Hey guys, I've been around this (and a few other) forums a lot recently. The following text is long but IT IS DRIVING ME CRAZY so please do take the time to read it and tell what's wrong with me!

About a month ago a PUA friend of mine came to London for a week and decided to SHOW me how to daygame at the park. We did this little thing where he would for example approach indirectly (eg. 'Hey I'm meeting new people this week, you seem friendly, so I thought I'd say hi') to a girl sitting near him and I'd one-up him and talk to a chick with a direct opener (eg. 'Hey you're the cutest girl I've seen today, and I just had to talk to you') and then he'd one up me again and so on. We did this for 2 days and spoke to around 20 chicks each (I only used direct opener on around 2-3 chicks).

At that point my back-then GF (of around 4-5 years or so) and me weren't doing too good due to long-distance so that's why my friend wanted to help me out when he came to town.

About 3 weeks ago another friend had come over and I wanted to show HIM how to do daygame to help his game and I went to the park and did an approach for him!

I didn't do any more in-field, though I did keep reading on the material. But about 2 weeks ago I finally broke it off with my girlfriend and all I wanted to do after is go out there and talk to women!

I prefer daygame, preferably on the streets (or a shopping mall?) as I don't like nightclubs NOR the women that go to nightclubs. I'm also not looking just for sex but a serious relationship/girlfriend and so I prefer the women I see during the day.

My approach plan is direct: "Excuse me, hey! Listen, you look really cute/adorable and I just had to talk to you/say hi".

Now my issue: I can't approach anymore alone! Usually when I'm with someone (like that PUA friend of mine) I WILL gather the balls (and his support) and go for it but for some reason when I'm on my own I just CANNOT get myself to do it!

I went to Oxford Street AND the Westfield London mall for about 5 hours today AND yesterday and didn't approach even ONE girl!

I read a LOT on approach anxiety within the past 2 days and I KNOW I just have to GO FOR IT even though I'm nervous but I cannot get myself to do it. Over time when I've missed around 10 or so opportunities in that day the thought that I'll actually be able to approach starts fading and I lose all motivation and feel like it's not going to happen that day.

I want to do direct because for me it feels genuine and doesn't require lying about something like wanting to know directions etc which I don't like doing.

But it's one thing to say it here and another to actually get the balls to do this on my own out there! Even though I KNOW all I have to do is actually just go SAY IT and everything else will be okay (like going in a scary rollercoaster, all you need to do is just man up and get on and the roller coaster will take care of the rest) but I just end up walking past that girl completely helpless. I just CANNOT see myself opening direct to that girl! Or any of the girls that walk past me after

Thing is I've done this before, BOTH direct AND indirect (and realized direct is much more better for me), but now when I'm sarging alone I just CANNOT get myself to do it and it's driving me crazy!

Please, oh please, tell me why this is happening! Even telling myself things like 'Dude just man up and GO FOR IT' isn't helping me, I just CANNOT see myself saying that line to a girl, and because it's a street I only have like 2-3 seconds to stop her after that she's walked past me! I think it may also be me scared that it might look creepy to her AND people around us who might be able to hear what I'm saying to her, not to mention people who were behind me seeing me walking alone and then just randomly talking to a girl like that!

Just give me something guys, motivation, tips on how to deal with this WEIRD approach anxiety, ANYTHING. Please don't tell me to go indirect though, it makes me really sad to 'ask them for an opinion' or something, not to mention then it's harder to show your actual intentions and you get stuck with pointless 'friendzone' conversations.

If you actually read all that, thanks a lot! I really appreciate help from more experienced PUAs

Awaiting your replies

Surprised you have this much confidence in your skills yet you still have a problem. I've used the roller coaster example too, but to illustrate how different it is from talking to girls. The roller coaster is a single plunge, then you could cry your eyes out the whole ride and still get to the end like anyone else. Where as talking to girls, you must do every step right to progress to the next one.

Do you have any mid-game sticking points? Those tend to be the real reasons for anxiety. Not the approach itself. You do begin to fear approaching when you know it just leads to hitting the same wall every time.

It sounds to me like you have a little AA when you are alone. I have this too but what helped me is just knowing that a girl will never turn down talking to you. Openers are practically bulletproof and their purpose is just to put you out there. Personally I'm not a direct opener kind of person. They are harder to pull off with AA. But just say hi or ask for directions to warm up and then work your way into more complex openers that allow for a more elaborate conversation (or possibly her number). This way you can conquer AA by getting used to women and get a feel for openers that work for you.

Hope this helps!

EDIT: Also one thing you can do is take a bag of $500 or a good deal of money and tell a friend that he can have it unless you approach 20-30 women in one day. You don't have to have him keep count but just be honest with yourself. You either lose a tiny bit of self esteem (worst case scenario, but more likely you will strike up a conversation) or you lose $500. This should help motivate you to overcome AA.

Honestly, I don't think I've had enough experience to be confident, especially as I haven't done anything alone much, always done it with someone! The lack of motivation to just "GO FOR IT" is what is stopping me usually with someone else it's like you'll look like a pussy if you don't go for it. But after the first girl you always feel like you can do the next one without much fear.

I don't have confidence in my skills as much as in daygame. I've experienced it, seen it happen, read TONNES about it, seen youtube videos etc to KNOW it will work for me. And I don't mean get 100% success rate but 100% probability I'll be happy once I've done it for being a man and going for it!

I get your analagy, but my problem has NEVER been eye contact or talking to women etc. I do it now and have always done it. It's that cold approach of just going for it out of the blue (especially when it's direct) that is scaring me now, and it doesn't when I'm with someone else, just alone! I really want to do it direct, and do it alone coz I know it's all I have to do is GO FOR IT and then I'll pretty much feel like I can do anything! After doing it ONCE I'll be pumped for doing it again!

With regards to mid-game issues, I think it might be the long path from approach to GF. It involves chatting, building attraction (which direct solves I guess), getting number, calling her up, setting a date to meet coffee etc, progress towards makeout (never gone past this through the chicks I dated when I daygamed), sex, and then FINALLY GF. I think it sort of makes me kinda sad that it's such a long process? Though I know if I just take small steps and start approaching eventually it will all happen but sometime it puts me down

One final question, do you ever GO OUT for the PURPOSE to daygame (sarge) or do you just daygame whenever you're doing your stuff? Maybe I should keep trying both and see what to do?

Thanks for your response, awaiting your reply!

But then do you actually try to close with the ones you go indirect with? Is it really hard to build attraction/show your intentions?

To be honest I'm pretty new at this but just going up and saying hi isnt all that bad. It isnt about having a conversation with HBs its just about learning to break the ice and getting used to the courage that it takes to go up, as well as not having your self esteem shattered if it doesnt work out. When i first started i didnt go for the long conversations or phone numbers i just tried starting conversation. After you get a good feel for it THEN start with stimulating conversation and work for phone numbers etc. try to take it one step at a time. and AA is probably the hardest part of "the game"

You know what I think I should do that, use indirect openers before going for the directs straight away. Thanks a lot for the advice! I wish you best of luck

The roads long but hopefully it will pay off eventually right?

My analysis from an NLP practitioner:

Background:
This is a new experience. The sub-concious mind is afraid of the unknown, because it can't contextualise it by using past experiences (even if you have been approaching with the help of a wing, you've never done it alone, with no safety net).

Cure:
Map your future. Visualise the new behaviour. Close your eyes and imagine yourself walking up to these girls and opening them. Imagine it in vivid detail, with all the little nuances. Imagine yourself watching yourself do it. Then imagine yourself doing it. With ease. Imagine a wide range of reactions, and how you react to them. (noticing that none of them actually hurt you) Most importantly you must BELIEVE that this is real, it is GOING to happen.

What you are doing:
Creating a reference point for your sub-concious mind to refer to when you are in the situation. the mind can achieve anything that you have thought, and then subsequently believed to be true, or to be inevitable.

Let me know if this works!

I like this idea! Thanks a lot I'm going to try this and let you know on the results!

A quick question though, this 'exercise', do I picture it when I'm at home or when I'm sarging and see a girl? While sarging I'm assuming it would be hard to do this in the limited timeframe (especially if it's a moving target!).

Thanks again for this new way of thinking, hope it helps my inner game!

Awaiting your reply

I had a similar problem, and I realized that my AA came from a sense of shame about my desire. So I did lots of inner game work, and changed my mentality so that I was consciously open about my attraction to women.

By the same token, I pretty much hate direct game, especially the "you're cute and I had to say hi" routine, because it just gives the woman so much power, and it's hard to regain momentum.

So I came up with this goofy phrase: eye compliments. If I see a girl who is vaguely attractive (6s and up), then I look her in the eye and transmit a "You're pretty" thought -- totally through eye contact.

Women are so incredibly perceptive at detecting facial expressions -- eye expressions -- that they always know exactly what I'm telling them. And often I see them flush, then look down and back up, batting eyelashes and preening hair -- a freaking blizzard of IOIs.

This glance is so candid that I consider it direct game; although because you're not expressing attraction verbally, you leave the girl wanting more validation. ("Did that guy give me A Look? Or did I imagine it?") But mostly, if you have the confidence to express your sexuality nonverbally, that's very attractive. It makes her think that the two of you have an "instant connection," such that you can communicate without words. It's batty, but then so are most women...

Anyway, it's pretty easy to read her reaction to your eye compliment, and so from there it's a cinch. "Hi. (Maintain eye contact, hold it...) I'm so-and-so. (Eye contact, handshake.) I'm pleased to meet you..." As long as you're keeping that gaze, there's a ton of tension, even though it's an extremely bland conversation, which is more evidence to her that you're soulmates or whatever.

Whereas going up to a woman who hasn't seen you is a cold approach, this is a warm approach, because you've "forced IOIs," to borrow a phrase from Gambler. With this model, you hit for a very high batting average.

This reminds me of a book by Mike Pilinski

Question, how often has this worked? How often do you do it? I've never heard in-field reports on this sort of approach so I'm quite keen.

Heh, I've only been doing this for a few weeks, at least the full package, which also includes posture and voice tonality -- both of which are much harder to master than most realize. But it's been electrifying in the moments when all these factors align. As I continue to practice, it'll keep getting better. Part of the problem is that I don't collect #s from women who aren't 9s, at least. And I don't toy with the emotions of women that I don't want to sleep with; I merely turn on the charm, then turn it off, in a trial-and-error fashion to see what works and what doesn't. The eye compliments I hand out very liberally, only because I think it's a nice way of improving a girl's day. (This also helps me appease the nice guy part of my personality; if I was using all these charms for evil, my conscience would bother me.)

I can understand the appeal of going direct -- you feel like your mind and your words are in harmony. But verbalizing your interest is a power-drainer, and unless you look like Don Draper, it's hard to do better than 8s with that style. So my advice to you is to take that direct-ness and learn to communicate it non-verbally, as if your eyes had the power to implant an idea in a woman's head. Because you do have that power.

UPDATE

Went sarging with some people today for some daygame at Oxford Circus area and the mall and did about 5-6 direct approaches

All went good (though I ended up saying 'it was nice to meet you' after I finished talking rather than go for the close as I just wanted to practice approach) but I learnt something.

Even though it wasn't sarging alone I learnt that doing 2-3 indirect approaches (eg. 'hey do you know where starbucks is? meeting a few friends') that last for 10 seconds REALLY helps before going direct. It shows you women ARE susceptible to you and WILL stop when you approach them.

Then just be genuine and tell them they look cute etc i.e. go direct!

It worked today and I will try it on my own too when I get time and will update you guys if you want.

Until then, has anyone tried this (if not try it!) and did you get any success with it?

Your problem is your solution.

Approaching women to pick them up has inherent resistance built into it because it is all about you and your acquisition.

If you want more success, engage women to give and create FOR them.

Everything will change when you grow out of pickup and into more natural attraction.

_________________
In Strength,

John P Morgan

"Authenticity is invincible."

LIVE IN LONDON!
The Authentic Approach - All Day Training
12th November 2011
http://themagneticman.com/store/the-authentic-approach/

VIDEO RESPONSE http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_4R31YY_Q_E

_________________
In Strength,

John P Morgan

"Authenticity is invincible."

LIVE IN LONDON!
The Authentic Approach - All Day Training
12th November 2011
http://themagneticman.com/store/the-authentic-approach/