i couldnt have said it better.. agreed

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It's Always Forward Im Moving, Never Backwards!

I kinda had a similar problem for a while. With my ex girlfriend, getting a condom on was an instant boner-kill and trying to get it inside her was virtually impossible. I could do her fine without condoms but I couldn't last at all or really pleasure her because I swear she was the tightest girl in the world. Rather than be understanding and considerate about it, she as actually kind of unpleasant and she'd get exasperated and make me feel emasculated and I lost a lot of confidence. Eventually I decided I didn't like her personality and ditched her.

Then my next lay after her was a mature lady, she was 45 years old and I am 21 (she is totally hot though!) Before sex the first time I was super nervous and thinking I was just going to be premature and embarrass myself but I had the opposite. I lasted for hours, literally. We did every position and I just couldn't finish. Every time I started to feel like I was "getting there" I'd start thinking about it and worrying, kind of like "Ok, here we go! I need to finish!" and of course, this thought process would bring me back to square one and eventually I'd even go soft because I just wasn't in the moment.

Now, with a more mature woman, she was understanding and told me to just relax and don't put pressure on myself to finish and we'd do it a few times, she'd have a great time and I wouldn't finish and we'd just go to sleep. Eventually, after relaxing more and being in the moment I am now able to have a far more fulfilling sexual experience.

Thank fucking GOD.
I thought i was the only person in the entire world that was like this.... I have never, EVER, told anyone about this issue of mine. Thank you so much for having the balls to post this up man, as I would never have been able to.
I always gets a boner from making out with a woman, or when the girl tpouches me in the right ways... but condoms take away so much feeling, and to be honest, i've never had a woman make me finish in any way, shape, or form. I've even faked an orgasm and said i shot a blank because i've had girls never talk to me again because they felt so bad that they couldn't make me orgasm like i had made them. It's because of women like that that i havent had sex in almost a year... I just always felt really ashamed, ya know?
But again, thank you so much Century100. I think the advice that made the most sense out of the replies was to go try some other women. I find that i like women to be super aggressive sexually, and i get the most aroused when i feel like the girl NEEDS my dick.
I think i need to find a tight nympho. XD

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Note to self: Be a man. Bottle up your true feelings. They show vulnerability. What woman wants that?

This could be a physical or psychological problem, or a combination of both.

Do you exercise regularly? How is your diet? If you're not living a healthy lifestyle, it will adversely affect your sexual ability. Start working out or playing sports if you don't already, and try to eat more natural meat, fruit and vegetables. Also try to get an adequate amount of sleep. If you're health is lacking, you'll see an improvement if you do this.

Psychologically, it depends on your emotional state and your level of attraction. Are you really attracted to the girl you're with? If not, this may make things difficult. I've been with some girls and felt the way you do; I don't particularly want to go down on her and I have trouble staying hard sometimes. With other girls I am totally into it and have no problem at all. And this doesn't correlate perfectly with how pretty the girls are. Maybe there's a chemical aspect as well.

You also have to be comfortable with what you're doing. If you're doing something that makes you feel uneasy for moral reasons, etc., it's going to get in the way. And unless you're perfectly confident in your sexual abilities (which few of us are, I think), you need to have some trust in the girl that she will accept you. If you don't, you'll feel awfully anxious, and anxiety will totally incapacitate you. Don't have sex with a girl until you're absolutely comfortable with it, or it may not end well.

It also helps if you abstain from any sexual activity (including masturbating) for a day or two before having sex.

It's a mental issue.

Boost your confidence. You gotta be comfy naked. Hit the gym! Condoms are also a boner killer. IMO, because your brain tells you, "Hey, I'm wearing the condom. I'm about to stick it inside her." And you freeze up.

Hit the gym. Get swole, bigger, stronger, faster. lol.

Also, do shit that actually turns YOU on. Don't constantly think about pleasing the girl. Obviously get permission first, but I like it when women struggle. Choke them, spank them on the ass, give it to them hard!

And when a girl see's you turned on, she will get turned on.

if you are gay, that means you won't have the same problem with another man, but you dont sound like you are sexually to men so that is not the issue. you do sound like you have a lot of anxiety - look at your message you catastrophize and say "worry" every other word.. check out "when panic strikes" by dr burns and "intimate conection" by dr burns. the first one, if you do what it says, not just read the book, do the exercises, over a year, it makes a huge difference.. the second one has a chapter on erections and it says something like to tell the girl that you will get undressed but you will not have intercourse and she cannot touch your penis because you are trying to take things slow and you are tired of jumping into sex right away.. that just takes the preassure off so you can concentrate on kissing and other non penetrational things

Wow I didn't realise this post was being continued

I feel very happy for posting it as I see that my issues can relate to some of you guys out there. Thanks for the good comments (y)

UPDATE:
I'm with the same girl. I get a boner when she texts me cute messages, and I get hard as a rock when I go down on her.
I am into her - that's a fact.
I still haven't finished. However, this doesn't bother me nearly as much as it used to.

What I did was explain the situation perfectly well to my girlfriend. Immediately, the pressure was taken off ME because I knew that she now didn't feel as bad about not making me finish. The result - We are now perfectly capable of having sex.
The only issue is I haven't finished. But to be honest, as long as she finishes - I'm perfectly happy for the time being. I have a quick wank in the bathroom after and BOOM - the orgasm:orgasm ratio is 1:1.

Easy.

....hahahaha

I'm late in this thread but:

I think this is perfectly normal. Waayy back I had an opportunity to hook up with this girl. I remember there were a few times she wound up in my bed.

The first time we were kissing and I was sucking her tits. She reached down and started rubbing me with her hand. I couldn't get hard AT ALL. Nothing. I was totally nerve wracked that nothing was happening. This also happened a second time with her. The third time I managed to get hard but I didn't cum.

Finally I came the next time after her giving me a hand job (with my help) for literally 10 or 15 minutes and when it finally went it didn't even feel that great. Again I thought I was messed up and woudn't be able to have normal sex.

Later we started dating and wow did things change. We had sex 10 or so times over the course of the first weekend we were together and every time was AMAZING. It lead to months of incredible sex. I think it was all about getting over performance anxiety and becoming comfortable.

Glad you're not preoccupying over this anymore bro. Someone wrote here to be a little pushy with her, it can work, I say it worths a try but what I'd like to suggest is a little kinky and it will depend on your partner whether you could execute this. Try asking her that both of you masturbates in front of each other. This way both of you will learn what turns the other really on. Believe me if she manages to make you cum by any means only just once, this won't be a problem EVER again unless you'are so old that you become impotent haha:D

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What I like in life is nothing more but living it.

Rad

And no i'm not 90 years old and impotent (just to clarify)

i would say your problem is a mindset thing. you said that you think theyre only doing it because they have to and thats when i... wilt for want of a better word. just be confident and hell even proud that you managed to build enough attraction that you have managed to get a girl to do something which you can both enjoy. and lets be honest: if she didnt want to, then she wouldnt

Well, maybe your problem here has something to do with masturbation. Sometimes when we masturbate we grip our penises much tighter than any girl's mouth or vagina could. Then, after putting it into someone, we don't get the same satisfaction that we got from our hands. This can make it difficult to ejaculate.

Try to avoid gripping your penis hard during masturbation and see if that helps.

I know i am late, but, WOW, thanks Century for posting this!
I had the same problems a few months ago with my girlfriend, but i did like you, and told her my problems. After telling her, i felt much more relaxed, and finally i managed to cum when se was giving me BJ/HJ's.

I feel like i wrote this. Well almost, but I actually made a post just like this and looked at the forum and this was right underneath.

I just never heard people have problems like this but I guess they do.

OK, it seems obvious now that it's a common problem. And that fact is actually helpful to (i'd imagine) everyone with this issue.

But let's face it - would you rather finish before your girl, or not at all?
Think about how many have this issue - even MORE would have the opposite extreme.

Be grateful