| Ok this is a pretty depressing post but I hope it might serve as a warning. I recently moved into a new flat with two girls in london. Now they are both up for partying as much as me, however, I've always been one to take things to far. I'm turning 30 next month and I've been binge drinking since I was about 17, it's already caused me soooo many problems I couldn't even list them all.I've made the firm decision to stop completely before my birthday, trust me, this ain't one of those hungover monday morning blues "im never drinking again" situations. I mean it , and here's why.
In the space of a month, I managed to move away from my home town, secure a cool flat with two really nice girls. Met 4 different women, one of whom I got a good dose of oneitis for but that's another story. The other 3 are girls I'd been texting fairly regularly and had drunkenly F-Closed two of them, the third is a mystery!
Anyway, we had a few crazy partties at my flat and I though things were cool. Last weekend though, I got mad on alcohol, lost my jacket,my money and everything. I started banging on the door for my SPAM to answer, evventually one of them did and let me in. That was it I thought, straight to bed.
Only the next day she and the other girl took me aside and asked me for "a chat"- The next five minutes fucking flipped my life upside down. Apparently I'd been totally trying to get with one of them,then when she ggot pissed at me, I tried the same with the other girl. As u can imagine this really upset them and they are both pretty damn freaked out by this, not only that but apparently a few of their friends had told them that I had hit on them too previously while I was drunk. But in a creepy way, not a cool way. I can't remember ANY of this and I feel totally fucking ostracised and I'm wondering if I sshould give up trying to even deal with women. I'd hate to make a woman feel like that ,let alone a whole bunch of them who are obviously talking about me. To add to the problem, one girl in the group of four that I have been thinking about all the time is sick o me too, I'm as cold as ice when I'm sober, never pursuing or anything just going with the flow. but when I'm drunk I fucking FREAK GIRLS OUT! Really, this all sounds pretty trivial perhaps to some of you, but I used to be like this4 or 5 years ago after I had a very nasty string of relationships, I thought I was over it, I suffered massive damage to my self esteem and it triggered off severe depression that took me years to get over.
Now these recent events have put me in the same place, I can't go to work, I can't sleep,eat,hold my head up on the street. In a matter of days, my mood has switched and I really sometimes wonder what the fuck is the point. Did I ever make any progress over all these years? I hope someone with similar experiences can help. Thanks for reading.
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