So I've finally owned up to myself about my ridiculous feelings for this one girl and I'm trying to get over her at the moment. The only problem is I'm having a little trouble avoiding her without appearing like a dick to our mutual friends.

Just to give you a little bit of background on why this is so... When I was still trying to seduce her, I froze her out for a few months and when she came back I botched it by being way too stand offish and hard to get. This led to her bitching to our mutual friends about me never wanting to see her, which then led to me reverting back to my AFC ways and it all quickly went downhill after that. SPAM, I am once again back in the friendzone even though my feelings are still very strong for her.

Here's the problem... One of her best friends happens to be one of my best friends from college. The last time the three of us were together I mentioned that the three of us should all check out this club together and my friend seemed keen and my oneitis didn't seem overly interested, though she didn't say no either. Anyways, after messaging the friend through the week she suggested we should go ahead and check it out.

The question is: do I extend an invite to my oneitis or not? I don't want to look like a jerk to my friend and validate all the things my oneitis was saying about me but at the same time I know I won't be able to maintain my frame around her for very long. Every time I see her it's all good for a couple of hours and then I start feeling depressed.

Any advice on how best to handle this situation?

Simple....

Never ever ditch a chance to get to see the girl IF she is the one putting her neck out and making an effort to see you.

Trust me...the moment a girl tries to see you and you bail, this shit will happen. And it is completely nobody's fault other than your own because you didn't want to come off as needy.

Like I said...if she makes the plans, ALWAYS follow through with them.

It is 100% fine to ask a girl to help you study with you at the library, then under your own power in your situation you've made for the two of you....turn the tables and cancel the get together. That is the only scenerio that makes you seem busy and less needy without making yourself seem better than her.

I mean think about it...time together is what you want in the first place....right?

Yeah, I know. I'm aware that I completely botched the freeze out. Completely my fault. I was only learning the ropes (still am) and had nfi what I needed to do when she came crawling back.

My question was more about what to do regarding the outing with my mutual friend. The friend wants to checkout this club with me that I've wanted to checkout for a while. When I first brought the idea up, my oneitis was there, too and while she didn't turn the idea down, she didn't seem overly thrilled about going either.

Now that I've made plans to go to this club with our mutual friend, the question is do I ask my oneitis to join us or not?

No, you don't.

Your mistake the first time was that as soon as you heard her moaning about how you don't give a crap about her anymore, you changed back to your old ways and started doing just that and well, we saw how that ended for you.

Right now, you should keep another frame of indifference and this time, DO NOT revert back unless she's bawling her eyes out in front of you.

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" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

Well, I'd humbly suggest my mistake was trying to seduce my oneitis in the first place. Like I said, I cannot maintain my frame around this girl for long because of the way I feel about her. That's why I'm trying to get over her. Maintaining the frame was fine until I saw how upset she was in person and after that it was game over for me. The oneitis is way too intense to ever be able to pull anything off with her and even if I did it wouldn't last long. I appreciate your advice, though. You're spot on but unfortunately I can't maintain a frame of any sort around this girl.

Any advice on how best to handle this situation with our mutual friend?

Well, than that is not the advice you should be asking about.

I'd suggest you work on some Inner Game issues before interacting next with this girl. There's a whole section in the forum which deals with exactly that and should help you out.

_________________
" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

Yeah, my inner game is a little all over the place unfortunately. Some nights it's rock solid and other nights its just horrible. I suffer from some mental health issues which only makes matters worse but I'm working on that as best I can SPAM. I've always had pretty low self esteem so it's been very hard for me to consistently tell myself that I'm a high value guy.

Thank you for the advice. Sounds like I need to do some more work on me before I work on anything else.