Hi, sorry if this is a bit long, but here goes: I'm in love with this girl called Jane who I've known on & off for years. I'm obsessed with her and I'm desperate to have her and marry her. I'm so besotted I don't even care if she has sex with me, I just want her to love me. If I could win her heart I'd be the happiest guy in the world and would feel like a billionaire. However, if she turns me down I won't be able to take the heartbreak and I'm scared I'll kill myself to end the pain. I haven't got much to live for anyway, because the only thing I want/need in life is sexy girls, and girls never seem to be interested in me. I know I sound like a complete noob/loser/geek/virgin/idiot, and maybe I am, but I really want to establish a way to try and woo her, and I'm hoping you guys can help me.

So basically she's smart, funny, quirky and pretty, and she's got that special something I just can't put into words. She amazes me, but she's quite friendly and down-to-Earth. Now here's the weird thing: I'm usually extremely shallow with girls, and never understood the idea of loving someone for their personality before, but she's just perfect for me. I'll openly admit she's NOT the sexiest girl in the world, I probably see hotter girls than her every day, but for some reason she's the best, and I'd turn down a supermodel for her in a heartbeat.

Problem is, I'm a complete novice when it comes to girls, I'd probably be below AFC material. I'm a pretty successful guy, academically & financially, I'm average height and I don't think I'm bad looking, but for some reason I have no luck with girls. I never get girls flirting with me or even looking at me, and nightclubs seem to be nothing but endless disappointment for guys not lucky enough to be loud 6'2" studs with model good looks. I consider myself a virgin because I've never even kissed a girl who wasn't a prostitute. I don't think prostitute sex counts, it's fun but it doesn't mean anything. I did once date a really obese ugly girl, but we didn't do anything physical and I think she just thought I was better than nothing. I'm a bit shy but I'm not completely socially retarded, I just can't figure out what's wrong with me! I have absolute zero confidence with girls, because I'm a virgin and I'm hence convinced that no girls want me, particularly not decent-looking ones. This belief of mine is based on my past track record with girls, which is practically non-existent.

Despite this, I somehow have a way of acting confident/cocky, and I do this around this special girl Jane, by teasing her and acting like she doesn't mean that much to me (even though secretly she is of course everything to me). I gather from the PUA community that cocky/funny is a viable strategy, and I probably neg her a fair bit. My worst fear is for her to realise the geek I really am, so I take any opportunity to try and seem cool around her. She seems to like me, at least as a friend, she often talks to me/shows off and she once asked if I had a girlfriend, so I keep trying to convince myself that she fancies me, based on this. But I want to try and make her like me, and I've even considered plastic surgery to make her fancy me, face-wise. I'd do anything to maximise her opinion of me because I know I won't be able to take it if she rejects me - I'd rather be burnt to death than not have her.

Thinking practically, what could I do to try and win her heart? Should I tell her how I feel, straight ask her out, or practise on other, lesser girls first? (All other girls are automatically inferior to her though, even if they look physically sexier). Mind you, the standard solution to oneitis of FTOW (Fk 10 other women) seems damn near impossible for a sub-AFC loser like me. Anyway thanks a lot in advance for any help you guys can give me!

Would you be closer to suicide if I told you that you should forget about this girl and focus on improving your game and going after other woman? No Doubt, this isn't what you want to hear, but I can promise you its what you should do.

So you mean I should practise on other women first before I approach Jane? Or do you mean I should completely forget about Jane? She hasn't rejected me yet so there's still a chance, even if it's only about 1%.

Hmm I would love to improve my 'game', but I don't even have any game to improve upon.

Dude, I hear you and I am the exact same!

It's like I don't want anyone to tell me to 'move on' and for weeks I've felt this way about this ONE girl.

So what I did was, I just spoke to different women and one of them was wayyy HOT... and I saw the new chick I spoke to and she gave me a smile and it just kinda gave me something else to hold on to.

I think theres a lot of truth and reason why we are told to game other women, it really puts things into perspective... heck maybe if you get good at gaming other women, Jane would be able to see that your with other women and probably would want to get with someone like you.

All I can say from my experience is that my obsession over one girl really hurt my confidence at times and thats not the state you wanna be in, it will make you weak when really you know your stronger than that! I really hope you don't hurt yourself over any body because firstly you gotta love yourself and your first priority, then you will radiate confidence bro.

Always remember YOU ARE THE MAN!!!!!

Your biggest problem is that sexy girls are the only things that matter to you in life.

Relationships are meant to enhance your life, not make or break it.

I think it's imperative that you truly understand this before you take this whole pua stuff too seriously.

Life is fucking amazing when you really put everythiing into perspective. I've been in love too. It's bittersweet for sure cause there's always the good and the bad. And it takes a while to get over it, but believe me, there ARE more important things

1. Read what you wrote
2. Think about why a girl would want to be with you
3. If your answer is still "I don't know why I have no luck with girls" then
4. Keep banging those prostitutes

You need to work on yourself before any women besides a hooker will like you.

I can tell 100% that pickup will do nothing for you. You need to spend some serious time and thought on improving yourself before you waste time on women. Even if you manage to pick up a woman, within two weeks the pathetic human being pictured above^ will appear and she will disapear.

I lol'd. Come on, be real. If you're near-suicidal now you're not going to be anywhere near happy if your (irrational) wish gets fulfilled. You might have a sugar high for like a month (maybe a little longer) and then you'll realize you're the same guy who feels he is worthless. Ironically, the same thing would happen if you actually became a billionaire.

In any case, you are misdefining your problem, which is why there is no solution. From what you are writing it seems to me that your problem is definitely not that you can't get girls nor that you cannot get this specific girl. Your problem is that you have a huge gaping void in your emotional stability and, like so many others, you think this void can be filled by other people (specifically in your case a certain girl). I don't think that's the right way to go about it.

So I obviously completely disagree with the notion that you have to go chase other women or something like that. What you need to do is find a way to be happy about yourself regardless of circumstance. The first step would be to acknowledge that it is pretty insane to be subjugating your sense of self to the whims of some girl (no matter how special or whatever you think she is).

Obssesion is not a healthy i hope you realize this, and backup because this obsession is one of the things that will make her run the other way
All you want in life is sexy girls? are you sure, because your post only shows desperation froma girl, you consider not being that hot.

Ok you are in love, we all have our share of broken hearts. But things will get better we learn from our mistakes.

I really doubt you havent got much to live. Friends, family?
Good for you m8 you probably realized NO MAN IS A ISLAND. You have fantasy on this girl you havent even fucked her, you dont know how your sex life will be, heck you even dont know how the relantioship, maybe she could be pyscho bitch. So stop fantasiazing.

So you have all in for you, but still you dont find a girl to end up, heck even afc, from time to time get lucky. So you are DOING SOMETHING REALLY WRONG. Better start from scratch watch and learn some of the materials we have to offer.

It will only minimize what she thinks of you. trust me. Insecure and shallow guy. Isnt she down to earth?


[quote="danthedan"Despite this, I somehow have a way of acting confident/cocky, and I do this around this special girl Jane, by teasing her and acting like she doesn't mean that much to me (even though secretly she is of course everything to me). I gather from the PUA community that cocky/funny is a viable strategy, and I probably neg her a fair bit[/quote]


I really doubt that you do, no girls in your book, only prostitute I would say you act more like a jackass and retard. Besides girls have a 6th sense ,that can tell if a guy is on to her or not. So i really doubt with your inexperience that she is clueless to what you feel. But this im not sure.



My two cents on this, is you are probably a really lonely guy, and realized that fucking hot prostitute is not filling your life, you need connection with someone, and years and years of afc, have caught up with you and know are banging at the door. And you see a girl Jane and you start dreaming that she will be the one to fill void.

I can tell you she is not.


My tip is back aay from her, OBSESSION IS NOT A GOOD THING, learn Pua Principles, try and hook up with differents girls, and two or three months you try again, using what you learn, and maybe , maybe that three months apart you can clear up your mind and your life and avaliate what that girl means to you.

_________________
Oh! You've gotta be kidding me!

this is correct

another poster said you need to focus on inner game, which is also great advice.

Everyone who posted thus far has good things to say. No woman is going to make you happy. Fix yourself while you work on your game.

finally as a wise PUA man once said:

"In order to get THAT girl, you need to be able to get ANY girl"

Hmm I'll try 'gaming' other women then, whatever 'gaming' means. :S

I don't know why people say you need to love yourself though, I mean when I see a pretty girl I couldn't care less whether she loves herself, all I care about is will she get with me? (Unfortunately the answer always seems to be a resounding no). So I don't see how 'loving yourself' has any bearing on how physically attractive your face looks.

I'll try not to hurt myself, but I've asked a pretty average semi-attractive girl out before when I'd only known her for a few weeks, and that rejection made me mind-numbingly depressed for a whole weekend, I couldn't even go out anywhere. So I dread to think how bad I would feel if special Jane (who I've known and loved for years) turned me down.
Well I'd like to consider myself as 'the man', but since no girl ever seems to want me, I'm demonstrably not even close to being 'the man'!
Sexy girls are the whole point of this entire forum! They are everything in life, the whole point of living for a man is maximising both the quantity and quality of the girls you have sex with - everything else is either a direct/indirect method of getting more girls, or just pointless commentary. Life would be fucking amazing if I had sexy girl(s) wanting me, but as I don't have that it's utterly utterly shit beyond belief. There may be other important things in life, but without girls there is absolutely nothing.
But girls don't know how virginal and desperate I am, I don't tell them that! If I got with a woman I would be instantly transformed into a happy, confident, secure person, so the pathetic piece of shit I am now would be eradicated and wouldn't re-appear at all. Even if it did, I would have already had sex with her several times, so what would I care if she then dumped me?
I respectfully disagree: if Jane loved me I'd be deliriously happy for the rest of my life and would be a completely changed person. I'd immediately become the confident happy person I try and portray myself as to her.
I do have a massive gaping hole in my soul, and it is the complete lack of respect, attention and affection I get from girls. If I could sort that out I'd be sorted, and if Jane loved me I wouldn't care what any other girl thought of me because I'd know I was the best if she chose me.
But I'm not at all happy about myself! I hate myself because I'm clearly not good enough to get sexy girls (or any girls!) How can I possibly develop any confidence when I'm not getting sexy girls? :S

Of course it's unfortunate that I'm so in love with Jane that I'm at the mercy of her every whim, but that's just the way it is and I can't change that. I just want to improve myself in every way as much as I possibly can so that I'm good enough for her and so I can fool her into thinking I'm desirable, so she'll love me.
I do realise that, I know I’m completely ficked up in the head, but I know she can fix me and make me perfect with her love, if I can somehow find a way to be good enough to earn her love and win her heart. Hopefully my obsession won’t make her run the other way because she shouldn’t be aware of it.
Absolutely, all I wanted was sexy girls! But now I’ve fallen in love with Jane I want her more than all the sexy girls in the world put together! And I wouldn’t call her hot/sexy because that’s a bit derogatory, but she’s definitely pretty and I regard her as beautiful inside and out.
But she’s the ultimate test, the ultimate goal – if I fail with her there’s no point learning from my mistake because my life is effectively over.
I do have some friends, family, a well-paid job and good career prospects, but all my life I seem to have everything but the girl. This is despite the fact that I spend most of my time, effort and money trying to make myself more attractive to girls, yet I still fail miserably – my life is such a complete pathetic failure romantically!
I don’t care how my sex life would be, if I had Jane my love life would be constantly ecstatic! I’m pretty sure she’s not a psycho, but even if she is then I would look past that.
I know I’m doing everything completely wrong with girls, I don’t have much confidence socially and I don’t know what to say. I’m OK when I get warmed up but I went through so much bullying at school that for most of my life the idea of me getting a girlfriend has been an absurdity. It’s only more recently at Uni and in my job that I feel I should be able to get laid/loved.

I’d love to learn the seemingly magical techniques mentioned on this site, but I’m wondering what ones would be suitable for a complete novice, and in particular for this special girl Jane.
She is pretty down-to-Earth, but I feel I need to be the very best in order to win her heart. My ultimate fantasy would be to have supermodel good looks so her heart would melt for me and so she would love me forever and marry me. I don’t think I’m ugly, but I’m not a model and I’d do anything to have a sexy face to impress her, no matter what it might cost.

I probably do come across as a bit of an idiot sometimes, but at least she won’t think I’m a geek. I try to be the ‘bad boy’ around her because I heard girls like that and that they hate guys who are ‘nice’ (i.e. soft and sensitive), which is exactly what I really am so I try to hide this as best I can.

Hmm I don’t think she knows I like her, because when she speaks to me on MSN Messenger she always gives me plenty of x’s, and I don’t think she’d do that if she was trying to give me a hint to leave her alone. My conclusion from this is that she is either clueless and carrying on as normal, or that she knows I like her and is encouraging me because she likes me too. She’s a nice person so I really can’t see her leading anyone on just for fun like some bitches do.
I’m an extremely lonely guy and I recognise that I need a romantic connection with a girl more than anything else!

I don’t mean to argue, but I am sure she would completely fill the void in me if she loved me. I know this because I felt great once when I thought this random girl liked me. Of course it turned out she actually didn’t, but that’s the best feeling I’ve ever had in my life and I know it would be a million times better if it was Jane loving me.
Hmm OK I’ll try that, hopefully if I learn those techniques and practise them on other girls then I’ll be able to sweep Jane off her feet! Cheers!

Don't be a martyr and argue with everyone here who has given you good advice. They are right, you are wrong, if you cant accept their experience and wisdom then expect the same results you have been getting.

I promise you that no senior PUA on this forum is going to pay you the respect of arguing with you when your issues are so clear to us, and you choose to protest.

Do you even think that is possible a healthy relantioship between two people. do you think you are going to have that thought in 2 or 3 years? You dont care she is pyscho. Ever watch misery? you saying you would be happy that way lol.

Please tell me you dont believe this shit! Dont you think that the persona you created for jane would clash with the real you, who would be happy being something they are not? J

ust because Jane loves the new you? lol.Personality please is something ALL girls loves, not someone who bendable to there wills.
You arent make much sense you know? You said you didnt even care about sex with jane, and you are fixating with ONE GIRL, and telling all the hotter girls out there dont mean shit to you.

So Maximising?? humm, Score for danthedan = 1. "they are everthing in life", you are going against your own beliefs.

Do you have multiple personalits?

You have finished your degree , and with how the economic crisis out there you are in well paid job. And probably living on your own and paying your own bills. You are doing much better that alot of people.

Maybe its because your INNER GAME IS ZERO TO NOTHING. You lack personality.

Your problem is not and I REPEAT AGAIN IS not pyshical, is in your head, YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP a shrink.

Ever seen those girls who are anoretic but when they watch the mirror they are fat, think the same is happening to you
a woman? any woman, what happened to jane? So if any woman loved you, for what you are and going at the end of the night to your bed and hugging and you didnt have to pay, that would be enough.

Contraditions, and you are full of them on your posts.

You dont even know what you want.

I see now that everthing I wrote wouldnt do much good. YOu are not going to even bother thinking about, because your fixation will be the downhill.

I see alot of oneitis, I even was one of them at some point in my life but you are a casa in my opionion a bit different.

At least read this and for Jane sake, If you love her, like you claim you do. You should go to a doctor, a shrink and see if he can help you. Get better, try and glue your broken self.

And then, if you still want to go to try and Jane we will try and give advices to help you with jane untill then, at least for me I wont even bother. You are in NO CONDITION to try and seduce Jane at this point.

_________________
Oh! You've gotta be kidding me!

Yes I would because I love her so much and need her, I don't care what she does to me, I belong to her.
But the real me is happy and confident, I've just been ruined by the lack of attention I get from girls. If Jane loved me the real me could finally resurface because I'd have the ultimate acceptance from the most beautiful girl in the world. Then, even if every other girl in the world still hated me I wouldn't care because I'd know I had the best one.
But the quality of Jane is higher than the qualities of all the other girls in the world combined, so marrying Jane is consistent with the maximisation. Quality over quantity!
Yeah but despite all that I'm still ignored and regarded as a useless non-sexual piece of shit by girls. So either having a career and money is irrelevant to dating or I fail in so many other ways that my financial prosperity is offset.
I have no inner game. I do have a personality, I'm just desperate for girls to admire and love me.
How do you know? I'm not that ugly but I have horrible skin and spots that are so stubborn they won't go away despite me spending thousands of pounds and so much time trying to get rid of them. What kind of decent-looking girl wants a guy with bad facial skin?
Well that was exactly how I felt, if any attractive woman loved & married me I'd have been happy forever. But now Jane has changed all that and I need her love more than anything else in the world. I need to know how to win her golden heart.
Only because Jane has screwed up my head so much that I need her and all other girls have become meaningless in comparison.
I do: I want Jane.
I can't help being completely fixated on her.
Yeah poor me.
I can't fix myself without Jane's love though. I can only be semi-fixed by other girls' love.
Hmm I guess I need more practice then. I came to this site to try and find out how though.

Yea they do, 80% of what you are saying isn't coming out of your mouth.. Womens intuition is 10x better than mens. They can basically feel what your thinking during a conversation.. Any guy thats gets women knows this to be true..

Just figured I'd correct that for you, you obviously don't wanna be helped, you just want someone to vent to. Carry on.

_________________
Email me: EddieFews@WayOfThePlayer.com For 1 on 1 coaching or consultation via SPAM, phone or IM.

Now You Can Read My Articles Here! ------------> http://wayoftheplayer.com/category/play ... fews-tips/