Week 5 day 2:

Today I just chilled out watched some movies had a little nap. In the evening I went to meet a few older friends to watch football down the pub. I thought it might give me a chance to open... but alas no ladies in there.

Week 5 day:

I woke up today just not feeling good about myself, just a bit down and frustrated. I cannot explain it but I am fed up of my situation and today felt like no matter what I do nothing really changes.

I went into town, I needed some clothes hangers so I could keep everything tidy. Went into the shop and asked a shop assistant where they were.

My guitar also has a broken string, I didnt actually know if there were any music shops so I decided to walk about. I bump into someone who lives near me, I chat to her for a few minutes and ask how her Xmas was. I do my usual being sarcastic routine and we part ways. I feel like why do I have to be sarcastic there was no need and thinking she probably thinks im a prick.

I walk round the corner look up and think 'FUCK SAKE NOT NOW' the girl I last dated who I haven't seen since. I was so gutted that she ended it after a couple months dating, she really was the type I was looking for and we had fun but she randomly rang me and ended it. I had decided by that point I really liked her so it just took the wind out of my confidence and haven't really recovered my 'swagger' since.

I think shit should I ignore her and hope she doesnt see me but I knew I had to talk to her there was no escape.

I asked her how her xmas was, where she was heading and if she knew where i could buy a guitar string from. She was smiling and all i was thinking was this girl just walked away from me. When she left I have to be honest I felt a bit upset.

After about 5 minutes i kinda felt like I had hit the bottom and motivated to move on. She did know where the shop was and I got my string went home and restrung it.

I knew the guy working there and spoke to him for about 10 minutes.

I went to the cinema and for a meal with friends later.

Overall not a great day for my innergame but I really want to hit the gym hard tomorrow then I am meeting friends to watch movies. Im glad in a way I can come here and rant it out as I hate talking to my friends about how I feel.

I do feel pissed off and really want to kick it into gear and stop being so afraid.

Week 5:

Day 4,5,6:

Been a few days since the last update and I can tell you ALOT has gone on. I decided after a really bad low day to man the fuck up. I got in contact with my friend the natural and we have been out for the last 3 nights.

For the first night I had this massive excitment level, Meet in a bar get rather drunk talking to a few ladies, went to a club and by this point I am wrecked. I get talking to an hb6 i would say. I cant remember what I said to her at all but all I was doing was just heavy eye contact. She could not handle it and kept telling me to stop it, I acted innocent while continuing to do it her and a friend come back with us to a mates flat. I kept trying to kiss her (she had a bf) she put up massive resistance. Me and her went outside and she finally kissed me. You could tell she wanted to be faithful but wanted me at the same time.

I end up walking her back nothing happened but it was funny and took her number.


Night 2 and felt good from the previous night that I can attract women and just simple eye contact + kino while being fun = good.

I have never been this drunk in my life I think i got about 4 numbers. Only one rejection.

One of the numbers was a small blonde wearing little shorts about a hb 7.5 she was with a guy, he looked so un alpha and you could tell she wanted to hang with us and he just stood there. She said she didnt have a bf and we should go to this club with her. She left and after a while we stumble in and I speak to her but I cannot remember what I said but she was leaving so I left her to it.

Somehow I end up dancing with this slim black girl 20 years old, again no idea what took place for this to start. We start making out and my mate takes one for the team and brings her not great looking friend back to mine.

So Im in my bed with her hes in another room with the other. We end up having sex dont remember too much of it lol

they leave in the morning, she texts me saying she had a horrible day at work and blames me. This girl digs me but she is going to uni in a few days but I have set up a drink with her today (day 7).

NYE, I was not feeling fresh and reeling from not having much sleep and being heavily drunk 2 nights on the bounce eventually I power through this wall and start to pick up. The girls whose number I got last week (the one i tried to get round but didnt get it) was out we spoke danced again i kinda kissed her but not properly ( i dont think either of us wanted to commit to it as she knows my ex well)

she starts texting me random stuff at 3 am lol. Somehow we go to a mates flat again with 2 random girls they were not nice looking and I styaed away. but they said I looked like someone famous... but better. A nice ego boost.

Hi Guys,

Lost track of this Journal, the last week. Been busy and ill but I feel like for the moment I am ready to crack on with out the support of writing it here. I am going to keep working on myself and improving in all areas.