So, I sorta screwed up big time.

Hung out with a girl - usually I make a move fast, and fuck her. And I did fuck this girl. But we never kissed (fucked up, I know, was just SUPER nervous). We quasi-dated (mostly non-sexless, sadly) for like 4-5 months.

She kept asking about a relationship, I kept turning her down, saying no, I wasn't into that, no I didn't think we should date (even her giving me reasons why we SHOULD). All the while I really wanted to date her - it was the oddest f-ing thing. I was scared - I hadn't been in a relationship in forever, only just random sex.

Well, she meets a new guy, is instantly hanging out with him, excited, coupley, etc. Has me meet him, to kinda see how I react.

I totally puss out, don't tell her "oh no no, you're mine". She starts to hang out with him more, fucks him.

I bitch out and buy her an expensive present, trying to win back her affections (yea, fucked up, I know).

She's sorta feeling it but not enough to cut off the guy.

I get super drunk, proclaim my love for her over a toilet. She backs the fuck up.

I stay normal for the next month, hanging out with her a lot, flirting occasionally, ignoring her occasionally, etc.

She comes back, starts to tell me she wants to date a smart guy, etc. I still make no move, she's stroking my hair, etc.

Finally about a week after this she tells me she is dating the other guy.

I get very upset. I tell her seeing him makes me awkward. She gets a bit weirded out by it.

Then a night or two later I get drunk and am VERY creepy, telling her "How will I ever get over you" - note, this is when she was telling me, still, after telling me she dated him, that she wanted a smart guy. I didn't take the gd bait. Ever.

This girl has literally hit on me close to 50 times, and somehow I constantly am fucking it up.

Now everything is awkward, she has LJBF'ed me (though when I ignored her for 3 weeks, she contacted me every single day until I told her it was creepy). She now wants me to hang out with her and her bf, which is super awkward for me all the time.

I feel if the other guy wasn't involved, I wouldn't be awkward at all, but I still have like, attachment feelings towards her like a boyfriend of some time would, whereas she's fucking some other guy.

Like, I'm pretty sure I've fucked up irrevocably, but she still (or did at least until this weekend) want to hang out frequently. She made fun of my masculinity (said I was afraid of her bf's) when I said I didn't want to hang out with him. Goes on about how he's fucking her repeatedly. She now says that she only hung out with me earlier in the year because she was sad about her brother's death.

Like, as far as I can tell, I've gone from basically being the guy she wanted super strongly, to a complete outcast, because I was a total pussy.

How can I avoid escalation fears, and get over her? GFTOG is difficult, because I'm not really in the mood for random sex anymore. I actually would like a relationship, now.

I just can't believe I caused this clusterfuck.


Should I ignore her? We were very close and she was pretty much my social life for most of the year. But seeing her with the new guy is just extremely painful.