I see lots of posts insisting to never pay for anything for a girl because it's AFC or DLV or something. I would argue that is totally bogus.

Spending money can have several different meanings depending on how you communicate your intentions for spending and how that message is received.

You could look needy, or using money as a crutch. which is bad. But you could look generous, which is an underrated positive quality in a person.

Conversely, not spending any money could be seen as seen as cheap. Ever see the part in a James Bond movie where he worked out what's half the price of a meal? yeah I didn't think so.

For example, if a girl you recently met wants to go shopping with you and expects you to buy her stuff. It's bad form on her behalf, and if you comply, you are being used. Don't do this. Or if you introduce yourself with 'can I buy you a drink?' you want to buy her attention, this is also bad.

But if you have a small meal with somebody, or see a movie. When it comes time to pay, It will normally be positive if you just pay without asking her anything, saying anything or expecting anything. Just pay as if it were for free, and move on because that's how you roll. After all, it can't be considered generosity if you expect something material or emotional reward for doing it, then it becomes a trade. If the girl wants to go half, let her, if she doesn't say anything, let her say nothing.


There shouldn't be any strict rules about anything. Calibrate based on each person, a girl from a collectivist background or culture (Asian girls for example) will probably respond better to generosity than somebody from an individualist culture. Because it is perceived differently.


I think the guys that perpetuate the idea that buying anything anytime is wrong are either broke, or not generous and they are avoiding their own flaws.

Exelllent...

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I guess it just depend on your personality. Personally, I usually don't pay anything to the girl I game (My wing and me usually get the girls to pay us drinks) but that's just me. However, I think it can be a good way to demonstrate the girl that you are interested in her...


But don't overthink (As many does in this forum) it, if I don't pay anything to the girl, it's not because I don't want to appear as AFC or needy, I just don't pay because I don't WANT to, and I don't NEED to. I'll keep the cash and get another drink for myself!

Me, myself and I!

Anyways, that was my 2 cent.

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Dear Optimist, Pessimist & Realist,

Just to let you know that while you guys were arguing about the glass of water...... I drank it!

Sincerely, the Opportunist

Well said!

I had a pickup at a bar last weekend, she went to get drinks and offered me some too. After that she wanted to get another round for us and I said something like: "Oh no you don't, I'm getting the next round. Making you pay for it all would be lame."

It's okay to jump through the "I'm buying this time" hoop when she already jumped through it before you, it'll only show character. (which worked out great in my case of last weekend I think)

I'm a college student paying my own tuition. So when I had a girlfriend, I wouldn't even pay for lunch or anything like that. I'd pay for my own ish, and she would pay for hers.

As far as picking up a girl, what would you recommend me doing? Avoiding types of situations where you have to pay? Lol I don't think I can completely avoid that. I'm still not paying regardless... I just want some tips.

Great post. I agree, how is appearing rich and generous possibly a DLV? I don't know,but half the fools on here think so. They are so concerned with being the "PRIZE" that they abandon their masculine role as a provider. In the same way I don't believe someone should ever feel obliged to buy a girl a drink, don't feel you can't.

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Even the most naturally gifted can learn to become better.

hahahhaa! i am with mat, as much as i agree with the post, i do not pay for shit, i rather lose the girl... i am cheap ass...

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I am a cheap bastard, but not so cheap that I don't pay for anything. I just go to cheap places or have cheap dates. I mean spending $12 at Starbucks ain't going to kill me.

You live in Orange County fool! How the hell can you be cheap? lol

lol. The how is easy. When you live here long enough you know where to go for cheap food. It also helps not to live in the real OC so most of the restaurants around here are not that expensive. I know a good handful of places where you can easily get dinner for two for an easy $25, at most $30. Not exactly breaking the bank I say. Plus I found being cheap helps avoid the gold digger and the materialistic girls who aren't my type anyway. And would only hit on such girls for one nighters.

This comes from the reasoning that a man is normally a tool, a weak needy sucker, a loser who gives the girl whatever she wants just because she is the prize and he has to win her.

That sucks of course but there are different ways of paying for stuff.

1. Can I buy you a drink?
Of course this sucks. It means, can I give you something of value so you wont notice that I have none myself.

2. It isnt a lot of money to you. I will let a girl have one of my chewing gums if I have enough, who cares, big deal?
This is the correct way to do it. You have enough and can spare some.

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I'm not trying to be a dick Ezo, but you're being a Pick Up Snob in my opinion.

bbardot: you just reminded me about porn

What this guy said.

/thread.