The girl I am basically seeing... we have been k closing for like 7 weeks now. And I've been fucking her for about 10 days now.


She is really zaney and playful but I like it, asking me if she is my princess and stuff like that on facebook chat.


I've managed to get to the stage were sexual partners and go on dates. She initiates the dates/sex just as me too. I've heard off plenty of mutual friends she is really into me and I think this shows from this description of past events.


Just one issue with how things are


I asked her last week about us being official etc...(as in facebook partners and going out bf/gf etc)


She said she really likes me but doesnt want to rush things... and alluded to an ex hurting her...

I later learned from her best friend's bf that the ex dumped her and wasnt into her as much as she was him.


Anyway...on boxing night we were out celebrating in a large group for her cousin's birthday.


Her ex turns up...he is sort of in a different circle of friends but still in her circle too....


We are in a few groups in this bar but there is roughly 30 of us there. I'm letting her talk to her friends etc and bouncing myself around the bar within different groups of people I know there.


I see him guide her by the hand outside for a cigarette, along with a couple of her friends. We were already outside (me and some of my friends) and were all in two groups but essentially close to each other.





I really did not know how to react to this? Shes not officially my girlfriend SPAM, but Im well aware he is the ex who messed with her head. If I'm honest he looks like he has got good game, he dressed a little scruffy but had some novelty necklace thing and a bright yellow cardigan thing going on...


Well I was a bit rocked by this all, I'm worried he's gonna try and get himself back in there with her...but at the same time I dont know enough about him.


Now...one of our mutual friends, comes up to me when we all left this bar to head for a club...he simply said 'dont let it get to you man....they (my girl and his girl) are like that with their lad mates...they hold hands and have a laugh...ignore it'.




Later that night I had sex with her at my friends house. I'm just REALLY starting to worry what I could lose out on because we're both into each other.

He got introduced to me earlier in the night, i shook his hand and introduced myself. Such a limp handshake and a really mono tone 'hello'....I know he is trying some game but its a huge minefield for me - he is better entrenched with all the mutual friends so I cant show anger etc.



How do I react next time her ex pulls stunts like that?


Do I call her up on this dude?


Does she still want this douche? Is that why were not official yet?




Confusing times!

Sounds like she still has strong feelings for him. This is a tough one, whether you are official or not its a shitty position for her to put you in by letting him lead her by the hand. On the one hand if you act jealous you will push her further away and appear needy or the other hand if you do nothing then it makes you look too passive.

Sounds like she likes you but not as much as she likes this guy, sorry to say that as its a shitty thing to hear but thats what it sounds like. I think the best thing to do is step up your game and raise her attraction levels for you, whenever you see her bring your A Game to the table and show her why you are the right guy for her.

Be very fun and flirty to be around while at the same time build commonalities and show her a deep level of understanding. Break rapport with her in a way that keeps the interaction fun but in a way that makes her work for your attention isntead of you lavishing her with all of the attention.

Last thing, you asked her about getting official DONT ASK HER AGAIN!!! She has to be the one now that comes to you and says she wants something more.

This makes a lot of sense. I just don't wanna worry about this other guy incase it ruins my game.


Would it be a good idea to game other girls too? I am fucking this girl so she must be into me...she says she is.


Its her birthday in 3 weeks and she asked me last night if we could go to some art galleries, I said yeah that sounds cool etc. Shes planning stuff ahead I just hope shit works out.

What do you mean by 'break rapport' ?


I knew she either A) still has feelings for this dude or B) She had her fingers burned and so now shes playing dating more cautious. I guess it could be both

There is no right or wrong answer to that question. Personally if I really like someone I will not game other girls because although I love playing the field deep down I want to meet the right girl for me and settle down, but I wont do that until I find someone I consider to be amazing. If you feel that the two of you can have a future together then I would recommend not gaming other girls but if you are seeing someone and just see it as a bit of fun then why not.

Going to an art gallery sounds like fun to me, although I am very artistic and creative. Breaking rapport means removing some of the comfort the two of you have in a way that makes her work for the interaction. For example making fun of her in a playful way that allows both of you both to laugh at her expense. This is very easy to get wrong the best thing to do is use playful fun way with a cheeky smile.

For example if she says something you disagree with her about turn it into a fun debate and dont give in. For example say she likes ok computer by Radiohead and you prefer the Bends you could say "wow you are so cliche and predictable, your just saying that to sound cool" then she will challenge you and try to proove herself as to why it is better then viola you are having a fun debate and not agreeing with every word she says like every other guy.

Make the disagreements small and over trivial issues, if she is pro abortion and you are anti-abortion a disgreement and debate will not go well at all. But if its stuff like favourite bands, albums, places to go etc then it will work better.

This is a very small element of breaking rapport, the most important thing is a playful confident delivery. For more information google "Adam Lyons, Breaking Rapport" you will find some great stuff.

Truth be told I really like this girl.


We have seen each other a couple of times a week for a month now, k closing for nearly 2 months.

I'm very happy to have gotten things sexual, it surely makes the LJBF stuff harder to fall into.


I hear off plenty of people that shes really into me, its just so confusing seeing someone have an EX that remains friends....I always felt it was unworkable with exes.

Like I say, he's not really in our circle of friends but does know a few people in that circle, he's coincidentally started appearing on nights out ever since pictures of us two started tagging on facebook/twitter etc.

Haven't read the ENTIRE thread, but here's what you do in that situation and in all similar situations.

As soon as you see it, don't hesitate, don't worry, GO.

Don't think about what you're going to say, but when you get up to him, you put your hand on his shoulder (and possibly hers if positioning works out correctly) and chat him up about his night. Physical contact will always open a group. If you stand up straight and look him in the eye, this will always appear dominant.

See, there are two ways he could go (I'll talk about a third but it's unlikely).

He could go limp on you, not talk much, generally try to blow you off. This is where you need to transition to talking to your girl. By shutting himself out of the conversation, he lost. You're talking to your girl, she's focused on you, you win.

He could take a stand. He wouldn't be unfriendly, but he could put his hand on your shoulder back, talk loudly and assume a dominant posture. There's a temptation to be offended. But think about where you are. You have this guy next to you, having a good conversation, and you're sleeping with the girl right there. To everyone else it looks like you're good friends, and why can't you be? Obviously he's got some game, as long as you defend what's yours, he could make a great friend to you.

The third option could be devastating. He could turn his back to you completely, keep talking to your girl, and shut you out. This is a statement of complete lack of respect, dominance, and general douche-baggery. The weak thing to do, and something an unfortunate number of people would do, would be to walk away. Don't. Grab his shoulder harder, open the group up a little forcefully, say "Hey man. I'm coming through." Walk past him to your girl, whisper in her ear "Let's go. I have something to show you." then leave. You took your girl from under his nose. You win.

So the point is, don't complain, when you see a problem, GO FIX IT!

^ Good answer

_________________
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— Grandpa Simpson

I personally would of just walked over, high fived the guy and looked at the girl and said " babe, im horny" and kissed her.. How awkward is that for the guy lol

Thats just me.

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I'm just a bit perplexed at this kind of situation; I've never done the whole 'dating' thing without getting into a relationship within 2/3 weeks.


Granted I've never really dated girls my age or older; its usually been 3 or 4 years younger than me so maybe this is the way things go in your 20s.

How long realistically should we be 'unofficial' but doing everything people who are an 'item' do?

She wants to go out friday and saturday with me, we've been for like 3 restaurant dates and spent countless hours together.


I'm pleased that things are healthily sexual now, its just a little uneasy not being something concrete.

Next time we're out and this douche is too I'm gonna make sure he's drawn into a conversation where we're both present so I can gauge this dudes intention.

I have some friends in London who I havent seen in a while, so I'm gonna spend a few days down there and get in plenty of pictures etc for facebook to push up value ?


What exactly is all this 'breaking rapport' ?

Your thinking too hard about this,

And 3 months is a good time, the girls who are no good for you will blow themselves out within 3 months. Besides, make her wait, your worth waiting for. And if she doesn't wanna, another girl will want to. ( this had to be your attitude )

Its actually a good time to go cold on her just a bit, flake on her next attempt to hang out with you, and coldy response to her text for the day.. This will put you back into the dominate position. Because, she's running things right now. I can see it

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There is no exact time limit as to when the two of you should be official, it will only happen when you both feel ready. I posted about breaking rapport in an earlier message but ill post it again.

Breaking rapport means removing some of the comfort the two of you have in a way that makes her work for the interaction. For example making fun of her in a playful way that allows both of you both to laugh at her expense. This is very easy to get wrong the best thing to do is use playful fun way with a cheeky smile. This sets you up as being more of a challenge, someone who will not just give in to everything she says and in turn will build attraction.

For example if she says something you disagree with her about turn it into a fun debate and dont give in. For example say she likes ok computer by Radiohead and you prefer the Bends you could say "wow you are so cliche and predictable, your just saying that to sound cool" then she will challenge you and try to prove herself as to why it is better then viola you are having a fun debate and not agreeing with every word she says like every other guy.

Its pretty much a form of fun banter which is something near enough all women love, they like a guy who is not afraid to challenge their opinions. Make the disagreements small and over trivial issues, if she is pro abortion and you are anti-abortion a disgreement and debate will not go well at all. But if its stuff like favourite bands, albums, places to go etc then it will work better.

This is a very small element of breaking rapport, the most important thing is a playful confident delivery. For more information google "Adam Lyons, Breaking Rapport" you will find some great stuff.

_________________
“My son Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, a communist, but he’s not a porn star.”
— Grandpa Simpson

Ok, think I see your point.


Friday is her only day off work...and saturday being new years eve everyone and anyone will be going out clubbing or to parties.


Her friends have a really cool apartment and are throwing a party...when I say friends I mean female, but theres every chance this dude could be going there.


Shes asked me if I wanna go there, but it is also my buddies first night back in town and he is wanting to go to a few places in town.


As well as the apartment thing....she mentioned some event on in a different bar to where my buddy wants to go.


Where is the potential 'flake' for me here? And what excuse to I give?


I'm thinking I'm gonna say me and some friends wanna see our buddy and she is welcome to come along...but I wouldnt mind dropping by this apartment too incase this dude is seriously trying to get back into the picture.


I'm hopeful this shows I am understanding game more - by always being available to spend time with her i.e. friday AND saturday I risk her getting bored?

On the flip side if this dude is trying to sarge her he won't be available to her all the time whereas I have been - granted with good results I have F closed.

Thanks a bunch man.


We're both into similar stuff but one of our first conversations I was the only person in the convo to disagree with her on a band she likes that I think are crap.


I can easily pull this sort of stuff again, infact having read alot of Carlos Xuma's material I met her that first time a week or so later...it was PERFECT timing for me.


I have alot of work related projects on my plate at the moment, so this could be a valuable reason to flake friday I think.

I see your point but you can't worry about him. She will be too busy thinking about why you aren't spending time with her she won't be able to hear him.. Don't be insecure. There are puas outside who can single night lay her all over the place. You can't be up her ass all the time.

This guy has NOTHING to do with what you in her have, if you allow him to make you insecure, he then has a hole to sink his hook in.

If he somehow ( which he won't) steals her away from you, he can have her, You can score a better chick at the bar you go out to with you buddy at the drop of a dime. When you learn to let go, you gain so much more.

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As a side point... we send each other (non sexual) pics from time to time just a bit of fun.


The other day she replied to one 'I fancy you so much x'


The attraction is there, everything is running well and I have a high status within our group here. I'm also high status with some buddies from further South (one of whom is the one coming here for NYE) so I think in the new year I'm gonna hit them up for a few days out of town and into London - this can only benefit me rolling with a different crowd to her's ?


I need to blank this dude out of my head, he's not my friend so we owe each other nothing...I just need to keep up my game (its probably been my best its ever been since I started reading pua things extensively this last 6 months).