Hey all,

So, I'm having trouble sorting this thing out. I was dating this girl which has loads of attraction for me but has a boyfriend (who is, actually, abroad).
I really want to make the story short: we got to bed together and almost had sex but had a severe LMR (actually described here: couldnt-break-textbook-lmr-vt117541.html at length). We slept together and the next day we parted on the premise of it being a goodbye. I was cool and aloof.

She contacted me the same night alluding to a date, I accepted the hint and set things out. We had a very long night — from 20.30 to 5.00 AM. During the date there was a lot of sexual tension, and push-pulls, and freeze-outs, and I was thinking for most of the time like: « Ok babe, it's your last chance; get it or I'm gonna next you real hard… »

We went to her place and we again almost had sex, but again I got LMR which I couldn't break.
At some point she was all like: « I think you should go », but if I went away, I could feel her strong grasp, if I tried to break LMR I would get a freeze-out.
So, at some point I just thought I wasn't going to be played with like this, so I told her: « Ok, cool: if you can't do that, I will. Goodbye » I got up, took my stuff, and started going away.
She stopped me after a while by taking me. I watched her, kissed her, but when I saw some resistance even to the kiss. I pulled back and went away.


Though it was rather emotionally taxing, while going back home at 9.00 AM I was thinking that was it, and I was going to next her.
Now, after some sleep over that, I'm not sure this is the best decision.

Should I really next her or should I fight for her?
Should I go to her and tell her that I won't give up on her (or just act like so)?
What do you guys think she wants? She has obviously tons of attraction for me and really wanted to fuck hard, and also has some kind of not-so-satisfying relationship with this guy who sounds somewhat beta.
Does she just want me to take control of it and take what I want? Does she want me to crush all her inibitions and taboos? Does she want to feel some kind of emotional investment from my part (doesn't want to leave her 1.5yr BF for a guy who isn't emotionally investing enough?)?

Eager to hear your opinions,

ShinRa

mate, I've been with a girl that said she loved me but had a BF of 5 years. the guy was not even a beta but a "Z".
long story short, she wanted to leave him, he wasn't good in bed. not funny and the only thing he had to give her was comfort(cos of the 5y relation) and provide for her.
she was REALLY into me and i would give her a shot if she left him...but would not provide for her. I was clear to her that she'd have to be independent.

cos of money she didn't leave the guy and go caught many times "cheating".

cos of comfort and being scared of leaving him for something unknown she didn't leave the guy.

if you just want to fuck this girl, then game her.

if you really like her (and she likes you), then don't engage till she's single.

if you do before then, you might get hurt or she might feel guilty and cut you off.

the to chase/ not to chase depends on what you feel/want. always do what you feel right, just evaluate the scenario and your chances before jumping.

Hey mate, thanks for your experience.

I think that her relationship with the guy looks like the opposite of what you described. She wants to be independent, but the guy sounds needy and clingy; and since they used to live together, her world was getting smaller and smaller, if you catch what I mean.

As for what I feel is right, I feel she's worth a little more effort. I don't have oneitis at all, and actually was really ready to leave her for good. Though, thinking about it, I thought we're really good together, so I'd like to give it a shot.

As you said, I evaluated the scenario and the chances: and there seems to be strong chances of success; but it also is a very delicate scenario.

My dilemma is this:
1. Going to her might come out as needy (which is the very quality she's running from), or as giving her all the power.
2. While freezing her out badly (i.e. don't caring anymore) might trigger in her the awareness of what she's losing, and she might come back to me.

The pro of #1 is that, perhaps I could frame the thing as knowing and getting what I want, of not quitting on my desires, of not letting her toy with me; while asserting a kind of dominant behavior (she's one of those overly independent girls who just SCREAM to be dominated).

The con of #2 is that if not exposed to my presence, she may just convince herself everything was bad and slip back into that comfort space of having a nice boyfriend ready anytime for her. She may actually get attached to her boyfriend more, out of sense of guilt.
(As a matter of fact, that same day we again almost had sex, after a few hours, she posted on her BF Facebook wall [that Facebook! Let's you know everything], calling him "my love", which gave me the creeps!)

Thanks for your pointers. Would appreciate any other comments on what I may be missing about this situation!

ShinRa