I've always taken a great interest in the world of pickup but have never truly 'thrown myself' into the game. This is purely down to the fact that I have mild cerebral palsy. Nothing like being wheelchair bound and not able to move any of my limbs but just that my muscles are tighter than normal and as a result I'm a pretty stiff person, especially around certain girls (ha).
I walk with a pretty heavy limp (it's more like a 'sway') and it's this that is really holding me back. It might sound weird but as I've gotten older I've gotten less confident, as I've become more aware of myself. Before (around 13-16 years old) I had no problems with girls but in recent years (16-18.) I've found myself somehow becoming more and more socially awkward by the day. It's the first impression which I worry about the most (as I'm sure most do anyway). Due to the way I walk, I've gotten to the point where my confidence is almost nonexistent when not only trying to make a good first impression on a girl, but anyone in general. When I get to know girls (or anyone else) however, I'm completely fine and can actually be quite cocky at times. It's the initial impression where I'm struggling.
I never used to have problems keeping a conversation going either but again, in recent years I've found myself constantly drawing for my phone if there is any possibility of conversation. It's gotten to the point where it's just pathetic. I give out such a confident, almost twattish attitude to those I know well but really, I'm an insecure little bitch a lot of the time.
Apart from the first impression, where my CP affects me hard is generally getting myself about. From what I've gathered a big part of being a PUA is being an active person who gets about a lot and as a result is as interesting as can be but I can barely walk 5 minutes without tiring myself out. The awkwardness of my walking at times also makes it difficult to keep up conversation for even those 5 minutes. As a result, I have to taxi pretty much everywhere if I can't get a lift and as a student who's just started uni, it can become pretty pricey. I can't go on walkabouts, can't take someone on an instant date and often can find myself out the loop if everyone is going out but they're walking it. I mean, I can't force everyone to take a taxi just for me. I become a burden.
Anyhow, that's enough rambling. I've signed up here to hopefully get some help on trying to potentially kickstart a life in pickup. As a student currently in his first week at university, now seems a better time than ever.
Greatly appreciate if you've read this far, and if you haven't, I don't really blame you.
- Shankly