I'm a chump trying to get better. I tried out a new strip club technique... and it worked... kind of.

I went into a strip club, a beautiful girl came up to me and asked if I wanted a dance. I said, "No thanks, I've seen it all before. But here, have £30 to keep your clothes on."

After that she seemed hooked... then things got hazy as we did Jeagermeister shots together. We sat laughing together at the PVC clad slutty polish strippers. It was a fun night. I did buy her drinks, but she didn't dance for me all night.

She was wearing $300 lingerie by Agent Provocateur.

She seemed impressed that I knew about the brand and its founders.

Then it went too fuzzy. Can't remember leaving the club... anyway:

Now, I've just received a text from her 7 days later. I did my research on PUA stripper techniques and tried to incorporate some techniques into my text responses.

Below is the thread, verbatim – guys – am I doing the right thing?

Andy.

Hey Andy, How are you@ It’s Rachel (from the club). Great to meet you last week. I had a really fun time, hope you did too.

Are you serious…? I don’t believe you. This is some 50-year old balding male club owner. What underwear were you wearing?

Agent provocateur of course!

Well hello! So you’re not some old stale, seedy club owner. Maybe I’m Interested  (AFC through and through, I know).

You seem different to all the polish strippers… You actually seem like an interesting person. I could come down tonight but don’t want you to treat me like all the other guys. I think you could be good to hang out with and do some amazingly fun things with. A.

I’m not a slutty polish stripper or club manager you’re right. Ah no, I wasn’t texting to make you come in (besides, I won’t be there for ages as I’ve only got out of the bath!) have you had a good week? Andy did you get back OK last Friday? I had to save you from some evil strippers and escort you to a taxi.

You’re cute – and I know you must have some funny stories. My previous girlfriend did some dancing and told me some horrendous tales. I wasn’t on my best form on Friday, but I’ve had worse nights. Thanks for taking care of me  I know the best place in Leeds for Mojitos – would you like to go one day? Andy.


So there we are – some cringe worthy AFC mistakes – but I’m trying. This is a live deal – all advice welcome. Andy.

I received a text to my last message - in reference to her knowing lot's of stripper stories:


Yeah I bet! I know a few funny stories but they didn't involve me? So where is that mojito bar then?"

Come on guys - don't let me make an AFC mess of this

The more you think of trying to avoid something, the more chances there are that you will go ahead and fall into that same trap.

Just be your normal self, as portrayed in these messages, you seem cool and collected and most importantly, in control of what you're saying.

Stop droning about AFC behavior, you're doing fine till now.

Now, go get her. Oh, and maintain your frame.

It's a good one and it's got her interested.

_________________
" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

Ok - here's the rest of the SMS thread... She either lost her phone or I blew it!

Yeah I bet! I know a few funny stories but they didn't involve me? So where is that mojito bar then?"

You'll have to pay me if you want to know... I'm not a cheap date. X Anyway, I thought you liked Gin like my Gran x

I do! I love gin. Brambles are my favourite cocktail but I'm quite partial to a mojito!x

Do you like egg nog too? That was my Gran's favourite. I'm tempted to come to Leeds tonight but I want to see you with your clothes on.

Haha! No I do not you cheeky bugger! Well you'll be happy to know I am wearing a dress...a long one!


I like the fact you're educated and smart. If you were using txt spk I'd nt wnt to see you. But I'm not sure about you just yet...
Especially with your Gin habit.

By the way I don't think you can afford me: £100 per dance and no touching below the belt.

Wot u meen? Lol. Dat iz well expensiv! Lol. Brb.

You know it's too bad that I swore never to go out with another dancer, because I can tell you and I would get along well. It's a shame as I get the impression that you're a lot of fun to hang out with...

I guess we can always have harmless fun! I'm not a dancer when I'm not dancing

Steady on - I don't even know your last name.

Now - are you sure you are not a fat balding old man that got hold of
my number? I wasn't expecting this tonight.

Yes I am the club cleaner and I found a card on the floor and your face is very smiley

I knew it - is this Doris...? I have memories of our passionate night. It was those yellow marigold gloves that did it for me.

Thank goodness you remembered my name!

Aaah Doris how could I forget you... Or what you did when you removed your false teeth...

My finest moment!

Doris, you won me over with your txt spk... You actually are quite
funny. I'm shocked... Wasn't expecting that.

Call me Mrs D! My grandson taught me the art of textual language. I can switch lyke diz an get wid da kidz on ther fonez lmao wikid. r u buzzin? GCSEs!!1! ...then go back to corrie with my gin and rollers.
How was your night? I'm very sleep deprived.

You seem to be derived of something . I had a vote with 6 friends. 4
- 2 ... You lost. They think you are trouble. I'm on the fence x

I am in trouble. I'm on a train. Where am I going?

Ha ha! Touche - so what made you text me yesterday? Are you sure you weren't trying to drum up business? x

I found your card in my room actually and thought I'd drop you a text!
completely innocent Mr Para

You're quite feisty today - I like that... but I don't think your intentions are innocent.

You’re cute – and I know you must have some funny stories. My previous girlfriend did some dancing and told me some horrendous tales. I wasn’t on my best form on Friday, but I’ve had worse nights. Thanks for taking care of me  I know the best place in Leeds for Mojitos – would you like to go one day? Andy.

Hmm...well tell me, are YOUR intentions completely innocent??

Absolutely - I might let you hold my hand for free. Any more and
there's a £200 minimum charge.

Hey Rachel... Or should I call you Doris? You're actually a lot funnier than I thought you would be - but again, I vowed never to date a dancer. It's really a shame as you seem like a good girl to party with.

Ah hmmm. * clears throat* All that said, we should meet but you have to drink mojitos - no granny gin drinking

So I've sent 3 texts and have been met with silence. She's not lost her phone obviously. Any suggestions for a final text?