I've been focusing on a girl for awhile now and finally managed to land a date for this Friday night. We're going to a fairly nice restaurant, and I'm thinking about adding a movie to it afterward (thoughts on that? Just curious, as there's not much to do around here especially during the winter). Anyway, things have been going well. We flirt, touch, and she freaks the fuck out if I don't respond to her texts quickly enough and sends followups. I figured I had her right where I wanted her.

Then, last night, she decided to tell me how her luck is so bad with everything. I asked for her to elaborate, and she proceeded to tell me about her ex who she broke up with at the beginning of this year. Apparently, they dated for 3 years through college, then he took a turn for the worst and started doing drugs, possibly cheating on her, etc. They broke up at that point.

But she says he's been trying to get back with her lately, and this is why she's been in a bad mood at random times (which I've been noticing). So here's where I'm not sure what to do. Obviously she still has feelings for him even if she won't get back with him, so how should I handle this? Just ignore the fact that she ever told me this, and give her the best time of her life and completely outshine him? Or should I give her some space?

I recognize that it's a bad sign she brought him up to me, since it likely translates to something like "I know you want me, but I need to get over my last relationship before you and I have any chance". Think that's an accurate interpretation, or am I overanalyzing the situation?

Maybe.

My advice is dont bring it up.

If she brings it up again .

You tell her maybe you still like him , why dont you go and meeting him.You but if she goes and anything happens you and her are finished. So you have to pass that statement.

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Oh! You've gotta be kidding me!

It's ok she shared it, you're overthinking it. She's going on a date with you so there is interest. Way to handle that situation is when she's telling you about it look at her and say something along the lines of "I'm sorry that happened, not sure why people do the things they do. Bright side its in the past and you're doing well now. What kind of cool things keep you busy these days?"

She shares, but at the same time you bring the conversation back to a high point.

Where do you live where there isn't anything to do in the Winter?

This is so problematic in 4 ways I can count to start I cant imagine how its not going to end up in a bloody mess. Talk about setting up the exact wrong frame, please stop doing this shit.

Thanks for the absolutely worthless post.

To everyone else, thank you for your input.

Well to be honest, you're not going to like what you hear. I was in the same situation as you. It's probably the same girl. Your best bet is to cancel the date and move on. For your own sake. You'll just fall for her and she wont return the feelings. Aslong as she still hung up on her ex there wont be any room for you. You're just around to fill that void while she's lonely until she decides to get back with her ex, leaving you angry that you invested so much. But if you insist I say step back and do your own thing while she figures her sh*t out (which she won't).

snarg-

personally i have a rule that i dont date girls who are still hung up on their ex.

im not necessarily saying you need to adopt this rule or even that this girl is still hung up on her ex, but you definitely need to at least consider that she may be. and consider not pursuing her because of it. at the very least treat her as non-ltr material until you figure out for sure whats up with her.

so just look for telltale signs and dont get attached. continue to pursue and see other girls [lol when DONT i give this advice???] if she brings it up again, just be cool and play it off. certainly dont act like it bothers you. but if shes constantly bringing it up, you may wanna just move on or tell her to contact you when shes over him.

Awesome advice, thank you very much. I agree completely, especially considering this is exactly how my last relationship ended up not working out (the only difference is that I had no clue about the ex until we were deeply into the relationship). Although with this new girl, she really didn't bring it up in a way that leads me to believe she can't exactly get over him. Even so, I definitely agree that I shouldn't get too invested in her before sorting things out 100%.

Thanks again.

Considering that she broke up with him in the beginning of the year and it's now december and she still getting in a bad mood because of him? She's still hung up on him. Have fun with her, but dont fall for her.

Snarg i also was in ur situation, before i liked this girl but she was only thinking about her Ex "how to get him back again" a lot of my friends told me to back off to give her some privacy and it was the WORST mistake i ever did in my life. apperently she met another guy after two weeks that i let her "go", and he became her boyfriend. what he did was that he took her to a magical date which i believe its called a "Super Date" and she forgot everything about her Ex and ME! my advice is don't give up. take her out on a magical date show her your way better than her EX..be "romantic"..but what ever suits you.

if you want to let her go and have her privacy its ok

its ur choice.

I think you guys are over analyzing it. If the ex keeps trying to get back with her, he's probably reminding her of the good memories they had together (3 years) which causes her sadness..

Honestly, I don't know what I just said but it sort of makes sense.


Tell her that you're not going to take anything seriously between you guys until she gets over him and even if she does, tell her to cut contact completely because you value your time and you don't like dealing with a mess.

The answer is simple, OUTSHINE him and give her the best time of her life. Remember you're in control, you've got the girl and she broke up with him due to his foolish choices. Show her that you will not succumb to drugs and don't need them to show her a good time.

Hey man, you should also consider that women lie about this type of thing all the time. He might not be trying to get back with her at all - not that your girl has self esteem issues, but this doesnt seem impossible that she is just saying he is, possibly to feel better about herself or try to look good or something, or maybe she is just testing you..

no matter what though, whether its true or not you still shouldnt care. Just a thought

a. keep cool and meet her (but dont be her Psychologist)
b. let her decide (be willing to lose the girl)
c. move on (chicken out)