Hi,

Quick question: am meeting a chick I've been seeing for the last few weeks. She said she wanted to go on a 2wk break a couple of days ago, I've convinced her to come out with me and then start the break afterwards.

She has said that I smothered her over the last couple of wks and also she started speaking to her ex after a fight with her friend and this has confused trhe situation.

how should I play our next meet? And can the situation be rescued?

Any help would be really appreciated.


Thanks

Could you be more specific and give more details?

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Oh! You've gotta be kidding me!

At least she's honest about it...

Sounds like your just needy for female and attention and was all over her, initiating every phone call and every text... A two week break is harsh... and it sounds like you were just a rebound for her ex boyfriend.

What you should which i know your are not going to do because you are too needy and desperate is flake on her, don't meet up with her this day.. Say " something came up, i can't make it anymore" Then freeze her out and her attraction for you will build like a sky scrapper

But of course, your going to think you know whats best and go out with her anyway, which is when she will explain in detail exactly why she doesn't wanna see you again... ANd you will ask "why?" "what did I do wrong?" " Are you sure about this".. And she will be sure and you will be saddened and wish you had just listened to me.

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So some more detail, we've had a lot of sex. In fact, that's part of the problem in that I didn't do enough comfort building prior to the 1st time.

After 3 wks she got freaked out as she said it was weird that we didn't kno each other that well but all we seemed to do is fuck. So I stepped up the interest by calling more, txtin almost everyday etc. This was the mistake as I stepped it up too much.

Anyway, went out last sat, had a bit of a falling out towards the end of the night where she thought I was ignoring her 1st of all and then I thought she was ignoring me in retaliation!

Supposed to stay at hers on weds, she got cold feet, tx saying she needs time as there's so much goin on. But she wanted to meet for a drink on fri, I said letks meet weds but jus go to a bar. So we did, I explained I need space too, agreed a break. Then after I thought, we shd go out once more before that as if it's fun and I can do some comfort building whilst reinforce attraction, that shd kill a lot of the buyers remorse. At first she was unsure but I explained I hate it's become so serious and she's cool with coming out.

I prob will meet her as otherwise her last thought will be of weds night reather than a really fun (hopefully!) Night out.

don't get needy, she made it clear as day what is going on, basicly

chick language translation: you're being needy, back off, you are really turning me off

you:nah im not needy, come see me, I don't wanna back off, I need you, I got no one else


listen to why she says what she says, there is an underlying meaning to everything chicks do/say, the actual what is not all that important as the why, pay attention, because you are not listening to her or taking social cues, it is not what she wants, it is what she responds to, obviously she was having sex, so your behavior was getting a response, notice how you change your behavior and get a different response,

you probably won't listen but you need to back off fast, chances are judging by your second post she is allready in flake mode cause your neediness is turning her off in a bad way, you better flake on her, or chances are she will flake on you, don't be trying to get something from her, or needing something, let her come to you

Thanks for the advice.

I have a question. Given I shd be looking at what she responds to, not wat she says she wants. Since she said she wanted space and was completely against meeting up until I said I jus wanna go out and have some fun, thing are too serious and we're still having a break as I need space too.

Do you think she has agreed to come out again because I managed to partially change the dynamic by saying basically I want fun n things haven't been fun which implicitly says she is being too serious or do u think it's cos she knows there's gona be a break anyway.

I'm in 2 minds abt flaking, I do agree that I need to back off but I've already said I need time to figure out the situation with my ex. But seeing as she wants to come out with me, I"m weighing up, what would have more effect, having an awesome fun time or flaking and letting her miss me a bit. Bearing in mind, the break is gonna happen I'm not sure as having an awesome night and then hving a break cud work better in terms of our last contact being really fun, no sex but hopefully some making out and then giving her time to miss me.

Two people just said the exact samething. Now if you're still going to let you AFC emotions ruin the whole thing you go right on an do that.. I told you exactly whats going to happen if you go out with her... And thats only if she doesn't flake on your first which she probably will.

She agreed to go out of pity... She didnt want to go initially, so you had to talk her into her it to it. Which means shes going against her will. Thats a complete set up for failure..

ReRead my original post.... Sometimes you have to stop analyzing and just listen to the people that are a lot more experienced than you are. Turn your brain off and just take action.. 2 people said the same thing, I know your more intelligent than that. If you ask me how to build a bomb and I say " connect the blue wire to the green one and it will be done" are you going to analyze it and ask me " are you sure? I don't know much about bombs but in this movie i saw they used the red wire?"

Don't let this situation EXPLODE in your face, when you were given the proper way to do things.

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dude howd this turn out? you still after this girl?

Hi,



Firstly thanks to everyone for the advice, it was really appreciated.

I hear the analogy to a bomb but my main aim lastnight wasn't to build attraction since I'm sure that's already there (she was telling me i'm hot throughout the night) but to build more comfort, I think mission accomplished. Can't say bomb defused, but it def didn't explode.


I did meet her lastnight, was actually a pretty cool night, only planned to have a couple of drinks, 2 bottles of wine later we were still in the bar. Didn't try to make a move as I thought that would be pushing it too far but made sure that she knew that I don't just wanna be friends. Opened up to her about some deep shit in my life, got her to open up about her stuff. Few tears were shed at one point by her! Then just had a laugh. Afterwards, went back to hers, didnt stay too long but had a little talk. she was saying that I hadn't taken the concept of the break properly. I was like i definitely have, I need space too. She thought I was just copying her but I think she now knows I do need some space. Anyway, I know for sure that I've left things in a better way than if i hadnt gone.

now my plan is to leave her be and get on with my own shit. Got a big w'end lined up nx w'end anyway. After that, I'll see how I feel about everything.

Only question I have is, i was thinking of sending her a tx today to say, "had fun last night, was nice to see the real you, I do need space. The break is needed but if there's a problem dont feel like we can't talk. " probably will make a joke about how i baffled these airforce guys with my knowledge. what you think?

no.. If you hadn't gone she would of been up your ass right now trying to sleep with you.. So you didn't leave things better.

And your still going to text her after agreeing to a break? wtf

Im done giving advice because you don't listen anyway.

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ok thanks for the advice anyway.

I probably won't tx. I think that'd be stepping towards needy again. So i do take some advice

Not sure I agree I havent left things better. You honestly think she would be trying to sleep with me ritght now?

Anyway, I happy to agree to disagree. SHe's got a waay better impression of me now and I'm sure the attraction is still there but now the comfort has been built up. That's all I wanted. Eveything else can play out as it does.

chances are much more likely, you see, when a girl tells you to back off, that is a bad sign, and if you don't listen, that leads to bad outcome, and usually they tell you to back off with their actions, doing it with their words is going a step further

what do you mean? I am confused. She told me to back off, i said cool but let's go out one more time. I reckon, she probably had planned to say some shit to me along the lines of fuck off but I managed to break down the barriers. Holding hands most of the night, telling her stuff I've not really told anyone, she telling me stuff she hasn't. a few kisses, lots of chat. She now realises that there is an emotional connection, the attraction is still there, all i now have to do is step back.

I do want to text her, but I know that's a bad idea as will rekindle the smothering vibe which I think was killed lastnight. At a certain point, she will think about lastnight and recognise.

also you don't have my make a second account and post the same thing because you didnt like the truthful advice... that'll get you banned

leave the chick alone

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i am leaving her alone, I do appreciate the advice given,

I've taken the advice not to text, i didn't take the advice not to go lastnight because in my view, not every situation is the same. I completely know that you guys have way more experience therefore, if it was generic question I was asking then I would take all advice but it was not generic therefore, whilst your advice would I am sure be right in most situations I thought it better to go and leave things in a good way. Lots of kino, some kisses, and more importantly a proper emotional connection.

As I said, I'm now stepping back.