I've been chasing this girl at work for a while. We’re both 24 years old. When we first met, we hit it off great. I’ll spare you the minute details but let just say we used to flirt pretty obviously even if there were other people around looking at us. We used to be the gossip ‘round town ya know? Ha ha. She would go out of her way to look for me at work or help me with favors, tell me about things in her life that she wouldn’t normally tell to someone she’s only just getting to know, all the usual stuff between two people who are attracted to each other.

She is different - she is the most respectable girl I’ve ever met. She’s honest, hard working, has a passion for her life and her career, beautiful (this is an understatement), confident, and doesn’t let anyone tell her what to do. She’s an extremely busy person working two jobs while taking care of her younger sister and supports her dad with the bills. What surprised me the most is how a lovely girl like that just doesn’t take the easy way out by just sitting pretty having men just shower her with money as they swoon over for her (she gets A LOT of guys’ attention). But she hasn’t dated anyone for almost two years and I could see why – beside from being busy, she has high standards and is picky. But forget her looks…for the first time, I liked a girl for all the values she stood for, and she did for all of mine. We had a deep respect and liking for each other through this mutual understanding.

The truth is, all that good stuff with her I mentioned was only at the work place. When it came to the phone/text game , she never was too responsive, only when necessary. Maybe she’s really that busy or maybe she’s was just never into me and all the things I’ve felt was just in my own head. But, I still managed to get a few coffee/dinner dates with her; casual dates of course nothing intimidating or obvious. We had good times just talking and laughing together.

But like an idiot, I just decided to blatantly tell her that I liked her…twice on separate occasions…and on both she’s rejected me. But even after both rejections, there was never an awkward moment between us…like nothing happened. She’s made her position, but same chemistry.

Then a month ago, we both decided to quit on the same week coincidentally. We didn’t say it, but I knew that we were going our separate ways at that point because she was ready to tackle full on her career(the place where we worked together was just a side thing), and I was going to be busy with school again. After 2 rejections and feeling each other going our separate ways, I gave her a card basically saying how wonderful it was to get to know her and that I’ve decided to move on from her – a “resignation” note if you will. I threw in the towel and waved my white flag.

It felt right giving her that note at the time – a man’s got to cut his losses sometimes and move on right? I’ve tried my best and failed. Suck it up, learn, and look elsewhere. There’s plenty of fish. I can say that I’m an attractive guy and I have a fair amount of other girls who would fuck me right now so I just decided to fold on this girl. A man’s can’t ever be sprung up on one girl. Right?

Christ, the next few weeks were horrible. The more I met other girls, the more they made it clear to me the special kind of connection I had with her. I’m only 24, and I’ve felt infatuation and lust many times over, but this feeling that I feel for her….could it possibly be that cheesy…hopelessly romantic thing…called….Love? I never believed in it. But whatever this new feeling is…it’s different than what I felt with any other girl and I want to explore it fully.

As usual, her schedule is really tight, with her being out of town for her job right now. But somehow, I managed to get her to come visit me next week after she gets back in town. I know what you're going to say...that it's hopeless...that I have a classic case of one-it is. But, I'm not a loser and I know that I can get this girl. Yes, call it one-itis and call me an AFC, I don't care. I've met a lot of girls, but I just want to let myselftake a chance on this one. I don’t care for brainless chicks from the club.

There are many times when persistence fails...but that's usually because the "persist-or" let themselves accept defeat at some point, gave up, and moved on because the situation looked impossible. That's how most losers end up losing anyway. After making the blunder of directly telling her about my feelings and being rejected twice for it, I know the situation looks bleak to anyone's eyes…myself…my friends…and probably all of you who are reading this right now. But I won't accept defeat on this one. Everyone finds one girl in their lifetime that they feel like they can’t live without at some point…and many lose them because they threw in the towel too early and compromised for an easier alternative. If I have to find out the hard way that it was all just in my head…well it still would be worth it just for the possibility. If it means I have to pass up other girls who are willing to fuck me right now for even just that possibility, I'll do it without hesitation. This could be just a wild one-sided obsession, or something unbelievably amazing. Either way, I have nothing to lose but everything to gain.

So my brothers! I most sincerely and respectfully ask for you thoughts and advice! I am meeting her next week because I told her I wanted my card back…that “resignation” note I gave her. I can’t keep pursuing her with that glaring white flag waving at her all the time. I didn’t explicitly tell her why I wanted it back on the phone, but I think she could have picked up on what I’m up to. She said she would give it back. =) My short term goal is to just be able to meet her on a regular basis without the crutch of the workplace I had before we both quit. Changing their minds is what women do best, and I am continually learning and working on my game. Now, I have one chance with her next week during that little date when I'd get my "resignation" card back, and use that occasion as a spring board. I’ve been trying to think of reasons to keep meeting her, but I’m stuck in a rut without any good ideas. Do you have any suggestions?

I know it’s a long post, so thanks for reading! Constructive advice only please!

You just gotta love this line.

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I have to return some videotapes...

Wow! Obsessed much?? You've put this chick so high up on a pedestal, you're never going to reach her. She's up on the Empire State Building of pedestals.
Yes, exactly! Falling in love with a girl who doesn't return your affection and rejects you multiple times is NOT healthy. You've made this girl into some perfect goddess in your mind and there's no way she can live up to it, and she shouldn't have to.

I know you're going to dismiss and ignore this, but it's the truth. You're not the first to make this mistake, you won't be the last. Do yourself a favor, when you see her to get your "resignation card" back (pathetic btw), take a good look at her and realize she's just another flawed human being with issues and problems like the rest of us. Your perfect girl isn't going to reject you multiple times.

ok, i just read your first sentence, need no more. why on earth are you chasing the pussy? do you want to be in this situation where the girl is in control and tells you everything what to do? YOU must be the one in control. there are 3 situations that you can be with a girl:

1. you chase the pussy
2. you lead and are in control (which means you gotta be willing to let her go)
3. you get the fuck out of the way

id rather get out of the way coz i aint want a relationship where the woman is control.

let it go, bro. she is NO different than other girls in the world! period. your own experience will once confirm that. meet other women and get her out of your head. good luck

K.

It's over dude. If you won't take advice and need a hard experience to learn that, good luck my friend. I hope you're better for it by the end.

ONE-itis

i have been in your shoes before and i can tell you from experience that its better to get over her. There are better women out there..trust me. I use to think my ex could do no wrong. I wanted her back for almost a year, yet i can tell you now that i was wasting my time and she wasn't worth it. One-itus sucks, bro. You'll feel better by dropping her ass

You have answered your own questions with those two paragraphs. She declined you twice. What makes you think the third time will be any different. Some girls have that kinda chemistry where they can mingle with any one... it's called charisma.

The note was cute... but that's the most AFC thing you could of done at all! Cute won't cut it here mate. You have ended dead in the friend zone.
I wish you luck, a lot of us have been there and it is hard to see the light at the end but let it go.[/b]

You seem to know that you F'd this shit up. This also means you must think you could have done things better. . . So go ahead, do things better with this girl and others you meet from now on.

The title of this post gets me by itself. Because of situations like this one, I wrote a whole blog post the other day...it's called: The Irrational Desire of Men to Always Win. The post is here: http://bosproject.com/blog/the-irration ... lways-win/

Enjoy lol.

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Stop thinking in terms of "giving up." It's like poker, you don't call a bet just so you don't look like you're surrendering. There's times that a good player knows they're beat, and cuts their losses.

Could you elaborate a bit on your experience RossMan?
Similar question as to Rossman, but how was your experience like when you met someone like this? What got you to stop pursuing? What helped change the way to your current way of thinking?

^Not understanding why you're courting advice for HOW TO 'give up' when you never even gamed her in the first place. This is a bad habit. See this one through with a better strategy.

Nothing is as it seems. You're living inside your own fantasy. You think you guys were flirty. You think you were gaming when you told her that you 'like her'. How could her response to a fantasy be anything but another fantasy? You think there was no awkwardness. You think you have girls all around who will fuck you. You think she's picky. You think you're in a rut. Care to tell us about your highlights? You think you're in love. . . lol . . .and you think the girls in clubs are brainless?

Stop this nonsense. Stop THINKING your way to more misery. Search this site for tangible and REAL verbal/physical things that you can do in order to get a girl. Then follow it through with this girl. Amidst all the terrible advice that can be found here, you will not see advice for, "Tell her you like her . . . twice". You will not see, "Send her a resignation letter". You will not see, "just laugh and talk over coffee". You can hand pick and follow the 5 worst suggestions on this forum and you'd still be better off.

You say you're persistent. You've been incredibly persistent at doing nothing. . . and it seems you're continuing to go that route. This is a waste of persistence. Use your persistence towards progression instead.

How is she different? Does she fart rainbows? Is her vagina made of gold? Does her breathe smell like lilacs? Did she cure cancer with her winning personality?

You lost her the minute you put her on a pedestal.

As a side note: there is this misconception that all women are unique and special- which is further reinforced by them. Why is it every girl I have ever met says, "You know me, I am totally different than most girls" which begs the question, where the hell did all these average women come from? Get over it. You got one-itis- it's over, move on. The world is full of "different" women.

ok i will elaborate a bit. I use to be quite a flirtatious guy and really didn't need help with girls.. up until i started dating my best friend about 5 years ago. She had always had a crush on me and was gorgeous(huge tits/small body) so i decided "wtf ill try it." We only dated for around 6months but i let my guard down and got WAY too attached to her. I had no idea what to do so after about 2 years of one-tus i got on the internet and did some research and found/read "THe Game" and this website. I had one-itus and was in a similar situation as you..(sorta..i had at least been inside this girl and with her) At that point in time I honestly thought she was meant for me. She was pretty, I loved her personality(or so i thought), and i thought no girl could could stack up to her. WRONG!

Since i have met/made out/sex a lot of girls that are just as pretty and prettier. And to be perfectly honest am still friends with her, she has a bf, but she has seen me hit on and with girls that i bet if she wasn't with her bf she would be all over me. Just go out, have fun.. forget about this chick.. meet more..get numbers. You also might see by cutting contact to this chick she doesn't know wtf is going on and she might text you. Better spending your days thinking about other chicks/ talking to other chicks than worrrying about this girl. And hell if she contacts you its a pleasant surprise to you!

I'm still relatively new to here and i have been given good and bad advice. You just need to decide whats best for you. But for my situation i was tired of obsessing over a girl that for all i knew never thought about me once during the day. Good luck bro.