I'm what you could call a multi-dimensional AFC...

Since high school I have found myself frustrated with practically every dynamic of social interaction. Interpersonal and intrapersonal mastery has continued to me for quite time. I've picked up things here and there but my worst enemy is my own lack-of ability to apply information I gather. When opportunity comes to put something to the test, it's like I forget everything I've learned even if I've just read an entire book on the matter. Went to college and graduated with a BA in psychology. Although I know more about WHY people do what they do, I'm still a novice in HOW to move people. My poor ability to influence others into entering my world, or even being able to communicate it for that matter, has sparked in me a lust for power (something that has grown out of such lack of success). But that is somewhat beside the point...this community seems like a good start for overcoming my one of many social deficiencies.

Here's my (not-so) brief story of how I got here...

Decided to choose psychology as a major after watching many Derren Brown tricks and illusions on youtube. It seemed like a functional choice that would allay my fears and ignorance of social dynamics. And I would certainly love to be able to see social dynamics and people as transparently as Derren Brown seemed to do so. However, I wanted to this on a more general scale rather than for entertaining others.

Went to school, got degree, utterly disappointed and bitter. Fuck traditional schooling, only good for job status, not for actually developing outstanding skills. Along the way I read books, gone through audio tapes and videos on NLP, hypnosis, social psychology, self-help, time management, con-artists, etc. Seduction wasn't really an interest of mine. My worst enemy like I've already said is applying the information I know. So the majority of this info on this stuff is just lying dormant in my brain waiting to be re-kindled. I'm not a very self-motivated person and never had a group of friends who were interested in experimenting with this stuff...plus I had no way to reach out to new people (nor the one's I know) without coming off as complete weirdo. So I remain(ed) dormant.

I lowered my standards for my friends (they are still pretty low) but my fucking GOD, how boring can these people be. NO desire or taste for novelty, NO will for self-improvement, NO stimulation for my hungry brain. BUT STILL, every time I suggest new things or want to experiment with something I get such a non-responsive or negating responses. I've been called pushy, controlling, and pessimistic. I take an existential philosophy on things. I know that if shit isn't working the way I want it; it's something I have done, something I need to change about myself, not something that I should blame others for...because that doesn't help anything one goddamn bit. Still, my boring friends and boring environment have taken a toll on me; I've become a boring person socially and have been accommodating the dull lifestyle my environmental and financial limitations have afforded me.

Oh but I still haven't lost the thirst for something more. No matter how low my spirit goes at times, there is always some mini goal of novelty that will come my way...

My friends several months back decided to move in with their neighbors whom they had become friends with. Their neighbors are from Ukraine, a guy and his semi-gf HB9 LSE. I had always had my eye on her but I thought rapport was simply impossible. But now that everyone was moving in together I had an excuse to be interact with her. I had just started reading Robert Greene's 48 Laws of Power but quickly put it down to consume The Art of Seduction instead. Went through the book but like all other useful info, I blank out when time comes to apply it.

I had been given several IOIs on a few occasions, but I had no idea how to escalate things. And I didn't and still don't know any way of isolating the victim! That goddamn semi-bf is ALWAYS around her, and I have no reasonable excuse to isolate here. Even in spontaneous moments of isolation I had no material to go on, I would always draw blanks and made my head feel like a compression chamber of pure frustration. Slowly but surely, even the slightest bit of sexual tension disappeared from her end and was replaced with indifference. This woman has given me severe one-itis and obsessive thoughts my rational mind has not been able to curb.

Less than a week ago, after another night of spending time over at my friends' place torturing myself in her presence. I started reading a book about the psychological roots of procrastination (since I am a boomerang kid) and a need to focus on all the realistic garbage demands of life. This book (Procrastination by Burka & Yuen) seriously intrigued me and had such accurate points as to the nature of the beast. The most interesting part I remember was the equation (self-worth = ability = performance) with procrastination being a big cockblock between ability and performance, thus maintaining a person's self-worth.

Anyway, halfway through the book I decide to go out and get this book for a friend of mine who is serious trainwreck at managing his life. I walk to the aisle where I saw it before I went online to get an ebook copy the day previous. Low and behold there is no copy left...fuck, I say to myself. I told myself I would be in and out but I couldn't help but browse. At the other end of that same aisle sat a big black book cover facing outward (it looked like a bible). The Game it read...and by the silhouettes on the cover, I knew instantly what it was about. "Not this again" I thought to myself as I picked it up. The paper even had gold edges like a bible. I started reading and was instantly intrigued. I was reading the end of Ch. 2 on Isolating the Target. This guy whom I never heard of was picking up an HB11 and making out with her no more than 20 minutes after meeting her. I remember how embarrassed I felt reading it in the aisle when this guy started browsing books right next to me. After going home and getting the book online, I felt reassured by the fact that Strauss felt the same way when he first got into the scene.

I'm almost through with the book and let me say that I'm ready to put to rest the confusion and mystery of this area of my life. I am also reassured by the sheer amount of success PUA training has given to numerous people whom society would normally label as forever doomed. And I'm seriously glad to know that PUA isn't just a community of cocky douchebags as I had previously assumed without any knowledge.

Hope my one-itis will be cured soon. Looking forward to getting in touch with the community.

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When being me doesn't satisfy me, it's time to get a new me.