hey guys

I'm pretty new to this forum. but I have read some good posts here. So I hope I can share some with you. This seems to be another of those "in need help" threads. It is perhaps a little long,

The problem is that I do not know where I should be at this age. I'm not sure what I need to do to change myself into something better. or if I at all have to change myself. What bothers me most is all the different things I hear about what is right to wrong. what to do and what not to do. how to behave, and soo on. This makes me so frustrated that I almost get depressed.

Social dynamics
I think a lot of how social dynamics work. what distinguishes the behavior of boys and girls. This is something I am somewhat fascinated by. but also a part that makes me very frustrated. Why are there so many weird girls out there who use guys in so heinous ways? This is true the other way around too I guess.

There are many different personalities out there. This I am fully aware of. But it seems that our social behavior is about to go straight into the toilet. I read about the attention *****s. players, sluts, Orbiters, AFC's, Teaser and people who makes others fall in love with them just so they gett there daily dose of attention. or just to exploit them ... What happened to male and female roles? In my own opinion it seems that women are in power. but we men have to live up to a sky-high expectations that we are not aware of ourself. Women want equality between men and women, but sometimes it seems like they just spit on it. Possible it's just my perception of what is happening? I'm not sure.

Which leads to my problem
I feel lost. I do not know who or what I should be at this age. I know I should be a man, but I seem to have lost sight of what it means to be a man today.

I can tell a little about myself so you get a perspective. I moved to Oslo a year ago, after living in a little town with around 70k people for the better part of my life. I am now studying finance at a pretty big college. I have not been so lucky in the friends department. but I do have some at least. I have a part-time job that I enjoy, it is also very social. so it's a plus. I've only had one girlfriend in my life. but it has been my choice. I've had some flings here and there over the years.

it does not seem as if I have trouble attracting girls, but the problem comes when I try to keep them. they lose interest. This happens almost constantly. think this have to do with nervousness. I am pretty sure I do not have the right sense of humor you're talking about eather, I'm more of a clown / goofy dude. so is there any advice you can give me to get better and less nervous with girls. find the right thing to say and soo on?. I will not push on you on all my nagging questions. I know I have to fix a few things about myself. like getting myself some hobbies and begin workout. so I can get in shape. i have seen out kickboxing as a possible new hobb, which I think I'm going to start with soon, at least i hope.

The "one girl" problem
in the last couple months I've been shaken to the core by a girl. This is a girl I have been acquainted with for some years. She came out of a relationship for almost six months ago. Then things began to happen. We began to hang out a lot together and we were flirting quite a lot. much sexuality but no sex in that sence. I realized then that I was not getting anywhere with this girl. So I gave up trying to get her in bed. kept her as a good friend (if That's Possible?), but when we are out to parties she can not stay away from me. she demands attention. it seems that she will not see me with other girls. when we are alone she will strip and dance around and play. She also like sleep with me (sleep) but when it comes to kissing and sex I'm going nowhere. She frustrates me a lot. think I'm blind to the truth. she has managed to get under my skin .. Oh now I feel like an idiot and a total chump .. Think in need a slap back to reality.

So where are we?
I know my question not so clear. it's because I do not know quite what to ask for. all I know is that I do not feel totally at ease anymore. I need someone to point me in the right direction.


I appreciate all feedback
Thanks!

I noticed that you apologized a lot. It seems like you are trying to be safe with your post and I think that speaks for your character. If I'm right then you need to be more assertive and less caring of what everybody in the world thinks. No one is going to resent you for asking questions, and it's not like we HAVE to read your post so don't apologize.

I also would like to say that you don't have to change for anyone, live your life with the same character, etc. It seems as if you are going to a good school and you have some social life, so not everything is lost. Now for the social part, all you need to do is learn how woman react to certain things, and how you can build attraction, etc. This forum and many other websites can give you those tools. They won't change who you are, they are just going to change the way you present yourself.

I am a goofy/clown humored guy, and some woman like it. You can watch stand up comedians and learn different types of comedies through movies, etc. This might expand your knowledge in humor. However just teasing and negging girls is good enough to get a laugh.

Now for the girl. She sounds like a huge tease, and what you need to do is give her no attention. She wants your attention so she is going to chase after you if you don't give her what she wants. She might also like to be validated (for example she would say I'm so ugly today and that's fishing for a compliment) so never validate her, and that doesn't mean being mean, it just means not being nice. When she sleeps with you go for it, don't be scared, and if she refuses get some other girl, it'll just teach her a lesson. The more girls you get the more she will try to get your attention, the easier it will be to have sex with her, or more, if that's what you're looking for.

Hope this helps.

Thanks for the reply mate. To be completely honest, I think you're on to something when you talk about me being careful and abit too caring about what others think of me. I think this is something that can stems from childhood. and the way I was raised. What I want is to build myself up in those areas. become more confident and a bit more of a jerk to be honest. But I'm not quite sure how to accomplish this,

I have seen some good advice around the forum. The only obstacle I see is to actually implement the advice given. But it is part of the first problem i guess:)

You are right when it comes to that girl. she is a big tease. but I find it somewhat amusing that we can keep on like that back and forth. But then the brain starts to do what it should not do. hehe. So I think it's best to do as you say. just let the balls drop to go for it, and see where it takes us. I might bee too deep in the friend zone. but hey! I gave it a shot.

Well to actually implement the things it takes practice. At first it won't be perfect, but the more you practice, the better you will get, the more natural it will get, and the more confidence you will build. Trust me, once I told a girl "I bet you have a beautiful smile", she didn't smile, and I said, "I knew it", she said, "I didn't even smile". So you can see my nervousness at the time. After practice though I got better.

As for the girl, I'm glad you are going to go for it, not going for it will just make you feel bad forever.