"The one who loves the least, controls the relationship."


- Absolutely!
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That much is clearly true. The question is, which is more valuable, control, or happiness

-- Without control of this relationship im not sure how your going to find happpiness in it. I would actually say your girlfriend would probably prefer you controlled the relationship, but if you don't , she will.

I will answer this in relation to the OP's frame.

It is very clear that he wants to be the one in control, the lack of control is bothering him to the extent that he started the topic with "Lost power with girlfriend", not "I am not happy with my relationship" or "Facing issues in relationship", and the content of the initial message keeps repeating the same keywords over and over and over.

At this point, it is simple to deduce that he wants to be the one wearing the pants in the relationship, however, he cannot be the one because it is clear that he has invested more in the relationship than she has. So, the way I see it there are two roads to take from here -

Cut back on the affections until he matches OR "loves" her less.

OR

He can cut his losses. Move on. Find someone new who can give him perhaps a more fulfilling and open relationship.

Good luck.

- Luke

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" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

"The one who loves the least, controls the relationship."

That's a very ruthless and shallow way of thinking in my opinion and will not lead to a rewarding positive relationship with another human being.

Frankly I feel really sorry for anyone who believes that because it's quite obvious that they have never truly been in love and before any of you start thinking LOVE? who cares about love I'm all about the pussy man!

Eventually you will all inevitably reach a point in your lives when you realise that love is what has been missing and deep down most of the deniers on here know that they secretly yearn to love and be loved in return.

Is it important for a man to wear the pants, ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY, to go against that is to go against the natural order of things. Our essential roles, our innate desires, our biological imperative even.

But as a man you earn the pants through being a real man, a provider, a protector, a leader. You don't earn the pants through manipulating women into thinking that they are not good enough, that they love you more than you love them, all this guarantees is insecurity and imbalance within the relationship, it becomes an ugly thing, a power play, a pathetic charade.

It becomes what TwoSeconds is experiencing now only it isn't tipped in his emotional favour. Either way his relationship is most likely doomed and he has some tough days ahead of him and provided he does end this unhealthy relationship he will one day have another opportunity to start fresh with a new person and I would hate to see that relationship started with the ethos 'Love less, gain more' because advice like that only seeks to guide him towards a negative unfullfilling future with women.

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"Stay hungry, stay healthy, be a gentleman, believe strongly in yourself and go beyond limitations.” - Arnold Schwarzenegger

Powerful shit bro.. I think you should make a seperate post for this peice alone.. Too many people share that negative mentality including myself.. Up until your just lifted the veil.. I appreciate this one alot..

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Cheers mate, I used to have the same attitude towards my relationship with women but all it did was hold me back from really getting intimate with women and having some really incredible experiences.

Being able to truly trust someone enough to make yourself completely vulnerable takes a lot of courage but the rewards are well worth any peril faced along the way.

You cannot truly know the value of living until you have really loved someone so deeply that you would give everything just to know that they will be safe and happy.

It is the one instance where human beings can be completely selfless, love is such a powerful force, more powerful than hate and fear, to never get to know that because you're afraid of being hurt is just well.. sad.

I realised all this when I met the girl of my dreams and I went through a lot of great women to find her but in the end I found her and I knew that she was the one because I had so much to compare her too.

I'm not advocating disregarding the potential dangers of throwing yourself time and time into love, that would be foolish. All I am saying is that you should give a woman a chance to earn your love and don't hold back from what feels most natural, don't be afraid of your own passion.

You might get hurt, in fact it's almost guaranteed you will but at least you will have tried to live life to the fullest and you wont be an old man full of regrets.

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"Stay hungry, stay healthy, be a gentleman, believe strongly in yourself and go beyond limitations.” - Arnold Schwarzenegger

"What we have here.. is a failure to communicate"

Have you seen the relevance of that statement in the thread?

Did you read the OP's original post?

Have you seen the way he's described the woman and the relationship?

Pro-tip: Taking a random statement being oft-mentioned in a thread, and going off on a tangent about it without properly being aware of the context, doesn't make one a smart man.

This post isn't all giving and receiving love fully and being vulnerable to the possibilities of love blah blah blah.. this is about a guy who wants to know how he can get back the power he lost in the relationship. And if you'd the mind to read my second post you'll find that I'd clearly specified ways and alternatives for him to go about this predicament.

Also, if you think this is about loving less you clearly aren't seeing the light. It is not about being more "loving" in the relationship, but about one partner being more needy than the other. Something very interesting I read, where the guy talked about how once we have the belief that the other person will not leave us, we instantly go "one-up" and if we are worried that they might leave us then we become a "one-down".

It's not a coincidence that in the best long term relationships, the partners are often introduced as "my better half". Think about it.

Healthy relationships are ones where neither partner seeks either to control or be controlled, can enjoy the other just the way they are without needing to change them, and doesn't confuse passion with long-lasting love.

But, here, for this frame and this person, control is paramount. Let's not get caught up in a winded debate about it now.

- Luke

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" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

Pro tip: It's not a competition for the best answer mate, that is your ego talking right there.

I'm not going to waste my time arguing with you on the internet, I'll leave it up to the OP to decide what is most relevant to his situation. You are not a moderator, you are not an expert, you are just some guy with an undeserved sense of entitlement and a keyboard.

If you you believe a topic has run off course then I suggest you post something constructive to redirect it in a direction which you believe to be most helpful to the OP.

What you just did there, you did for you, no-one else and letting the insult slide, that's a pretty shitty thing to do man, that doesn't make me think highly of you.

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"Stay hungry, stay healthy, be a gentleman, believe strongly in yourself and go beyond limitations.” - Arnold Schwarzenegger

stop making straw man arguments Kieran you sound passive-aggressive.

Cool Hand Luke is right, and as for me, I don't want to hear any love and tenderness touchy feely stuff in here, I think this is best left to the forums in GirlsHelpGirls.com, SweetEmotions.net, EMO4me.net, and teenbeat.com

That's really the last things most guys here, as AFC's and reformed AFC's, really need to hear about.

u mad, bro?

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" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

So you think love is for girls, an unmanly emotion?

You're not a very happy camper are you mate. Good luck with those beliefs, I'm sure they will take you far in life.


Coolhand I'm not mad, I have no problem with criticism if it's well founded, I don't believe that your criticism is well founded I think it comes from a place of insecurity in your masculinity to be honest.

You feel threatened by what I said why is that?

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"Stay hungry, stay healthy, be a gentleman, believe strongly in yourself and go beyond limitations.” - Arnold Schwarzenegger

You just make assumptions and behave like you want to conform everyone to your views.

Two qualities which are just not the right ones to have.

And I really have nothing against love and vulnerability, if you'll read my posts on the forum you'll find I've explicitly mentioned them in a topic about one of the best things which men should be open to when meeting women. However, this question deserves a tailor made answer, and to the OP all he wants is "control" and "power", he is blind to love at the moment. Maybe that's his problem, but it's not what he wants to address. So, in retrospect, I am just giving him the solution which he can probably accept more in his frame.

That's all there is to it.

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" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

I agree with most of what you said there and I value your constructive contributions to this thread. Personally I think you come across as a bit arrogant which I think is a "a quality which is not the right one to have" but you are not my problem or responsibility.

I think your observation of my character could very easily be pointed back at you Luke, the saying 'The pot calling the kettle black' comes to mind. You seem like an intelligent enough guy and I think that if you honestly consider your motivations behind dismissing what i said you would have to admit to yourself you are capable of better than that but I will leave that up to you.

Anyway, I'm not really into the whole 'arguing on the internet thing' it's a tedious waste of time and no-one really wins or gains anything from it.

I hope TwoSeconds finds the answers he is looking for.

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"Stay hungry, stay healthy, be a gentleman, believe strongly in yourself and go beyond limitations.” - Arnold Schwarzenegger

- WTF said that? Straw Man argument
- passive-agressive

[/i] - complex question fallacy + passive aggressive

Thanks for making my points for me.

QFT