Agreed- sell it.

ONE-ITIS-Noun
Common symptoms of stage 1 ONE-ITIS are the following:

-thinking she's so much different from any other girl you've ever met.
-thinking she is the most beautiful girl in the world.
-thinking she is to at least some degree innocent and moral.

Common symptoms of stage 2 ONE-ITIS are the following:

-calling her 2-3x a day, just to talk.
-staying on the phone when she calls you.
-analyzing everything she says and does. Example: "I saw Mary-Slu in the hall today, she looked my way, what did she mean by that???"
-completely ignoring every other girl who shows interest in you.
-asking anyone and everyone for advice and to over-analyze her actions.
-thinking your different from the other 100000000 million "good guy friends" she has.
"Shes different from any other girl I've ever met, I love her, even if shes a slut and has hooked up with all of my friends."

-Michael D. Wolfe

Fall is my favorite season and I have never figured out why. I suppose it's the same reason I love thunderstorms. In the fall I would help my Father and brother cut firewood for the winter. We'd finish off the garden which fed us all summer and would slaughter a steer to feed us through winter. But despite all of these things happening I knew it was fall because I could feel it. It was intangible. I just knew it was autumn before the leaves even changed.

So it is with many things in life. Love for instance is something like this. You either know you're in it or you're not. The same can be said for one-itis and thank GOD I have enough experience to know when it's happening. It's starting now- but this time I am a RAFC- and know what to do-

If this is happening to you- read this post, bookmark it- consider it a way to help and a cautionary tale. I have followed three women down this rabbit hole and each time we nearly destroyed one another.

My One-itis

I have had 3 one-itis in my AFC days and only one I still think about- to give you an idea I'll lay it out. Maybe too much detail, but think of it as a way for me to let this out in the air and deal with it.

1. Natalie- Blonde, pale, sad (in an emo sort of way). I met her through a friend, we went out once, I never called her back. She showed up at my work a month later and wanted to hang out- so we did, A LOT, but she was hung up on her exboyfriend...she loved Ani Difranco, Pearl Jam, being sad and feminism in a conservative Southern way. She kissed me one night to show me what it was like kissing her, but nothing ever happened between us- in retrospect I was a pussy. It ended when I went into the Navy- now nearly a decade later I realize, she was bat-shit out of her mind- as was I. We screwed each other up and made things worse.

2. Becca- blonde, southern belle type, beautiful. We met in college. I swore she was the one. She used to do this look back at me that drove me wild. The wind would blow and the sun would be in front of her and she'd look back with her hair blowing all around her while illuminated by the sun and she'd make eye contact with this underlook... so sexy. We spent every waking moment hanging out or, talking. We went to church together, we went to the lake together, we went to the grocery store together, sometimes we went hiking for hours; just her and I as far away from the world as you could get. Nothing but towering blue and green mountains keeping sentinel over us. A quote I always loved and something that always reminds me of hiking with her is:

To have traveled so far... From east to west, a thousand terrible miles; my feet treading all God's surface - his Ocean, his swamps, his slopes and ridges - to find myself at last a mark in the aching snow from whence I beheld through a blue haze a world of mountains piled upon mountains. Charles Frazier, "Cold Mountain," This has since only reminded me of home- but to me then- that was us.

We did EVERYTHING together. My mother thought she was the one, however- Becca saw things different. She only dated drug dealers. So while I fulfilled the actual needs her boyfriends didn't or refused to, the douche bag boyfriends played the showroom. I was deeply in love with her- but, emotionally immature and didn't know how to handle it. I ignored any woman who showed the slightest interest in me. I would destroy our relationship, come back, destroy, come back ect ect until one day I abandoned her when she needed me most- it was never the same after that. This one fucked me up bad, and her as well. It's one reason I moved to Baltimore. Until recently (as in the last month) I refused to even listen to Country music (her favorite).

3. Lindsey This is the one I still think about and I am not sure why. It's been a year and a half or more since we've talked..... She had raven hair and gems for eyes. There is something about brunettes. So sexy. Perfect in a crazy sort of way. We met online- from the get go I noticed some red flags but pushed forward. We finally met and went to a Chilis. We played like school kids all day and I haven't laughed that much since. After lunch we made it to an Ikea where we dared each other to do things like sit on a cactus or jump on the showroom beds. From there we went to the Chesapeake and I taught her how to drive golf balls. The perfect Sunday date. Then- two days later after talking constantly she decided she didn't want to talk anymore. No reason, just done. I was hurt and pissed. A month later she showed back up. We went to a bar to meet. I was still hurt by what happened so I asked her why she disappeared. She looked at me with her gem-stone eyes and said, "It's my nature. I run on instinct." I should have walked away then, but didn't. We rented a George Clooney (her favorite) movie and went back to her place. We cuddled on the couch and made out. She gave me a lot of LMR and then confounded me by asking me to stay over but I refused (AFC). After that night- we talked all the time about anything. Stupid things, funny things, sad things, happy things. I had started to fall for her. Then she pulled the same trick two days later out of nowhere. I made an impassioned plea- but it just made me look crazy. A month later I made her the character in one of my books- that really pissed her off. I haven't written a single word since. Not one word. I don't know why but part of my morning ritual is checking Craigslist missed connections to see if she posted something; I know she checks it, she told me. I think about her at least once, everyday. It's irrational- she's seriously got issues- so why the hold? I think this has something to do with fractionation. It is a form of hypnosis that puts someone under- breaks the trance and then puts them under again. The claim is the second trance is even deeper than the first because you fractured it. While I don't think I was hypnotized by her- I do think her leaving without warning and then doing the same trick was similar in concept to this.


Retrospect
These girls were special- but not in the way I made them out to be- I lost them the minute I put them on a pedestal. All these girls triggered my knight in shining armor complex as well. I wanted to save them- the problem with this is- they didn't want to be saved. This was also compounded by extreme compatibly and the fact that we "got" each other- I have no issue with totally platonic relationships- but these weren't. They're destructive and a passive mentality will only make things worse. I let it happen to me and she went along with it. We all want love to ride in on a dark horse, but sometimes it just doesn't happen that way. Thank God for these experiences- some might criticize me for getting involved to begin with- or being too sensitive, or giving in too easy- which in some ways is true---but these experiences make me the man I am today- and in the end I can only be the man I am.

I can feel another one-itis coming on with someone in my life- and this time it's not going to happen, I know too much- so to avoid a repeat, unnecessary hurt and to make sure I really find someone special out there- I am doing this:

Plan of action-

- Sarging with M & M today in the Inner Harbor- I am going to try to pickup like a man posessed. I don't think the 10 for 1 theory is the way to go- but sarging with M&M is fun and who knows I might meet someone!

- Cancel all plans with this person

- Fall off the grid for awhile.

- Recognize she isn't that great- she is just filling a void in my life- and in the end we'll just fuck each others lives up.

Game on gents. Game on. Plenty of girls out there who are truly special- why focus on one who doesn't want it? For anyone who is going or has been through this- take my post as a way to help you out- or through it- it affects men and women.


As a side note- I am seeing an upsurge in the readers of my FR- which is half journal/half FR- That is kind of flattering- if you're out there lurking and reading this- drop by, tell me what you think on this or any previous post- give me advice- words of wisdom- criticism..just say hi.....and for anyone reading this in Baltimore or surrounding- hit me up- let's hang out.

Hey man, I'm definitely still reading and wishing I was up in Baltimore.

I appreciate hearing your background. I've only had one real one-itis but I used to give myself pseudo-one-itis situations for a month or so at a time. Needless to say I never got anywhere with those girls. Now that I'm trying to juggle girls, I have so much less focus on any one.

Keep it up man, I'm excited to hear how this field report goes.

No worries bro- any time you head up this way M & M will welcome you with open arms-
Yeah- multiple women is like flaking/bull shit immunity .

I am dumb when it comes to learning dance steps. --Mia Kirshner

Moose asked me tonight after I was done sarging what it was like driving a clutch. I tried to explain to him the rhythm you have develop between you and the vehicle to make it work. It didn't click so I popped the clutch in 2nd while I was driving in 3rd. The car ground loudly and rocked while the engine adjusted. He looked over and said "Yeah- don't do that again" Pickup works like this too and it took a PUA named Animal to show me.

Sarging the Inner Harbor.

I made it to the Inner Harbor of Baltimore early. It is one of the bastions of civility in a city that has been named "bloodymore" It's not a horrible city- but it is bad in some parts. The inner harbor is a crescent shaped area stretching from a fort used in the war of 1812 to Fells Point. There are tons of shops, malls, the water front, national aquarium, bars, pubs, clubs and people everywhere. It had been cloudy and rainy all day until an hour before I arrived. The sun finally burst through bathing the water in brilliant shimmering light. The air smelled of BBQ from a nearby outdoor restaurant. I entered the three story book store in the middle of the harbor and found Moose. He looked like someone who just parked his crotch rocket- He bounced off the walls with energy. He decided there weren't enough targets so we left- it seemed odd to me, the place was packed. We walked out and to a mall near the USS Constitution- a sail and rudder warship parked in harbor.

Immediately a Russian and her mother sit directly behind me- proximity alert? We discuss our game framework- he runs a routine- I could barely tell he was gaming it sounded smooth but he seems stuck in his head- every set we pass he or I make up an excuse not to open. I am not sure what my problem was- his was clearly a mix of AA and head-itis. Head-itis is being so over prepared you freeze.

We walk back to the book and spot a three set sending IOI's. They're most likly either Central Asian or Persian. Smooth features, incredible eyes...tight bodies. We debate who will open while I light a cigarette and stair out of the water- they leave. FUCK! We keep going- there they are again. Neither approaches. I feel like such a chicken shit and I don't know why. We make our way to the bookstore again- Moose's girlfriend has some issue and he needs to calm her down. I check for targets. None- I pick up a book. It's the Tao Te Ching- I flip through the pages and turn to verse 33:

Knowing others is wisdom;
Knowing the self is enlightment.
Mastering others requires force;
Mastering the self needs strength.

He who knows he has enough is rich.
Perseverance is a sign of will power.
He who stays where he is endures.
To die but not to perish is to be eternally present.

While meditating on it's meaning and application Moose returns. We make our way Hoolihans an Irish pub. I get a beer he gets a coke while we wait for a new addition to M & M Baltimore lair. Animal. We try to work out why we're not opening and I remember Verse 33- Mastering others requires force; Mastering the self needs strength; Sometimes you just have to jump, the reason why was because we're still in our heads-I open a nearby two set- a man and woman- The woman was a blonde 7 with some baby-fat-- they turn out to be married, but it is a fun interaction. Moose turns to me after and says: "That's how it should be, that was natural! It was fun!"

We walk outside as the last lingering traces of the sun leave the sky- across a bridge spanning a canal walks Animal. He has dreads, a vest and walks with a casual but confident swagger. Immediately I am struck by two conflicting impressions that somehow exist in perfect harmony- first he looks like a fun, stylish guy, but you don't want to fuck with him at the same time. You want to be friends with this guy- he dominates without actually trying.

We walk to an indoor mall- immediately he is in set, numbers appear out of thin air- one, then another. I approach a brunette and use the "Best Friends" opener (which is officially retired tonight) no IOI- no bull shit- nothing. I eject. He is gaming two more girls as I walk away. I won't actually see him in action until later- but he approaches with kino right off the bat. High fives, hugs, whatever- he seems to be a mix of cocky funny and natural game. We walk out of the mall and make our way across another bridge.

If there is one caveat to the man it is this: he lives so totally and freely in the moment- sometimes he forgets what you just told him. HAHA

He spots a four set and runs after them, Moose and I keep back watching. Numbers appear again- "Yeah- I going to do terrible things to that one" he smirks as he rejoins us. We ask him about opening and winging- he says the best way is to act like you're doing other shit and then join in when you're done- case and point- the next set.

I open a pair sitting alone at an outdoor cafe.

"Guys- need an opinion- if a guy has a girlfriend is it cheating if she goes to clubs to make out with other guys for fun"

"Oh absolutely"

I begin running through the set as Moose stands nearby and Animal talks on his cell- Midway through he hangs up and joins us. He leans on a nearby pole and begins. He makes up an inside joke that the girls are actually cops. That he is a man-whore. He busts thier non-balls for everything- they compliment me so I continue- he makes another joke- their body language shifts and I am now the odd man out. The waitress comes by and gives me IOI- I bust her for having too much flare. I go back in set- nothing. It is like I am a flashlight and he is the sun. LOL I eject- I end the night heading back to my car and with my eyes wide open. I have never seen game run that smoothly or naturally- it's just like driving a clutch he knows how to find the rhythm and make it work for him. He knows when to shift gears, when to give it gas and when to pull back.

I think Moose and I both suffer from head-itis- we're both too smart for our own good- we know the material we just have jump and find it.

On tap for tomorrow- sarging with M & M day game- with pivot possible. GAME ON.

I give up!

I can't do this any more- I flaked on Moose again today- I couldn't do it. I am failing. Bad. I hardly ever fail at anything. By the time I was 16 I played 6 musical instruments. I counted every trophy and award I have ever gotten- 37. I have always been the best and picked things up fast. With my second novel I placed 4th out of 20,000 entries in a literary contest (and I can't even do that thanks to what happened with Lindsey who I STILL THINK ABOUT). In bootcampt I was promoted to 2nd in command of my division. In A school I got promoted to seciton leader and was over 300 guys. At my current employer I have been promoted twice and I am considered the best WFC in the region. So why the fuck can't I get this?

When I was six, I heard my mother play "Moonlight Sonata," by Beethoven- I sat down after her and began playing it myself. WITHOUT ONE LESSON

People tell me "It should be fun!" It's not- things are only fun when I am winning. I don't think of life in terms of fun- I have always looked at things in life as something I have conquered and something I will conquer. It's just not in my nature. SARGING sure as hell isn't fun anymore and I can't do it. I don't like bull shitting with people- I like being straight to the point. I am not a patient man- this only further reinforced by being able to succeed at anything very quickly. One thing I hated about home is the emphasis on social pleasantries, they're a waste of time- be real with me- I am not subtle enough for this. I don't beat around the bush. This is all so fucking fake, I can't stand it. I don't like talking to begin with- I communicate in totally different ways and it takes people years to really get to know me. I don't show very much emotion in public, which apparently I need to do here. My facial gestures are so subtle- people can't even tell when I am joking unless they get to know me. So I am suppose to bounce off the walls and be energetic and bombastic and an extrovert, I am not. I don't communicate with words very well verbally. Yes people like me, but I would much rather soak something up and listen then talk, talk, talk, bull shit, run some dumb ass game, tee hee.... I can't fucking do this. I want to be real and apparently even in natural game you can't do that.

Moose talks about this being part of a pain period, but, in order to make it through any pain period you need SOME success to drive you forward otherwise it's never ending pain. Fuck this- I have tried for 4 or 5 weeks and have only number closed twice out of close 90-100 approaches.

I've been told to have a framework with routines- nothing
Go natural others tell me- nothing
Blend them- nothing.

I might as well go back to online dating- at least then I was getting laid and had women in my life even if they were crazy.

I am done. Some guys got it- some don't and I sure as hell don't. It's ruined every female friendship I have- my friends don't recognize me- and I still have nothing to show for it even after a tremendous amount of work and sacrifice. I am out.

Suck it up. I don't want to read your complaints and they aren't helping you either.

You just wrote a post about how you know you can succeed and that didn't convince you to keep going? You think that you're a winner because you have natural talent at other things?
Doesn't work that way. If it comes easy, it's probably not worth doing. If you can't recognize that and man up right now, you don't deserve to have this skill.

The hardest part when starting this is that there's no instant gratification. This is a LIFESTYLE CHANGE. You will lose more girls than you can count, but all it takes is one perfect girl to make it all worth it.

You don't like bullshit? That's fine. Shock and Awe, look it up and try it out. That is the most fun routine that's ever been created. It gives you an immediate yes/no from the girl, and if you're too scared to approach those opportunities head on, then quit and know for the rest of your life that your ego won.

What you read above was the blue screen of death for a newbie. I over prepared and then locked up- Slip n Slide you were spot on- all of it

I am going to take a week- not think about PU, no reading, no video's nothing- then go back out there- well except for Shock and Awe which seems kind of worth checking out. However- my week off starts with fishing tomorrow- Moose is coming (kind of my way of making it up to him)

This quote is something I had forgotten and something I should remember infield.- "That which depends on me, I can do. That which depends on others, I cannot control or predict." -Sun Tzu

Good. Enjoy your week, don't ever let yourself be lazy. Always be practicing something, staying active, working or playing. Looking forward to reading more soon!

Been a week gents- feeling better- decided I am going on vacation- however when I get back, I got a plan...stayed tuned.

Bro I got you man ! No worries When you come back from vac, Ill be a changed PUA...I've got a structure!
...
-Chocolatemoose

Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated --Mark Twain

No I havn't died- or even given up on the lifestyle. However- I am dealing with a lot right now-

Areas of note-

Career- possibly transferring closer to home- my Fathers health is beginning to fail him so I need to be closer. Not to mention I hate Baltimore and miss the mountains. Cost of living is much lower there so that should help as well. Finances have begun to strain.

Health- just had a root canal done- and have to get another extracted- sucks but whatever.

Relationships- frankly without sarging once in the last month I find myself paradoxically with more women in my life than I know what to do with.

Kelly- just ended it with her fiance and has been trying to get me to take her out like crazy.

Crystal- an EXGF- she's Korean and super cute- we'll see what happens...again

Jen- she's beginning to make waves and hinting at leaving her BF for me- given this would be the third time we try something I remain cautious.

Abby- an English professor from back home who is begging me to return- my parents would like to see us together ( and if arraigned marriages were still fashionable back home she'd be my wife) but I am really not that into her.

Jess- this is the most troubling and confusing- Read above for any background- however- just as a side things have gotten odd since my last FR on her.
She has started to show some odd behavioral changes. One- she has begun to adopt all of my interests and seems to anticipate my needs. Example- she has recently begun to express an interest in writing...her plot ideas are far darker than I would consider- but if you do know me I do seem to have a sense of darkness about me and most can barely read me- she seems to have shifted from a beach person to a mountain person- any and all references to her boyfriend are negative and seem to contain dissatisfaction, lack of trust, lack of romance or lack of openness. I of course remain indifferent or on occasion actually stick up for him. It remains to be seen what will actually happen but if I did end up with her I don't think it would be terrible, the only problem is weak personalities (she doesn't seem to be too weak but I am a little cautious) tend to lose themselves in my world. Like I told her though- I am just a traveler here and will not be in Maryland for long.

Or as one my favorite quotes puts it.

"To have traveled so far... From east to west, a thousand terrible miles; my feet treading all God's surface - his Ocean, his swamps, his slopes and ridges - to find myself at last a mark in the aching snow from whence I beheld through a blue haze a world of mountains piled upon mountains." Charles Frazier

The troubling part is: she seems to be open to this as well. I did take a break from her- which seems to have driven her deeper into my world- very strange- her messages now seem cryptic- like passing love notes without coming right out and saying it- or whispering in dark rooms- she seems very confused and I am content to let her work it out on her own.

In any event I don't think active sarging is for me any longer- I don't seem to need to do it- nature along with pickup seems to abhor a vacuum.

This will most likely be my last FR and/or post- but who can say what the future holds.

Last advice for anyone that has read my journey thus far- what you are attempting- and struggling through is not forever but a stepping stone- as long as you use it and move forward with it- (and not stay static or ungrowing) you will achieve what you have sought- just keep walking and "Don't try to be a great man- just be a man and let history make up it's own mind-" Star Trek

Good luck gents.