After 2.5 years my live in girlfriend dumped me. The last month she was very cold and distant and discussing with friends that she just didnt love me anymore, and found herself attracted to other guys, and wants to see other people. I have been stressed of late with exams and assignments and didnt treat her the best. Lack of attention, mood swings (I have ADD), yelling ect. Things also became quite routine (living together is not good for a relationship). Anyway she has moved out and I am not contacting her, all her stuff is still here so I will have to see her soon anyway, i will focus on being positive and happy.

For the last month I was quite "needy" i suppose as i could sense she was different and i wanted to get to the bottom of it, which eventually I did. But generally was not that needy. Wondering if this would be a good idea to send flowers with the following message.


Hi.

I am not sending these to try to win you back.
I just want you to know that I am sorry for causing this.

The lack of attention, affection, respect and romance - i recognise this and i
hope u forgive me at some point. I am taking steps to improve myself.
Also sorry for using u as my emotional pin cushion.

I'm doing well I hope you are too.


Any thoughts. I am chatting with other girls n that and she knows that and I'm aware of one itis but would love some feedback since this situation is mostly my fault with bad SPAM lately and a touch of neediness when we actually broke up.

We have had a generally good relationship.

What is your angle to win her back?

You are the typical guy that has the mentality I did everything wrong she has no fault, it is my fault for being such a moron.
The problem in here is that a relationship is equal each side has the responsibility.

So don’t you think for a fact that she is innocent! So drop that mentality. She could have talk to you like mature person and told you that things weren’t going very well, your problems that yOU BOTH NEEDED IT TO WORK but she would like to work on your relantioship, because she doesn’t want to lose a guy she spent 2.5y amazing!

What was her mentality sick? in tired of this moron let me find another guy.

I have this theory.... that girls has breakup phases. One in 6 months, and other in 2 year of relantioship and others but what is important in here is 2 year relantioship is like midle life crisis for men. Girl has this also, they start thinking if you truly are the best male she has at her disposal. 2 years she already knows you, she then start envy her girl friend that is travelling to paris India and having sex with exotic guys, and living the good life instead of the boring life she has.

My advice don’t send her nothing, when you see her be positive and happy but don t stop for chats. This is important DON’T stop and CHAT she is nothing to you; she wanted to look for hotter guys, let her, treat like someone of work you don’t like but you have to see.

You want to be that guy that she will introduce her next B/F of fuck friend? Yeah go ahead

You don’t have the clarity to see this because you are emotional fragile, and not thinking with your head. Been there done that.

If you wanna push her away and she lose any respect she has for you PLZ SEND HER THE FLOWERS, she is going to see as sign of weakness and she will ty god everyday for dumping you. And you are going for the bench has the gay friend that maybe will call youso you can inject some ego boost in here.

Again best bet if you want to comeback or even win some self respect is let her go. If she truly belongs to you she will comeback if not… is something you have to breakthrough.

In two or three years if want to have that talk for closure you doing that but now…

But my best bet is that you came here, hoping for some of us to tell you to go ahead, not an opinion only reassurance of what you are already determined … I really think you are going to send the flowers despite our words saying otherwise. You will learn from that mistake.

I guess my plan was not to send flowers or do any romantic gesture unless I got a sign from her or if it became obvious she missed me or something. So am definately holding off for now.

Her faults was that she couldn't be there for me during a stressful time in our lives, we both stressed each other out, but i didnt read the warning signs and meet her needs.

I believe when u do this women then shut off from u as if they still like you by definition they are unattractive. They must rationalise that they dislike you and are attracted to other guys.

Anyway yeh we both have things to work on and I regret not saying NO to her when she wanted to move in.

We will bump into each other at least once more, as all her crap is at my house, but I have packed it all up so to make this as quick as possible.

I had a missed call from her last night at 11.30 pm, really curious to know what that was about, but I haven't contacted

I appreciate the time you take for replying.

dude.

no.

do not buy flowers for the bitch that just dumped you.

yes, i called her a bitch.

it's nothing personal.

it's strictly business.

anytime a woman dumps us, she is automatically a bitch.

sorry.

anyway, do not buy the bitch that dumped you flowers.

also, don't try to be positive and happy.

WTF!?????????????

are you feeling positive and happy about it?

don't fake shit.

matter of fact,

why don't you just move her shit out for her.

put it on the lawn.

that's what i'd do.

stack it real nice.

throw a tarp over it over something.

christ's sake, you want her to feel a sense of loss for leaving you.

if you buy her flowers and do a fucking happy dance,

what do you hope to achieve?

make HER feel BETTER about dumping YOU?

my oh my, how very generous of you.

come on, bro.

get it together.

just move on.

cut all contact.

be robot man, no emotions, no reaction, no nothing, no interest.

IF you want her back.

show her that you aren't interested in being nice and friendly and HEALING together

WHILE SHE MOVES ON TO OTHER COCKS!

FUCK THAT SHIT, BRO

if you dance like monkeyboy and buy her flowers, you will help her healing process while damaging yours.

sorry if my post seems harsh.

LOL

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Ok so what is best course of action?

Wait for her to contact me about getting the rest of her stuff back?


Tell her to come back to get her stuff asap and then just tell her its over, no friendship nothing because you weren't adult enough to talk?

I agree with literally everything Mack says. No contact.

I wish I could've read his post when I went through my dreadful, AFC heartbreak last year.

When you're hurting you'll see advice such as that from Mack and Snake Doctor as being harsh and misogynist against this beautiful girl that you loved dearly, but the FACT is that it is good advice. It really is a super hard thing to do, but you gotta do it.

Done. Got her to pick up her shit. Appeared annoyed but not too fussed. Left with a smile. Felt like I have left with some dignity.

nice, bro.

good work.

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

I totally agree with Snake Doctor:good advise bro.

@Newport-Its a good thing that you acknowledge your deficiencies in your LTR.Some guys wallow in a state of denial,not seeing nor admitting their fucc-ups.

Great step by you in recognizing your faults and that you got too complacent and lazy in the LTR[
We all do].

Sending flowers is general bad but the only exception is in a relationship.But in your case(because of the bad dynamics),sending flowers would be a bad/needy move.

What makes if worst is trying to convince her that you're not trying to get her bacc.

The fact that you would say at the inception that "Im not trying to get you back",that subcommunicates that you ARE trying to win her bacc.

Im a proponet and advocate of working out things in LTR's.So Im not gonna advise you to forget about her.

In a non-needy way,let her know that you're sorry for fuccing up and being ba at LTR and you'd like toworn it out after some time.

That is not bein needy.Let her know that you want to work it out(if you do).

Leave it there by continuing gaming other girls and getting on with your life.

Don't fall for the status quoa PUA attitude of,"F the girlfriend"!

If she was the one who frigged up the LTR,punish her!

Since you admittedly were the one who flubbe up:then its' only right that you convey this.

Kill the flowers thing!

Just contact her via phone,online whatever,and tell her that you acknowledge fuccin up things and you wanna work on it.

Do not be apologetic but humble.

_________________
Most active PUA blog in the community since 2009.
https://kennyspuathoughts.wordpress.com ... arly-2022/

Now active on YT again with PUA, Red Pill, Manosphere content:
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Yeh I went out last night. Felt good. She went out too and called me at 3 am coz she couldn't find her aunties house where she is staying (what a dumb bitch lol - i was asleep got the voicemails)

Felt like I got some power. Yes on the one hand it is my fault for "ignoring" her for the last month, but also her fault for not talking to me.

Dunno what to do from here really. I am getting other girls over and living the single life, but I would not be completely against working things out with her, just she is not in the mindset to get back together right now i don't think.

How do I equally punish her for bailing so easily and not talking things through and allowing me to get through my studies and being understand, but at the same time apologize for not being there for her? - without being needy

Don't punish her. Man, the opposite of love is not hate, it is apathy. The best thing for you is to remove her from your mind completely. She calls you? No need to answer, she can call other people now as you are not obligated. You pass her on the street and she says hi, you can say "hello" for the sake of politeness but she isn't entitled to anything more. From the social perspective, you win by remaining cordial in case she becomes petty and childish.

As for working things out, dude that is assuming her "mindset" is just temporary. Continue to go out, meet new people, spend time with old friends, and game all sorts of women, and you will think less and less about her as you realize how kickass single life can be.

Cheers, take care.

At this point is shit testing you, too see if you are still in her zone, see if she still has the power. She doesn’t want to lose that. The 3am call she knew exactly where the house of the aunt were, don’t be stupid, she just wanted some assurance you are still there for her. So she came up with an excuse and tests her theory

Please is not your fault, drop this one. She probably in 2.5y she probably had a time she acted like bitch, again she knows you are in a lot of pressure because of the exams she could ve think it through for a second, and tell its normal, exams are something not to be taking lightly he is taking of his future, but her mentality was let me fuck other dudes. Remember this.

Ignore her for a bit, be neutral be a robot like Mack said it was a good advice. You have the power and no girl likes that so she will try to take that from you. So expect more from her but beware its a Trojan horse.

Punish her. So she can start really missing you, and this only happens on two or three week.

In one month if she still misses you, then you have yourself a winner if not, you didn’t lose much.

But again I did the mistake of winning my ex, and its not worth it. The best thing you can do is move on, with your pride intact.

Ok so now she texts and leaves a voicemail asking if I wanna buy a puppy for $50 coz she knows my mum wants one.

Not bad plausible deniability i must say. Wonder what her next excuse will be.

i hope to god you aren't responding when she sends those idiotic texts.

if you are, you lose all credibility.

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

I am not responding at all.

Thanks for the motivation and guidance I really appreciate it

Is there any other ways to punish her or is no contact the only one?