So here it goes...

I was in a relationship with this girl Emily for a little over a year. For most of it, it was great. Things started getting a little shaky tho when I lost my job. I was working at a place, and the owner decided to sell the business. The company that bought it, also had their own staff of employees, so all of us lost our job. Fortunately my dad owns a company and I was able to work with him most days of the week. But in his line of work, when the seasons change, so does business..it gets slow. And living in the area I live in, it gets even harder to find a job during the fall and winter seasons. So basically this lead me to feel somewhat discouraged, and I became somewhat a little distant. Meanwhile all of this was weighing heavy on Emily, as she felt she was the only one pitching in financially in our relationship..Which has some truth. I was out of work, and looking for a job. I had ran out of money. Times were getting shitty. So with all this going on, she began to feel lonely and was in contact via e-mail with another guy. I found out about it after noticing some changes and confronted her..and that is when she said she was having a hard time and wanted to move out. She goes to school multiple days of the week, and works in between. She never let anything between her and the other guy reach a personal face to face level..They just exchanged e-mails...Even now, with our time apart, I know she has not pursued anything with anyone, and she hasn't been with anyone..When I helped her pack up her things and move, she was very emotional because she really didn't want to leave..but at the same time, I was looking for work and not able to help really.


It has been a few weeks and I don't really contact her at all. However after the first 2 weeks she started texting me again..Normal "hey, whats up, how ya doin"... and sometimes she asks how the job hunt is going.


She also works with a girl I had sex with before we started dating. The other night she texted me....
Her:"I really, really hate having to see Deb"..
Me: "Well I miss you too...what's the matter now?"
Her: "nothing"

and she pretty much didnt say anything the rest of the night..I should have handled that one differently LOL

Then there was another time she texted me...
Her: Hey, whats up?
Me: Not much, I'm about to watch my tv show
Her: I miss that show, I want to watch it.
Me: well maybe you can come over one night and watch it
Her: maybe

The conversation went out for about 5 more replies of just small talk, but the idea of her coming over to watch the tv show has yet to be brought up since..that was about a week and half ago


My sister had a baby about a week after we broke up...and she has asked about it alot. I told her "maybe we can meet up one day and i will take you to meet the baby"....she replied "maybe, eventually"


And just the other night she texted...
Her: "**name of song** is your song. It makes me think of you. Its almost as if you were singing it"
Me: "thats nice to know"
Her: "k, whatever..goodnight"



Now, I know that she really didn't want to leave.. it hurt her having to make that decision...But I can understand that she also has a lot on her plate, and doesn't want to have to worry about covering my ass, since I should be able to do that on my own.

But if you ask me, it seems like the time apart, she has realized that she misses me..but since I am still not yet 100% back on my feet, she is still kinda distant.


My question is how should I be handling this? Of course...I absolutely loved this girl to death, and yeah it hurt knowing she felt like she had to leave because of my situation, that I am trying to improve. But I mean, whats going on with all the text messages that sends me? Like I said, to me, it seems like she is missing me...But I am not too experienced in these things and would like some outside advice and opinions on this. Any pointers on what I should be doing and shouldn't be doing?

if either of the following happens:

- girl breaks up with you
- you two mutually decide to end it

and then she starts to continually contact you, the reason is either of the following:

- she genuinely wants you back
OR
- she is seeking validation as "friending" you will help her emotionally heal and move on, whereas, it will be detrimental to you

that's all i know

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

edit:

she started contacting other guys and wanted to dump you because you lost your job? in this economy? even though you were making good faith effort to do the right thing?

jesus, what a bitch.

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

I was thinking the same thing, Mack...But I'm just not familiar enough since I don't have much experience in the dating world..let alone the break up world...

She knows we can't make it as friends...I told her that when we had the talk where she said she wanted to move out. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to say.. But I said something to effect of "I'm not going to argue with you, I'm not going to beg you to stay..I always, and will always want the absolute best for you, and wish you the best of luck, and truly hope you find what you're looking for in life..But I want you to know that if this is it, then this is it...I will not be able to be your friend." That was when she started crying her eyes out...it was stressful.

That reminds me of another text message she sent me a week or 2 ago..

Her: You are my friend, motown, or at least you were. I'm not texting you because I'm lonely..well I'm sorta lonely, but I wanted to talk to you in general"
Me: No babe..I was your boyfriend..

And that was the end of that night lol


But hey, Mack....I appreciate you taking time to reply.

I agree...it was pretty shitty.

She looks at it tho, that while I was working for my dad, after being laid off from my real job...I should have been looking for a job then..and I can agree and disagree.. I didnt start looking for a job full forcefully until work with my dad started to slow.. I mean, working most days a week in construction, from between 8-9am until anywhere from 2-4pm......it really doesnt leave much time for job hunting. In retrospect, I probably could have tried harder....But I also know that I was trying pretty damn hard during that time regardless..I dont know..not trying to sound contradicting, but I can see, and understand her point of view. All I can do now is continue trying to get a job...I live in a depressed area during the fall/winter season, so its even harder than in the warmer seasons..but I'm trying my hardest..thats all I can do

Shes back at it again...

Her:Hi

Me: Hey, whats up?

Her: Nm, u?

Me: Nm, chilling.."

Her: Oh well I txtd you for a reason, but I can't remember.. But is there any mail for me?"

Me: Nope, not today.

Her: Okay, well maybe I'll remember later..been so busy with homework.

Me: Well, at least your job is giving you time to get some homework done.

Her: Nah, I went to work and wasn't even on schedule..you creeper.

Me: You creep on more people than anyone I know..I think its cute how you turn it around on me like I'm the creeper when you just told me what you're doing :p

Her: Oh well..and just so you know, because I'm sure someone will tell you, my FB status about my birthday has nothing to do with you

Me: Well then why are you bringing it up?? That alone makes me think that you think, I would think it was about me...Either way I dont care who its about, whether its me, one of your new lovers, do what you do.

Her: No, actually, asshole..It was about my mom....

Me: I'll keep that in mind...in the mean time, you might not want to make any new status updates for a few days just in case someone brings it up to me. Considering I have no idea what it even said, I at least want to make sure I clear up the correct one for you.

Her: Great for you. It said 'a few days until my birthday! When are you going to come back?" I just thought since everyone thinks my status updates are about you, they would really think something since I am 'talking' to someone.

Me: Everyone already knows you were "talking" to "someone" when we were dating..so I doubt they would assume you were talking about me. To come back, I would have had to go somewhere..People know better than to think I'm coming back anywhere





And that is about it...she texted me again saying I misunderstood her, by means of it seeming like she was talking to someone in the status, when she was really only talking about her mom, who unfortunately, passed away some time ago...but its like..wtf are you talking about? Are you REALLY going to text me out of nowhere just for this???




Any replies are always welcome....Maybe there are others that are facing similar situations, perhaps your replies can help them as well.

Why the fk are you still txting her? Delete her number and move on dude talking to her out of anger and revenge will get you hurt more

_________________
To game at your best you have to be willing to do your worst.

I dont know man...I think she misses me..and I think she didn't really want to leave, but felt she had to.. Her friends don't like me.. And I feel that she may see that the advice they always give her, really isn't as good for her as it is for them. So she texts me every now and then because I dont talk to her unless she texts me. I'm not angry at all..I understand why she thought she wanted to leave..That doesnt make me angry. Sure it was/is upsetting...but I don't have room for anger. I'm sarcastic a lot...maybe that comes off as anger/resentment...but thats not my intention behind what I say.

I appreciate the reply though... I actually made another thread in this same sub-forum, about a girl I recently started talking to..Was looking for pointers/advice for her as well, if you would care to check that out and drop a reply.
Thanks again

Yea dude let this one go... SHe'll come back to you begging at your feet if you completely just stop texting her all together. You're quelling all of her anxieties with every response. She needs to actually miss you and the only way for that to happen is for you to dissappear. She'll be back, but by time she comes back you'll be moved on doing your thing and won't even want her anymore..

I've been here way to many times. Ignore her text for a week and watch her attempts to contact you become more dramatic over time.

_________________
Email me: EddieFews@WayOfThePlayer.com For 1 on 1 coaching or consultation via SPAM, phone or IM.

Now You Can Read My Articles Here! ------------> http://wayoftheplayer.com/category/play ... fews-tips/

I appreciate the reply, Fuze.

After she moved out, I cut all contact. Only time I did contact her was when mail arrived here, which was hers..And even lately she's been stressing about something she is supposed to get in the mail from school..Shes been like "Please tell me if it comes, blah blah" I dont know why though...The first time, she came and got her mail..The 2nd time, I forwarded the mail to her current address..So it seems like she wants to have a reason to come over? Even though I've told her twice to come get her bike out of my damn shed...I dont know

But other than that I didn't talk to her. Then a couple weeks later, she started texting me out of nowhere...and now, from reading this thread, you can see where we are at. I think I will follow your advice by ignoring her texts for the next week. Her birthday is in 2 days....so I'm sure she is POSITIVE that I'm going to be wishing her a happy b-day.....Nooooo sir haha.

Thanks again, Fuze, and the rest of you guys who took time to read my post, and provide me with advice.

And Fuze, you seem knowledgable, so maybe you could check out my other thread. Speaking of moving on, I have recently started talking to this girl on face book, and I made a thread wondering how I should go about getting together with her. Check it out if you can and let me know what you think would be good to do? finally-getting-to-know-a-girl-ive-know ... 19610.html

Mack is the man! He is 100% plz give him the Nobel Prize

Birthdays are a tough one bro... I'd suggest you send her a text at like 11:30 the night of her birthday making it seem like you were too busy with other things but you still wished her a birthday. You don't wanna be a dick you just wanna be busy.

Text her a simple short "happy b day" at night time and then don't reply to nothing she says afterward.

Also, next time she contacts you about mail, just reply " i already forwarded it"(then don't reply) that gives the appearance, your taking the initiative in not seeing her anymore"

Watch she trys to come the get bike then lol

_________________
Email me: EddieFews@WayOfThePlayer.com For 1 on 1 coaching or consultation via SPAM, phone or IM.

Now You Can Read My Articles Here! ------------> http://wayoftheplayer.com/category/play ... fews-tips/

Good bits of advice, Fuze...I appreciate it.

So she texted me today..
2pm she said "hey"
Midnight she said "hi"
1am she said "ok"


Of course I did not say anything in between.

Looking forward to tomorrow and seeing how often she tries to contact me on her birthday...I'm not going to say anything until I say "happy birthday" and then I'll not say anything else...I'll keep it posted to let ya know how this ends up

update: November 4, 8:55pm EST... Well I still have not texted her all day.. She last texted me around 1am.......and just now around 8:00pm...saying "Hi".


I'm sure she's prolly thinking "i wonder what he is doing...why hasnt he texted me on my birthday?? ya kno...the one he wasnt invited to..." haha oh well

i was thinking i'll wait another hour before texting her "Happy Birthday"..and then ignoring anything else she says afterwards

lol well....unless it was just weird timing, or she has an account on here and realized it was me posting this stuff....

She just texted me back again...a few minutes after I posted my last reply saying: "Thanks haha for real...."



so like I said, she either sees this shit lol....or shes getting annoyed that I havnt texted her back yet.