Despite what I tell people, I'm going to be completely honest with you guys in this forum as I'm crying out for help right now.

I find it very hard to trust people.
Yes, this may be generally a good quality for your own self benefit.

But I'm sick of not returning as much love to my girlfriend as she does to me simply because I have the mentality "She could be up to something anyway. Theres no point being too attached, because I plan to move on soon, since this one can't be trusted."

If I keep this up, I'll continue to go from meaningless relationship to the next.
I'm paranoid, I realise.

I just feel that women get carried away from their emotions, and will cheat at any given time. No matter how much she is into me, she still would cheat if someone else flirted with her and quickly seduced her.
Partly I feel like this because I know I have seduced girls who have boyfriends. Partly because my dad is very much like this and I grew up with him.

So how the hell can I trust someone? I WANT to trust my girlfriend. She hasnt given me any reason for me not to, she shows so much affection, she texts me often, she wants to hang out, but I'm feeling more and more bitter about this relationship even though at the start I felt like she was perfect. I feel as if I'm disliking her for being untrustworthy even though she hasn't done anything

I literally wake up every morning with a sick feeling in my stomach, as if she's cheated on me, and it's been getting worse and worse every day. I don't know why at all.
You have no idea - it's gotten to the point where I find it hard to concentrate on work and I play out break-up situations in my head. Interestingly, when I imagine myself breaking up with her, I feel at ease and good. As if to say "Here you go, you've lost me. And it's all you fault."

Is that sick or what?
What do I do?
I've thought "Ok this means I'm insecure. I need to fix my insecurities first" but I cant seem to find something significant enough which I'm insecure about in myself. It's more that I think "If another guy, even if I'm better than him, flirts with her and has game, she will make a mistake and go for the opportunity."
Maybe it is insecurity and I'm in doubt cos I'm an arrogant prick, I don't know.
Maybe it is just because I've grown up with it ingrained that women cheat, and I have no trust for women.

How can I fix this issue?
Please help me if you have time. I don't think I've ever felt so desperate with fixing something about myself in my life, as I realise that this hurdle will lead to my demise in any serious relationship.

Thanks so much in advance

That's some deep shit. Like you said, you definitely need to open up. I'm no psychologist or NLP expert, but I think the only way to get over this is to start trusting people. I mean, I don't see any other way around it. Trusting others isn't something that just happens to you so much as being a choice that you make. It sounds like you're just afraid of being hurt.

I was actually at an RSD tour and TD mentioned that your brain doesn't need promises, it needs proof. What I mean is this: you can think about reasons to trust people all you want, but that won't do shit because your mind is very stubborn. It needs hard evidence that trusting people won't kill you. Simple enough, start trusting people. Start reciprocating to your girlfriend the love, affection, respect that she deserves. Stop thinking about how you two are going to break up because that will ironically cause the breakup.

If you get hurt, you get hurt.

There's no way around that. If you want to get over this mentality, you need to take the risks (that your mind tells you is present).

Thanks Khrem

How can I get evidence? What do you mean by that?

I completely understand your problem with trust issues because I have the same problem and have been lied to and had broken hearts three times and thats the same reason why I have a don't give a fuck attitude and say what is on my mind.

I think I know what Khrem means by evidence, I may be wrong though. You already have enough evidence you said it yourself your girl is affectionate towards you, she texts you often and wants to hang out.

You have to look at the positive moments you share with your girlfriend, it's the only way. Right now you can easily ruin your relationship with your mind set. Everything your thinking is negative, you have to remove those thoughts or it will remain and you will end up breaking up with this girl.

The only way to fix this problem is to admit you have a problem. I admire you for admitting that this is a serious problem. This can be heredity, I don't truly don't know, but your the only one who can continue to carry this problem or to let it go.

_________________
Just Like Chess I know the Rules-- And I bet I Checkmate her in like 4 moves--Trey Songz
Not Every girl is going to be instantly attracted to you it is what you do that makes them attracted to you.

You are a lot like my friend in an opposite sort of way. He is a very "people" person. He can seem to get to any woman he want and he seem to have learned it from his father as well. But instead of being cynical about towards others, he is cynical about himself. He feels that he can't trust himself because he knows that there are too many beautiful woman out there and he's very afraid he will one day cheat on his girlfriend who he loves.

My advice to you...is get your shit together man. Stop being a dick. You got a loving girlfriend, that's more than a lot of people can ask for. So get your act together and stop thinking all girls are cheaters.

Focus on the positives...that's a good piece of advice.

So every time I have a negative thought, should I purposely and consciously think about something else, or something positive about my girlfriend? Do you think that would work?

Also I feel like she's starting to like me less because of my attitude, which although I do my best to hide, must show.
If I bring myself to positive thinking, do you think that can be reversed?

I know this whole post sounds freaking ridiculous, so thanks heaps for replying so far

I have learned that your mind is either your biggest friend or foe. You have complete control over yourself. Your fear is trust embrace that fear and face it. Remaining positive is a very hard thing to do and a book that help me overcome negativity is the book called the secret.

I am about to get real deep, right now. Have faith and know that there are decent females in life and not just females, people to. We all have to have confidence in ourselves, and understand that we are here for a purpose and we all need to figure out where we fit in this world. Not only do you have to trust your girlfriend you have to trust youself first. Your biggest motivation is yourself, remember that.

There nothing wrong with having a weakness or insecurities, the thing is many of us are very ignorant to do anything to overcome them. It's either we embrace it or it will consume us.

I apologize if I am rambling, but you ask about the positive things to think about, your Girlfriend is a positive thing. I think this will help you out alot, grab a piece of paper and write down everything positive about your girlfriend and what she does for you, what you like about her and etc.

Another thing you can do is weigh the pros and cons, try to see if you can get 20 on each side and see if the pros out weigh the cons.

_________________
Just Like Chess I know the Rules-- And I bet I Checkmate her in like 4 moves--Trey Songz
Not Every girl is going to be instantly attracted to you it is what you do that makes them attracted to you.

you got a issue... you aren't expert and you don't need a expert .. you need a fucking straight answer that is the truth .. and not some idiotic deception made by the brain.

here :

Thinking positive and have faith
I tell you straight on that shit does not work

Guys telling you to not give a shit and man up
I tell you striaight on that shit doesn't work

Looking for a quick fix and solving inner game issues
I tell you straight on that shit doesn't work because
1. this issue is deep
2. fixing issues takes a long time
3. you have created this neuro association in your relationship.

Think about something else
I tell you straight on that shit doesn't work because your brain is in conflict with your soul - if you try to stop thinking you are only wasting more energy and now you have a new issue : self-conflict

most people on this forum are tlaking shit.... most guys who are meeting alot of woman don't even see the truth..

woman are manipulative .. backstabbing... lying ... cheating whores... they are human and very emotional irrational..

they are driven by instinct .. attraction isn't a choice.. the brain hijacks the body long enough in order it perform impulsive sexual behaviour...

in the most solid relationship/ marriages i have seen woman cheating... even my ex-gf mom gave me signals... dozens of woman have thrown myself before my feet crying because they have a boyfriend - they were attracted and they couldn't help it. ATTRACTION IS NOT A CHOICE. . i have seen woman throw away their good relationship, marriage just to hook up and get dick from some homeless drug addict.

woman are driven by instinct... humans are just animals like dogs and cats... everytime when woman fucked some unfamilair dude in 5 minutes ( or more) i asked the woman why they did it... they never had a answer and they never could rationalize it.
i have attracted dozens maybe around one hundred.. i did not do anything and i didn't seduce them - they just were attracted instantly, in most cases in the first few minutes of the interaction.. yes she will...there is a very good chance she will...

my friend like almost all guys on this forum you are fighting reality, you aren't accepting the fact that all humans are flawed - woman being the worst of all. in your youth you were confronted with reality and now you cannot commit to someone..

when you are like 6 ,8 or 10 years old nobody tells you that woman lie , cheat and backstab... nobody tells you there are mass rapings in certain countries. it's very likely your mom cheated a few times on your dad but they never tell you... for years you have lived inside of this bubble .. this fucking artifical reality ... snap out of it.

animals fuck... animals are instinctive.. humans are instinctive..

2 motivations of existance...

1. surivival
2. replication

all things you do in your life are just shit to cover up these 2 real sincere motivations..

you don't believe me .... then are you saying you aren't manifested into a human body which has hormones and instincts ?

i have read ALOT of psychology books .. i have SPENT ALOT OF TIME finding out why woman do what they do ... or what humans really are. the more i experienced the more i found out we are just out of control chasing these 2 motivations like 99 % of the time..

the brain is a sexual ornament...

yes you cannot trust anyone because any human is flawed .. just trust reality and trust the fact that all humans are flawed just like animals. You are not responsible for anyone else... their issues and behaviour is outside your control. i am dealing with the same issues ( much less tho ) .. i always am because i have a brain and a human body and your brain can be your worst enemy whenever wherever.

you know the truth ... like the other guy says the brain searches for proof

----------

aside from all of this it's a very complex psychological situation with very long imprinted neuro associations.

when you read this you probably will be frustratedand your probably feel helpless .. this is ok... stick on this thread

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

how commited are you .. do you want to do whatever it takes to figure it out ?
your brain is lying to you and it feels like all of this isn't real... like you didn't write and like there isn't any issue... like it's completely normal.. i tell you straight on it's not .. you are deceived by your brain .. you lied to yourself - that's why it feels unreal. how do you know what is real ? how can you accept reality if you lied to yourself for years ?

im not saying you shouldn't trust your girlfriend....im not saying you should break up...

accepting human flaws
accepting the fact she can cheat .. it's a possiblity in this universe..everyone is human so why even bother worrying about such thing ?
then why are you waking up each morning worrying about this shit ?
do you like it when your brain hijacks your body ?
do you feel schizophrenia now ?

what is real ... maybe you have hallucinated for years ...

do you even know the sun is bigger than it really looks when you look to it... your eye can only process a limited amount of light .. that is why it looks small..
are your parents even your real parents ? . maybe they adopted you and lied to you your whole life ... does it matter they have lied ? or you worse of now ? maybe you lied your whole life to yourself that you weren't adopted... does that matter .. yes it does...

as you read this there will be a big chance you will wake up tomorrow.. and you will realize it was all a dream... but you will get struck by thought...did it really was a dream ? or is life being a dream full with lies .. maybe the dreams are the truths ?

what did you not see for years ... what is erased from your memory and why are you having amnesia.. did your unconcious instinctive brain covered up it's tracks and created self-induced amnesia without your permission ?

why can't your remember why you are having these issues because you were having them for a long time.. they have passed on from your parents to you ..it could be genes .. behaviours .. observations.. experiences.. Whatever others do you are always responsible for your own experiences..

since you are lying to yourself you must also know you are in control.. everything that is created by a part of you can be undone...your concious mind will be controlled by truth- discipline and willpower... your unconcious mind will be controlled by dreams which present you the symbolic truth.

you have lied to yourself for years ... do you realize how many people lie to themselfs...all girls are possible cheaters...they are lying to themself without them realizing they are doing it .. it is outside their control... it's outside your control as well ... you can only control your lies and see through the lies of others...

why do you believe you don't deserve love ?... what is love anyway? are the heat rays of the sun love ? how can you love someone if you keep lying to yourself ? .. how can you feel the sun if you lie that you cannot feel the heat rays coming of it ?

How about you walk outside in the sun with your eyes closed .. only focussing on your breathing and the heat touching your skin ? how does it feel to feel the truth instead of thinking it ?

what is heat .. what are emotions ? we do not know .. the brain does not understand emotions...do we need to know ? ..do we need to judge or label our emotions ? do we have to form mental ideas of them and call them fear or insecurity ? .. no we don't have to ... emotions are there to enjoy .. just like the heat of the sun - it's just how things are.

there are 3 people inside of you .. your soul.. your brain .. and another unfamilair person... who is talking to you ? and why ?

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

@Lodewijkp
I stoped reading you post when I got to this You have a very very degraded mindset you know that ? I'll be surprised if you'll EVER manage to have a normal meaningFUL relationship.

Of course attraction isn't a choice. And for an analogy guess what ? Hunger isn't a
choice either.But for that fact you can ALWAYS pass on the junkfood and eat healthy instead.In a very similar way you can always pass the temptation. So what if you're attracted ? It's normal to sometimes be attracted by someone else and yes ,that is not your choice. What IS your choice however is what action will you take in this regard .If you're gonna give in or pass is the choice YOU make.

And what the fuck is it with you and women ? I get the fact that they're not perfect but why do you think only women backstab ? you think only women cheat ?WE are on a fcking PUA forum and THEY manipulate ? I have seen women throw away perfect relationships too and I also saw men throw away the exact same thing.
really ? a woman will never EVER cheat on her man if they share real love and nor will a man cheat on his woman. And yea,to you it might sound fucking cliche but that's only because you never been there.And judging by your mentality I am not surprised at all.


@ontopic:


Century100: I think you're just scared...scared of getting hurt.And believe me,you will.In the greater picture though...you'll see,it was all worth it.

Fact is , trust is the very fundation of love.You'll never be able to share love with anyone unless you can trust them.It's as simple as that.

Like I said,you'll get hurt,have no doubt about it.You can either go out there , open yourself to the world and withstand every blow you get or you can live the rest of your life in fear.

i manage to have a meaningfull relationship with myself and my own life... everything else is not important , it's secondary stuff.. you think humans are so special .. like we are enlightened...where i come from we do not deal with the human side but also with the animal side.

psychology is subjective .. instinct ,genes and biological drives are not...
that is why i usually throw all psychological system out of the window because that is all semi-subjective ( psuedo science)... all issues are created out of unbalance in the objective side : '' the biology side'' of humans. humans are fucking flawed .. it's terrible....

woman are tend to be more emotional and irrational .. they fuckup more than men IN GENERAL...
you are being such a jackass ? what is next .. pots of gold.. woman with quadro-clits... unicorns flying over the rainbow giving you blowjobs ? i never said all woman cheat .. but because we are humans and also ANIMALS AKA BIOLOGICAL MACHINES the possiblity exist that she will cheat on you for no particular reason...

here is some maths:
ANIMAL + BIOLOGICAL MACHINE + ATTRACTION ISN'T A CHOICE + EMOTIONS = .. yes...

if you get into a relationship you must face the possiblity that she will cheat.. you must accept the fact that humans are flawed... just like the fact the relationship will end someday.. by breaking up or by death of age... all you guys don't think about these things when you get into a relationship.. you guys just wear industrial strenght beer goggles voluntarily because you are offered some vagina.

.. now enough bullshit ... im not here to talk about systems im here to help to OP so stop wasting my time with your minor imaginary realities.
you are a complete moron ... you aren't listening to the OP at all ... HE IS ALREADY HURT... she didn't cheat on him , she didn't do anything to trigger this shit...

he isn't afraid of being hurt .. he's already hurt but he doesn't know why... until he knows why he will run in circles fucking himself up.

OP doesn't trust himself and can barely control his thoughts ... how can you trust someone if you cannot trust yourself ? he is having obsessive compulsive thoughts about cheating and other weird shit which probably is caused by some trauma in his childhood. The question is not if he should trust her ... the question is can she trust him ? he is the one having all this compulsive shit....

and stop with these god damn pussy quotes .. you are not helping him at all... Fear is not taking action... facing fear is great but you need to know where it is otherwise you cannot see it - that is how it works with internal fears.

look for fear ... once you find it... do not face it but punch it in the face .. choke that mohterfucker...

OP has lived his whole life with this fear but he never was aware of it... the harder and obsessive the issue is - the longer it has been there.

OP is just projecting .. he cannot trust anyone.. he is just projecting his own emotionsin his text.. he doesn't trust himself - give him a few more years with this state of mind and he will suffer from paranoia and schizophrenia...

eventually the OP has to accept himself...no trust = uncertainty... being uncertain about yourself is not accepting who you are... therefore his issues are not with woman, woman only trigger these issues because these old traumatized reference experiences are superglued to his ego... His girlfriend is not responsible AT ALL AN OP KNOWS IT.

his brain does not understand his emotions and experiences ( probably from childhood ) and thus it goes ballastic .. creating thoughts and lies... OP that is how your brain and body works... you feel some psychological pain - probably from childhood and your brain doesn't know why so it goes searching for proof. what you are experiencing is how flawed the human body is.... especially when you have inner game issues...

from experience if i must make a evaluation i would say OP is :

1.sexually abused in childhood
2.didn't receive enough attention from his parents and not the right type
3.Parents divorced or his mom did something bad .. like cheating on his dad
4. He was confronted with reality by his dad in childhood .. it was too much to handle so nowadays he just tries to block reality.

it's one of those 4 or a combination of them... i can assure you it has taken place in his childhood otherwise he would point out the issue, emotion and memory himself. OP probably had terrible relationships as well or they were all short term and not too serious...

----------

i have invested too much time in this thread ... so i have to point out my self interest and commercial interests...for 5000$ i will do surgery ... i crack your skull open and take a look in your brains to look if everything is right...with 10 free psychology sessions included of course...

OR

you can stop lying to yourself and try to fix your issues.. how ?
train yourself to be aware and in the moment...
and point out your issues without lying to yourself
follow inner game material and STICK TO IT
get professional help.. go to a psychologist , psychiatrist or therapist...

i don't know which country you live in and how good your health insurance is..
but i can tell you straight on, you need a psychiatrist...( very likely)

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

@Lodewijkp

You are one cheeky cunt I swear. Seriously. I don't know what they teach you in the Netherlands, but you are one fucked up person. I don't know why you are on this forum because your mentality is absolutely unhealthy and degrading to other posters, yourself, and women in general.

All women are manipulative and backstabbers?!?! Are you fucking kidding me?!?!

Do us all a favor and please go away.

The only saving grace in any of your posts is your saying that all women are possible cheaters and guys need to accept that. True, all girls are possible cheaters, and accepting that is the only way to move forward. But that doesn't mean you need to have a stick up your ass the whole time.

@Century

What I mean by "evidence" is that just give her the benefit of the doubt. Live your life as if your girlfriend is faithful. Until you have undeniable doubt that she cheated on you, just believe that she's faithful. The longer you witness that she has not cheated on you, the more trust you will be able to give her. I also think telling your girlfriend about your problem may help. If you really love her, she deserves to know about this.

If you get hurt, you get hurt. We can't always control how other people will act. We can't control whether or not our girlfriends will cheat on us. But we can control how we deal with it and how we live our lives regardless of it. Even if she does cheat on you, just accept it. That's that. There's nothing you can do about it. You have to be open to the possibility of getting hurt if you want to get out of this mess. Don't live under fear. Rise above it.

The only thing I have to say to this is not all women are the same. I wouldn't judge 3 billion people and call them all backstabbing, cheating, etc... Maybe your experiences have lead you to believe that, but there is no way to know for sure that everyone's mother cheated. And there isn't really a benefit from judging all women as cheaters. That isn't going to help Century overcome his trust issues.

Century you are probably dating a girl that gives you warning signs that she is cheating. She probably feels like you don't care about her and need to be validated by other men. I'm sorry you are experiencing this.

Try to reframe your mind. You have a lot of learning to do. When I was at your stage that was about 4 years ago, before I started college in California. So you are in the right spot. There are some great self-help books that can help you reframe. You will also need a trusted advisor to council you through the pain and heartache.

Don't judge people just because they are women. Not all women sleep around. There are millions if not billions of women that have died virgins. So don't be so negative about the future. Try to focus on the positive aspects of your life. Talk to your current girlfriend about becoming more positive. Get therapy, and research the shit out of positive thinking and reframing your mind. Life is 90% how you react to the 10% of the things that happen to you.

_________________
Walk Hard

begin to biuld up trust with the ssmall things people do, then move on to trusting people with bigger things , and then bigger things, however, dont fall into a mentality that everyone can be trusted....bad world.

_________________
Hey look at that!
What?
That! You dont see it?
No not really....
Oh come on theres nothing i just wanted to talk to you. Whats your name?

I was the opposite way I believed in women, trusted them, had faith in them and so forth, and got seriously burned.

Women have there own code and will do what they think is best for them.

I think people have to earn trust, it's smart to be careful.