@Mack
I think you summed it up pretty well. There you have it folks. Love others, just because.

@Century
I'm not making a judgment as to whether or not that's "bad" or "good". I'm just saying that's how things are. I can't make that judgment for anyone but myself. And do I think it's bad? Not really. I accept that this is just the way things are. I enjoy it while it lasts. That's not to say that I don't try to keep the relationship interesting. I do. But I let nature take its course as well. Novelty is exciting, and you can try to fill in that feeling when it's gone, but you can't replace it. I think you're just placing too much expectations on this relationship and yourself as well.

I'm also getting the feeling like you have an even deeper issue at hand. It's not that you can't trust your girlfriend. But rather, you sound like you're afraid to lose her. You're afraid that she will reject you somewhere down the line, because the relationship is not the same as it once was. Moreover, you feel like you have to take responsibility for it. In the end, you are scared that you won't be "good enough" for her, and that she will leave you for someone better. You are afraid to "trust her" because you don't want to be rejected. Thus, you reject her before she can reject you.

If that sounds like you, let me tell you something: Before you love anyone else in this world, you have to accept and love yourself. You cannot love anyone else before you love yourself.

That doesn't mean that you don't work on yourself. It just means that at any present moment, there is nothing you can do to change yourself, so just accept yourself: all of your flaws along with your virtues.

If you can love yourself for who you are, so will your girlfriend, and everyone else you meet in life. If you always have to "do" something to prove yourself. You won't have the meaningful relationships with yourself and others that a healthy life demands. Forget doing for a second and just be. Be yourself and be ok with it.

This attitude is compounded in these communities because you are always reading stories (half of them bullshit) about guys sleeping with girls with boyfriends and master seducers who can get any girl regardless of relationship status in bed.(These guys are always bullshit).

I'd recommend getting off the forum for a while and talking to your female friends about this. Yes, most of them will have cheated at some time, but at the same time, most of them won't have cheated in all their relationships and 50% of the times they did it won't have been because some guy had sweet game, it was because some guy was in the right place at the right time.

IN A GREAT RELATIONSHIP NOT ALL GIRLS WILL CHEAT! SOME WILL, SOME WON'T

IN A SHIT RELATIONSHIP NOT ALL GIRLS WILL CHEAT! that's right, worst relationship in the world and some girls still won't cheat.

Many girls in relationships will physically remove themselves from a situation if they feel they are being seduced. Trust is hard and has to be earned, has she earned your trust? obviously not, but are you open to letting her earn it? that's an important question to ask yourself

_________________
Even the most naturally gifted can learn to become better.

Good points

_________________
Thanks,
Stan

"don't listen to this creeper reputation bullshit, girls like to get hit on / get attention, don't be afraid to do so, girls forgive advances, but they NEVER FORGIVE PUSSIES" - from pumpington

Century, I doubt that you really can maintain that inital excitement forever. That initial "spark" of infatuation that people feel at the beginning of realtionships is what draws them together. It is not love but more of a magnet that gradually loses its power...eventually the two people must stay together because they WANT to not because some intangible feeling is FORCING them to be attracted to each other. Most people who say they have fallen out of love probably started feeling numb when they lost that spark...they were not willing to deal with the reality that love is hard work.

False Love and Other Romantic Illusions: Why Love Goes Wrong and How to Make It Right by Dr. Stan J. Katz and Aimee E. Lui has a ton of info that can help you further your studies of what love truly is and become the best partner you can.

_________________
"Simple. Escalate, if she's into you, she will escalate with you, if not, you will know soon enough." - SexAddict911

You guys have offered fantastic advice, I really appreciate it. You have no idea.

And yeah Khrem...I understand what you mean. I don't know why, but my situation is so hard to describe. Some times I'll think, and honestly believe "She wouldn't leave me, because I'm great to her. Although I have flaws, we are really good together and at this present moment, I'm also enjoying our relationship."
Then, at another time (maybe even a couple hours later in the day), my mindset will shift to
"But why is it less exciting? Why did such and such happen? Does this mean that I will lose her?" etc etc. It's like there are two opposing sides in my head, which shift. And it's hard to control the first, more positive one, from staying - unless of course I'm actually with her. When I'm with her I feel great, and it feels perfect. It's when I haven't seen her for a week and I'm not doing much (such as now, when I'm at home for long periods of time studying for my exams) where I'll dwell on events and It brings me down.

That's probably it! It's probably because I'm stressed right now with other things in my life that I have such a negative frame.

Now, before people jump down my throat and claim I was sexually abused as a child or that I'm suffering from split personalities - no. Lol, It's not THAT bad. It's probably just as bad as anyone elses slightly above average sadness/trustissue/insecurity.
It feels as though sometimes I feel completely secure, and other times the negatives creep up on me and boggle my mind. Once that happens, it takes a while to get out of it as im clouded with bad thoughts of the relationship not lasting, of me failing my exams etc.

Wish I was normal. More thoughts are appreciated if you can be bothered keeping up with this.

One of my friends is having trouble with this same issue. Usually when I talk to him he shares the same sentiment, except it is compounded by a long distance relationship. It's a common thing that people deal with. I always tell him to trust her, he worries about it to much, ect. I can see him leading in a negative spiral over it, which I end up pulling him out of. I was at the brink of telling him to grow a pair and learn to live with the possibility. I have tried the be positive and assure him it won't happen but he just turns it around to the same old thought pattern, with minor improvements. He doesn't recognize the real issue is within him, even though I have explained this in detail. He believes it is out of his control. Nothing farther from the truth. He has almost created a self fulfilling prophecy that leads him to be mega-insecure, pushing her away from him. That's where you two differ, you get that. At least I think so from reading your posts, if you don't please take that away from my post. As long as you put energy into keeping focused on positive thoughts and work on this you will find a way. Where there is a will there is a way. To everyone that posted here thank you for your thoughts. I realize now what I have to do to help him, get him to see the pattern he has created, and get him to work on changing that pattern for himself, he has become dependent upon me for that service, I got to change that and get him back to his old self. I am tired of playing his therapist, I want to be his friend again.

sorry bro .. there is .. and woman that do not cheat still think about fucking other guys... then you are merely verbalizing their thoughts .. if that insults them you have :
1. a immature woman
2. someone who is just shit testing you
3. someone who isn't accepting her sexuality

the maria complex affect us all because you all got raised by mommy... there is some deep social conditioning and imprinting. if you aren't aware of this then you really are ignorant...just look at a guy who didn't had a father while growing up...who got raised only by his mom. and look at a guy who had a father but he was very absent during his childhood...

look how they treat woman , think about woman and react to woman... make some observations and ponder on it, look what you both have in common.

again NOT ALL WOMAN CHEAT
BUT THEY THINK ABOUT CHEATING EVEN WITH YOU AROUND

stop the fucknig maria complex .. please ... because you guys probably want to fuck every hot girl you see...woman are just the same - only more emotional , illogical and out of control... your instinct is just in conflict with your moms social conditioning.

mack is spot on
yes but some people BELIEVE they love themselfs but they don't...some people deceive themself.. yes because it's a deep inner game issue ..

you cannot trust anyone ... you have to love in the absence of trust ... that is what i do...when i get in a relationship im not focussing on her fag .. i know there could be cheating , i know she will think about it , i know she will have her own self-interest , and i know the relationship will end someday blablabla...

you guys do not accept that woman think about cheating ALOT of the times...i hear you guys only saying '' not woman all cheat blablabla ''...that's not the fucking point... im telling you how reality looks like and that you should be only worried with how you view the world. How many times you walk the street and think '' i wanna do that shit '' when you see a freaking hot girl passing by and smiling.

woman are not any different, your mom ain't different , your GF and your sisten ain't different .. just the same but more worse because they are more emotional than men. i just see reality how it is .. i don't hate woman...i can love without trust during absence of trust or love...

Do i like woman .. no
Do i like most people .. no
Do i hate everyone .. no
Do i trust everyone .. no

relationships get boring over a period of time and that is the reason WHY you should focus on your life and change your own psychology and experiences... if you change you will be changed.. and change isn't boring.. the same thing over and over is boring..

watching the same movie for the 10th time is boring. . get a fucking life.. same with relationships.. you cannot always do the same. Guys get a girlfriend and now they get fucking clingy and they want to create a static situation - they want to be the same person and they want her to be the same person.... it doesn't work... people change all the time and so do relationships.

if you are preventing growth or change you will get needy and the woman will know .. woman don't want insecure men who cannot handle change. the reason 1 why good marriages break up is because someone doesn't change or can't handle change.

be accustomed to change...accept it and admire it

this is how i live my life... : constantly getting to the next level .. only for me...not for anything external...i study physics, maths , biology, sports, medieval fencing, art, music, botany, (herbal )medicine, gardening, chemistry and alchemy, kaligraphy, psychology, social dynamics, philosophy, strategy and battle tactics...

i even learned myself how to make cocktails , how to my own fruit and herbs and how to massage people.i always take up new hobbies and im always looking for new innovations.. wether technical or personal/ psychological... constantly improving inner game.. im now bussy studying managment and maths, evolutionary psychology, renaissance fencing, im experimenting with this new medicinal plant( painkiller ) and in a few months im going to make/research a cannabis x hops hybrid

if you are afraid of your GF leaving you then fucking be interesting .. be fucking value, but do yourself a favor and do it before you get into a relationship - change yourself and improve yourself because you want to and not because other want you to. be fucking good in bed... buy good books about sex and stuff ... you have no idea how important this is for woman - it's 10 times more important than men.

Be the renaissance man ... be a polymath... be the best you can .. there will be days when you fuckup and do nothing - but you will get frustrated and those days because you know you aren't seeking out new experiences... on those days you are still trying to be the best you can...you will die over fucking 60 years .. maybe you die over 4 years who the fuck knows... you guys can argue if woman cheat or think about cheating or not .. you guys can fuck around the maria complex.... you guys can worry if their girlfriend cheats or not ...

IT AINT FUCKING IMPORTANT ... 0 VALUE whatsoever huge waste of time .. just fucking accept reality .. accept your fucking lifespan and do something with your life instead of clinging to superficial shit... stop thinking what other people think of you. Start reading some fucking books. do not fucking worry about your GF ... just give your girlfriend minimal reason to dump..by reading books about sex and taking up new interests...reading books about sex : you get information which you can use in all relationships, and she likes sex much more .. win-win...
chode buys GF flowersfor the 60th time : it costs you money .. you bore her to death.. and she doesn't like it that much .. lose-win

if you want to have a good relationship with a woman .you have to have a good relationship with yourself - work on your self image and be who you want to be.
you need some fucking guidance and clearity and stop wasting your time doing inefficient shit for fuck sakes. and above all.. sometimes you need to break the rules when you really need to... the times when you know how and when to break rules are the most powerfull. most guys violate their own and womans rules all the time... it makes me sad .. lol.

if you have a fucking issue .. write down '' i will do whatever it fucking takes to figure it out'' and tape it to your pc screen , toilet door , steering wheel of your car. But do not fucking talk the talk on this forum without taking 100 % effort in your own life - if you aren't making the effort and you are having small talk on this forum then fuckoff and stop wasting everyones time.

my room door has like dozens of papers taped to it .. most guys will think it will scare woman away .. woman F love it.. they love it when a guy has the gut to do whatever it takes to figure things out and to make the most of their life.

it takes me like 20 minutes to read all that shit... just fucking 20 minutes and i have clearity about my goals and inner game issues ALL DAY... if you have trouble stop thinking about shit just write it down .. tell yourself you will take 30 minutes of you day thinking about bullshit and reading bullshit - this way you don't have to think all day about bullshit because you reserved some time for it.

be motherfucking efficient .. if you were efficient and aware you didn't had to come onto this forum in the first place...

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

im not claiming anything... but im still jumping to your throat asshole..

you fucking improve or you die.. fucking fix that shit..
give me a 100 % effort asshole.. i spend alot of my free time on you AND MY TIME IS EXPENSIVE..

you fucking owe me big time...

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

You need to trust your judgement of people. You are half way there ....you realise something is off in your thought pattern.

From a scientific perspective, the pathways that your thoughts take through your brain work in close accordance to emotionally strong past memories. So you might think of love, which due to your memories you associate with cheating...Which is asscoiated with pain and hurt....You need to become aware of your thoughts. Don't live your thoughts. Just observe them and once you realise you are going down that path with your thinking again, try to change the pattern. Think about good times with people etc.

There is of course hypnotherapy, councilling ect.....But I suggest a video called 'What the bleep do we know'

And I know the sick feeling you talk about. It's called anxiety.....

I don't care what anyone says either. I have never in my life cheated on any of my partner's, and never will on any in the future. I believe some people cheat and some don't.

_________________
^_^

Exactly to the point.

_________________
Hey look at that!
What?
That! You dont see it?
No not really....
Oh come on theres nothing i just wanted to talk to you. Whats your name?

don't hypnotize yourself in believing something you aren't feeling .. it's the worst thing you can do... it's just another way of covering things up. you need to relive those memories and emotions... it's not a situation of NLP.. you need psychoanalysis.

it's not enough to memorize memories .. you have to experience repressed emotions which only can done through psycho-analysis.

these thought patterns of you emerge from the software in your unconcious mind , that means you cannot change them in action - you are in reaction. once you have to use NLP you are already in reaction - it doesn't work. Using NLP before thought patterns emerge is a terrible thing to do .. if you have a issue it's somewhere in your memory and along are the reference emotions. you cannot program logic without processing emotions ..

don't do it .. it's a recipe for disaster...it's a emotional problem not a logical one.. you already know logic and logic doesn't work in this situation. we know the result .. call it anxiety or whatever.. we need to know the root and how to solve it. Where did you learn to have anxiety in this manner ? how is your relationship with your mom .. how did woman treat you in general throughtout your life ? What paradimes about woman did you adopt from your father...

NLP doesn't work because it's not programming .. it's conditioning .. you cannot condition yourself 8 hours and be ok the rest of your life. The compulsive thoughts can come back anytime .. it can be on birthday parties or when you are doing drugs and both are unfortunate - i don't see you doing NLP on a birthday party and i don't see you doing it when you are bussy driving or when you are calculating maths.

you need to focus on your daily life .. you need to focus on you.. you cannot do NLP like it's a drug... repressed emotions are stronger than thoughts anyway - it's more likely it won't work at all. i know psychoanalysis is hard because it takes a long time .. from 6 months to 4 years .. it's all about observing your ego and keeping journals, writing down thoughts, dreams , memories/emotions in certain situations - and seeing a psychologist in the process.... you can also do it without a shrink of course.

you can believe whatever anyone says here.... but when i tell someone that it's a really deep issue they are having im fucking serious .. i don't say this to everyone.

so you can pretend like im almost giving you issues by talking that much about it .. you can believe the easy solutions other people are offering... and live your whole fucking live in denial because you didn't took it seriously.... you brushed it off with some NLP or some other shit - and living your whole life in the same vicious circle of negative thought.

look the external world isn't important ... yeah woman cheat.. and if woman don't cheat they will think about doing it wether concious or unconcious.. but this isn't the fucking point .. it's just reality and it's freaking easy to accept. your perspective is the whole problem and your brain is giving you all these compulsive thoughts. you cannot trust anyone... even some people who you know for a long time could backstab you... this is just reality.. im being realistic...again read what Mack said. fucking accept that fact ... accept reality and deal work on your own perspective.

now i've told you everything you need to know ... i gave you a starting point on how to handle your internal and external ( hobbies etc) life... where the probable root issues are... im not going to invest anymore until you confirm to me that you are taking this ( me and other guys) seriously.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

Hey...right now i am listening to the song:,, Something stupid'' and thinking if i will ever be with that girl, will she ever love me...
The truth is i am escaping from my obligations and myself, i feel really bad since i am not doing what i want since i am too scared of accepting the reality that i MAY fail.

Listen man, the only love you need is love without any limits and needs. Love freely, yourself first, and then you can love everyone else.

I am nobody, just a soul in a body. I am energy. I am you, i am trees i am everybody.

When you realize that, you will find your peace, and by writing this i just motivated myself to continue my work.

Pick-up is cool, i learned a lot from you guys, and i think there should be a subject in school called ,,Learn how to express your sexuality''.

I will tell you one more thing i learnt , its called DISTANCE. Only way to see the field is to climb a mountain and take a better look, only then you may find your peace. I strongly advice you to watch ,,The Secret'' , it will boost you for some time. (i wish i had somebody to tell me these words when i am feeling alone and helpless, but i guess i can only count ON MYSELF, which i think most successful people here will agree with ,

This is perfectly normal as well. Trust me, these feelings aren't weird or anything at all. People go through emotional vicissitudes all the time. Something good happens, and they feel great. Something bad happens, and they feel like shit. Most people's emotional state depends on outward contingencies. For you, when you are with your gf, everything feels great. But once that situation takes a change, the feelings reverse and you feel like you have to "do" something to get back into state. This is common phenomena, but it's not healthy.

It's not healthy for many reasons, one of which, it sounds like, is that you don't really even want to be with your girlfriend. Ask yourself (and think long and hard about this): Do you want to be with her because you enjoy her company, or do you need her to get back into state? A lot of people confuse their partner with the validation that s/he brings you when you are with him/her. In other words, you feel good because things are going well and you feel safe, validated, and complete. It's not necessarily your girlfriend that you are chasing after.

If you want to test my theory, go sarging again. Find other girls (don't tell your gf). What will likely happen is that you start to get your validations from the other girls, and soon your "attraction" for your current gf will start to diminish. Your gf didn't change, yet you like her less. Why? Because you don't really "liked" her as you once did, per se, but rather, she provided a source of validation for you. Once you find other places to get those validations, your gf becomes less valuable to you.

In short, you seem needy. There are no quick fixes for this. First you need learn to love yourself for who you are before you can love others, your gf included. Learn to be emotional independent. Stop drawing validation from others. You have everything you need in yourself. I, and people on this forum, can only do so much to help you. Your issue goes beyond pickup. If I were you, I would start reading some self-help books. "Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle is a good start. Maybe try some NLP. If that does not help, get some counseling. Your emotional being is one of the fundamental pillars of happiness in your life. Don't give up on yourself.

If I was you I would listen to Lodewijkp's advice, he has helped me and many more get out of situations worse than this. Look at this thread, the author is running around in circles when he has no proof or justification that his girlfriend cheated on him, yet he is hurt... It is easier to realize the truth and listen to what Lodewijkp is saying. Because its right

so, Lode, are you basically saying,

be "The Most Interesting Man in the World"?

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!