Kind of long post but if you're not interested in the full story, basically this girl who I gave my number to texted me, I asked her out, she flaked, I rage texted her, I apologized a few hours later, she accepted my apology, and I never heard from her again after texting her. But if you want the background...

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Last week I met this girl while studying. We talked for just a little bit, maybe 10 - 15 minutes. But something clicked. I really really liked her personality and we seemed to have a lot in common. So I gave her my number and invited her to this party I was having at my house last weekend. She didn't show up, but texted me earlier this week all apologetic about not being able to make it. So I texted her back, told her that I really liked talking to her, and asked her out. She accepts and from the three or four texts I got from her, she definitely sounded interested in seeing me again.

So we were supposed to meet up today. After my morning classes are done I whip out my phone. I see a text from her. Oh shit. Can't be good. Yep. She fucking flaked on me! How dare she! That was my thought process at the time. I wasn't having a good day or anything, so I got pissed. So I text her back. And it was a very aggressive and angry text about how I consider it rude and disrespectful to flake on someone.

Afternoon rolled by, and I thought about what I did. Then I realized how much of a fucking idiot I was. She obviously liked me and wanted to see me again. Why else would she have texted me to begin with? She probably had a legitimate reason to flake on me. It was NOT a shit test at all. If anything I just created a shit test out of nothing and failed it. So several hours after I snapped at her, I text her and apologize. She responds and says something like "that's cool, by the way I wasn't lying". I text her back and never heard from her again.

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I feel terrible right now. I talked to a friend about this. He told me to not over-think this and just move on. But I can't. I feel like a fucking idiot. I really was looking forward to seeing this girl, but now she probably thinks I'm an asshole and doesn't want to talk to me. This girl was probably really into me and now I'm probably never gonna see her again cause I fucked up. I don't really see the point of even waiting a few days to text her, cause she probably already deleted my number from her phone, right guys?

What would have been the proper way to react to her flaking? And also, do you guys think that had I apologized immediately instead of after several hours, she'd be more willing to see me again?

The proper way of reacting to her flaking....


Who gives a fuck if she flaked...Theres more girls that would be willing to follow thru with your plans...



Just keep in mind next time...If a girl flakes...take that aggression out by means of picking up other girls or something...Theres no need to text her back..If she says "sorry, cant make it, etc,etc,etc" Just say "Thats cool..I'll see ya around" and just leave it at that...continue with your day and meeting other people.


You flipped out on her...which made her realize that its not something you're willing to tolerate...at the same time probably freaking her out a little bit lol..Some girls would appreciate that tho..others not so much.

Then a couple hours you apologized....Dont do that...You said an honest thing. You think its disrespectful to make plans, then flake last minute. That shoouldnt be something you put up with...so don't apologize for that. Stand by your word.


Just continue life and scoping out other girls..If she's really interested in you, she will start making the effort to see you instead of constantly coming up with an excuse as to why she cant...but even so, if she cant hang out...no big deal man..bad day or not, its nothing to get angry about

Dude, wanna solve your problem?! EASY, txt her this:
"Hey hey ... i think you should invite me for coffee sometime this week to show me you are not upset with the way i reacted... just saying "

DO IT NOW!!! im not kidding!!!

Next time dont be so agressive. No one likes to get rejected, and i believe you should let them know that you dont tolerate that kind of behavior, BUT, learn how to do it. This is how i usually deal with those situations:
Send her a txt among those lines, like: "i usually choose to ignore a person if he/she flacks on me, but since i know that if i do that im gonna break your heart, im gonna give you a second chance ... i know you dont wanna lose the oportunity to spend some time with such a great, interesting, funny, charming powerfull, AND SARCASTIC guy that im, so just feel free to invite me for coffee sometime this week."
Or send her something like: "i know that you are realy devastated for not being able to meet up with me last week, and you are building this masterplan to impress me and make up for not showing up, but im gonna help you: coffee or icecream later this is will do just fine! ... youre welcome "

I have successfully set up day 2 by just saying this:
"An expresso shot and a liquor 43 sound like and irresistable combinations right now, so if youre undecided on what to invite me for, just go ahead... like that its guaranteed i wont say no! "

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Im not a player... im a winner!

You just need a few more options bro,dont think about it too much and dont try too hard.probably also has to do with what you told yourself even before you read the text 'shes gonna flake because..'
There is the possibility she wants to go into friend catagory some girls just want that to keep life simple nothing more than that.

Its great to have boundries but in the beginning shes probably not invested enough in things at this stage to want to deal with a guy that might be hard work.
after the explosion i would have tried to show my non serious side then try plow onto another subject "um yeah i think ive got my period this week lol,man i swear youve got a twin, saw her at.......". but you might just reel back in a chick who has no or low interest so best just to next..

Well guys. The thing is, she really was interested in seeing me. Why? Cause SHE texted me first. Why would she text me if she didn't want to see me? I was just too dumb and angry to realize that at the time. I bet this was her thought process:

"Wow this guy is really cool and I really want to see him again."

*reads my text*

"Wow this guy's an asshole who I thought was cool. OK hm...I only talked to him for like 10 minutes so I don't really wanna bother dealing with him."

*deletes my number*

Matt, I apologized because I knew she genuinely had a reason to flake on me. And if I didn't apologize, I'd probably never get to talk to her again.
Brian, how would asking her out again work? She's probably gonna text back "who is this?" I would actually feel like a desperate creep.

J/s, just because a girl texts u first doesn't ALWAYS mean she's interested. Expand your options, have more than one "girl". When you have options, u don't trip about these things.

DUDE, you havent txted her what i told you?!?! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITNG FOR? You must not want this girl back dude!
by saying "Hey hey ... i think you should INVITE ME for coffee sometime this week to show me you are not upset with the way i reacted... just saying ", you are NOT inviting her... instead, you are making her confortable inviting YOU. Youre kind of making a joke out of it, showing that you are not upset with her, and that she is making you believe that she is upset with you! Let me tell you my fellow student, most guys invite girls out, I DONT, i tell them to invite me out. Its as simple as "hey , feel free to invite me for coffee/icecream/lunch, you seem cool" ... sometimes i get the "why would i invite you? or why dont you invite me?" and my standar answer is *drum roll* "cause if i invite you, you might think im hitting on you or something, and that is not the case!"

_________________
Im not a player... im a winner!

Three hours ago, I texted her something like

"If you think I'm an asshole cause of that text and never want to talk to me again, that sucks but I'll take the hint. Otherwise, it's a beautiful day today and you should invite me for a walk. =)"

No response. It's impossible to do anything now to save this. I'm deleting her number from my phone as soon as I finish typing this. It's really depressing actually cause if I had not sent her that stupid text yesterday, and if she was free now, I could be out having fun with her instead of sitting in my room bitching about what could have been. I really need to stop living in the past and focus on the present.

hope it works ... but thats not realy what i suggested you to do

_________________
Im not a player... im a winner!

_________________
Im not a player... im a winner!

Why would you delete her number from your phone? Stop being so reactive to everything, just chill out more and not care. deleting her number is pointless, you can control yourself not to text her again and still have her number in your phone book, surely.

I agree completely with your last sentence. Stop worrying about her, whatever she decides to do is out of your control now, stop trying to find the perfect response to everything she is doing, get a handle on your emotions and get on with everything.
Why bother saying that at the start. It just comes across as being semi needy and showing her you're dwelling on something bad you think you've done. You're better off just to ring her up and let it come out more naturally instead of text messages that come out weird and in-congruent because of how much time you've been thinking of them.
@Brian Bond, there's absolutely nothing wrong with letting a chick know you're hitting on them, it's almost being too indirect if you don't
AGREED

Edit
Agree with Brain Bond's above post fully, apart from you shouldn't really have to come on here for us to tell you what to say. Just call her and focus on setting up some form of date with her, DON'T focus on what you said in ONE text message. Just ring her, best thing to do, not necessarily now, but when you want to hang out with her. Simple, done.

Brian Bond PM me your contact information bro.. WHat part of Newyorkk do you stay in.. We can do some group sarging.

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Thats good advice, you should have texted her that pocket_rockets

Brian Bond, your a genius