Update: 10/30/2011

well as for the number with that girl on the bus, it kind of didn't go anywhere

she would usually respond the next day and put like "talk to ya next week!" or something so i pretty much said fuck it and never hit her back, could've been a bad on my part idk but i don't really regret it so ehhh.

I didn't really wanna bring up work but it's something that's on my mind enough anyway. This girl i work with at my job i think she could possibly be attracted to me???. I mean we get along pretty well and have a real playful relationship with each other. I tease her a bit but don't go overboard, but why i feel shes attracted is just like the way she responds to it. She's usually playful back, and always gives me eye contact or like always positions herself towards me when we talk, or if i tease her or something she'll look at me in a mean/playful way and i start laughing usually. I notice in general i tend to smile more, and i smile alot with her especially when im teasing, just cheesing the whole time, she hit and touch me more now to. I went to take a break and apparently they told her to take a break to so she liked chased me down as i was walking and we took our break together(we all usually break alone in our department) . But overall I i think she is to an extent just because that's my gut you know? and just being around women more in general now i can gauge niceness and attraction it's different. Like today we had this convo because today i worked from 1-9pm and she worked from 7pm-3am closing.

Her: what time do you get off?
Me: i get off at 9 tonight
Her: you lucky bastard
Me: *stretches* yea i mean i got all night to find out what i wanna do, maybe go places, and still come back home have the rest to the night to relax *smiles*
Her: *smiling while shaking head* then *flips me off*
Her: i hate you.
Me: laughs

then after our break she goes "i'm going back" hits me on my leg with her phone then goes. same moment we i teased her again and she hit me on the arm.

I don't really know how to escalate this? I mean i have ideas but i'm intimated to i guess. I feel like if i break out of that routine we're use to, she'll change completely and get weirded out. I guess i wanna be real indirect with the escalation, especially since it's work and I don't like her enough as i do the money as fucked up as that sounds. I just feel like there's something there kinda and don't know how to go about it indirectly.

At the same time i question it cuz at times i dont know if im attracted to her, it could be just attracted to like the thought of getting a girl (inner game issue). So at times it makes me reluctant to even try to escalate but i wanna improve my game. At the same time i think me not having immediate attraction helped because im less needy. It's kinda fun though flirting, or at least having a real flirty relationship with someone anyway, i have enjoy it anyway lol.

Sum for if you didn't wanna read this

Girl at i work with i feel is attracted to me, how i do i escalate it into something, without weirding her out?

My thoughts again. Work girl is off limits. Practice with her, don't take it anywhere serious. It's possible she's into you. If you accept this possibility and pursue it, there are two options:
She isn't, you're rejected and awkwardness ensues. Could be worse.

She is, you two date, and you remain exactly the same guy you are now. You eventually break up and you're unhappy and unskilled with girls, and worse, you have oneitis for her.

Asian girl isn't a dead lead. What you should have done is immediately gone for the date with her email. No small talk, just jumped into it. You didn't, and that's fine. She wanted to add you on facebook to see what kind of guy you are. Not to be harsh, but I doubt you have a million pictures of you with girls or at parties. But who cares about all that. You gave her space and that's good! Now capitalize! Ask her out: "Have you seen The Walking Dead? It's a show set in Atlanta, made me think about you!" then "Let's go to party city and buy zombie make up on sale! I cant wait to see people's reactions."

Keep opening girls. Never give up on it. You're working yourself out of a big hole (no offense) so it'll take a lot longer for you to develop an attractive lifestyle. Be a valuable person and a valuable life will follow. Have things you're working on, feel like you're improving in some way every day. Girls see the upward motion and are attracted to it, make them know that knowing you will only get better and better.

Update 11/08/2011

Life Summary

well this post is just about other shit, idk. So yea my bad i guess...

Overall today went well i feel, i been feeling better. I think it's because i been feeling less needy in general. There still is some neediness to a degree though. The reason why i feel better is because over this past month, not only did i fail all my classes, but my financial aid ran out. So i have to leave, but the dorm manager lady decided to give me 3 weeks to move out and this week is week 3.

Why i feel better is because i found a temporary job at ups(although they haven't set a date up for the orientation date yet, that's bugging me lol). So now i have 2 jobs but one hasn't started so it still feels like one lol. I'm in good ties with my job at dave and busters because i've been labled as the guy who's hard working always looking for work. I been getting called in more for work to, so that's definitely making feel better. When i got home from work today ross also called me saying they're doing interview tomorrow so i figure to go and check it out.

I also found a place that's closer to the train station and i put the deposit down on saturday, my parents don't support financially, my mother is worse off than me, and me and my father don't really have ties together. So getting this place was huge for me because i finally saw some success in something i wanted, and i got it on my own merit.

Overall all these things are making me feel better because i can support myself, i also want to pick up another hobby eventually. But for whatever reason i guess this has boosted my morale a little and mix that with a workout from time to time. I get a careless feeling when it comes to girls, i guess my confidence is increasing i guess, it's not like a "fuck women im the shit" attitude, but more like a "ehh who gives a fuck if she approves of what im doing or not" and at times it rubs off on them i think and then they invest more, kinda weird how it works but it does.

Game Summary

I'm still needy though to a degree, i kind of what to learn how to get rid of validation seeking from people in general, unless it's someone who matters. Slowly but surely i'll get there. Right now i do want to try to open more girls, at the same time i want to invest into making my life better in general first, but i don't wanna use that as an excuse to not game. I think it's just tough for me because it's always like day time at the bus, i might walk around the mall more since i work there. Where i have huge AA is on the bus, because like you're on there with that person for awhile or say you sit in the back and she sits in the front, i feel real out of my element approaching on a bus.

Today was funny tho, a girl at my job an easy 9-9.5 she's really hot and she knows it to(we're in different areas so we don't see each other much). Everytime shes around me she talks really loud to herself, one time i was looking at my schedule and she was walking by like

Her: "UGH MY FUCKING BOOBS THIS BRA IS TOO TIGHT "
Me:"well yea, you gotta let em breath sometime"
Her: I know right? seriously fuck.

Then i was on my break, same chick she's was about to start soon, putting on her makeup and stuff, and i sparked a conversation and she just talked for days, for whatever reason she went from the topic of money, to prostitution and then rape. She was telling stories about shit she saw on TV, and was like about to cry while talking, and i was like "damn you're really about to cry?" Then she starting tearing up and then laughed it off and what not then she's like "man you got me in here about to cry". Then we introduced ourselves, she went to the bathroom to put on more makeup and i left, but yea i kinda assumed she was fuckin unstable idk, shes like a rollercoaster of emotions hahaha. Then she to my area asking me for something then left. There was a moment where she was by herself writing something on a table, but i just ignored it and left its work and all. Overall i feel like if i did put hella emphasis on the fact that she was talking to me, thinking of what to say, it woulda sucked. That and just by that i think another girl saw the conversation and was cool towards me to asking for change for the vending machine.(first bit of social proof i've actually received LOL)


Summary for people who don't wanna read that shit
- I got 2 jobs and found a place to stay and its helped my confidence
- i had a decent conversation with a really hot girl at work

Update: 11/13/2011

well there's a girl in our social circle, its weird cuz like. She's the cute girl that everyone likes outside our social cirlce, but our social circle is like really against being attracted to her. So much to where you think its the opposite. They'll like talk about how not attractive she is and how'd they never date her (even to her face theyll collectively say this sometime). Personally part of me thinks she is kinda cute , the other part of me thinks what they say is true, (but i feel like me being thinking shes cute it stems from of a lack of success with women. Another part is scared of liking her based on how i seen other guys worship the ground she walks on and how my best friends would think of me.)

anyway shes got that girl next door little sister look going, and looks alot younger than her age (shes 22 but looks like 16). Shes real shy to, kinda nerdy. Since we play that game, we know people from other parts of the world like new york or london who live there and have like HUGE crushes on this girl who lives in california. She tends to attract really stalkerish kinda guys, or at least it seems, she comes off really friendly and plays games so guys get super attracted to her.

How i felt about her at first was like, i kinda purposely wanted to be friends with her from the jump, just based on all the guys that like her and how she sometimes uses that as a form of validation, i didn't wanna fall into that list of 100 of guys trying to get this girl who i didnt even think was hot.

About 4 months ago at this event we we're all chilling at a hotel, it was the last day so everybody was getting there last night of drinking and whatnot. We all had like a group huddle talk about random shit, but that night my body language with her was really good and i gave her good eye contact, after a good 5mins that she changed. Was more engaging towards me, followed me, sat next to me shit like that, and this was before i really knew shit about pick up and i kinda thought she coulda been attracted to me then having doubts to myself like "nahh shes just being nice."

Another thing one of my best friends is gay and she tells him pretty much all her secrets so i know a bit about her, but i feel like with me she won't tell him about me we're closer than she is with him.

But yea we surface to now, im moving so i wanted to just invite everybody to come over and hang for the last time at the old place. I asked her, she said she really wanted to but couldn't because she couldnt find a ride. Pretty much everyone flaked pretty much except the core squad. The next day she post on my facebook wall

her: "how has melee at the DORMS?" she capped it idk why
me: i reply "it was chill, had a great time, shoulda came thru!

no response (that didn't bother me though, i was in shock about her randomly posting on my wall)

So afterwards i was dwelling on previous encounters juggling thoughts thinking "i think she like me??" then going to "nah she doesn't like, she just wants to validate herself"

So then i thought i should chat with her on aim just to see if she might, so i did and she was real engaging, (im really playful with her so that could be it idk). Told her about work and she was asking me questions and talking about how she want to go visit me while im working. I asked her anything interesting happen to her, she talked about work then said this (coulda been to test me idk)

Her: oh and theres this guy who's madly in love with me but i dont like him, i like his roommate instead.
Me: hahaha
Me: thats like
Me: every dude tho
Me: u get those creepers all the time

It didn't phase me at all, i honestly feel like there's times she doesn't have any control with our interactions and she tries to gain some back.

She even posted part of our convo on her wall and tagged me lol. Then afterwards was aimed me like "no ones gonna get our convo..., like my status!" I refused really playfully (although i hate that shit LOL). But yea she's like cmon!, i wont tell you if you don't like it. i reply with "well its not that important, i dont wanna like your stats only for you to tell some dumb shit about you playing with your cat" then we teased each other more and she caved in.

then after awhile our convo kinda dissolved. But am i on the right track with her? She'll sometime mention how she misses coming over to hang out, im invited to come over friday when shes back in town, i prolly invite a few more friends. I just feel weird because everybody im cool with has this stigma about her and it caused me to create one to, although it looks like shes more into me than vice versa, i just feel all insecure about how ima be perceived. I and am gonna work on my insecurities.

Summary if you didn't wanna read this
I think a girl who alot of guys are attracted to, is attracted to me.

If anyone even read this or barely glimpsed at this, thank you for you time its much appreciated, any advice on this situation?

Update 12/11/2011

Inner Game

well i haven't posted in awhile, even though i don't think anyone reads this when i did post i felt as if i was seeing progress. I think im a tad big stagnant in general and starting today i wanna work on improving myself to the best of my ability.

i think my biggest problem is escalation which stems to fear of rejection. Im scared that if i do something really sexual to a girl or just initiate in general she won't feel the same way and then tell everyone about the rejection afterwards. No idea why it's a fear of mine. I aslo feel like all the power i have is in her hands when i put myself out there, and that by not escalating im keeping that control. I mean nothing bad happens, but theres nothing good that stems from it either. Also by me not escalating things and letting her know how i feel, i feel as if ill be needy due to that.

I might see a cute girl at a bus stop or whatever, and i just don't open alot of it is because i don't have any justification to do so and im too scared to go direct. (especially in the day for whatever reason, and i don't go out at night sooo yea...)

or girls that i know i seem to can't go anywhere with them, and also some girls ill regularly see i won't engage anything at all, so now i been remedying that situation now just by saying high to everyone again i don't really give a shit about how they respond to it, but im happy just off the fact i did it.

Outer Game

There's this girl at one of my jobs(got 2 =/). and yes before i ramble i know work is one of those places where its bad to date i know, but idk its on my mind. This girl says she's a lesbian and whatnot, but i don't really buy it, especially cuz the way she puts emphasis on it i think shes bi or something. We're really playful with each other and tease each other alot, she kinos me more than i kino her for sure. She adds me over facebook. I got her number over facebook chat and she like didn't hesistate to give me the number. She's also mentioned things like her guy friend dating doing gay porn star and quoting shit about like involving anal sex.(long story short shes the first to bring up sex).

After a few days i never messaged her or anything and she hits me up with "SUP?" We talked over text and made a tease/playful convo out it. No clue if my text is good, you be the judge

her: SUP?
me: same ol, how bout yourself
her: Working
me: seems like ur having a blast
her: Dude it was just amazing tonight
me: o really how so?
her: *long ass text about her shit day at work*
me: LOOL! ur day sounds great, i wish my day was as cool as yours
her :Man you totally do xD
me: u know *girls name* ur pretty cool, definitely climbing up the cool rankings, almost as cool as me =)
her: i don't think i can ever be as cool as you. You're a whole new kind of cool :p
me: don't worry with my guidance i'll get you to where you can be as cool as me..........maybe
her: teach me your ways
me:its a process, can't just give out my secrets over text, next time i see you though, ill show you the ropes on being cool.

i msgd her on facebook about that show misfits cuz we watch it (i know its big in the UK but not so much in the US)

then we worked together this weekend, thats when it hit me, she starts talking to me, looks at me then touches my arm but while we're talking, the eye contact was really strong and we were really close to each other, and she wasnt moving back, thats happened a couple of times, but thats when it dawned on me i guess.

she text me to switch shifts with her and was really upbeat about it, almost like an excuse to text me then sent her last text text "thannnnnnnnkkkkk yooouu! xD"

idk dude i think she is attracted me LOL, i try to tell myself "she isn't shes a lesbian, she doesn't like you, you're in the friend zone, you're mistaking this for what it is". Im pretty sure she does to an extent I feel if i just randomly kissed her she wouldn't hesistate. And this is always in front of people, I wonder how things would go if we were alone. Plus i never see her like this with other guys or girls just me, so thats what makes me so certain.

i guess for now im just gonna try to isolate and see what happens.

but i wanna game other girls to, i don't like the fact im caught up with just one

A New Start??

I got off of work today, walking towards the bus stop i was on the phone (I work 2 jobs both jobs inside malls). As i was walking, saw a girl who looked like she got done shopping or whatever. She looked amazing, my first thought in my head was "wow she looks gorgueos, i should go tell her how i feel because i wanna get to know her ". I mean of course the outcome is me not saying shit, same with alot of girls i'm around.

It had me thinking and i probably do too much of that as is. I've reverted back to negative thoughts when it comes to women. That and i'm veryyy quiet around them Part of it is working with certain women, so i just assume alot of them won't like me. That i'll be perceived as that guy who's clearly trying too hard and failed.

Then i asked myself, "has doing what you're doing gotten you laid?" The answer is no, it hasn't at all. So now i'm going to change what i can to do so.

Lately i haven't been even trying this month. Whats funny is i think this month is where i really wanted to be with a girl to. I figured it's better to try hard than to not try at all.


Problems (Someone Respond PLEASE!)
,
- Reacting/Applying to what i read!!!!: This might be the biggest one for now, because i've learned alot on this site and now i need to apply it

- Approach Anxiety: Im always fishing for things to open with. I don't really give a shit about what happens after, i hate feeling like im trying to conversate with someone.

- Fishing for things to say: I think i might say what comes to mind more often

- When she's attracted: I get confused when this happens because i'm so surprised a girl is a attraced to me it throws me off. To a point where i don't accept it. It always startles me, instead of taking advantage of it my first thought is "how are you attracted to me???. That's inner game i guess

- Escalating Situations: (underlined it because it's a hurdle i never jumped over). Pretty much going for some kind of results, such as asking for a number, or to hang out, or escalating physically. Pretty much going for the results that i really want, i never go them, even when i approach.

Things i've learned:

Girls are very hot and cold: i was working with this girl, she was a total bitch to me one day then really happy and flrty towards the end, then the next day started out happy/flirty then turned back to cold. I learned that to never expect to pick up where you left off unless she expects it.

Don't Apologize only if i clearly did something wrong, but worrying about offending her or saying sorry for things gives her unnecessary power i feel

Girls let you fuck up: you can have alot of shitty interactions with a girl and it can still work out.


They're just as nervous at times, if not more

I wrote this on last night, but forgot to post it.

Its been awhile since i posted anything, but i think i'm finally starting to get back into the swing of game i guess. Unfortunately i still have AA like crazy and today was the first time since that social security instance where i finally had intent to go direct.

I left at 9pm to go to walmart for clothes and the grocery store, saw 2 instances where i could've approached, but didn't. One just as i was walking into walmart a girl walking out pushing a shopping cart, the other instance was a really cute girl in pink boots by herself picking out ice cream. (perfect chance but blew it). It just sucks cuz i feel as if i could've have made someone's night, especially since it was the night before valentine's day, I'm learning though.

Overall i do feel bad about not approaching either girl, especially one with the pink boots, she was really cute. I'm happy that i had intent again because usually i just see a hot girl and don't even think to attempt. It was the most nervous i been going out in awhile, just due to the that i really had an anticipation of going direct

Though im mad at myself i'm motivated even more now to do so. This is a terrible analogy but its the most relevant towards how i feel with AA anyway. Its like i feel like as if im about to puke, but i keep resisting instead of just puking and feeling better afterwards.

Personally i think rejection is better than just not doing anything at all, mostly because knowing would could happen is always a shitty feeling. Logically i know all of this stuff on what to do, but putting myself in these situations emotionally is what im learning. If anything game has taught me it's to improve you have to have good control over your emotions and set ego aside.

Inner game wise i read the power of now, which is amazing. No lie it kinda changed how i view life personally and we as people can be frustrated over small things, and also how much we really take the present moment for granted. I also read sex god method to, which is really dope, but i've yet to get anywhere with a girl so i haven't applied anything, eventually though.

Other than that whats made me more ambitious is i haven't masterbated in since last wednesday and that's making me very eager to talk to women as well. I was gonna wait till sunday to do so, but i think ima just hold it until i go direct. (More of a challenge for me i think)

My problem with direct is i imagine the situation in my head so much to where im not really present at all, i keep day dreaming about it, so ima try to keep that minimal. I meditated for like 15mins today to flush out all those thoughts. I always feel as if im going to fall asleep when i do so, but my mind isn't as rapid afterwards.

Anyway i'll try tomorrow on my way to/from work. Hopefully tomorrow will be better, despite it being valentine's day. I guess i have a justification to go direct.

Two great life changes

Great journal dude.I should say that no offense for the people of this forum,they are very ignorant with reading field reports and giving advice.

I read it all , and I am just like with no gf whatever.I started approaching once,but it only last me 3 days.It seemed a lil bit difficult getting my ass from the village into the city.

Another advice i can give is look for other forums to post you field reports too.PM if you want a good with really many people in it.(it's a nice warm place compared to this one).

Also , ream my sig.(I made a club in that forum too

Let's go out there and get laid !! XD

_________________
Have you ever kissed a girl? If not then join the-no-girlfriend-no-kiss-club--vt128533.html

Agreed.

Swag, I think I PM'd you my site a while back. I'll keep reading your posts here either way.

Well today, i ended getting another job with better pay than my current one, so now i have 2 jobs with legit pay, but despite this i came home pretty disappointed in myself. Had 3 instances where i could've approached, but ended up not doing shit. First one was at dmv a girl sitting right in front of me with her dad, i told myself if her dad got up i'd do it, he obviously didn't. Girl #2 was on the bus, it was pretty much just the 2 of us on the bus and i froze and didnt do shit, at this point i started to get really disappointed. Girl #3 was in the frozen foods, we were both getting cheese, her body was amazing and i didn't say anything.

This really got to me, it was really tough for me to do anything. The feeling in my chest the nervousness, it comes every time i see a girl i want to approach. I really don't know how to act in the moment, i think next time im gonna just approach once i see a girl(the 3 sec rule). The longer i wait the more i get nervous and think about it. What causes me to chicken out alot of the time is im scared how the girl will react. I'm still in fear of rejection and still have some ego left over (in terms of not putting myself out there and being assertive.)

The times where i get the most nervous with girls is when i really wanna be assertive with them. I really need to stop dwelling on the how i look by being direct with a girl. I can open real easy by saying hi or just asking the time, due to me not having a phone back then made that easy for me. But i really just want to put myself out there, at the same time i'm scared shitless to do so.

Breaking rapport has always been a huge problem for me and still is, i've always feared being direct on a girl (but i want to do so really bad). It's mostly because i'm tired of beating around the bush, i just wanna start flirting on my on terms and not really give a fuck about what she'll think. I just get tired of seeing thousands of guys (including myself) waiting for opportunities to get with women, instead of just making their situation happen for them.

I still haven't masterbated, its been 9 days and i wanna rub one out so bad, but i still have yet to overcome this obstacle. I want to be able to do this by sunday and i have 2 days left so i really gotta take advantage of my opportunities. I don't really see too many girls i find attractive enough to approach, but there's no reason why i shouldn't approach.

Lately i've been pretty happy with my life, except my love life. (easily my biggest insecurity)

Goals:
- Go direct by sunday
- Phone number by next week
- Make out before april
- Get a laid before my bday (May 9th)

Do you guys have any tips on how to handle AA as it's happening?

@ gabi4play thanks for reading! i really appreciate it. You make me realize that i'm definitely not the only one out there struggling with these issues. I hope you the best for you man. =)

@slip&slide yea for sure, im terrible at responding to messages my fault, thanks man for always being really helpful, it means alot dude.

As of late i kind of been slipping from this "go get em" mentallity and haven't been doing whats important to me. During the weekend i stayed at a friends house cuz i couldnt get home from work, plus i ate pretty bad, i didn't go direct on a girl and to top it all off i couldn't resist and masterbated. This week lately i also been playing video games with friends again, but today i kind of got back into my whole priorties.

There was a particular moment today though that made me feel pretty good and got me back on the grind of fixing my problems with women. Plus i feel like in situations im more present, i don't dwell on future situations as much and im starting to forget the past quite a bit. Unfortunately it was at work, but i was stocking up hello kitty dolls and whatnot. Some girl just approaches me with a huge smile on her face

her: can i have one!
me: smiles
me: yea sure, you seem pretty excited.

then we talk and i can't remember what was said

afterwards a co-worker was calling me to help him with a redemption line, but he talks low so i can't hear him and then that same girl yells my name. So i walk up towards her and say "how'd you know" just joking around acting all shocked. She was like "well he was calling you, and you're suppose to help me!" Then idk what happen afterwards, but somehow i slipped in some kino and just touched her for no reason. Afterwards we flirted more right in front of the dude she was with (had to be like a brother or some shit), i rung her up and that was that.

i lately realized how much i like to kino, i do more more than i use to but not as much as i'd like. I like touching girls quite a bit, they're so soft LOL. It's a huge turn on for me, they seem to be pretty receptive to it to and once you break the touch barrier it kinda opens up your relationship with them in general.

Today also made me feel good because i had really strong eye contact to ,i think i got caught staring at a girls lips while she was talking. I think it's cuz i felt as ease and not trying to chase, or having any needy feelings, but at the same time learning how to convey interest. (always been a sticking point i guess).

Overall i still want to go direct hopefully this week. My anxiety isn't as crazy it was last week and overall i feel more confident w/ girls at least for now. I think im starting to desire to them more openly just a tad, which im pretty happy with.

This week has been pretty good so far, im hacking away at my ego in a sense, which is making me very happy. I FINALLY WENT DIRECT!!! Today on the bus, really cute mexican girl by herself. I waited till we got on the bus, she was sitting by herself, i asked to sit in the window seat next to her and she got up immediately to let me sit. Then i told her "well i just sat here cuz i thought you were cute and wanted to talk to you" Then she cracked a big smile and didn't say much. Then we had a few silences (i tried my best to embrace the slience). Then i told her she was really quiet, she smiled and blushed a little and said "im really shy". The only thing that made it hard to talk to her is that she had broken english so it was hard for her to understand me.

At first i was the one asking the questions and whatnot trying to get her to talk, but then once i kinda embraced the silence she would re-engage she got more into the conversation. It was cool because once i was in i felt pretty comfortable once i opened. She smiled/lauged alot, leaned in alot, and we had alot of eye contact alot (when i look girls in the eye i get real turned on). I would do a little elbow on her if i teased or something.

Later on towards my stop, i asked what's the best way to get in contact with her? (i should've asked for the number, but this was where i got the most nervous) She was seemed shocked a little and smiled real hard and said facebook. Then she tried writing her name down on paper, but her pen wasn't working so then she grabbed my hand and wrote it while holding it(that was hot LOL). Then i pretty much got up and left.

Afterwards i felt weird, because i finally did it. Like the thought wasn't all in my mind like it's been for weeks so it felt weird for it to be away. Looking at my hand made me feel good. If anything i learned is never really judge a book by its cover, i got the opposite of what i expected.

At first was thinking wait a day to add her, but ehhh that's kinda like ego-ish/over analyzing i feel. Plus my internet might cut off any time soon so i figured to just add her now. I mean if she has buyer's remorse it's all good i tried. Plus i got stuff to do tomorrow so i figured it's best to try to get ahold of her while im actually doing shit and it's not on my mind (i was gonna wait till my day off, but for what, so i could just be needy as fuck due to boredom).

My main goal is not to invest too much due to scarcity mentality and to keep doing what i did and approach more. I don't wanna fall into that needy trap and i'm def willing to risk fucking this up, it's my learning experience i guess.

Overall it made me feel more confident about myself, that i am capable of being good with women, and that beautiful women aren't better than me, just off those alone i feel like i've improved, but i still got a long way.

Also i work there's 2 girls who i flirt and kino with kinda, kino is so dope. Breaking that touch barrier is dope, they make sure both hugged me before they left. Which is sick because they don't do that with the others guys(not trying to 1 up those guys or nothing), it's good to know im actually getting somewhere kino wise. I really like to touch, it's prolly my favorite part of gaming SPAM.

I feel better because im not afraid of fucking up and what's funny the moment i start pushing my comfort level is the moment when shit gets better. For now though my goal is just to keep approaching and don't get too caught up into a girl just because she gave me a chance

Lastly, i read that stormy inner game thread, it's amazing. It really makes me feel at ease about myself in general. Stormy and Chief both post really good shit here i feel. idk if u guys read this, but if so just letting you know you guys are dope.

Goals
- keep approaching
- stay present
- don't get attached based off of attention (don't be needy as fuck)

Welp i hit that girl up i went direct on the bus. Got her facebook, she accepted it. Waited the next day to pm her because i went work when she accepted the request. I started it with.

wassup HB! what you up to? (you look hot in ur profile pic btw)

and she never responded back LOL

maybe i came off too strong idk. I know i fucked up somewhere in this whole phase, but i'm not too sure where i only have ideas. I think i just didn't create enough comfort mainly because she was really quiet and shy. Maybe i could've intimidated her by being direct. I mean shit she could reply and chances are i'll probably respond, shit happens. I'm not too big on holding grudges, but for now i'll just keep it moving, gotta stop overthinking. The good thing though is i accept the situation for what it is.

I have mixed feelings about this whole thing in general. Half of me is really proud that i'm pushing boundaries and doing the best i can to get what/where i want and im hacking away at my ego. The other half of me is disappointed because i feel i got rejected pretty much and it's giving me thoughts like "was this even worth doing" "will life with girls always be this way". Kind of reminding why i never put myself out there in the first place. For now though i'll take it as a lesson learned and just keep on pressing forward. My goal this week is to just try to go direct with 2 girls this week.

Also I hung out with some friends today, possibly could go a party on friday, not definite by any means though, we'll see where that goes.

Lastly those 2 girls at i work i think about from time to time, just because there's sexual tension i guess. One says things and her body says other wise. The other is really goofy and hella random and doesn't really know how to act around me, but tries to get my attention like crazy. I kino them both a shitload, luckily i never work with them while they're together. I feel like this is my ego talking when it comes to them 2. I want to get at them for the wrong reasons i feel. I feel like im getting at them due to scarcity mentality, although i do kinda use them to practice gaming kinda.

Anyways i'll prolly end up posting if something post worthy happens. If anyone has any advice/constructive criticism it's greatly appreciated.

I also appreciate anyone who took the time to read this post. =)