OK, if you want her back, then what you have to do is go into No Contact. Write down her phone number and put it in a place you won't see it. Delete her number, her email, plus all of her texts and emails that you have saved. Delete any digital pictures. You can leave her as a friend on Facebook, but block her from your news feed and from chat, and never NEVER view her profile.

Gather up all of her things and anything that reminds you of her. Put it in a box and leave at a friend's house so you don't have easy access to it.

The next thing you have to do is start going out with friends, a LOT. And take a lot of pictures of you being out and having a good time. Post those to your facebook.
She is going to expect you to sit at home and sulk over losing her. You have to show her that you are not sulking, that you are going with your life, and that you are moving on faster than she is. She WILL be checking your facebook.

You should also be talking to other women and trying to go on dates. You don't have to be serious about the dates, but it will be a huge boost to your self-esteem, which you need right now.

It's OK if she contacts you, but don't wait around for it. If she does contact you, do NOT ask her for another chance or anything like that. Bring up nothing about the relationship at all. Don't sound depressed or desperate. Sound like you are cheerful and relaxed. Be polite and friendly, but don't sound excited to hear from her; act like hearing from her is no big deal. Display the traits we talked about earlier. And be the one to end the conversation. Tell you have to run or you're on your way out, and you'll call her later. Then wait a day or two before calling.

Under no circumstances are you to be the first one to bring up the relationship. If she brings it up, then you are OK to talk about it, but still don't ask her to get back together. You just focus on being a confident, attractive male, and let her worry about where the relationship goes.

And there it is, what I knew all along.

Shes turned off from me because I don't stand up for myself.

Yep. But, now you have time to work on you. Ex-gf ALWAYS contact you at some point. It might be weeks, months, or years, but they always make contact. When she does, then you use that as an opportunity to present to her the new and improved strong, confident you.

Way ahead of you. I'm not going to budge an inch now. I just wish I had done all this a few weeks ago and prevented this entire thing from happening.

Lesson learned.

this is all very good info my friend but there is one question i have. In my situation i have made myself to available and she has seem to lost most of her interest in me. 2 months before this she was always texting me first and looking to hang out. now ive been looking to hang out with her more often and she's been less and less responsive. so my question to you fine fellows is how to i go through in fixing this?

The same way as I've already said. Look up Push/Pull theory. In order to control the relationship, you have to care less than she does. Right now, you care more than she does, and it's causing you to be needy and try to pull her in, which causes her to push you away.

How long have you been together?

For all posters on here, I would recommend you take in what siddnee6 has being said...solid advice and will fix most of the issues you are experiencing.

However, I wanna touch on a point which I think has failed to materialise in this discussion....YOU AS A PERSON!

First of all, I went through exactly the same thing, except the total opposite. My ex-girlfriend loved me to bits and wanted to settle down, get married and have kids...as far as she was concerned, she had found her mr right but I wasnt ready for all that and as the issue started gaining more momentum, instead of me bowing out and trying to buy her affection etc, i went the other way, I went TOO unavailable. I was out all the time with my friends, never rang back or texted back and so she had no option but to end it.

It crippled me for months, I never had so much oneitis in my life afterwards. The only good thing was that i never made attempts to get back together again.

Instead I started to respond like I was sarging her, cocky funny, teasing, unavailable but all in balance. Usually this would pull her back but I think because we trashed all our stuff and put the house on the market, she had already crossed that bridge of no return.

My point is this, if a relationship is going down the hill, you cannot fix it overnight. The only way to fix it is to ACCEPT what has happened and put plans in place so that regardless of the outcome, you have learnt from the experience and now you will be better for it.

Just like a drunk cant be helped if he doesnt beleive he has a drink problem.

Once I realised this, i realised i was only hurting myself but more importantly, here was the chance i was waiting for, this would catapult me into my ideal life.

Heres what I did: (this was after my relationship ended but will be just as crucial for you if your on the downward spiral of a relationship)

1. said to myself over and over again 'fuck it, whats happened has happened and i will become a better person because of it'.

2. looked at myself in the mirror and made a list of all the things i both hated and that were not good for me (smoking, alcohol, junk food etc, beer belly, stained teeth from smoking etc)

3. Printed off pictures of all celebrities who i admired and put text underneath why i admired them (example was bruce lee for his fitness, strength and warrior spirit)

4. spent a few hours visualising what my perfect life would be - superfit, wealthy, secure etc (spend last few minutes before bed visualising and living in my ideal world)

5. declared to myself and in writing, that all the addictions in my life would now end so that i could achieve my ideal life alot easier.

6. put together a weekly fitness schedule (with no end date) that would get me into lean shape (cardio and swimming) until I was ready to switch to bodybuilding (natural, no steroids)

7. put together a life schedule (with no end date) and prioritised the things i need to get done and wanted to get done in my life.

8. watched classic motivation films like rocky, american beauty and pursuit of happynes and read classic motivation books like tony robbins and think and grow rich

9. constantly visualised the interaction i would have with my ex when she seen me at my new peak - how she felt, what she would say to herself after she seen the new me etc. This kept my motivation to keep up with my new changes.

That is a brief example of what id did and i have never looked back. The point being, if you have finished a relationship (on good terms or bad) or are on a downward spiral, now is the time to grab life by the bollocks and become who you have always wanted to be. Once you start you will never look back and time will fly by. Then when you start seeing a fit healthy person in the mirror and get compliments from other people, it takes you further and further up the ladder.

Dont be sad my friend, lifes a bitch but as Donald Trump says, its not about losing, its about bouncing back that makes you the winner.

Here is a youtube clip from the last rocky clip, sly stallone sums life up beautifully!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D_Vg4uyY ... re=related



Peace and love


John

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If you think you can or you think you cant, your right! - Henry Ford

A journey of a 1000 miles starts with that very first step - Albert Einstein

He who hesitates, masturbates! - Anonymous

Well I'm really bummed about the relationship ending but I think I've played it pretty cool since then.

She just has to come here and get her stuff (not going there to give it to her) and then she wont here a peep from me again.

I don't know if I ever want her back though. She's put me through so much shit and really doesn't even seem to feel bad about it. You know what she told me today? That she only got back together with me cause it was easy for her (we've broken up before).

And now of course she is acting all cheery and happy on facebook.

I was in a very similar situation TheGrimSweeper. It was a very frustrating uphill battle, but I eventually had to end it. I had enough self-respect and self-love to not put myself through that anymore. It was difficult because I still wanted it to work, but within the battle it is possible to be emotionally unstable and I needed to get myself together. Right now, I'm going no contact and just enjoying the beauty that life has to offer. Keep your head up and continue to find ways to better yourself. As for winning my ex back... i'm curious if i can do it lol Moving on for now, just doing my own thing.

No Contact doesn't work if you were the one who broke up with her.

No Contact. You're not supposed to be talking to her, especially about the relationship.
That's why I told you to hide her on your news feed, block her from chat, and NEVER view her profile.

YOU are the one who is supposed to be acting cheery and happy on facebook.

Since no contact doesn't work sidnne6 because I broke it off, how would I go about getting her back if I wanted to?

That is a lot more difficult. You're going to have to keep contact with her and be there for her, but she is going to have to want you back. Has she been trying to contact you since the break up? Asking you for another chance?

You could tell her that you made a mistake and want to get back together, but then you run the risk of giving her the power in the relationship. You take away her fear of loss and feelings of rejection, and you give her the power to decide that she doesn't need you anymore. Or, if she does take you back, she may take on the mindset that you realize you need her and now she has the upper hand over you. Neither of those bode well for you. This is especially true is she is focusing on moving on and not calling you to ask to get back together.

If she is asking you to get back together, then go ahead. But, do so reluctantly. Act like you are doing her a favor by getting back together with her (because you are), in order to maintain the frame that she needs you more than you need her (because she does).

Either way, you have to be in contact with her, keep her attracted to you, and keep her attached so she can't move on. This is very similar to what girls do to us when they want to be friends after breaking up with us. Except you're not going to be her friend, you are going to be a dominant male that she has to chase.

It has been almost a week since I broke up with her, and she contacted me initially the that following day and the next morning. However, she hasn't asked for another chance. I am her first boyfriend btw.

Here is some background for a better analysis:

Before the break up, she was already losing interest and told me that we weren't compatible. She would suggest to me that she wasn't very good at displaying affection, and she came to the conclusion that I was the type of guy who had to see his gf to be happy. It was difficult to see her because she doesn't drive and I'm not allowed to drive 30 mins to her house to pick her up to hang out, but we went to the same college. Anyways, she was suggesting that we could have a better friendship than a relationship, but that wasn't what I wanted. I was going through what TheGrimSweeper, which was where she was distancing herself, putting less effort into the relationship, and I felt less respected and less appreciated. I stuck around in hopes it would get better, and so that there would be no what ifs about it. Eventually, we had a talk and found out she wasn't really afraid of losing me as a boyfriend, but losing me as a best friend. I had a game plan prior that if she said that I would end the relationship. However, I believe she didn't expect me to end the relationship, because I basically blindsided her when i did it. I believe she didn't think i would have enough balls to get out of the position i was in. We seem to have ended on good terms, but I still think I want her back.

My question to you is since I ended it, but she wanted a friend anyways, is winning her back still possible?

I love those tips. The first tip "be less available"really makes sense.

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