Hey guys, I'm new to the game but have been lurking on here for some time.

I've been on 3 dates with an HB9. First two were dinner and the third was for coffee. I thought things were good but was suspicious I was headed to the friend zone. We made plans for her to come over for dinner tomorrow. She called today and said she didn't want to come and was "freaked out". She suggested doing some more "friend" type stuff. I played it cool and told her not worry about it, I told her to call me if she wanted to set something up.

I know the advice will probably be to find the next girl, but I like this girl and she would be someone with LTR potential. I don't want to close the book just yet. That said I'm working on other girls to cure my oneitis.

My obvious instinct is to be honest and tell her how I feel, but I'm beginning to see my instincts aren't so good.

Assuming she doesn't contact for the next few days what's my next move?

I like your persistence. Applaud it, in fact.

I found myself greatly helped by fixating on the following question.

"What's the story?"

It's a question that came to me by comparing all my successes.
I, like others before me, found that my 'lays' had one thing in common. A good (Subjective) Story.

Whether it be a one night stand... impulsive meet up OR (especially) an intense relationship.

Why do they care?
It's a way of justifying their sexuality. To their family, friends and themselves.
They need that excuse/opening to get there.
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So, straightjam. What's the story?
From the way you talk I feel it must be a very 'transactional' SPAM you've created. Am I wrong?

Eager to hear your answer.

Cheers,

Quill

P.s. Don't despair. Think of the love-stories starting with
"Frankly, when I first met your father... I didn't think to much of him..."
AND
The One-night-stand-aftermath-statements
"Wasn't expecting that... You're so not my type!"

if a girl flakes you really should just let her go... if she contacts you and seems sincere about missing the date, then you could playfully suggest she makes it up to you by taking you somewhere or cooking for you or w/e. If not then you should drop this one.

I have to slightly disagree on that one.

First, in my opinion, she didn't flake yet. She's just starting to realize that maybe she likes you, and isn't too sure whether this is good or not. What I would attempt to do, if I were you, is to build more comfort.

If you go above her comfort zone, it means you might be moving too fast, not doing enough kino at the right time, etc. Build some comfort, and then advance again to the following step.

Make sure to keep the kino going, not enough to freak her out, just enough to make her understand you're not here to be her friend: it's an actual girlfriend, or nothing, no in between.

Quill, I don't know what you mean by "transactional". I think I've acted to AFC so far. I can be more confident and assertive with girls I don't see a future with, but with this one I was more nervous and hesitant. I definitely acted different than I would for girls I have less interest in.

Jacob, I agree I need to build more comfort. Whats the best way to go about this?

At this point I don't have much to lose in trying to rengage at some point. What do you guys think my best option would be?

woah, i wouldnt quite say your in the freind zone lol, just beacuse she said she wants to do stuff more freind like doesnt mean your just freinds, thats only the case when she says lets just be freinds or i dont think this is gonna work out, it seems like your escalating to fast with her and she is freaked out, two dinners and coffee seems to serious and "date like" which you dont want anyway, take her somewhere fun like celebration station or an arcade go karts or rock wall climbing its fun and she associates those feelings of fun with you which is attractive.

_________________
if actions speak louder than words then imagine what your intentions are screaming

to succeed you must learn, to learn you must first fail

Id rather be the one in a relationship instead of some guy id pretend to be...

If your first 3 dates were two dinner dates and a coffee date, then it sounds like you've built too much comfort and not enough attraction.

Have you fucked her? Kissed her? Held her hand?

What did you do on your "dates?" Did you just sit there and talk? What did you talk about? Were you flirty with one another? Did you banter? Did you touch her at all? Try to escalate?

Went for the kiss on date two and was rejected. Talked a lot but not super flirty or banterous.

Definitely need to build attraction.

Yep, definitely way too much comfort. You didn't establish yourself as a sexual male and instead went down the nice guy path.

You're going to have to freeze her out for at least a few days.

How nice of you to finally give us something to work with.
That, my man, is a story.

Here's what you do.

Step 1. Hug/Mount the elephant.
She has rejected your kiss. It happend. It's awkard. It's in the room. It's an elephant.
Don't pretend it's smaller than you feel it is.
Don't merely address it.
Hug it. No. MOUNT the fucker.
How?

"This might be weird" (Social intelligence)
"But when I tried to kiss you the other day..." (Balls + adressing the elephant)
"And you turned away" (Further addressing of the elephant)
"I thought that was really cool" (Qualifying her + Hugging the elephant)

It's like saying that you like it when someone treats you like shit.
The moment you do it... they can't do it again without knowing they're playing YOUR game.
They can't do it again without giving in. Now, they're pleasing you.
First.. it puts you in the role of judge. You're the one passing judgement.
Second... It makes them self-conscious in a great way.

Step 2. Ride the elephant
Trough any remaining blockades. She now knows that you go 'Challenge accepted' rather than pouting or giving up.

You have given her a solid statement.

Rejection = Foreplay

Cast yourself as the winner
Cast her as the prize (And she'll want you to win her)

So go win her, winner.

Yes, it's all counter-pua-intuitive. But for those out there doubting, remember: Your frame. Your story.
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I'll let you figure out the packaging (Text, phone, in person, meet ups... etc)
I gift only concepts.
But do yourself a favor. Write it down first. Let others have a look at your plan.
You've got us invested.

Good luck.

heh... interesting lol.

I like it but I think I'll modify it a bit something like this -

I know I put a lot of pressure on you inviting you over - Thanks for being honest with me - most girls would make something up like they're sick - I can respect you for it.

I'm thinking I'll call later this week (1 week from flake) to show more Alpha as I previously had been texting and see if we can meet up.

I'm thinking invite her to something she would be comfortable with like coffee (but we've already done coffee) Any thoughts?

Side note - been in a Alpha don't give a fuck mode since the flake. Pulled and number and set up 2 day 2s.

Texts are easy to read into. Especially yours.
(Which can sometimes be great, Sometimes terrible).

I like your text for it's sincerity. It's flattering to the girl... but mainly, it's honest.

That said, It's also a giant self-cock-block.

Allow me to translate your version in a negative- worst case impression scenario.

"I know I put a lot of pressure on you inviting you over"
= My bad. I'm at fault for your actions. For I justified them.
= I view your worth WAY above my own. You deserve allot of consideration.
= Watch me grovel.

"Thanks for being honest with me"
= Most people aren't honest with me.

"Most girls would make something up like they're sick"
= Most girls flake on me.
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That said... It's probably a great way to put her conscience at ease.
Is it important for you to make sure we believe it? Those who don't give a fuck, usually don't feel a need to tell us. Not trying to pinch your pride, mate. I'm just another creepy dude on the internet sharing his thoughts.

And right now I'm thinking you stand allot more to gain by giving a fuck. (perhaps update the ol' skillset)