Hey guys,

So I've been seeing a girl for a few months or so now and am in a somewhat complicated situation with her as my FB. We started dating summer of last year when I was single, but I ended up getting back with my ex (and subsequently dumped the FB). I then dumped my ex again and decided to become single and get back on track with my FB a few months ago.

I've never really been single in my entire life until I made that decision to dump my ex a few months ago. After that, things ramped up a bit with the FB. We hooked up more often, spent some time together, and really became closer (though I tried keeping distance at times because I do not want a committed relationship right now). I noticed more recently that she started tacking names like "sweetie" and "babe" to the end of her sentences. I pretended not to hear or that it even mattered, and it didn't seem to affect anything when I didn't return those type of words.

Well, I screwed some things up here about 2 weeks ago. I told FB that we'd hang out at a night club for a certain band that comes to town once a month. I had full intentions on going with her. She scheduled to have the next day off of work so we could party, but when she told me that, she made it sound as if it was no big deal.

"hey, if you end up going to see that band, let me know and I'll come with. I took the next day off anyways because I have so many vacation days. I needed to spend on anyways."

So here's where things get totally effed up.

FB takes me out to dinner the night before my birthday, baked me an amazing cake, and bought me a $165 watch! She is really showing interest in me as at least FB & friends, but possibly bf/gf too. I was going to have her over that night, but friends wanted to take me out, so she dropped me off... and my friends flaked. Boo.

So, the next day my EX calls me from a plane the day before this band plays at the club, "I'm on my way to see you. I've never missed your birthday and this year will be no exception. Together or not!"

Now, I'm not a jerk by any means, and she was already on the damn plane. She asked for a ride, etc. but I made her get a cab. I did not want to show any real interest in her that could be confused as getting back together.

Long story short, my ex brings me birthday cards, takes me out to dinner, etc etc. And guess where else she wants to take me? To that same friggin club with the same friggin band.

Now, I found myself stuck. I wanted to go with FB, but EX is going to be there no matter what, and we share the same friends. So what did I do? I let EX bring me out, and didn't contact FB. Fuck.

Now, FB has been distant. Not liking my things on Facebook, not texting me like she used to, and is in general feeling like she's going to break the FB relationship off with me altogether. For example, the last day I saw her was over 13 days ago now, and when i got back into town from Thanksgiving I asked her to dinner. Her response "I can't tonight, but thanks for the invite," followed up with "there's something i want to talk to you about... are you available at all Saturday?"

At this point I realize that she's pissed off, and probably saw my EX and I in some pictures on Facebook. I'd be pissed to. "I just spent hundreds of dollars on this guy, and the next night he's back out with his EX? WTF?" I can only imagine the things that ran through her brain.

But nobody realizes just how crazy my EX really is about me. She's PERSISTENT... and I can't say I mind it sometimes because, hell, I hook up with her every once in awhile still.

So, I did my best to situate things with FB after that. I texted her about how "I feel like the guy version of a hot girl," and went on to say how my crazy EX still won't leave me be, and is acting crazy and desperate. I then tell the FB "Some birthday surprises are not good ones, you know? Why can't all girls be as cool as you? Well... at least I know what my favorite part of my birthday was "

After that, I snapped a picture of the watch, posted it on Facebook saying "My fav girl got me this watch for my birthday... swaaagin'!"

So now I'm at the point where I'm not sure if I recovered at all or not, and my REAL QUESTION is how should I respond to what she will potentially say today? She might "dump" me (no more sex, maybe no more talking, who knows?) And how do I respond to that? (and please don't troll my thread with the famous "how a pua gets dumped" video). Do I just pretend like I don't care? Do I put forward the victim card?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm in a tough spot here. I want to keep this girl as an FB, and she actually does have GF potential, but I don't want monogamy yet... not after just getting out of a looooong LTR.

Double post

Hey Poker,

Women overthink things all the time. I've slept with girls with the understanding it's just sex and 2 weeks later the "Where is this headed?" question comes out.

She wants her feeling to be validated. Sit back and listen and at some point tell her "I understand." Then tell her something like (name) you're very important to me and I'm not always going to make the right decisions but you'll always be whether you took her that night or not. I'm sorry I didn't take you that night but we can...

You understood, validated her, and didnt promise to change at all

Come to think of it she's probably more pissed that I flaked... Yet our plans were never "sold," nor did she hit me up that night with a confirmation.

That's a decent suggestion. I do need to validate her feelings... But do you really think that's ALL I need to do? She's pretty strong willed, and works as an HR professional so she fires people on the regular and is trained at cutting ties.

I'm just trying to prepare. The last thing I want to do is go in and answer her with "I don't know," or some stupid unnecessary lie.

On the other hand, maybe she feels that she needs to physically communicate to me "why" she's pissed then wait to start sex again so she doesn't come off as too easy.

Yup, she likely wants to save face. Understand, validate, and satisfy her feelings. All comes from a place in women where they feel "men don't care." Don't show fear of losing her, have a strong but understanding demeanor.

So, it happened. She didn't text me to see me over the weekend, but I froze her out for a couple of days, then reestablished contact yesterday.

Turns out, she is seeing another guy. We both knew what we were involved with being FB's, but it felt like we were catching feelings recently. Hell, she baked me a cake, brought me out to an EXPENSIVE dinner, and bought me a $165 watch for my birthday just a few weeks ago. Everything fell off almost immediately after that.

So I told her I'd cooked dinner, and would be watching some Netflix last night, and ended a text with "Come see me... Now."

She came over, all disheveled actually, and we played with my dog and ate some dinner. After that, I led her toward my bedroom and after 1 tv series episode, she let the cat out of the bag and started talking.

It was really tough for her, I could tell. I did the best to maintain a solid frame. Actually cried just a little, but nothing obvious or AFC. I told her that she is important to me, and that I truly care about her happiness, and if I'm not the man that makes her the most happy, then she should stick with her decision. I said it wasn't what I want, but I only want what's best for her.

The part that hurt the most is definitely the clean break. Sure, this was just supposed to be an FB, but it was under the mutual understanding that I just got out of a looooog LTR. I let it become so much more than FB too. She held a part time unpaid position at my business, almost freelance. And now I have to find somebody like her to replace that position after it's been about 1 and a half years now.

I went on to tell her that I can't become a committed man right now anyways, because I've never experienced what its like to be single. I want to experience what the single life is like so when I do pick a mate, I know that I'll be making a decision that I am happy and comfortable with.

I still have her keys and gate transponder. I asked if she wanted me to give it back, and that it was out in my car in the parking lot, and she didn't seem pushy about it at all. I told her I'd give it back soon, "the next time we see each other," LOL. I figured I could either use it as a tool to unload emotional ammo into her when we see each other next. She decided we "can't be friends, because she's so attracted to me," and she would consider "even just seeing me, as cheating, because of all the things she would want to do to me."

I'll be honest though, I'm really fucking sad about this break. It's the equivalent of seeing Santa pack your presents, and still being genuinely surprised when you open them. I am that genuinely surprised kid, who knew exactly what he was getting for Christmas.

I guess all-in-all, I'm stressed with my life right now. I dumped my 7 year LTF, got dumped by my FB, my home is being remodeled so it's really empty, and my roommate is moving out. It's going to be a lonely Christmas for me.

Now, who wants to game with me in Las Vegas?

I'm sorry for you. Looks like you're being pretty rational about it though. Hope you feel better soon.

Honestly man what did you expect to happen? You started investing time going to dinners treating her like a real girlfriend and let your feelings get involved. A FB's roles is simply for fucking nothing more. You and a lot of other guys on here seem to have this problem of falling in love with your FB then they don't return the same interest.

_________________
Friendzone 1-vt51424.html?postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

And that right there is why its stupid to assume girls dont like forward lads.

They want fucked just as much as we wanna fuck.


Am I right?

The point is, she stopped being just a FB the moment they started spending time together, eating, exchanging gifts...ect...IMO.

_________________
Havok
My intro thread & Story - so-i-post-vt85070.html
My Journal - here-vp508498.html