A Little bit of background about me:

Hi all, I’m “Random AFC”, I’m in my mid-twenties, and I live in Spain.

I’m quite happy/satisfied with most facets of my life, but I’m really unhappy/disappointed with my love life. Because of this, I’ve been developing a strong feeling that I really want to get this part of my life addressed, and I hope the community and this journal will help me towards achieving my goal.

After spending the last month or so reading PU related material and a bit of self-analysis, what I am convinced that has prevented me from being successful with women in the past is:

• - Passivity
  - Lack of confidence
  - Lack of balls
  - Limiting beliefs
  - Fear (of not being good enough, of frozing up, etc.)

To overcome my sticking points, I plan to force myself to grow a pair of balls and take action. However, I don’t want PU to take over my life and I want to be realistic, so at the moment I will commit to improving my game mostly in weekends (hence the weekly part of the title).

Also, as what I have tried before has not worked for me, I’m very open minded about PU, as long as it doesn’t involve faking to be another person.

Where I want to be (Goals):

Following this I have listed my primary goals in order of logic temporary consecution:

• - Get rid of my AA (or reduce it till a point that I can reasonably deal it with)
  - Improve my game (begin to see women attracted to me, start # and k-closing so that I can get rid of my limiting beliefs)
  - Get Laid
  - Find someone special and begin a fulfilling LTR

PU Material:

Along with surfing these forums regularly, in the last month or so I’ve read/seen the following:

Book/e-Book material:

• - The Game (Neil Strauss)
  - Attraction is not a Choice (David D)
  - Double your Date (David D)
  - The Definitive Book of Body Language
  - 60 Years Of Challenge (Women Ignition and Fearless, Relentless Escalation)

Video Material:

• - Stealth Seduction (Gambler)
  - Keys to VIP S1,S2,S3
  - The Pickup Artist S1, S2 (VH1)
  - Various Youtube Videos

There’s a lot more material that I would like to check, but I think that I’m at a point that no amount of information will be useful until I get to practice infield.

Next Steps:

Newbie Mission (sort of)

Mission for Day 0: Newbie Mission (sort of)

With the primary goals in mind, the first step that I must do in order to get rid of my AA is actually opening sets.

For this reason, I plan on begin this journey with a little variation of the Newbie Mission. Basically, I plan on going this afternoon to a mall and start cold approaching girls with no more objective than the opening itself.

However, even if use a functional opener or whatever, I'll try to at least not let the conversation die right after the answer (although this is not the main goal for today).

Main Goal for today:

• - Open at least 3 sets

Secondary Goals for today

• - Have at least one conversation that doesn't die right after the first answer.
  - Focus on eye contact and body language
  - Speak slowly (I speak WAY too fast)

I know it doesn't sound much ambitious, but even these babysteps would make a great change in the right direction for me.

I'll write a FR later today or tomorrow with how it went.

Also, I'm very excited about this, but at the same time I have to recognize that I'm very nervous/scared of the moment that I'll actually have to do it. Let's see how it turns!

FR: Mission for day 0

Overview: 2 sets opened (mission failed) – not fond of functional opener, so I will try to go direct next time.

First field report, and I'm disappointed that I have to say that i failed at it.

My brother and I arranged to meet with a good friend for having lunch at a crowded venue in our city (both my brother and my friend are also AFC, but my brother has recently began to read PU material and he knew about my mission).

As soon as I left the house, I began to feel anxiety, which is quite ridiculous, because I didn't even spotted a set and my mind was already frozing up and filling with negative thoughts.

Anyway, my brother and I arrived a few minutes before the meeting hour, and we decided to take a little walk to buy time. I see a 2 set (HB8 and HB6) talking in the street and I open them asking for directions:

1st Interaction:
Me: Excuse me, my brother and I have arranged to meet with a friend at the XXXX subway station. ¿Do you know where it is?
HB8: yes, you have to bla bla and then bla bla and you will get there.

At this point I tried to find anything to extend the conversation, and sadly the only thing that came to mind was to misinterpret the directions, so she had to repeat another time. She did, and I was about to eject, my brother asked them:

Brother: And do you know any good place to eat near there?
HB8: Unfortunately no, most of restaurants around here are fast food...
Me: Oh well, that's a pity. Anyway, thanks for the help. (Eject)

Things I could have done/changed:

First, I could have changed the opener totally, as it doesn't go anywhere and can be answered with a simple no.

Also, when my brother asked for food and the HB8 replied with there's only fast food around here, I could have tried to reply something. Probably not the best, but right now I can think of something along the lines:

• - I've read an article recently that says that the burgers itself are not that unhealthy (in fact, i practice fitness since 2 years ago, and it seems that they are even ok after training). However, the problem resides within the oils in the fries and amount of sugar in the soda drinks // I think it could potentially lead to asking where did I read that, or about fitness, food/diets, etc.
  - ¿probably could have teased them about how is it that they know this much about fast food? // maybe expecting a bit of qualification, something similar to “It is not that we always eat this kind of food, we usually eat …

There’s not much to save from this interaction, but at least eye contact was solid and HB8 was sort of smiling

2nd interaction:

After having lunch, we walk through the venue searching for a jewelry shop, as my friend wanted to buy a new watch. I see a 2 set (2xHB 5) standing just outside a famous low cost clothes store, and I try to open them with another functional opener. What I was expecting was something among the lines:

Self-imagined me: Do you know if there is a cinema near here?
Self-imagined HB: Yes, you just have to follow the venue a few meters and you’ll find “name of cinema”
Self-imagined me: Cool, have you seen the last movie Super 8 from Steven Spielberg? It has very good critics, but the fact that the actors are child and that the last movies we have seen have been pretty much boring is worrying me…
Self-imagined HB: Yes (I liked or I don’t recommend it) // Not all the movies with children as the main actors are bad ones // Which are the movies those boring movies that you have seen recently // etc.

Reality was far, far worse:

Me: Do you know if there is a cinema near here?

At this point both HB grabbed their bags and stared at me as if I was pretending to rob them. They overreacted a lot and began talking between them in an unknown language while they were in a rush grabbing their bags and leaving in a rush. Just before leaving one of the HB told me something in her language that sounded either as sorry, we don’t speak Spanish, but could as well been please don’t rape us…

Admittedly, this blowout affected me way more than I expected. I mean, my body language must have really sucked or come as super intimidating to justify their reaction, and speaking with my brother and friend, it doesn’t seem this was the case… Also, I was very well groomed and clearly not have the image of the typical robber (I tend to be joked about being high-maintenance/rich-kid/spoilt brat, and in fact, my watch or maybe even my polo shirt alone probably cost more than all of the low cost clothes that both of them could have in their bags), so it was quite a shock for me.

Between this, and that my friend asked me why would I ask them for directions when I know that indeed there is a cinema near, and that in any case I could check it with my smartphone, pretty much was game over for the mission.

Things I’ve learned:

• -I do have Approach Anxiety and feel nervous when speaking to girls, but curiously, it is worse by far when I’m actually not opening, as my mind tends to overthink WAY too much, and usually is filled with negative thoughts.
  - Not really fond of functional openers. They seem very weak, and even though I try to fake that I am not nervous and feel confident, it probably gives very incongruent Body Language (asking for directions should be the most normal thing of the world, however when I use it as mean to open a set, something is out of the picture)
  - I froze up quickly and eject too fast. For the first thing, I need to prepare a better opener, and have a story or something to relate so I can stand on set at least 2 minutes. Also, if I have to show incongruent Body Language and eject right after the opener, I may as well go for direct (will try next time).
  - Need to improve my conversational skills with women.

Next Steps:

• - My brother and I will role play to practice direct openers and first minutes of the interaction. We would like to be able to open, present, and tell a story or a few question/statements that can get us 2 minutes in the set and with multiple possible ways for women to extend the conversation.
  - As I have failed to open 3 sets, next time I’ll try to open 6 sets, only that this time, I’ll go direct.

Any advice, suggestion or critic will be very well received.

A few days before a fellow forum user from my city opened a post asking for wings, and I knew that this could be the motivation that I needed to go out. I contacted him and arranged a meeting for Wednesday.

We meet, talk for about one hour, and finally decide to get to work. We would be taking turns to open HB, and latter comment on our impressions.
AA was high, so I ask him if he could open the first set which he complies. We walk a bit and we lose a few opportunities, but after a while he goes in an open his first set so it was my turn.

Soon after, he spots a HB and points me to open her. She has passed us, so I begin jogging after her, but half way I got dubitative and stopped suddenly. The opportunity was lost, and I tell to myself to try to open the next girl without thinking. At this point I couldn’t know how much of a difference that would represent (more about this on the lessons learned)

Set 1: First Direct Opening.

I couldn’t let the next one pass, so I see in the periphery of my vision this hot brunette girl passing by our side, and immediately I start jogging past her and motion her to stop with the hands. I couldn’t get in front of her, so I ended walking backwards with her (big error), but anyway I deliver my direct opener: “hi, excuse me, it may seem random, but I think you’re pretty and wanted to say hi.” She immediately answers “Sry, I’m in a rush” (in a dismissive but not rude way) and walks away. Surprisingly it didn’t faze me at all.

Set 2: Italian HB with amazing green eyes. “I have a boyfriend”

My wing couldn’t transition in his next try, but managed to get a good reaction out of the girl. A little after, he notices a hot blondie walking towards us and motions me to go open her. Good thing is I don’t hesitate to open her, this time I make sure to plant my feet and deliver the same direct opener slightly modified (the random part didn’t sound natural), so it was: “Hi excuse, I just saw you walking by, and you’re so pretty that I had to come say hi”. She smiles and in a politely way she tells me that she has a boyfriend. I eject.

Set 3: Slim Brunette. AFC genes kick in after transition.

Previous to this set I attempted to stop a HB, but she just waves his hands in a “no” motion and continues walking. My wing asked me if I count this one as an approach, and I say that no, because I couldn’t deliver my opener.

We struggle to find a suitable set for a while (notice we stuck only to one sets that weren’t in the phone) and I find this slim brunette, with dark skin, brown eyes and a trendy scarf that draw my attention. I stop her, deliver my opener and introduce myself. She looks surprised, but reciprocates giving me her name and as far as I can read had an open body language.

So far seems good, but I turned into interview mode and soon it began to fall apart:

Me: What are you doing here?
Her: I’m picking my mom.
Me: Does she work here? (as soon as I say this I know she will respond with a short answer. “Where does she work?” would have been much better because it could give me the chance to relate with something about the particular shop)
Her: Yes (I thought asking her “what would your mother say if she sees us talking like this?” {I’ve just read this line in another forum the same afternoon} but couldn’t bring to say it. Instead I said the most AFC line ever…)
Me: “If I’m being a bother, tell me and I’ll just leave “.
Her: Wait. What do you want?
Me: Just get to know you a little bit.
Her: Sry, I have a boyfriend
Me: Ok. Have a nice day (Eject)

Set 4: Rude/Bitchy I’m in a rush

Not much to say here. I see a hot girl smoking, I stop her and deliver my opener, and she answer in a very rude/bitchy way that she is in a rush. I talk with my wing and we laugh at it.

Set 5: HB Earphones. Unconscious Kino

Last set was hard. It was late and shops were already closed, so I tell my wing that this one will be the last one for me. I don’t know if it’s because I said it loud or because the bad reaction from before, but my AA was higher than the whole time.

Anyway, after a bit of walking, I see this HB walking toward us with her earphones. I motion her to stop and begin the first part of the opener with the “Hey, excuse me…”. I notice she doesn’t take out her earphones, so I grab her by the shoulder to take her attention (I didn’t notice this until my wing pointed it afterwards) and she takes out one of her earphones. I deliver the rest of the line and she tells me “Sry, I’m a rush” and walks away.

The good thing about this interaction is that I kinoed her unconsciously, which I think is good. The bad thing is that I grabbed her purse shoulder, which I have to be careful so they don’t think I’m a thief.

Reflections/Questions about entering an autopilot/dissociative state:

When I was going to open the first HB, I had negatives thoughts about the interaction and it stopped me in the cold tracks. I don’t know why, but after that, I entered in a sort of autopilot/dissociative state. For the lack of a better definition, it felt “kind of” like other person in my skin was doing the approaches.

While in this state, it was incredible how low AA was (probably because as soon as I spotted or got pointed to an HB, I would automatically go there and deliver the opener), and rejections had little impact.

Obviously, in the short term this seems as a great asset to have if one could get into this state at will. However, it left me the impression that the neutral/bad reactions were mostly produced because the compliments were not received as genuines.

Also, I’m a little worried that in the long term my progress could be halted if I manage to enter into this state regularly. I mean, if I can do it “automatically” until I internalize something (opener, transition/routine/whatever) and becomes natural to me it’s perfect, but if it turns into a self-defense mechanism I fear it can ruin my Inner Game…

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

Lessons Learned:

- The less I think before an approach, the less AA I have.

- I noticed that when I am cold approaching, rejection has little meaning. I mean, if I didn’t take notes this Wednesday, I would not remember anything about these girls other than maybe the fact that the Italian HB had amazing green eyes and the one that I had the little interaction resembles one of my work mates. When I see it like this, it seems absurd to let rejection from a complete unknown affect me. Note: I suspect that rejection will get worse when I begin to have good and meaningful interactions with girls.

- I need to naturalize my delivery and work on transition.

Next step:

- I am meeting the same wing this afternoon. My goal will be the same, focus on opening and try to transition.

A really nice report there random AFC!

Im really seeing progress, I mean you certainly have the balls to approach anyone, I now think it's more of a confidence thing, it has to do with body language and the way you speak.

Keep hunting those HB's!