Hi I’m very new to this so, please bear with me. I started this new job a year ago. I am a consultant and I’m usually in and out of a company fairly quickly. I don’t really talk to anyone or try to make friends because I’m not one for fleeting relationships. Anyway, my project keeps getting extended and I do strike up a conversation with this Girl at Work and we become good friends. It started out dealing with a creepy guy at work and possible sexual harassment; then talking about her current ex-bf and her other ex’s; then ripping on other people at work and making nicknames for them because I’m too lazy to learn anyone’s name.

This whole time, I’m an orbiter/beta/whatever. I’m also married (judge all you want). Our talks went from non-existent, to maybe once a week, to like every day for 60-90 minutes. We don’t eat lunch together for one crazy reason, but we do have coffee every so often, though I view those merely as time killers. She adamantly says she doesn’t want to be seen with a married man outside of work, which is odd because she is in my office a lot during work hours (and we don’t work together)., and she emailed me every day during my business trip to China.

Two months ago, we had a baseball outing. It started to rain during the late innings so we watched the rest of the game from a bar. We hadn’t eaten all day. After the game, there were more drinks and we were like the last two people left. She started to dance and then started to grind on me, and I was like, “Let’s go, you’re drunk, we need to eat something.” She held my arm as I walked her to this steak place. We split a steak sandwich (of which she at 75% of) because we were full of mostly beer, some liquor. She ordered another drink when I was in the bathroom. She looked fine, I started to sober up.

We’re walking to the train station when she suggests another drink. I’m like fine, what’s one more. She tells me that she doesn’t have ex bf issues, b/c she reconnected with a high school ex. I’m like, “Ok, that’s great, you don’t have to prove anything to me.” It was loud and I was trying to talk to her. She looked at me all starry-eyed. I wanted to say something about her starry-eyed condition but thought it would be in appropriate.

I then turned away from her to point out some god-awful outfit and she kissed me on the cheek. I play it like nothing happened, even though I was a bit stunned. She kissed me again, same spot and I was racing my thoughts, thinking of something to say. Then she apologized for kissing me. I said, don’t worry about it, it happens to the best of us. Then she started to cry (b/c of her current ex). I was freaking out because I didn’t want to get thrown out. So, I kissed her and she had this huge smile on her face. Long story short, we made out all over downtown, on the train ride home, and in her back seat for the next 3.5 hours. I even had her top off a couple of times, just to test the borders.

The next day, she was like we can‘t tell anyone. I wanted to talk about what happened, to see if she was for real. She shut me down like yesterday’s garbage. Except for that, we continue to talk and we’re like even closer than before. I want to pursue her further, but I found out that she’s hooking up with her ex-high school bf (she had her email open when I was in her cube and she had to go to the bathroom. She invited him in to watch the game.) She swears up and down it’s nothing and not serious. Every time we talk about him, she talks about she's kicking him to the curb. Yet, she also says that she doesn’t feel right hanging out with a married man, and definitely not outside of work (we eat lunch together on occasion now).

My game plan (if you can call it that) hasn’t changed since I first left for China. Now, my project is ending and my company is transferring me to another client across town. Is there anyway to salvage this?

(I'm just going to go ahead and pretend you never said you were married, I'm not for it at all, but I don't know your situation so I won't judge.)

I think what you need to do is be uncaring of her exes. Act like she can do whatever she wants and you can do the same. You need her to want attention from you. I think that fact that you are still seeing her regularly is a good thing, and when you are done with your client; either you're looking for something more with her, so exchange numbers and keep hanging out with her, she probably likes you a lot if she tells you all those things. Just make sure she doesn't get so comfortable with you that she puts you in the friend zone. You need to try and kiss her again on one of your dates, etc.

Your situation is really tricky though since you're married. If you were single you'd probably have no problem because she would be more comfortable to be seen with you.

You're married.

Why is everyone judging Kaiser for being married?

Since when did the PU community become so moral?

But Im just a bit confused as to Kaiser's game plan.

I was under the impression that this girl was chasing him,but now towards the end of the story,seems like he's chasing.

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Most active PUA blog in the community since 2009.
https://kennyspuathoughts.wordpress.com ... arly-2022/

Now active on YT again with PUA, Red Pill, Manosphere content:
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My ultimate plan is to continue to see this girl to see if an actual LTR will develop, but she has the unfortunate rule of not wanting to be with me outside of work -- with the new exception of lunch or going to get coffee. She bought me coffee today and I was asking her about her weekend to see if she would admit going out with her high school ex. She didn't mention him at all. If she's into him, I'll back off and be on my way. I've practically told her that (well, in not so many words). She's not from this area so I mention cool things in her area to do. I've been outright demanding to take her out, or hinting that I could take her if she's not busy and either approach get me a, "well, I'll think about it," or "I'd rather not, not now." I take those as no's and just shrug my shoulders, oh well.

Today, I learned that she will be on the transition team for my project when I leave. She talked about reserving some conference room time to do the knowledge transfer. I would've taken it as business as usual, but she came into my office to tell me this, and sat on my desk (ignoring the chairs that were in there). Of course, since my game plan has always been not to expect anything, I probably looked nonplussed to her (which I was). I don't get it. It seems like she's attracted to me. She also mentioned that she was getting me a going away present. As with my friends, I would give them one, too, but I take it that is a bad idea? It's too bad, I've got a great idea of a gift which I'm positive will go over well.

As for my marriage, I could go on, but it would take so much bandwidth. If you're going to judge, please give some advice as to help succeed in my goal. Your efforts are much appreciated.

The second post cleared it up a bit.

Heres whats happening; Right now I'm constantly flirting with my boss at work, and it works, she knows it and I know it. However we don't talk about dates and we don't talk about each other. We both know we want each other, we just don't TALK about it. She sometimes touches me playfully on my ass, etc and I reply with negs and its awesome. However I'm almost positive that if I talked about it she would not like it at all because she's not supposed to, and she has a boyfriend. It's probably the same thing with you, her body wants to, but her mind says no. So if you keep stimulating her physically and try not to make bells go off in her head then I think you'll be alright.

I hope that was somewhat helpful

Well, she obviously doesn't want to be the "other woman".

And you obviously cannot see that ,can you?
I'm going to disagree with you on this one,k-loc.

There is something bigger than picking up women and sex.

It's called your code of ethics.

This man is unethical.

I'm sorry, I cannot do anything for you.

Good luck.

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" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

Well, my time at this gig is coming to an end, but the good news is that I will be seeing a lot of her during the knowledge transfer process. However, I've never been the touchy feely sort of guy. I guess I can work on that, a brush here or a tap there. I suppose I can buy lunch today and tell her how I really feel, but I think that's a bad thing around these parts, and that's something that I don't think I would do naturally.


You know, it's like I pick up or hit on everything that moves. I've always been a one-girl sort of guy. She is the one who refers to me as her "at work boyfriend" or she refers to herself as my "at work girlfriend" or lately "at work wife." (Averages three times a month since my last trip back from China.) Terms that I never use. She also gave me her personal mobile number without me asking for it, a number not even her boss has. She's like my best at-work friend ever. So no, I obviously cannot see that. She tells me one thing, and does another. It is a bit confusing, especially to a newbie like me.

I guess I have two issues: 1) how do I keep this going? 2) Is she really LTR material, really worth all this effort? The second question is for me alone to decide, I guess. If I'm going to move on from my current situation, in my own process, I have to see how she handles LTR. So far, at work, things have been great, but I only saw her as a potential LTR due to the events after the baseball outing. So, back to the first question, how do I keep this going?

Any opinions on a farewell gift? If she doesn't want see me after this, moreover, if she really means it that she doesn't want to see me outside of work, then I guess this is it. I guess I can keep up the text parade, but since I know it's not going to happen, I'm going to see all this as futile effort.

Probably the first time we've ever disagreed Don Draper.

I feel your point on this now that I reflect.

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Most active PUA blog in the community since 2009.
https://kennyspuathoughts.wordpress.com ... arly-2022/

Now active on YT again with PUA, Red Pill, Manosphere content:
https://youtu.be/tj5rnL_qKfM

Agreed with your insights.

Plus he did clarify the situation a lot this time.

_________________
Most active PUA blog in the community since 2009.
https://kennyspuathoughts.wordpress.com ... arly-2022/

Now active on YT again with PUA, Red Pill, Manosphere content:
https://youtu.be/tj5rnL_qKfM

How about a Pearl Necklace ... that's what I'd give her ...

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MDawg

How did it end?

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MDawg