She is quite a dominant person, and being a business woman, she's used to getting her way and telling employees what to do. Unfortunately, she tries it on with me too, and too much for my liking.

She gets annoyed if I'm busy or have things to do, yet if she wants to do or go somewhere or doesn't want me to come, or be there for her, she straight up tells me in quite a matter of fact manner.
I know a lot of guys, especially in long relationships and marriages get walked over and the guy ends up being a lap dog and usually rolls over just for an easy life.
Well, I've not been like that really and certainly don't foresee that in my future!

Christmas is coming up, she has for years always been with her family, I'm not too bothered, I do too. We've only been together just over a year and have no family between us, so okay, fine. I was put out when she didn't invite me this year and she simply said, you'll have a quiet one without me, or words to that affect. Again, her control. I'm doing this, screw you (me).

Found out she tried booking a five night holiday for new years eve, with her female friend! Not me, I hasten to add. She couldn't get room where she wanted so didn't bother. This was a couple of months ago.
Her friend phoned up whilst I was with my girlfriend recently claiming she's found a hotel and wants to book it, my girlfriend doesn't hesitate to say yes to the idea ignoring the fact that maybe, I want to spend time with her, do something nice or whatever.
I was quite taken aback by her matter of fact attitude of going away without me, especially since it's meant to be a big event of the year and that we won't see one another for Christmas itself either.
She's had a bit of a rough year with one thing and another so I simply said, that'll be nice end to a crappy year for you, or words to that affect. Implying she should go.

I wasn't overly bothered about not seeing her new years, but it was when I found out she attempted before without even thinking of me or wanting to do something special with me, that has annoyed me somewhat.

I don't want this to come across as insecure and me me me, but I'm sure most people would be put out by their supposed loving partner planning to do something like that without a thought for their partner?
It's not like she and her friend booked a concert for a night or going for a meal or the likes. In fact going on holiday any other time of the year I wouldn't think twice about and would urge her to have fun!

The question is, do I pull her up on this? Let her know I'm annoyed? Play the same game somehow - if so how?

Thanks!

So you've already been sleeping together and seeing each other for a year, what is it you want to accomplish? How does she act when you're together? Creating problems out of things like this where none exist can destroy relationships. If there IS a problem on her end, nothing you've described here indicates it.

Fact is, its perfectly normal and healthy for a girl in a relationship to spend SOME of her time away from you, and to see her family or have a girls night with her friend.

So there are two basic possibilities:
1) You are aware of her having other problems with the relationship that you're avoiding talking about here. We can't help with that unless you're willing to talk about it.
2) The problem is all yours, in that you expect to be a larger percentage of her life than she is willing to dedicate to you. It IS possible to get her more "hooked" on you, but its also possible that you just have unrealistic expectations at this point in the relationship.

If you're just hurt that she has other things in her life besides you, you need to be more secure in yourself. She's invested a year of her life into this relationship, so you need to be a little more confident in the success you've had so far. A woman like you describe is going to have other things and people in her life besides just you, and if you aren't comfortable letting her have that, its going to cause problems.

When she goes out with her girl friends or family, you can do something with your guy friends or your own family. If you have other things in YOUR life, the fact that she has others in hers will be less of a problem for you.

So figure out how well things are going when you ARE together, and decide whether the problem is YOURS or HERS. Then decide what you want out of the relationship. If you spend some time on this and post more details, we can be better equipped to help you get what you want.

_________________
-- Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards,
For you are CRUNCHY, and good with milk. --

I have no issue with her doing whatever she likes, I'm far from clingy or needy. We both do what we like, when we like and if anything, she has more issue with me when I don't involve her.

Like I said, I have no issue with other people in her life or going out or whatever with a friend or family.

My issue is with new years eve which people generally assume is a time you spend together to reflect on the past year and perhaps plan stuff for the new year. It's this and only this that has put me out.

Think of it like Valentines Day, imagine if I decided to go out with my mates all day and then get slaughtered in the pub in the evening, all without her, she'd go mental!

The fact she has shown no courtesy towards me at this time of year that has ruffled my feathers. Hence looking for a way to approach her or not approach as the case may be.

In that case, I suggest you express your feelings to her on the matter. This is the kind of problem that is solved best by skillful communication.

_________________
-- Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards,
For you are CRUNCHY, and good with milk. --

But I can only imagine her being oblivious to being in the wrong or claiming I'm needy or something along those lines. Basically down playing the whole thing.

If I ignore it and she knows she did it to shit test me so to speak, she'll think she can do whatever she likes and I'll put up with it, but on the other-hand, if I do ignore it, she'll think I don't care which will give me the game.

You asked for advice, and my advice is to talk to her. You can sit there and keep talking yourself out of taking action because of what MIGHT happen, right up until new years and let the feelings you're having rot you from within, or you can Do Something About It.

Because no matter what anybody here in the forum says, we don't know her, and we don't know you, and we don't know every detail of your relationship. Those questions that you've been letting stop you from doing something are STILL going to be unanswered until you find out what's actually going on, and I maintain my position that the best way to do that is by talking to her.

Seriously, "shit tests" are designed to test a POTENTIAL mate... which you're not, you're a year-long mate. Treating your relationship like a sarge is not the best way to handle it. I'm still suggesting that you man up and talk to her instead of being afraid of what MIGHT happen, when at this point its clear you don't even know what IS happening.

If you want to make the leap from PUA to a person in a successful relationship, you have to be willing to expose yourself and take a risk from time to time, if you are going to cower and fret every time something like this comes up, and it WILL, from time to time, then its not going to go well for you.

Just my two bits. Take em or leave em.

_________________
-- Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards,
For you are CRUNCHY, and good with milk. --

Are you sure this is something you want to tolerate ... Doesn't sound like a faithful woman to me..

Theres a lot of red flags here buddy... I think you need to evaluate wether this relationship is worth it rather than the struggle and stress that comes from taking the power back.

Rarely if ever do i see situations where guys someone regain the control for long.. Usually the guys who maintain control over there relationship, never let the women get it from the start...

She doesn't respect you or care about how you feel about what she's doing...

Why are you in this relationship again anyway?

_________________
Email me: EddieFews@WayOfThePlayer.com For 1 on 1 coaching or consultation via SPAM, phone or IM.

Now You Can Read My Articles Here! ------------> http://wayoftheplayer.com/category/play ... fews-tips/

Whenever my girlfriend complains about something that I've said or done, I just say 'it's because I'm boss', then whenever she says 'you're not the boss' I say 'fine you can be the boss, now pay for the movies and popcorn', she then re thinks it and says 'okay you can be boss'

I make more money than my girlfriend and I wear the pants. I am not afraid to assert my dominance both physically and psychologically, not that I beat her or anything like that but rather, instead of asking I will order her to sit on my lap sometimes and if we are out somewhere I tell her 'we are going' and I take her hand and lead her outside, if she protests then I say 'do I need to put you over my shoulder and carry you out in front of all these people?'

From the very beginning I established that I was the man in the relationship and although I am not really controlling at all she know's that when I put my foot down on something then that is that, my word is law.

We have a very healthy relationship. Your relationship on the other hand is doomed, you have been with her for over a year now if you started trying to wear the pants now they wouldn't fit. I'm sorry mate but it's too little too late, she has her expectations of you set in stone.

My advice, try it out anyway, next time she does something that bothers you tell her you are 'putting your foot down' and if she gets all feminisitic with you which she probably will then dump her ass, but you never know she might just dig this new side to you.

Either way it is the best shot you have of establishing a new order in your relationship, otherwise you can just wait around for her to fuck some guy who DOES make her feel like a woman because from what you have said here it sounds like you do not.

No offence intended just calling it as I see it.

_________________
"Stay hungry, stay healthy, be a gentleman, believe strongly in yourself and go beyond limitations.” - Arnold Schwarzenegger

Talk normally accomplishes nothing.

Write down how you behaved int he beginning of the relationship when things were good. re-initiate those mode of behaviors which is likely you being much more in control then you are currently. I would guess she has worn you down and asserted more and more control in the relationship and now has lost respect and thus attraction for you.

If you can reassert control do so, expect a fight, don't discuss it. You may lose her but your headed for more unhappy days if you let this nonsense continue.

This advice clearly comes from a lack of experience. You can't take a quantum leap BACKWARDS in a relationship.

If OP wanted to have a fight, and lose her, he wouldnt have come here for advice. Normal rational adult human beings TALK and COMMUNICATE, and if you find that it accomplishes nothing, then you're NOT doing it right.

_________________
-- Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards,
For you are CRUNCHY, and good with milk. --

best post in this thread thus far.

to the op,

sounds like the problem isn't so much about "what" your girlfriend does, as it is, the "way" that she does it.

quite frankly, i would not tolerate her "attitude" (which is the problem after all? isn't it?)

frankly, she sounds like a fucking bitch. notice i didn't just say "bitch". i instead chose to say "fucking bitch".

i'm a fairly judgmental person, and i tend to think about 1/2 the female population are "bitches", however, it takes a special breed of woman to get the "fucking bitch" label. the distinction is significant though.

a "fucking bitch" is a woman who always makes me pissed off. a woman who doesn't make me feel respected as a man. a woman who seems to *attempt to* degrade or deplete or emasculate me with her interactions with me. a woman who, if it were legal or moral, i would knock-the-fuck-out to tell you the truth.

sounds like you have one of those.

good luck with that.

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

"If OP wanted to have a fight, and lose her, he wouldnt have come here for advice. Normal rational adult human beings TALK and COMMUNICATE"

Save this shit for Cosmo and Dr. Phil. You can talk your ass off but relational problems don't change due to lip service. People have to have an incentive or threat to change relational behavior, so stop reading womans magazines and get real. Guys don't need this type of 1983 Redbook advice, they need to man up.

Truth is, we can write a book about this, but it all comes down to this simple, if a little uncomfortable, statement :-

"The one who loves the least, controls the relationship."

Think about it.

_________________
" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

That much is clearly true. The question is, which is more valuable, control, or happiness?

If control is your most important thing, pick up submissive chicks at a bondage club. Makes it a lot easier.

_________________
-- Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards,
For you are CRUNCHY, and good with milk. --

Call that woman out on her impossible behaviour.