Hey Whats Up!

About Me:
well i'm at a point in my life where i want to document it, while at the same time learn things from people who are more experienced than me and from people who are also at the same point in their life as well. As of right now i'm an AFC and trying to improve my life as much as i can. I'm a 21 year old virgin, never had a real girlfriend (i don't really count when your like 10 or whatever) and my main goal for 2011 is to get rid of my virginity. I have friends through a video game, it's old game so there no online so when we play so it's social and in person, but its still a video game nonetheless. I live in a dorm at the moment by myself with no car, and my parents live in different areas of the US. A huge goal for me was to get a job this year, which i finally got! It's at Dave & Busters. What sucks though is i just got hired, and my first day is on September 12th, 2011, so i gotta wait a few weeks before i start working. I've also made some changes in myself physically by cutting my hair, and working out. I been working out 4-6 times week now. As for the video game they usually have tournaments for this game, i usually always go to them on the weekends all the time, but since I've been trying to change my lifestyle and whatnot i missed the last 2(first time i done that in forever). Problem is i'm just stuck in the house bored as fuck. But yea here's some goals i want to achieve by the end of the year.

Goals:
- Tolerate AA
- Be Comfortable around women
- Get laid
- Get laid with different women
- Get Straight A's : I just failed my last class, plus i'm tired of just getting by
- Get out of the house: I'm really stumped on this one, because outside of that video game i play, i never go out at all or have a reason to. I damn near sit in my dorm all day.
- Find another hobby: I don't want to quit the video game im playing, i play it maybe 2 times a week. I just want to be able to do a bunch of different things, other than school, work (although this will take up alot of time once it starts), and the game i play
- Get more social circles: Other than my video game friends, i don't have any friends.
- Have a female social circle: i literally no female friends or even aquatints for that matter, the girls i know usually are around a shitload of dudes.
- Always have somewhere to go: I just want to i can always go to events with people whenever i feel like it.
- Fitness: Probably the thing i'm doing best right now, i'm eating well, but not enough due to my cafeteria and no money. But eventually i want to get a six pack (i can see my six pack kinda).
- Clean Room My room is really unorganized, and i have way too many old hammy down clothes, papers and just alot of stuff packed in this tiny dorm. I just want to see it all nice looking

Questions/Help
Best way to start conversations? it's usually pretty easy to start a conversation with something observing for me, but it's hard when i don't really have anything to notice. i also can't stand when you're sitting next to a person (doesn't matter if it's a girl or guy) and we both just sit there and have that awkward silence.
What's the best way to start getting out of the house when you're a loner?
How to build friendships??: I always find trying to get something going with my friends awkward, mainly cuz i feel needy when i do it. I usually feel this way with people i'm not as close with and people who never hit me up for anything.
Ways of being around girls or spark interest/friendships with them: My school and the hobby i have the guy to girl ratio is retarded there's like no females, and i kinda already established who i hang out with. I rarely know females, the ones i do it's super platonic. Is there a way to change that (not saying i wanna game them, but just give off a better vibe). Hopefully this could change with work, but i don't wanna put myself in that trap with work either.
What are ways of going about finding some hobbies?: i like cooking, i really want to learn how to play piano, but i can't afford a keyboard plus i'm heavy into hip hop music. I thought about basketball cause i love playing, and dancing/soccer because it's really out of my comfort zone.
How to quit procrastinating?: My biggest life flaw i feel sometimes.

Tomorrow's the first day of our new Quarter for school, so i talk to my financial aid on classes since i failed the last week.

But yea any help is appreciated, i know people are busy with their lives and whatnot so i understand if this thread is idle. I'm still gonna try to update it though as often as i can.


Thanks for reading and for the help!

Update 09/02/2011
Well so far this week, i went to class on wednesday and worked out only once this week (gonna work out after this post) and today i played video games with some friends i haven't seen in awhile. I only have class on mondays and and wednesdays and another class online, my problem right now is that i still keep myself couped up in this dorm most of the week.

My biggest problem right now is i always sit in the house alot. Something tells me i need to start leaving the house more. I would go to a bar, but i barely have basically no money since i haven't started my job, I also have a big fear of going out alone without having a reason a to go out.

Lately i been using "waiting" for work to start as a excuse not to go out. I have excuses to like cover up that fear and don't really know how to go about fixing it. That and fixing ways to get out more, i've been making myself productive in my dorm, but im still a loner in here. Any tips on what i should start doing to break away from sitting around this week and find something to do??? it would really help alot. (i know "just going out" would help this fear, but actually doing it is hard for me)

Some good things that have happend, around my dorms at least, when walking past people i say hey and smile more. While walking to take the elevator, i ran into a girl who had a cast on her leg and started talking to her for a little bit about her leg. Another girl to in the elevator about why she had a clipboard. In my cafeteria the workers know me by name, i always make sure to have that fluff talk with them and im pretty sure one of the female workers likes me a little.

Whats hard for me with girls at the moment is not necessarily saying things to them, but the approach. I like to think of some observation stuff but if i can't think of anything i just won't say anything or do anything. I usually never approach people, im decent at sparking conversations when people are in my path. Like if we're heading to the same place its easy, but actually approaching is tough. When i see a girl which i think is attractive, the anxiety comes, just by being around a girl i find cute, cuz im never around them. It annoys me that when i see a hot girl, i feel the need to like validate myself to her (even when i don't i feel that feeling like i need to prove some shit). It annoys the fuck out of me and i been calling myself on it

Things I Want To Learn:
- Have reason to leave the house without my friends.
- How to not have anxiety or the need to prove shit when i see a cute girl.
- Learn to walk up and approach women

Questions:
- How to create situations where i leave my house more?
- How do i attract a woman?
- How do i attract a woman around a bunch of guys?
- What's the best way you handle approach anxiety?
[/u][/b]

Update 09/05/2011
First Off, Happy Labor Day to those who have it.

This weekend i didn't really do much. Chilled with friends at their place on friday, afterwards i finally cracked and went to one of those video game tournament with them on saturday. Pretty much the same old shit. At the tournament i just saw everyone i haven't seen in awhile. I kinda didn't realize how much i knew everyone there and vice versa, i never really stay with one social group like most people there, always chatting with others, but that's with things im comfortable with i guess idk?

At the tournament i talked to this HB7 girl who's really shy (most of the girls are). You have the girls there that feed off the attention of being wanted by gamers and the others who sit there bored shitless, she's a bored shitless girl. Her brother and boyfriend both go to these tourneys to. A lot of the guys there never engage the girls much,so the girls at the tournaments just sit there bored as fuck, most of the girls are gf's of the guys. The ratio guy/girl ratio is retarded to, alot of the bf's there with their girl either completely ignore them or cling to them alot at the event, you never seem to see a balance. I use to hate the idea of gaming at a event like that, still feel iffy about it sometimes, idk it just seems lame as fuck to me. It's kinda funny tho cuz you would think guys would be all over the girls there, but alot of them are afc as fuck and think like how i do as well like "well thats low getting a girl at video game tournament" or are intimated by the whole bf thing, when i noticed really it doesn't really matter at all. So im acceptable to it now.

With this girl, i figure its not gonna go anywhere, but it feels good to interact with a female since i don't interact with them as much as i'd like. A lot of my friends also have a "women ain't shit and are only good for sex mentally" and don't really look at themselves. So it feels good to for me to know i don't think that and i just need to step my game up. They frustrate me sometime because they think they know shit, but give off an inexperienced vibe.

The biggest thing i noticed about the HB7 is when we talk she always seems engaged the conversation, in a "someone is talking to me!" kind of way. Which is cool because i don't really see her look comfortable around too many people, just a few guys who talk with her for a long time and even still, they do most of the talking. I usually make sure just ask how she's doing typical fluff shit, then she just goes in, one of those girls who's quiet but when she talks she can go for awhile like she's been holding that shit in forever. She's really nerdy to be as cute as she is, but it really seems like she wants to get out that shell. She kinda kino'd me with the hand on the shoulder. I also approached some other girl, as i was leaving cuz i was saying bye to everyone, went up to her shook her hand, asked her name and whatnot she was really shy to.

What i noticed is i tend to get girls slightly attracted to me at times and i don't escalate unless it's retardedly obvious. If i get a "hmm she might like me, i don't know" thought in my head, im too scared to push the boundary to figure if she does or not. I just think well even tho she's acting attracted i'm just mistaking for being nice. Just in my fucking head, but i'm working to pushing that and trying to know when i should escalate and when i shouldn't.I do feel good though after i interact with a girl regardless of outcome, i'm scared of escalating things. At those events in particular I feel awkward about it because they usually have bf's and those bf's are in the room and im cool with some of them, im not for gaming the homies girl, to many females in this world for that.

But i think where i feel like a fucking idiot is not even at the event, it's when we all go to in n out and then theres just random hb's there and i don't talk to them. I don't really know how to spark a conversation with a group i never met, especially since im with a group already to. When we eat usually around the time everyone is gonna go party or are finishing off the night early so its packed. I wanna start talking girls more spontaneously cuz i feel like it would help me alot, and they're always there. I do wanna go to parties/bars, but the friends i have don't party at all, they just chill and drink together (another excuse of mine)

but yea i still have trouble of getting out of the house that's more goal for now getting more going for myself and to meet more girls.

good things i also noticed when i'm alot more confident when i feel nicely groomed, and im getting more comfortable with women.

im looking forward to work next week, alot of my shifts are in evening to so that should be interesting.

apologies if this was long as hell and i was ranting, im glad i started this thread, it's really motivated me to improve myself alot.

Things I Want To Learn:
- To flirt/escalate more
- Approach more
- Not to assume a girl doesn't like me
- Not to feel intimated by other men
- Put myself out there overall

Questions
- Do you feel awkward when you escalate?
- How do you build sexual tension in a suttle way?

Keep up the good work, get working out more and maintain a good diet. A significant part of getting a better body is dependant on how much work you put into eating well.

I highly recommend the forums over at bodybuilding.com and the training videos!

As for approaches just live by the old fashioned three second rule, where by you approach a girl within three seconds of seeing them. Otherwise you'll end up thinking about what could go wrong and all of that nonsense.

Whatever you do don't change yourself completely in order to get women, keep your values and just make sure you become a more confident version of yourself.

Becoming someone who you are not can have severe psychological effects later down the line.

Just have fun with learning ways to approach women and maintaining a good flowing conversation. Worry IOIs, Kino and all that stuff in a few weeks when you are more confident with approaching and talking to women!

thanks cjc!

i really appreciate the advice

i totally agree on changing myself part, i definitely don't plan on being who im not to get women, i feel like that would kill the purpose of trying this in the first place.

as for my health, i was kinda dissappointed last week, cuz i didnt eat as healthy as i would've liked to and i only worked out twice, but so far today i did a light workout and im prolly gonna workout a little bit before bed. I also ate 2 tuna sandwhiches without the bread and with lettuce, so i guess its just tuna and lettuce. I also ate an apple and an orange and been drinking mad water. And yes bodybuilding.com is a great fitness forum.

Update 09/08/2011
Well today was a pretty chill i guess. I woke up did a light workout, showered ate than went to class. Today i noticed unique how eye contact women is. Where i grew up, it was kinda ghetto, so i was always hesistant giving eye contact. Ive seen people get their shit rocked over a look so that kinda made just not give eye contact. That and a lack of confidence plays a huge part as well. Overall though im in a decent area and my confidence is alot higher than it use to be. I feel like im growing alot, i think overall i've been a more happy and positive person this year.

As for eye contact, i was in the cafeteria, sat all the way in the back (kind of a habit i still do). Im back there by myslef cuz i walked in last minute. well as im eating its me and then theres 2 dudes in the front eating together. Then a hb7 walks in (usually if u make it to late, they serve sandwhiches to go). So she comes in i look up cuz i can see whoever walks in, for a good 5 secs we had a lil stare contest and i won i guess LOL. This alot better than i use to be i use to look down immediately, still do sometime. For whatever reason, it coulda been the workout and shower idk, i was feeling good. After we had a stare off literally across the room she looks away almost as if she wanted to smile but didnt want me to see it. So she starts talking to the worker there does a kino on him almost in a nervous kind of way. Then as she's waiting for her sandwhich, she goes and talks to the 2 dudes eating. Talking dumbass loud, saying she got a job and she only been there for 2 weeks they were still talking when i left (i was an hour late to class).

even though nothing happened i may not have approached, and thats not the first time ive started a girl down and shes like all happy about it, but it feels good when it happens. As im walking to class literally like 3 mins later, i looked as this girl thru a window, she got like super shy and tried to cover her face and i started laughing. The shit is hilarious sometime idk. Afterwards, i went to Ross to get some clothes for my job. I went to the changing area, another hb7 was monitoring the area. As i came out she asked.

hb7: those workout for you?
me: this one did not these 2 though (i tried 3 things)

then im about to walk off

hb7: i can keep that here for you.
me: uhh alright

looked at her kinda confused with a smile on my face
she gave a lil chuckle
i smiled then walked off

i mean it wasn't anything crazy, but i was kinda disappointed with myself for not really sparking a conversation with her. I usually don't keep going when a girl responds to me (not saying she was), but for whatever reason i have moments where im just stuck in a shell.

I do notice im becoming alot more friendly and improving on sparking conversations. I think if i just try it with HBs more i'll improve, next time whenever the situation comes i'll think i'll try it. With guys its getting easy cuz theres no pressure, and girls sometimes i do and others i don't. I'm also realizing that sparking conversations it doesn't really matter what you say it's more so the vibe you give off. I use to think i needed some amazing opener or whatever (i never tried a canned opener, mainly cuz i always forget them LOL). You can start a convo with a bullshit question like, so how's it goin? And people open up. Whats tight is even if the convo was a 30 sec lame convo, they'll remember it and become more familiar with you, each time you say "hey how are you?" they kinda look at you as that friendly guy and start acting friendly back. If they don't say anything, well fuck it you tried.

I noticed it's funny seeing how women react to shit, people in general, but especially girls. I didnt realize how easy it is to stare say high smile and get away with it. Alot of girls seem shy, at least the ones i've been around lately. I'm still scared of the approach i think, still really haven't really approached i feel. I just will spark a convo with a girl in my path, i feel weird if i go up to a girl being casual. I mean i know i'd have to go direct but i still fear it. Last week i was walking home at night and some girl was loading her car with grocies but her cart was next to me so i couldve easily said something but i didn't. Whats getting better is my ability to initiate is improving, but approaching (where i walk up to the girl and say some shit.) isn't there yet.

Also whats improving is i'm feeling less intimated by women, i been chipping away at it, i actually wanna be around them more in a way. I def want a social balance of both males and females in my life.

I think as a whole the one thing that gets me down the most and frustrated sometimes wish i have the result i want and it never really falls in place. It kills my confidence sometime i'll never get with a girl, and prolly my biggest insecurity. But i'm still motivated and more confident than i use to be, if i keep at it'll happen. I'm going to get laid before 2012.

As for health, i literally been eating healthy as shit. Just chicken/tuna/apples/oranges/vegetables/water thats literally been all ive been eating all with no sauces or anything like that. I do a quick cardio when i wake up and then i do weights/cardio before bed.

if this was tl;dr once again i apologize.

Things I Want To Learn
- Again to escalate more
- To possibly learn how go direct (sometimes i just wanna know a girl cuz i think shes hot)
- To not be in my head once a interaction with a female starts/fishing for things to say with

Questions
What's your best way to escalate from something casual to sexual?

Update 09/09/2011
Well today was a pretty unique day for me to say the least. I did something SUPER out of my element, and still have a feeling of embarassment when thinking what i did, at the same time im proud of myself and still shocked i did it, its something i feel like NONE of my friends would do (for u guys its easy as fuck for you cuz ur pua's LOL).

So today i woke up and went to social services because i need my social security card for my job. I also saw hb7 from the cafteria there with my neighbor whos a chode, and im like "i definitely seen u guys at the dorms" they said yea and smiled and all that. (that girl always seems to like be wherever the fuck i am at, and she flees or arrives as im leaving, and shes got guys around her every time.)

But yea I feel really awkward just typing this LOL, but anyway when i walk in there i see a hb8, by herself looking bored shitless, in my head im like "talk to her talk to her talk to her" but i just sit there. Somehow i got called before her, cuz she was there longer than me. I get my social shit done in literally like 2 minutes. as im walking i see her im thinking like "man it's too late to approach no three second rule.....bullshit excuses" then im like *huge breath* FUCK IT! LOOOL.

So i go up to her and was like LOOOOOL

actually no lie she was one of those girls who looks far good from distance. When i got close to her she pretty much had acne and was trying covering it up with makeup.

anyway!

me: well ima talk to you, cuz you look pretty bored, plus im bored as shit to. So i figured just talk to you.
hb8: hahaha alright..
hb8: why'd you come here and talk to me?
me: you know why...
(with an up to know good expression def the first time where i blatantly flirted with a girl, it just came out man idk)
hb8: laughs

she was giving that "wow bro you really just approached me, you're funny" look

almost like she kinda got a kick out of it, but wasn't intrested

then we just fluff talked, then got her name that stuff

then i said

"well ima dip i figured u seemed chill so i figured i'd would talk to you"

we both had a laugh and i left

and that was it really.

i kinda regret not getting her number(even though i don't have a cell), simply cuz she didn't mention a bf whatsoever. She really chill, but her "wow dude you just did that?" look liked freaked me the fuck out in a way, i was too scared to go beyond that. Which is dumb as fuck considering i approached her and was kinda direct about it. I was so like adrenaline rushed it felt. Felt like after that i just got done working out

Regardless though afterwards, i super happy about it. Smiling to myself while walking back home. I felt like it raised my confidence a little. Holy shit though man, its the first time i ever done anything like that knowing about pua and attraction and stuff. Then i went to get a bus/train card at walgreens afterwards, had a decent conversation with the cashier lady, who was actually cuter than the girl i approached. Then i went on the bus, saw 2 guys like eyeing girls, seeing they were cute rating them and shit. Another dude, who looked like he gets bitches regularly(this going purely off looks btw). A cute girl sits right next to him and he didn't say shit. That's what i think made me proud of myself.

I'm embarrassed about the transaction kinda, cuz i didn't know what i was doing (i never read pua stuff anymore, im forgetting the tips stuff i read, and in field i don't remember shit, everything is just off top). I think i feel embarrassed cuz of how awkward i felt. That feeling is a unique feeling i had, it's a good embarrassment feeling?? i guess. The type to make someone blush i guess.

I'm proud of myself because even i felt it took me 123920 years. I finally fucking did it! It made me feel good to know, i can approach a girl just cuz i think she's hot. Or to meet a girl randomly because i want to, not because she's in my path (like i work with her or we got to the same school or some shit). That's pretty much most guys i know meet girls. They just go indirect and hope she responds. The trap i really don't want to fall in is by using that one approach as a reason not to do anything else, after i did that i didn't want to do again, for some reason i still don't even though the result can be really rewarding.

It made me feel like a man, alot of my friends will rate girls and say if she's hot when she's right there but they never do shit. I pisses me off when they don't approach, and they talk about women like they know them in and out. Idk why it pisses me off, i think it's i never see them around females or always having women in their lives. (except one, he one of my really good friends who's a natural, and hardly ever talks about women/sex) The rest though, just say shit like "women do this" or "women are that" and you never see them around women much, if they are it's cuz of work. Idk i just feel like the guys i know, don't really initiate if they do its always with an ex. It's kinda like they get one girl and think they know everything.

Idk but i feel like, i'm maturing from them? Not saying im more mature, cuz im one of the younger ones of the group. For them the video game we play is huge in their lives, they're really good at it to and focus to improve and travel to compete. I feel like they want to get girls for the sake of saying "dude i got this chicks number blah blah". Me i want to have experience/experiences with women and learn how to attract them and whatnot. I'd rather boast thru action that words idk. I didn't even tell them or anyone about my approach because i felt what good would it do?, especially since i didn't get her number, i felt it would give them more shit to talk about. Especially since alot of them probably never have done that unless its at a party or something. Also my friends aren't douches btw, i like them alot, they're good people. I just feel that way about them with this subject in particular.

As for the rest of the day, my friends came over and we played that video game. One of my friends who's the best in northen california at the game, made a stupid ass bet with another friend of mine (who's number 2). They pretty much played for $1000 and #2 won. It was fucking hilarious shockingly it started at $5

and health wise im starting to see my abs show which is dope. I bought 3 chicken fettucini lean cuisines and ate one which i felt was questionable considering im cutting, but i hardly ate today imo, other than that today all i ate was apples, tuna, and lettuce. I didn't workout today, i walked a shitload tho getting to that office and back thats about it, and i worked out 3 days straight so i figure i'll sit this one out tonight.

Things I Want To Learn/Goals of mine
- To be able to approach more
- To be capable to initiate more
- To get comfortable gaming women
- To get a girls number

Questions:
I know you can never get rid of AA, but the more you challenge through it, does it become easier for you overcome?

Update 09/12/2011
Today was pretty decent i'd say, it was my first day of work and it was chill. It was an orientation day, it was 6 of us, 5 guys and hb7. We just pretty much sat and watched vids about the same ol orientation stuff and met the GM of the store. I sat in between the hb7 and i guy i later found out i went to high school with and in the same graduation class it was kinda shocking considering we didn't know each other at all and the city is we're in currently is far from where we attended high school. Small world i guess..

Afterwards we had like an hour and a half break and we all sat together and just talked. They all seemed chilled, i feel like i got along with everyone well. I liked how i didn't really talk about myself, i just kinda went with what others were saying (2 dudes in particular talked about themselves alot, not in a annoying way or anything, but you kinda notice it when ur just listening. It was like they were trying to say something to intrigue us). The other guy, who im pretty sure is gay kinda zoned out. His friend who works there came over and talked to him, she was funny cuz she kinda embodied the california girl stereotype, at least with how she talked anyway, it was like "OH MY GOD blah blah blah insert bullshit." Overall though it was chill, afterwards we watched more boring vids about like sexual harassment, safety, typical work stuff. Then after that my shift was over.

i missed the bus like 2 mins after it came which sucks, then had a conversation with some hood ass dude, he looked and sounded like he would rob you, but overall he was a chill dude. Then i approached some girl with an accent asking the time. Whats funny is i learned thats like a good start approach, but the problem is i don't have a phone, so i genuinely am concerned about what time it is. It's definitely something you can spark conversations with.

After a bus and a train, i gotta take my last bus home. I'm kinda mad about the last bus and the fact that i took the train and i gotta take another one. Anyway i see this buff mid aged dude talking on his phone, next to him is a girl i thought was really cute so i went up to her and asked her the time. She told me the time, and im said "fuck really?" because i just missed that bus so i had to wait 25mins.

Judging by her look i was convinced she was in high school. After im all like "fuck man". She asked me whats was wrong. I just told her i really wanted to go home after all this transit and waiting. After awhile, she gets up and was like you can sit here" and im like "well there's no room i don't wanna just take ur spot" she says "no its cool you need it more than me, i been sitting all day." So she lets me sit there, i felt weird just taking her seat like that, but i didnt question it. Then we start talking more and she tells me about how she lost her i-pod, we would have randomn silences, but when we talked she seemed interested, at least more than most people you convo with.

Afterwards the mid aged dude gets off the phone, then rambles to me about finances and how i need to save money cuz im young. We start talking, then the hb8.5 i guess(i cant rate). She'll try to chime her way in the conversation. Afterwards the bus comes, the guy is still ranting to me kinda.

he sits near the back kind of, I go all the way to the back (its my thing idk why). The hb8.5 follows me and sits next to me. Mid aged dude moves seats kind of to sit closer so he can talk to me still. Then pretty much its just him talking, me agreeing with shit, hb8.5 would text on her phone then come back. I still try to keep her in the conversation though. We keep talking and i up asking both him them how old they were, she was 17, mid aged dude was 49. We talked a little more, me and her kinda live by each other. I made sure i got both of their names, before i got off the bus (i was first off). Then i walked home.

I felt like she was alittle interested in me, kind of to where if i asked her number she wouldve gave it to me. 17 is def a red flag tho, the dude rambling about finances made it harder to talk to her but he was chill. I kinda think what attracted her to me initially was when she found out where i work. Just cuz its pretty much a chucky cheese with a shitload of alcohol. The fact she gave up her seat was crazy, and really nice at the same time i thought.

I think for now im got and still am getting alot better at approach, the anxiety definitely doesn't set in as hard at all. I think right now im just trying to find ways to have a better conversations with girls. Even though i got the hb attracted a little i kinda was complaining about the buses at least at the beginning cuz i was mad. I'm happy that she was at least really nice, it made me wanna see her again basically because how she responded and she was cute.

Overall my gaming is definitely improving i think, i noticed there's times ill show disinterest with girls and they kinda come back to me. I noticed it with the girl i work with and the bus girl. Weird how that plays out...

I think for now im still learning how to attract women, i want to get better at building attraction. I feel like i need to kino more, but i don't really know how to do without doing it in a teasing manner.

I think where im my AA is now is with getting numbers. I'm just for whatever really scared to ask? I always think like "what if she says no" "what if she had a boyfriend"(although no hb's have brought this up to me) "what if she gives it to me to get rid of me". I still need to build my attraction and approaching a bit more, but escalating it to a numbers game is scary for me. I also feel kind of weird asking because i don't have a cell phone. I should probably ask for facebook or something i guess. After all of this though, i think that direct approach i did on that girl friday helped me a bunch, i seem more solid with women now because of it.

Health wise, i did well this week, worked out 4 times this week twice a day. Then sunday i ate my ass off, the most unhealthy ive eaten in awhile, i just ate shit just because it was there. Today i ate some chicken shrimp macoroni alfredo, because my job gave it for free, and a left over ice cream/powerade i didnt finish. I really wanna work out tonight but im really tired. Debating on wether to just crash or champ it out

As for tomorrow i got work from 5pm to 12:30am tomorrow....should be interesting.

Things I Want To Learn/Goals
- To improve approaching
- To improve build attraction
- To read women better
- To ask for a number or contact
- Get a number or contact

Questions
If you read any of this thread, what do you think i can/should do to improve my game?

Update 09/16/2011

Part is post in particular is more of just a rant than my pickup endeavors, i apologize if this shit is long, i don't blame you if you don't read it.

Well so far this week i been working everyday. My job is pretty simple for what the pay is, i just collect tickets from people, do stock work, and label shit. For the most part it's content with it and i just got a check from school, so i have some money in my first check.

As for pickup i haven't been too focused on it, and been in kind of a rut this week in every category, but work. I been missing class due to work, so hopefully i can get it back together before the class gets too deep in.

This week mostly, i been kind of depressed in a way. I been eating unhealthy most of the week (finally ate healthy today) and i only worked out once this week and im so drained when i get home (gotta take a train and 2 buses) i just sit around and sleep.

Here's were i'll talk about pickup i guess???


I kinda been in my head lately i think, good things are i don't think about what to say at all really, it's easy to spark conversations with strangers, i say hello alot. I kinda been getting more compliments to. What's funny is one of the girls i work with asked how old i was, i told her i was 21 and she was like "oh dang, you look really young." I still kinda am thrown off by compliments. Overall though I feel like i got better at being social. Whats funny with my job is if i say hi to someone, they other workers will be super nice and say hi back and have a conversation, or just completely ignore me. I kinda starting to realize that people at least at work and on transit, aren't really social at all. It's tough to get some people to open up, i just kinda shrug it off and keep it moving though. Sometimes i do question myself though with shit like "why am i being friendly when people are being assholes?". Sometimes i get scared being social, cuz i feel like people might think im trying to hard?? An insecurity of mine thats been building up i guess.

As for women i been reframing back to my old ways, walking past not saying anything, but today i checked myself out of it and broke out of it. Yesterday i got fucked over on the bus was talking to 2 women while waiting for it while another one was hovering around. I find out i get fucked over again, and then i gotta wait, along with the hovering chick. She approached me about the buses and shit, we started talking. I kinda wasn't into this girl from the start, she wasn't ugly or anything just not my type i guess(idk i hate saying shit like that). But yea we were both a little mad cuz we had to wait longer she asked my name i told her, then she replied sincerely with "that's a really nice name". I kinda figured she was getting at me, but i just said thanks and whatnot, then we had a silence.

During that silence, i bumped into a friend of mine i attend school with. He's 10 years older than me, he seems like a natural with women, and is way more mature than the rest of my friends on just like his mindset and whatnot. So i like hanging around him, i learn random shit from this guy all the time, problem is we don't really kick it enough. Thats moreso my fault though he said i can go see his band play saturday. I would to but honestly i been looking forward to the mayweather/ortiz fight all week with other friends so probably going to do that.

He told me a bus further down was going to our dorm, so i went with him and said bye to the other girl. We talked about random shit and whatnot and that was it.

If you didn't read jack shit read this part lol

Lately though i been kind of depressed about not having women in my life. It's really been bugging me, and i don't say anything about it to, so it just adds fuel to the fire i think. The thought of coming home and not having a girl is really bothering me. Its like my confidence is almost fading away because of it. I'm having AFC thoughts again, with the feeling of girls aren't attracted to me. I also feel lost on how to attract women, i don't really know how to do it right. I try to give them attention that doesn't work, ill try to give slight attention that seems not to work either. Im just at a point where i really am confused with how to game.

for now i think ima read some stuff on game, i haven't read anything in awhile. So i forgot alot of what to do in a way (when i knew about game i never left the house LOL)

Things I Learned/Goals:
- I need to be playful, im social now, but not challenging at all

Question: (If someone actually answers that would be GOLD)
- How to be more playful?
- How to challenge women?
-

.

Update 09/18/2011

Today i didn't really do much but take the bus from a friends house, but i wanna talk about friday in particular.

Well i worked on a friday from 5pm-12:30am, of all the days this week that i've worked this was definitely most busiest. I told myself i would just have more fun at work especially since i was real down on myself the day before. Got to work everything was good chill. Met 2 more people that day that i work with, a hb8 and a hb6, but gives off a tomboyish vibe. They're all really cool though nonetheless. I realized there that other than the guy that ive been in traning with (he's real chill to). That our staff is pretty much mostly female. Well i mean the girl to guy ratio is bigger. There's like 4 guys and maybe like 8 females?

The guy i trained with was telling me how much he was digging hb8, which was cool. Idk i don't like feel threated by that, i feel like me awhile ago would be?. But in general I don't really get envious like that. I kinda just don't care so much i guess. That hb8 was around me quite a bit and we worked together and whanot, kinda teased her for being a slow printer (our department doesnt have a printer so we gotta walk across the resturant to get what we printed). Overall she was cool, when her shift was over she said bye to me by name which was cool cuz usually most people just say bye. i kinda had more kino with her than i get with most girls i'd say, we would accendentally brush or bump into each other alot (not saying thats a sign but hey it happened).

Afterwards we're working just chilling, i was talking to hb6. She's kind of like the leader of our group. Everyone knows her, she knows everyone, she seems really liked by alot of everyone. and is really chill to. To be honest she seems like the coolest person to work/hang with out everyone. Hb6 in a way attracted me more than hb8 because she was really cool to talk to. First time i feel like i looked thru the attraction barrier in a long time, it could've been the social proof tho idk. It could be because im around women more??? i guess idk. Anyway, so then its just me, other traniee, hb6, and an older lady that works with us to (shes hella cool to). Once it gets dark we get swamped with people, bad ass kids and and drunk adults.

The women in particular were hilarious that night. This one lady who was a mom, would come up to me a bunch, we had at least like 4 encounters, she was calling me by name and shit (we got name tags of course). She was like "wow how can you deal with all these kids??" "i can't come back here." Overall she was cool, her little daughter was cute (i mean like in a kid way, the girl was like 2 or 3 LOL). Afterwards a hb8 came up and was asking how this whole prize section worked. As i was telling her everything, we're pretty much looking each other in the eyes the whole time, she had really nice eyes man LOL. So im explaining this for damn near 5 minutes cuz she's playing stupid, then afterwards she starts calling me by name to. I thought she could've been faded cuz of how social she was, but she didn't look too drunk, i think she was prolly tipsy tho. Afterwards that hb8, literally came to me for like everything from telling me what she wanted, to telling me what she got, and all that shit. Literally calling my name for me to see what she has. Her bf came thru later so she stopped coming over but was in the area for retardedly long, they both were. They both came up to ring up items, and i just happen to be the guy ringing up shit at the time, then her and bf were teasing each other. She was making me laugh and i told her she was cool. Then to her bf she was like"well at least someone think im cool". She was funny though i'll admit. (i prolly shoulda teased her tho, but ehh next time i guess)

Afterwards just chilling with everyone, our rush of people finally came to a settle so we're just chilling. Afterwards me and trainee had to be literally like 5mins till our shift was over. Then this hb5 chick comes up with tickets. (what we do is ring up tickets and put them on the card that everyone plays games on, So if you don't have a card we can't do shit) So she's like

hb5: here's my tickets
me: do you have ur card with you
hb5: no...
me: oh well we can't do anything if you don't have the card
hb5: really?!?!?! are you serious....
me:....yea...sorry
hb5: awww dude, i really want a stuff animal
me: i feel your pain, but you gotta have a card
hb5: can i just take the stuff animal, ill come back with the card?
me: uhhh....you know that's stealing.....
hb5: cmon lemme just have the stuff animal
me: i would, but you gotta have a card, and ring the stuff animal up
hb5: dude cmon you take your job way too seriously, just give me the stuff animal
me: *laughs* no i'm not gonna give you the stuff animal *laughs again*
hb5: ugh, you take your job way to serious, cmon i want it for my son (she didn't look like a mom AT ALL)
me: im definitely not getting you a stuffed animal.
hb5: cmon please, why not
me: *laughs* cuz i don't even know you.
hb5: man.....
me: im sorry maam
hb5: no its cool, you see i was testing you
me: o really?
hb5: yea, but you passed. I just had to make sure you weren't shady
me: yea sure.........

then she fucking started interviewing me asking mad questions (thats like a pet peeve of mine LOL). Asking how much i pay for stuff, who i lived with. The co-worker who trained with me was right next to me as this was happening so i walked off to stock the stuff animals, and basically let her go in on him LOL. I come back and she's still there starts calling me by name and all. Then she said something i wasn't really paying attention and i said "im not sure". Then she's all "really you a mean worker" and i go "it's cuz my shift is over" and smiled at her. Then me and the co-worker left. (we get off at the same time). Later i came back to use old lady co-workers phone, cuz i needed to call a friend letting him know im coming over. Then that same girl is with a group of people and shes all "oh look and that's swagneto" i just wave, i was on the phone so i didnt stop or anything.

Personally my mind is changing about women, im kinda realizing theyre just as fucked up and are no better than we men are. I mean i knew this all along, but im starting to believe it which is a huge difference in my opinion. I'd i feel as if im valuing them a little less than i use to. I use to think to treat them like gold and be nice as possible, then i had a phase to where don't take no shit from a female, but if they comply cool but always be in charge. Now it's like yea...they're whatever, theyre fun to tease. Idk i phases on how i think about shit. I think a lot less about what they think about me, i almost don't give a shit.

I feel like im getting better with escalating, starting to realize that shit actually takes time, but overall i'm starting to care less in a way and it's helped. The needyness/validation is slowly fading away.

Overall though i was happy about work cuz i felt like i was being who i wanted to be and thats a guy who can work hard, but have fun doing it and to never complain on the job. (im trying to not complain in general anymore)

in other news, i finally touched a scale for the first time in 5 months, in april i weighed 205. I started working out and taking care of myself literally 2 months ago. Now im 173, my diet isn't as stricted, and i only worked out only once this week. But im keeping track of my calories and sadly i eat less due to work, but my abs are starting to show even more than before which is weird. I still eat healthy though, i only drink water, but what i eat is more in the air, its like one unhealthy meal to every 2 or 3 healthy ones.

Things I Learned:
I can attract women i think are attractive
I'm realizing i'm physically attractive (or at least think i am)
Hot girls ain't no better than anyone else, unless they prove it.
Don't think about impressing a girl, just do it (on my nike shit)
Have more actions, then thoughts.

Goals
Get a girls phone number before October.
Make out with a girl before halloween
Catch up in school (im doing bad right now)
Create a female social circle
Create a 3rd social circle (outside of work/game friends)

Questions
Is this journal too long? (hopefully not, sorry if so, i dont have any structure when writing this stuff.)

I skipped like two posts in there (Sorry its a lot to read!) but here we go. One point of curiosity, what video game?

The "Hey how are you?"s are all well and good, they're a necessary part of pick up, in fact, but your biggest goal right now should be taking that next step. The girl on the bus was a perfect number close opportunity. Just say "Give me your number! We'll have a go-kart race at my work" (I don't know if your D&B has go karts but the one near me does). YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE. That's the biggest thing to instill in yourself. Even with girls you know or know you'll be seeing often, if you screw it up, the only thing that'll happen is the same as your situation before, you won't talk to them.

In one post, you talked about a guy "zoning out" of conversation. Your goal is to never be that guy. Always focus your attention completely on what someone else is saying. When you noticed guys talking about themselves, it's good that you noticed, but NEVER think about it too much or judge them for it. Keep your attention on what they're saying. This goal extends to every conversation you ever have. With the girl trying to get the stuffed animal, focus completely on what she's saying. To give you an example of how you could turn that into something, when you said "cuz i don't even know you" just extend that into "but you seem alright. Do you work/go to school/something?" It's not great but it gets you moving. The more you focus on the conversation actually happening right in front of you, the easier it will be to be witty and quick on your feet.

Wow dude, you're a beast for even reading this, much appreciated!!!

The game i play is super smash bros melee, its so old you can't play it online so when we play it's always in person. Also D&B doesn't have go carts =(. As for holding conversations, yea i do feel like i need to pay attention to what people are saying for sure. I tried doing that saturday with a friend of mine who was talking about an anime. Being a good listener is tough, eventually though ill get it down. But i think what i really wanna improve in is what you said is being witty. I have witty moments, but im not super witty, one of my best friends is retardedly good at it so i kinda learned some from him.

i think why im scared of escalating because i feel it will be awkward afterwards. I once went direct on a girl in high school and got rejected and our relationship went weird from there because i made it awkward. Ever since it's kind of made revert back into never escalating because of it. It just always made me think that would happen again, but i didnt know anything i do now, and i think i carry myself alot better than i did then. I'm going to try to escalate more, and not make a big deal out of rejection. I kinda noticed people in general are more attracted to you when you don't seemed phased by what they throw at you.

Bro. Before I get into game-talk, we need to talk about melee. At my high school, we have a senior lounge, and my school is pretty wealthy so we have 2 big screen tv's, a leather couch, foosball table, all kinds of shit. But on one tv which we have going the whole day, is ssb. Just started my senior year and started playing, and got so into it that I got a gamecube so I could play it at home too. That doesn't mean you shouldn't lessen your doing of it, if its an obsessive habit, but nice connection.

About being witty, omegle is amazing practice being quick on your feet without fear of screwing anything up. You can use other chats but make sure its something where you don't give yourself much time to think and are focusing entirely on it. Definite emphasis on sexual jokes though.

And YES. If that wasn't a substantial realization for you, make it one. If a girl gives you shit, flip it on her. Treat it like a compliment, or completely misconstrue what she's saying. There's no point to lashing back at shit tests, your goal is for her to like you.

Yea man, that game definitely is fun, it's super fast paced to so alot of shit happens. As for shit test, i really am trying to improve on them. To be honest when im feeling normal i kinda take humor to them, but this week i just been in a real shit mood and it's a little hard to grasp as to why right now. I feel like i need to work on my inner game a little, but im going to make a post of the past 2 days and talk more about it.

Update 09/23/2011

i guess ill divide stuff in parts so anyone reading this won't have to read the whole thing to get to a certain section

Summary of Day:
Well i guess i'll start this off with work. I worked on a wednesday night, which is our busiest day because games are half price. Overall work wednesday was pretty shitty, i worked with a new girl and it was her first day and a veteran girl who been there for like a year she worked on my first day as well. The vet girl kinda pissed me off that day, mostly because she tries to make me look like a dumbass alot. Good thing is i didn't really react to it, i just kind kept my ground, but it was really hard not to react. It also was tough because when she went on break, i had to do the hard stuff cuz it was the other girls first day. I'm cool with that though because i feel as if im improving at the things i struggled with before and later on i cooled down a bit more so i was more chill. Shockingly the customers kind of helped me feel better, just because some were really chill, idk it just made the night easier. Good thing i feel like is i didn't show anger even though i was feeling that way, i just feel like that vet girl in particular just either thinks im stupid is amused by it i guess. She kinda seems like the person to where she's really cool with who she's cool with and just treats everyone else like they're dumb, she was easier to work with towards the end of the night. I think i would piss her off because she would ask if i wanted to do some a certain type of work particular and i would always say "it doesn't matter whatever is cool" when i should probably should've just said "yea sure". I worked 30mins past my shift, had to run to the train and literally barely made it after sprinting, hopping a fence and running up 2 flights of steps.

On the train i met a chill dude who just got off work as well on the train along with some dude i thought who was gonna rob me. Afterwards i stayed at my friends house. Then we went to another friends college campus to play melee. Then i took the bus and went home. I kinda had another scenario with another HS girl on a bus, which was surprising considering it was dark out. After that i went to safeway, chatted it up with a security guard i met there. Then on my walk home, helped a homeless man in a wheelchair across the street and bought him a pack of cigarettes. What's weird is though even though that was a good thing to do, i don't really feel good about it idk, i mean i would do it again but like usually good deeds like that make me feel better about myself. I bought his cigarettes mainly because as i was pushing him he said he had pink eye along with something else, i didnt wanna touch his money so i figured to just buy him a pack instead. Then i washed my hands like crazy when i got home.

Girls/Gaming:
The past 2 days, i been feeling real down lately, kinda stopped approaching (i broke it by asking girls the time). I think i'm definitely going to start using the 3 second rule more often, i did that with the girl on a bus today and it worked out. I just been having real limited beliefs lately, its all in my head to. Like i been telling myself "man no females like me, they're just intimidated by me" or "women won't give me a chance im not attractive." I know it isn't true, i broke that mindset once i start approaching for time, and see if they respond from there. I don't really care if they respond or not, i get pissed when i just don't put myself out there. That i sometime i forget build attraction, i just keep it really casual. Although im getting better at teasing a little.

I been using the time approach alot, at first i remember i didnt bring my phone as a watch so i had to approach people. Today i been asking the time despite having it, just to see if something can spark from there.

I did it on the train to a girl with a really nice smile, just asked her the time and tried to spark up a conversation, she wasn't interested though.

then i did the same to a girl at the bus stop, chatted with her and the bus driver for a little bit. She gave me some extra change for the bus cuz i ran out. I sat in the back as usual and then she was gonna sit where she normally does but saw me and followed and sat in the back. We talked more, i told her what d&b was like she was like "oh i wanna go there, that sounds fun!" but i followed it terribly with "yea you should it's a real cool place." idk i felt like i shoulda said something better. I got her name and vice versa and got off the bus. It was another number opportunity i bailed out on but she was a junior in high school, that reason just makes me not wanna pursue at that point.

As far as inner game goes i been real down on myself over the same thing again, its a lack of results and out of fear that it's never gonna change. It's been killing me lately, i feel like my confidence is going down. I usually root it towards school, i get really depressed in everything when my schooling falls apart, when school goes good usually everything else does, but for whatever reason that part has the biggest influence on my mood because tbh i think now it might be the thing i care about most in my life. Even though my actions don't show it. Starting tomorrow i'm going to try my best to get caught up in my studies, i'm failing both of my classes at the moment and i failed my last class already.

My goals for now are to remedy everything that bothers me in my life, which at the moment is my school and room (its a pigsty). So within the next 24 hours i have some type of school work done. Everything else right now seems secondary at the moment (fitness/gaming/melee).

i have work from 7:00pm to 3:00am Saturday, possibly going to see if i can take a cab to my friends house.

I just hope i stop bullshiting with school and make things better


Goals:
Catch up in school
Clean Room
Approach more (getting uncomfortable again)