over the years and written about.

Now, on the other hand, if you handle all your shit tests well in the beginning of your relationship, then you wont get shit-tested as much later on. True. However, it's still not okay to fail legitimate shit tests at any point in the relationship (I don't know where the 40% thing came from either.. Hakuna must date "freaks").

Incidentally, you stated that "a girl who values her relationship with you will never threaten to break it off". That's just not true and I know this because I've experienced this one first hand. I'm pretty sure it's taught in "Male Manipulation 101".

-Wolf

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Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html

You said one thing right - i.e. if you've showed your booundaries early on in the relationship then they don't get tested much later on in the relationship. So, if she is flirting with a guy while you've being courting her, instead of looking away a comment such as 'Are you flirting with someone else while you are out with me - Not cool' goes a long way than just looking away.

She may do that later on in the relationship, to test whether you are still interested in her or you have the same reaction - if you look away then - "You dont love me anymore", ever heard that line? Your behavior should be congruent.

In relationships, open communication goes far far long than subtleties.

As for your girl, shit testing you even though she 'loved you' - that was probably her way of testing you one last time before walking out on you or giving you reasons to walk out.

Disagreements are fine, shit tests to see your boundaries happen when she sees incongruencies.