Hey dudes and dudettes. Before you get to this wall of text I just want to introduce myself a little. I'm 21 and I'm a full time IT sales/technician of 4 years. I'm a good looking bloke and in the past I'd never had trouble meeting or getting with girls. Somewhere along the line of being in a career i was broken and i'm just a regular AFC these days. I've copied and pasted my below situation from previous posts and I'd really appreciate some guidance on this. I'm not looking to become a PUA but I figure there's no better people to ask about winning back attraction.

About 5 months ago I found a girl at this local take away lunch joint. I frequented the place because the food was great and we just made small talk. I eventually worked myself up to asking for her number after a couple of months and from then on we started dating.

we started off just meeting up for coffee, dinner, lunch, movie whatever and it was going great for a while. she told me that she had just broken up with her boyfriend of 2 years about a month prior to meeting me. There was huge attraction though I always had a bit of trouble just having really good conversations with her. about a month and a half of seeing her I thought I'd ask her to be with me and i got the "i don't want a boyfriend at the moment". I'm still learning the lingo so I guess I was a chode when I respected that and backed off a little. Which sort of worked for a bit but now things have gone cold.

very early in i agreed that I didn't want to rush anything and I wanted to get to know her better when we were on the verge of doing the deed. I haven't texted her in a week and a bit. Last time we spoke it wasn't that i felt like it was over between us but she was just constantly flaking on invites out. I didn't give off the impression that this made me butt hurt (it clearly did) so i just left the ball in her court. Coming up to 2 weeks and i haven't heard a thing from her.


I've spent my last 4 years being single, just having casual sex as it came along though never allow myself to become emotionally attached to these girls. I finally let my guard down on this 1 and it just tears me up on the inside thinking that it's ended without me knowing it.

for the record, we never had sex.


We've gone on about 10 dates just here there and every where. Here's her latest flake which led me to believe shes just not interested.

Me: could use some of your brutal massage techniques right about now haha
G: haha I dont think you would be able to handle it really
Me: Try me you massage like a girl really. wanna come around and watch that movie tonight? x
G: Pfft as if! sorry just finished work - manager is getting really antsy about pple using phones on shift. he actually confiscated a guys phone today. makes me feel like im at school! Tonight have already got plans sorry lovely
me: your manager sounds like a super cool guy. Hey wanna come to a 21st tomorrow. There will be a jumping castle
G: damn that sounds like fun! wish i could but im having going away drinks with the work friends double sad face
me: haha call me sometime this weekend if you wanna hang out. Enjoy your night lady bug x

It's been 2 weeks since that last text message of mine and i've heard nothing from her.

Though over the past couple of months there was a period where we didnt even see each other for 3 weeks. Basically my friends have been telling me that I just shouldn't message her and move on but i just haven't had closure as such and I'm beginning to cave in and want to message her.

Now I feel like cause I haven't messaged her in 2 weeks shes probably thinking im just some dude with a bruised ego.

I wanna get back in touch without looking needy or desperate


I've been seeing other girls these last 2 weeks but my mind keeps drifting back to her. I really do like this chick and I want to be with her. I would really appreciate feed back on how I could best win this battle.

Thanks for the help

well sounds like your friends give good advice, trying to fix a situation that is broken is fucking difficult, an impression of yourself has already been made, breaking that impression is difficult, it is best to move on rather then to fix, fixing tends to never work, if you look back at any relationship you have ever had in your life, ask yourself, hmm, was she flaking on me and being dis-interested when we first met?, I am willing to bet the answer is no

Thanks for the reply pump.

My problem is I'm not used to emotional stress and the whole things sorta got me feeling insecure and hopeless. An asset of mine is that I'm like a cat and i tend to always land on my feet. I'll delete her number off my phone to avoid temptation.

getting over this shit after feeling is not fun.

I know how you feel, but just remember it always feels awkward when you leave your comfort zone. Just learn to live with that feeling, it will fade away. Do not contact her under any circumstances! Your last convo didn't show any signs of a bruised ego so just leave it at that. If she does contact you, you've been super busy and that's it. You can try to reinitiate contact in like a month, but maybe by then you won't want to. The best chance you have with her is like if you run into her 6 months or a year from now, and you're a different guy then, I mean towards her. She can then maybe see you in a new light and you can have a clean slate. I'm sorry, but I think she's lost the interest, you've waited too long to make a move. I know you really wanna think about her all the time because there was no closure, but please do yourself a favour and just put it behind you!

_________________
rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

Cheers Coli.

I did exactly what I said I'd do and deleted her number (considering her Facebook profile as well) and just struck up a conversation with a girl that I dated 2-3 years back. I sponged some info here before heading over to Facebook and finding myself having a great conversation with this girl.

Long story short, it turns out that she has broken up with her boyfriend and now we're going out on a coffee date this weekend.

I know the aforementioned girl in my above posts isn't the end of my world. I just let myself fall into a weak state of mind and suffered the consequences for it. Great learning experience.

Good for you! I just had to reply because I can totally relate to how you felt. Have fun on the date

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rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

Youve really handled this well.

You cant control your emotions so thats the shit part. But you can control your actions and youve really done that well.

You said you sponged some info from this site, so why not go a bit further down the rabbit hole and see where it can take you!

you got a new date? cool!

The best advice is to make mistakes and learn from them. Yes making mistakes is good! I advise it! but just dont make them twice and learn from it. Soooo... with this new girl, it sounds like a similar situation to last time. But I think your mistake last time was you kinda lost your attractiveness because you were too pussy to make her yours, by not escalating. sexually escalating is one of the greatest ways to create attraction! Girls want a guy who will fuck them! strangely enough, sometimes we dont even think about that. They want a guy to fuck them then cuddle and talk. soo... lets do it this time with the new girl, yea?

Read on this site how to do it, or ask me if you cant find any good reads.

Dating becomes fun now! The more you learn and improve the more frustration you will take out of it by avoiding the simple mistakes like last time. Where you had TOO much comfort, and not enough seduction.

Hey and when youre pretty damn good in 6 months time, you might run into that first girl again. And she'll like what she sees. Until then... keep improving! by dating!

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I'ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly, and all those who look down on me I'm tearin down your balcony, no if ands or buts, don't try to ask him why or how can he

For future reference.. 10 dates is a lot.. You gotta seal the deal or most likely its friend zone..Long relationship or not, shes still a woman and she still gets horny.

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Email me: EddieFews@WayOfThePlayer.com For 1 on 1 coaching or consultation via SPAM, phone or IM.

Now You Can Read My Articles Here! ------------> http://wayoftheplayer.com/category/play ... fews-tips/

heh thanks mate. mind you new girl is not new. But my first story basically encapsulates her as well haha. I've got coffee lined up for saturday and remember she's just broken up with her boyfriend (of 2 years). It was just pure randomness and being on this site that inspired me to talk to her

but any sort of tips you can provide while on this coffee date.

Ie. mainly keno building but possibly when to neg and how to put myself on the pedestal since her boyfriend is gone. I want her to think that I'm the best thing out there and I can fill her every need and desire.

I know it sounds like I'm asking for a how to but I really have been out of this game for a while and your advice is well valued.

too much comfort not enough attraction = friends zone

You already lost the frame, shes writing you as if she controls shit, you gave up being the decider and now you lost. And as was said here, its way easier to open a new relationship then fix on thats fucked up.

If I haven't had sex with a girl by the third date i'm out. And I feel after the second date its already headed downhill.

I agree. It's not like I didn't attempt to escalate it. I did score a blowjob from her once as it was "that time". But it was difficult from the start. I made enough insinuations that I can do my job well
I'd usually run for the hills myself if I wasn't getting a root by the 3rd - 4th date but I just AFCd my way through it all because I liked her. I was an idiot.

If you can offer some pointers on how I should control my new date this weekend I'd love to take it on board.