Ok..
This is going to make me look so ridiculous, and stupid.. But you know what I don't care. I need to hear from others who have mastered or near mastered the skills I am trying to learn..

Here we go.. I was with this HB for 2 years, it was a very serious, emotional relationship. We broke up a bunch, usually got right back together a day or so later, except for when we split for 3 months. I utilized every tool in the community to get her back; NC, push-pull, going out, to gym, banging other chick, etc.. It worked, she came back.

As they say, attracting your ex back is the easy part keeping them is hardest.. She left me again 2 months ago, but we met up once in a while for coffee. I took her too dinner, movies, etc. (mistake).
I'm going to skip the bull, and get to the marrow- she has been giving me mixed signals, she clearly missed me (trust me) IOI's were still pevalent.. All whilst her coming out with me, hugging and crying in my arms, telling me she missed me I woke up one morning to a cop handing me a protection order..

I don't want to hear what everyone else is telling me. I am not having contact with her as I would end up in jail.. I have court on this Friday. I want to know, as crazy as shit I sound, how can I attract her back after all this? If she doesn't push for a fullblown restraining order can this be repaired.. Couples have gotten back together after brutal divorces, it's ultra rare but it happens..

Can anyone give me some solid advice (not to forget about her, ain't happenin') on how to show her somehow she screwed up by ostracizing the ONLY person/man who truly cares and loves her. NOTE* she has serious emotional issues as well.

If things don't pan out, well shit happens. There are more out there.. I just want her back so bad. I am 31 and never loved someone like I do her.

Please brothers, don't judge me, just help if you can. I will do the leg work!

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It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not.

Not really sure what advice you could be expecting here. I would imagine everyone would just tell you to move on and forget about her. These forums are full of fantastic and informative posters that will give you great advice in many situations, but...

...She's taken out a protection order so that you contacting her is AGAINST THE LAW.


I doubt even Fuze or Mack can offer a solution here. It seems pretty clear that this relationship is OVER.

Walk away man, walk away. Now is your chance to go out to meet new women and get good with them. Affection will come and go.

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Don't get on one knee for a girl that won't get on two for you.

You're not believing in the abundance of woman out there. There's so many girls that you would feel just as strong emotions if not more for out there, you just have to find them. Work on improving yourself and you'll realize after improving yourself that it's the best possible thing you could do

Stop trying to get her back and start thinking about moving on with your life.

You might think you love her but you dont, you are just obsessed with her because she is the only one who fills that black hole inside you but she's not the only one for you and she isn't the only one who can make you feel that way.

You are in love with the idea of her.

Ask yourself, what would you do if you got her back? What would be different?

I think you know deep down that you are just repeating the same temultuous cycle, that you tell yourself every time that this time is going to be different. Well it isn't.

Take a good hard look at yourself, look at what you are becoming, what do you think the 10 year old version of you with high hopes and dreams would think if he looked at you now and saw an obsessive strung out nut with a pending restraining order against him, is this really what you want for yourself or do you just like punishing yourself?

It's time to face the music man, it's time to let her go and move on. I could give you some great tips to get her back but I'm not going to because I'm not going to help you destroy what self respect and dignity you have left.

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"Stay hungry, stay healthy, be a gentleman, believe strongly in yourself and go beyond limitations.” - Arnold Schwarzenegger

There's a reason she got a restraining order against you. You need to figure out whats wrong with yourself as too why this happened so it doesn't happen again.

I've known 2 guys who've had restraining order against them both of them were crazy. Both of those guys were psycho jealous guys they both kicked in their ex's door because they thought she was in there with another guy. You're making it sound like she up and got a restraining order on you out of the blue. I don't buy it there's a big piece of the story missing here. That restraining order's probably for the good of both your safety's

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Friendzone 1-vt51424.html?postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

You know what guys..

I appreciate every word each one of you said, and it really means a lot to me considering you could have all been douche-bags about it. Seriously.. The post, and it's contents are ludicrous. I know that many of you will automatically assume that I am obsessed with the "idea" of her, and that she fills a black hole. There is some truth to both of those statements.

One, being if i wasn't to some degree obsessed I would have that order pending. Two, she does make me feel good. Even now I could be dwelling on the negative moments we shared and hate her guts for doing what she's done but I don't blame her.. Hindsight is 20/20 and I was pretty lame for acting the way I did.
I was trying to get my girl back and went entirely against every single thing I knew in my heart I had to do. I was scared. Shit, I even read Matt Huston's Ex2... Listened to the audio, and everything.. And still fell from grace..

Now that all of you guys have been cool to me, let me re-phrase what I asked previously. I WILL NOT take her back if she comes crawling back to me.. I want to "eventually" restructure a friendship if there is one to be had with her and I believe someday there will.. But for now I want her to rue the day she left me, build some serious confidence and use some PUA tricks of the trade to attract her to me again.

Sounds like a game, and it kind of is, but a harmless one at that.. I just want her to want me again. I want to be in the position of power.. I want to know how to act in court, body language, voice tone, ANYTHING that will sway her opinion on what she should do. Ultimately, I am trying like hell to avoid getting this RO on me considering it will have an adverse affect on my record for the rest of my life. I swear to high heaven if she doesn't follow through I will respect her wishes to leave her alone COMPLETELY as I should have from jump street.

If I had, and followed the rules.. I may not be here right now. I wouldn't have created this post..

So any advice on how I should roll into court on Friday morning?

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It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not.

Now THAT is more like it, that is a winning attitude my friend. You will go far in this world if you keep thinking like that.

For me this problem of yours is very close to home because I had the exact same thing happen to me 5 years ago, I was threatened with a restraining order and everything, I lost three years obsessing over this girl.

In retrospect she wasn't even that great, she was good looking but had a horrible self centred narcisistic personality but I felt really good when I was around her so I'd keep going back to her knowing that it was bad for me. It took some time but I eventually realised that it is the exact same mentality a drug addict has. Only I wasn't addicted to a chemical I was addicted to a person.

That attitude right there that I saw you display in your last post is what got me out of my rut, I was determined to get my revenge through my own success, rather than continuing to wallow in a pit of dispair I chose to soar to all new heights and prove to her and everyone that I was worth something, that I was special and she was lucky to have me in her life.

The irony is, once I got to where I wanted to be. I didn't care anymore. I had conquered all my demons and achieved all my goals, I had outgrown myself. This is what happens when you let go of your anchor, you are free to do great things and taking it upon yourself to take control of your love life as you have, is the first step to doing that. Best of luck to you my friend.

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"Stay hungry, stay healthy, be a gentleman, believe strongly in yourself and go beyond limitations.” - Arnold Schwarzenegger

if goat cheese was of no significance to me or my life, do you think i would expend my energy thinking about it or posting about it?

goat cheese is insignificant to me.

make your ex-girlfriend "your" goat cheese, my friend.

one observation i've made, is that while a person is busy talking about how they are not concerned with an ex, they are concerning themselves with that ex.

it's ironic.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Hey mate. I feel I sort of understand your plight though my experiences with women have never escalated to a hectic stage like that. I understand that you want her to come back to you on YOUR terms but situations like these are lost man.

Seeing as you have no choice but to attend court this Friday you are going to have to convince yourself that you genuinely want to get on with your life. Though this is a given you have to make her believe it as well.

afterwards, just live your life how you want to, meet the girls you want to, just have a great time and display it as publicly as you can. To me it just sounds like this girl is a real mind fuck and takes pleasure in bringing you down. If you can manage to land on your feet and get out there and do these things she will see that you don't need her.

This will get her thinking about you. most likely she will backwards rationalize this as she still has strong feelings and maybe she will talk to you.

Whatever you do DO NOT attempt to get in contact with her.

I know having a sour after taste isn't great especially when you feel so strongly about a women.

I am sort of going through a similar situation myself at the moment where I stopped seeing this girl 2 weeks ago. I haven't liked a girl for a long time though I've had plenty of contact with them. I've just been getting myself out there with my mates and lining up dates with other women and it does help me not to think about it.

I'm no PUA and I'm definately no Super Natural so I'm just a good looking regular AFC but I understand this much.

Move on with a positive attitude that you learnt something great from the whole thing. She will notice that.

She may one day attempt to reconnect with you out of the blue as a result but don't cling to this ideal in your attempts to live life.

best of luck dude.

It's not a restraining order "yet". It is a protection from abuse order. Have I abused her in any way? Perhaps verbally.. When you get into a heated spat with the ones you love, those closest to you sometimes we tend to say unbelievably harsh things that we don't truly mean. I walk into court tomorrow morning and face the fiddle. So we will see what her true intentions really are. Personally, and as far as my best friend and a few select women I know are concerned she probably won't push for the full blown RO. She did this as a last resort for me to leave her alone, and I have..

As far as her getting the protection order on me out of the blue; no, it wasn't out of the blue. I deserved it. She asked me over and over again to leave her be, to stay out of her life and that it's "over". Yet I would let a week or so roll by and I'd call her up to ask her out of for coffee, bite to eat, or a movie and she would come. She would always say she didn't think it was a good idea, but she always came. Believe me on this one, she was giving me mixed signals and that's all you need to know. I DO love her, and was only trying to get her back. And I f'd up. I know this and accept full responsibility. There is a HUGE piece of the story missing because I don't want to get carpel tunnel in my wrists from typing any longer of a diatribe than I already have. Just take my word for it.

And my friend, I am well aware of what MY problem is.

I really appreciate all of your responses, sometimes we have to see things from all angles to get the best perspective.

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It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not.

^^ This.

You might not feel like this advice is going to help you right now, but meeting new women will make you realize that all your "I MUST GET HER BACK" feelings are all in the head. It's amazing how meeting one new girl that is 10 times better than your ex can banish those emotions.

I would focus on being social and meeting PEOPLE, not just women. When you become a social person, you'll realise that there are so many women out there that there really isn't such thing as that "one."

I use to believe there was such thing as 'the one' this belief goes hand in hand with being naive. The less naive people i talked to, the less they seemed to believe in this, and the more they trusted in the ridiculously high number of people in our world

I just want to know how to transfer the "control"..
I want to know how I can somehow attract her back into my life.
No, I do not want to continue a serious relationship with her, although I love her to pieces.. I am upset about what happened, and part of me is very huirt that she would go that distance and get a protective order because I NEVER stalked her, NEVER abused her, NEVER put her in imminant danger. She gave me mixed signals, went out on dates with me toward the end and we had great times lots of chemistry still there.

Then we would get into a stupid argument or she would act like a woman on the rag and just be overly bitchy about whatever. And she would tell me to stay out of her life, leave her alone, etc.. I should've done just that, and I knew that all along.. But I didn't, fell into the trap and lost her. I got that order on me because I wouldn't leave her alone as she asked. I deserved it, made my bed and now I have to lie in it..

Do I want to have a relationship, some form of one or another in the future. Damn right I do, because I love her and there is nothing any PUA guru or anyone else can say different.. I know what I feel in my heart. I wasn't using my head before..

I need advice on how to attract her, how is it humanly possible to generate a sense of loss in her world now that I'm gone, is there any way to use reverse psychology so she'll feel she did the wrong thing, like she didn't have to go all out with the order... If she went to court today and revoked it, I would still leave her alone and I swear on my Mother's life I would.

I just want her to miss me as much as I miss her. And I think she does, but I want to know for sure... Please guys, just throw a guy a line and I swear, scouts honor I will do the right thing!

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It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not.