I've been with this girl for about a year, we've had ups and downs. I've gone from alpha male, to complete pus, to moderate.

Since I started out as an asshole, she always tries to make me feel bad. I went too far in the beginning (years ago) which triggered a string of demands after we got together. The demands are always something stupid, like say this at night, don't say this, don't blah blah.

The more demands I comply with, the more she bitches about every little tiny thing. The nicer I am, the more she complains about how much of a horrible asshole I am. Attraction level is definitely way down from what it once was.

How do I get her to stop complaining? There's absolutely no way it's legit. She complains about the stupidest things in the world, and when i was a complete ass and did way worse, she was madly in love with me and never said a word. Of course I can jump back to that, but she's kinda damaged and if I go too far too quickly I will lose her. I need to regain my power slowly.

Any advice?

Yeah, tell her "Listen, I feel like I'm tired of trying to make things work with you, but the more I try, the worst it gets. It's clear that we're not being too compatible anymore and I can't deal with so much drama in my life. Where do you want to take things from now on?"

This is assuming you're willing to give her another chance to make things work. If you're not, replace the last sentence for

"I think you're better off with someone who can give a shit about the stupid complaints you are always harassing me with"

OR a nicer version "I don't think we should keep seeing each other. I'm sorry."

My 2 cents.

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Lol. Hey trust me I've considered that more than a few times. Thing is, it hasn't always been like this, and I'm about 99% sure I'm the one who opened the door to the BS. You know how some women are, if you allow something, they'll do it. I just don't want to clamp down too hard all of a sudden and screw things up.

I'd really like to stick with her if at all possible. She's absolutely freakin incredible when she's not angry. One in a million.

Ok, then you need to sit down and break it down for her.

You need to:

1. Apologize for how you've behaved in the past.
2. Let her understand that things have gotten out of control
3. Tell her how amazing you think she is when there's no drama
4. Tell her you are willing to make things work but she has to promise she will try too.

Be humble. If she wants to be with you, she will appreciate the fact that you are being honest and want to make things work.

Also, I bet you guys yell at each other when you get mad. Stop it. Tell her you won't tolerate it either. Make this a clean start. No more arguing about stupid things, no more getting out of control, no more drama.

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Been there done that. Her brain is the epitome of female irrationality. There is absolutely no talking to this girl. That's bad of course but at the same time it's good because when I play it right that irrationality works in my favor, because she is just head over heels.

I was getting mad and yelling, I actually stopped that a couple months back. The funny thing is that things have gone straight downhill since then whereas before they weren't great but they were steady. And the more calm and collected I am, the more of a bitch she is. Maybe trying to get a rise out of me.

It's probably not the fact that I was calm, it was the fact that I stayed around and took it. When I would yell I would yell and hang up. Now I'm calm, so it doesn't get to the point of hanging up. Guess she thinks now that I'm willing to take her shit. I probably should have stayed calm and left. But the few times I've done that, she'll stew in her own anger for a day and it'll be worse when we do talk.

Recently it's gotten exponentially worse. She'll flip out and leave and that'll be it. I tried NC for 2 days, worked great, tried it for a longer period of time, made it worse.

One thing is to stay calm, the other one is to take her shit. Two different things. For example:

Her: BLAH BLAH, YOU ARE A JERK..."

You: "Alright, do you feel like talking like human beings?"

Her: "MORE BLAH BLAH...I HATE WHEN YOU DO...."

You: "I take that as a no. Let me know when you become rational again." and hang up.

Listen, you can't be in an abusive relationship. If she feels like being crazy, let her be, but you can't get involved in that. I feel you are blaming yourself too much for all this behavior, and you shouldn't. If you're here asking a question, it means you're trying. Is she doing the same?

Dude, there's more girls in this world. Let her know you're not afraid to walk away if things don't change.

Remember, you can't win unless you're willing to loose.

If you feel you CANT win anyways, then...maybe it's time to move on.

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Yeah. I should have just cut contact when she started the BS. She would have come around. I think I've let it go on too long and she's lost all respect for me. It's not that I couldn't win, I know I could if I had played it right, but once you reach a certain point...

The last thing I wana do is cut it, but the more I think about it the more I think that may be my only option.

Then you just answered your own question.

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One question. If we do wind up going no contact, I'm not going to expect a call. What would you suggest if I later on want to give it a shot?

I'm thinking just call and be casual, talk for a few minutes, but that hasn't worked as well in the past as it usually does on most chicks. Last time I tried it was a disaster, the only thing that was partially successful was some reassurance that i loved her etc etc.

Agreed. This girl is a drama queen, and pretty much a typical woman. I bet if you went to your old "jerk" ways, she wouldn't leave, although she would threaten to leave you. As soon as she finds out you're ready to lose her, she'll want to win you back.

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rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

Don't give in to her! She is blackmailing you for your attention! Stop it immediately and take back control. She won't like it, but it's better for the both of you. One thing I noticed is that women who suddenly get control get really unhappy and they don't know why, but they become imbearable to be with and behave obnoxiously. Don't worry, she's not going anywhere, she just likes the power, but at the same time, she misses the times when you had the power...

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rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

When you end a relationship is because you can't be with that person. If you can't be together now, what gives you the impression that it will be ok in the future?

Don't just break up to ease the situation. Do it clean and with no residuals.

If you have tried it in the past, you have the best confirmation that it just doesn't work.

I won't tell you what you want to hear.

Make the decision and stick to it. No turning back. If she comes around, then you re-analyze the situation.

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Sounds about right. Trust me I've studied this stuff extensively, been doing it for years. But like an idiot I'll convince myself oh no she's different. I get proven wrong every time. She is different but at the end of the day she's a female, and some things are universal.

The other day I made it pretty clear that I wasn't afraid to lose her, she bought it, but it still failed. I'm thinking maybe I didn't go far enough, after she came back we very slightly fell back into the same old shit. I kept it up though though and it still didn't work. We actually just reached a low point we've never hit before, right after I went NC for a while (I re-initiated, and from her response it was pretty obvious that if I hadn't it would have never happened).

Doing the opposite doesn't work any better though...

Yep, I know I know. The more power I give her, the more she wants, but the more she resents me for it. I'm thinking that what I'm doing now isn't working because I've dug myself so deep into this hole, so pretty much everything I do is detrimental at this point.

Everything's so damn erratic. I'd be absolutely fine if I had a solid plan, it's the uncertainty that kills me.
True. I just cut it off I guess I'll see where it goes from here. I do want to keep my options open though, that's why I was asking. Nothing to lose by doing that.

Yeah, cut it off and see what happens. I had a similar girl once and she didn't come around until I decided to leave her for real, like moving from our appartment and shit like that, then suddenly she gave in a little, so don't think she'll give in all the way, but if she starts giving in, that's good enough to take the control back. If not... well, it's a lost cause, but you sound like you know exactly what to do.

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rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.