I think I am going to have to do this.

Looking for some help on this one.

My girlfriend over the past few weeks has gone completely distant and cold on me. She has completely stopped trying to make plans to hang out or anything, its only been me. Whenever I message her she gives very short answers. She has completely stopped saying she loves me and being affectionate in any way. She has gotten incredibly busy (school + working 3 jobs) so we have little time for each other, but its not that that bugs me, its her attitude.

In my head I already know its over. I talked to her last night and she said she doesn't know whats changed, but she doesn't have any desire to sleep with me anymore. She doesnt seem like she wants to breakup, but she also doesn't see how I am happy right now (I'm not). I have a feeling this had to do with me getting laid off a month ago which kind got me really down and as such I started becoming more of a doormat to her and much more submissive. I've got a new job now (really high paying one) but I still am suffering in a bit of depression because of how things are going with my girlfriend. Ive been incredibly nice to her last week, surprising her at work with tea, buying us a cooking class lesson etc but all of this was met with uninterest from her.

I figure I have two options.

1.) End it with her as she clearly is taking me for granted, doesn't respect anymore and walk out with my head held high.

2.) Go completely distant and wait for her to come to me, stop being a doormat and putting up with this terrible behavior.

What would you guys do? I do really love this girl, we've been together a long time (almost 3 years) and ideally I would like things to work out between us, but I no longer know if that is possible.

Lucky for you, you realize this while you're still with her. I didn't learn this stuff until after I got dumped!

Do NOT be the one to end it with her. Not if you still want to be with her.

Do not go completely distant either, but make yourself less available. Start going out with friends more, doing things that you liked to do before you met her, get a hobby that takes you away from her. Have a life other than her!

You are making your situation worse by trying to do "nice" things for her. Because, you are doing those nice things from a place of insecurity: you are doing it to try to buy her affection back and make her like you more.

You are pushing her away by being clingy, needy, and insecure. You need to make her pull you back in, by caring less than she does. Make her feel the fear of losing you.

If you are making plans with her, do not ASK her what she wants to do. Be a leader and TELL her what you are going to do. And you can even tell her what to wear. That doesn't mean be a jerk and say "wear that black dress, bitch." Say it like you are a calm, confident guy. "Babe, I really like that black dress. You should wear it tonight."
If she asks you what you want to do, NEVER NEVER NEVER say "I don't know." Be a leader, be decisive, and have a plan. LEAD HER. If she asks you what you want to do, just throw something out there, ANYTHING! "Let's go get some coffee and see where that takes us."

You might not be able to save the relationship at this point, and she may still break up with you. If she does, then it is VERY IMPORTANT how you react. Do NOT beg her to stay, or ask for another chance, or try to work it out. You have to respond like a calm, rational, STRONG, confident man.
Stay calm and almost agree with her. tell her "You know, you're probably right. You have to do what your heart tells you. If I'm not the guy for you, then I'm not the guy for you. I obviously care about you a lot, but that's life I guess. Even if it sucks, that's just the way it is." But, make sure that you do not end up breaking up with her! Let her break up with you. There is a chance that after you tell her that, she will be so shocked that she won't go through with the breakup, but don't bank on that.

Do NOT stay friends with her under ANY circumstances. If you stay friends with her, then you will be her emotional tampon, and she will only use you for emotional support to help HER get over the breakup, while you suffer. Then she will toss you aside when she finds someone new.

If you want her back, then you have to break off all contact with her afterward. No Contact. You have to show her that you are a strong man, and that you will be ok without her. Delete her number and her email. Start going out with friends, meeting other women, take a lot of pictures of you out having fun, and focus on becoming the strong, confident, fun, self-assured man that you were when you first met your gf.

How should I proceed from where I am now then?

At the moment, I've stopped talking to her and am going to let her come to me. Im going out with friends and keeping busy. I know I've become a pushover and Im sick of myself for letting it happen. I think if she asks to do something Im going to turn it down.

Do you agree that I should stop initiating conversation for now until she starts it back up?

But, why have you stopped talking to her if you're not broken up? You're just going to push her away even further. This looks bad for you, because you're handling it like you're pouting. You want to stop talking to her AFTER she has broken up with you to show her that you don't need her and that you'll be fine without her. Doing it now just makes you look bitter because she's been distant. Just like being clingy will kill attraction, so will isolation. The key is to balance it.

You need to handle your current situation by contacting her less, but not completely cutting her off. Meaning, don't keep texting her all day long. When you do text her, make it something that triggers emotion and makes her think of you. Something light and funny. Humor is the best way to get a girl's attention and drop her guard.

You should still be talking to her, but you should be displaying the traits of an attractive male when you are around her or when talking to her. Think about who you used to be when you first starting dating her. You were fun, confident, secure, etc. That's what she was attracted to. Start being the guy that attracted her in the first place.

Makes complete sense, i didn't message her yesterday, I sent her one right now making a small light joke, we went rollerblading the other night and I had a nice spill.

What do I do if she still sounds completely uninterested though?

What you have to understand is that, right now, she is viewing you as a man of low value. She feels like you value her more than you value yourself, and in her eyes that makes you less of a man.

She may be completely uninterested, but you have to act like you aren't bothered by it, because you are a calm, cool, confident, and secure guy. You're going to have to rebuild her attraction by displaying those traits.

These are the traits of an UNATTRACTIVE male:

1. Acting Jealous: asking where she's been, who she was with, putting other guys down. This says you feel threatened by other men because you don't value yourself.

2. Being Controlling: A man is controlling because he doesn't feel that he is good enough for his girlfriend.

3. Putting her on a Pedestal/Not Valuing Yourself: Women want a man who values himself as much as he values her. If you put her needs ahead of your own, she will lost respect for you and move on to a man who values himself.

4. Being Approval-seeking: Looking to your girlfriend for approval on everything and being validation-driven. Asking her stuff like, "do you still love me?" "how good am I in bed?" "do you like this shirt?" "did you have a good time with me tonight?"

5. Being clingy and needy: Spending too much time together is not a good thing. Don't need to be around her all the time, and don't get upset when she isn't around.

You should avoid displaying those traits.

These are the traits of an ATTRACTIVE man:

1. Leadership: Be the one to make plans. Know where you are going, how you will be getting there and at what time.

2. Decisiveness: Make decisions and know what you want. If she asks you what you want to do, what movie you want to see, what you want to eat, etc. Don't ever say "I don't know."

3. Self-Assured: Be assertive! Women don't want a doormat. Don't compromise your own opinions to better fit hers. That means don't change your taste in music, style of clothes, etc. for her. Have your own opinions, values, and beliefs.

4. Ambition: Have a purpose and goals in your life. Have things you are passionate about. Women LOVE a man who is passionate and ambitious. It doesn't matter what you are passionate about, just as long as you have passion. Hippies are passionate about saving trees, it doesn't matter. And make sure you TALK about your passions passionately and in emotional detail. Constantly remind her of your goals and ambitions. NEVER make your girlfriend your purpose.

5. Be Approval-Giving: When she does something you like, TELL HER! Woman will become addicted to your approval, it's like a drug to them. And she go out of her way to do things to please you in order to get your approval.

6. Modesty: Learn how to take a compliment. Don't put yourself down, but don't let others put you on a pedestal. Don't take a compliment as an opportunity to brag about yourself. Just thank the person and move on.

Don't worry about where your girlfriend is mentally or emotionally. You can't control that and you're only going to drive yourself crazy and make yourself insecure by thinking about that. All you should be focused on is avoiding the unattractive traits, while displaying the attractive traits. By doing that, it is possible to earn back her respect and attraction and make her see you as a man of high value again.

All good stuff that I know just need to act on.

This might be a slow process to get back in her eyes but I'm going to do everything I can. In the process I need to get myself back too. I've been down for the past few weeks and I'm sure its shown.

She does not text me nearly as much recently though, I want it to kind of be a reciprocated balanced effort but what if she doesn't say anything to me?

Same with making plans, its only myself making plans now (which is really hard to do cause of how much she works and is in school).

I got the concept from the OP, but just to make things clear.

Don't hit the gym 3 hours a day like a retard, thinking you're going to put on gains. If you're on the juice, yeah you can do that shit. But if you're natural, do a 3 day split.

Monday - All pulling movements (Ex, lat pulls, chin ups, etc)

Wednesday - Legs (squats, legpress, etc)

Fri - All pushing movements. (bench press, shoulder press, etc)

Stay in the gym 1 hour tops. I shoot for 45 min.

And you going to see them gains come in playa.

You're not broken up yet, so she's not likely to just ignore you. It's OK if she isn't initiating contact, as long as you aren't contacting her non-stop and are texting her 1 to 1. Don't text her 3 times in a row before she responds. Text once and wait for a response, even if it takes hours. Then, you don't have to text her back right away like you're sitting around waiting for her response. Make her wait a little while too. But, make sure your texts have purpose and evoke some emotion in her. Don't text something like "hey, how are you?"

You don't have to wait for her to make plans either. You are the Leader, so you be the one to make the plans. Just don't ask her what she wants to do. Tell her what the two of you are going to do.

Remember and accept that you have been reduced in her eyes. Don't sit and wait for her to initiate anything. You take charge, and display the attractive traits in all of your interactions with her.

I'm not going to lie to you. You face an uphill battle, and it's going to be very difficult to turn things around from here, and she may very well still break up with you. You need to accept that possibility, while at the same time remain extremely vigilant in being confident and secure.

You know what you have to do, all of the information is on these boards. You just have to get into the right mindset to apply it. Your mindset is the most important thing. Try to get rid of the mindset that this is your girlfriend who you are trying to keep, and instead adopt the mindset that this is a new girl who you are trying to court. Think about how you would approach a new girl you want to date? Be FUN!

I would add this.

4. Never become a dramaqueen. Always act as if youre in no trouble at ALLL.
Do not say: "oh...you hurt me so much!!!! Why why why??"
She will start testing you again when following 1-3 and youre reaction is always as if nothing is wrong. And that it would probably be her interpretation that you are acting different out of a sudden.

Doesn't look good for me.

I told her Friday night before reading all this that when she has some time I wanted to talk.

Yesterday I saw her acted confidently and left.

She messaged me this morning, saying if I still want to talk. I said no, but i want her to tell me a day when shes off cause I'm going to take us out.

Afterwards she then said "id prefer you say what you need to say."

to me it seems like she wants me to break up with her, but she doesn't want to do it.

her bbm status is now "Just because you close your eyes, doesn't make it go away".

BAD idea to tell her you wanted to talk. You NEVER tell someone you need to talk to them, unless you are going to talk to them right then and there. When someone says "we need to talk," or "I need to talk to you," they are always going to think about the negative things you may possibly talk about. Right now, she is thinking you want to talk to her to break up with her. Her defenses are way up right now.

I realize all this now.

What should I say in return? She wants me to end it cause she thinks I'm not happy, that I know for sure, which given my attitude the past few weeks, she has every right to believe so.

Either that or she wants it ended but doesn't have the courage to do it herself. I haven't replied yet, I want to make sure its really light and focused on having fun with her.

Well its over. She told me that she is not feeling me as a boyfriend anymore and that's not really going to change.

I guess it is time too disappear.