I'm getting hard just thinking about how I'm gonna lick my woman's asshole on Friday.

I'm gonna get drunk, tell her I'm gonna fuck her like a whore when we get home, then I'm gonna make her suck my dick for at least 10 minutes while I finger her up the ass and pussy at the same time, then I'm gonna make her put both my balls in her mouth.

She's then gonna ask me to fuck her, but I'm gonna tell her not yet. I will then order her to put herself on all 4's, and I'm gonna lick her asshole. Then I'm gonna ask her if she likes it when I lick her asshole, then I'm gonna ask her who does her ass belong to.

She will be extremely wet by now, so I will fuck her from behind and slap her butt really hard, and then I'll ask her
"what about that pussy, who does it belong to?"
"it's yours baby. My pussy is all yours"
"that's right. You like it when I fuck you hard, don't you"
"I love it"
"You like it when I fuck you like a whore, don't you" SPANK!
"I love it"
"Tell me that you like it when I fuck you like a whore"
"I love it when you fuck me like a whore"
"good girl" SPANK!

At this point I'll probably grab her by her hair and ask her
"you like it when I grab your hair and fuck you hard, don'y you"
"oh, yeah baby, I love it. I love everything you do to me"
"I make you very horny, don't I"
"yes, SUPER horny!"
SPANK!

Knowing her, at this point she will probably want to come, so I'll tell her to go on top so I can catch my breath, and she will start doing her thing. When she's on top I don't like to talk a lot so I don't interfere with her orgasm. I've already planted my 'dirt talk seed' in her head. So I will say "you feel so good" or "baby, you're so wet" but not much more. I will place my hands on her hips and try to mimic her movement, so that when I know she's coming I will push her to do it more fast and intense.

Once she comes, she will fall on her side and try to catch her breath. At this point I will tell her "oh, you're not done yet. It's my turn now. Turn over."

I will then grab some of her pussy juice to lube her asshole, and will fuck her up the ass until I'm about to come, at which point I'll take my cock out of her ass and come all over her face.

This is becoming dangerously close to an erotic story.

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A bullet shaped hole where the answers should be.

you sir, watch waaaaayyy too much porn in my opinion.
I agree, i don't want jizz in my mouth.

let's put it this way

i'll lick a girl's ass under two conditions:

1. she chugs about 12 oz of my jizz

or

2. it is jessica alba



i'd probably slip those aside and give her a quick lick

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

You mean all behavior isn't a choice, Why are you on this website then?

a lot of things you can learn here to be a so called ''alpha male'' then there is no point of being on this website.

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“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.”

Sticking you're tongue in a girl's vajayjay- where she pisses and bleeds and in her ass where she shits crap is fucking disgusting. Smelling isn't necessary, you'd probably recommend taking dumps on each others chests and pissing in each others mouths. You sick fuck.

i'd say you are taking it a bit far.

ain't NOTHING wrong with licking the vajayjay!

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Omg I didn't think I'd laugh harder at a response than the actual shit. Thanks Mack. Phew...This just made my day. Btw totally agree with you. However I don't even really like anal either...If the woman insists and is clean I won't really mind I guess, but my tongue is not going there that's for sure.

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What I like in life is nothing more but living it.

glad to give you a chuckle!

also glad to know i'm not the only one who doesn't eat crap.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

eh not a bad post Richard... maybe overused the term alpha a bit...

you dont really need a few drinks to be able to completely lose yourself in a good fuck... You just gotta work on it.

I probably used to be pretty plain in bed if I was sober. (like when I was 17) but isnt everyone?

But after many times of practicing and slowly peeling back inhibitions I had... Ive become able to completely lose myself in a good fuck Im still not where I wanna be, but I definitely getting there, because of my ability to try new things, and push every boundary within the bed and beyond... such as licking out an ass. yea im an occasional ass muncher in the sack - if shes a total babe not sure why all these guys are acting like 12 years olds.

About your dirty talk... how you said you will mainly say it from behind... How about do it while in missionary? where you can grab her hair and make her stare into your eyes while you say it... and she says it back to you... thats pretty 'alpha' too yea?

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I'ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly, and all those who look down on me I'm tearin down your balcony, no if ands or buts, don't try to ask him why or how can he

great piece Richard. all very on the money according to my experience.

Try getting into a herb called Korean ginseng, raises your testosterone level, and of course when you cum, volumes to the point where it's almost embarrassing for them to have their stomach, boobs, and face, completely covered.

damn man you just watch way to much porn haha i don't know where you pick up girls but i guess it's at the red light district

Im saying being alpha is a thing you can learn. Being dominant or submissive in a sexual way is a preference that you either have or havent. It can be brought out if it is inside you but you cant fake it. You cannot just perform the behaviour and call yourself dominant. That is just fake.

Plus, why would you care about being alpha in bed, you are already having sex and thats what you want.

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I'm not trying to be a dick Ezo, but you're being a Pick Up Snob in my opinion.

bbardot: you just reminded me about porn

Epic thread. Priceless stuff here.

This thread was fucking hilarious...some of the replies are so funny.

If alpha = licking asshole then I don't want to be fucking alpha.

I think someone needs to get over their porn addiction...

BTW, I have the best pissing range (35 meters for those interested) and accuracy in the whole of Europe. Just saying.