Hi guys, I'm new to this forum and been learning a thing or 2 from here so I'll start with a thank you.

I will try and make this as brief as possible and I hope I'm not breaking any rules in the way I post this...

So this is my situation.... I live in Australia. about 5 months ago, I met this chick through work and she has a boyfriend. He had to move back to his home country and they're keeping a long distance relationship. However, we hooked up right after he left and then had a relationship going for 4 months(fairly serious). But he had bought tickets for them to go to her home country together 3 months after he left. and she said she felt obliged to go..

Anyway, meanwhile we fell in love and had a pretty good relationship, good sex life. I admit I was a little clingy and insecure at times- probably because se was cheating on her bf with me. And we did end up having regular small arguments, so it wasn't perfect. We decided to move in together for conveniency and being unhappy with where we were living. So we organised to do it after she returned from her holiday(with him) and she would break up with him around that time as well.

So she went and came back and basically told me he couldn't leave him especially after he met her parents and they like him and talked about marriage(jokingly but still counts I guess) and she of course still loved him. Plus she carried a lot of guilt about the whole thing. She told me that she would've been happy with me as well but if she had me first she would've picked me.

Ok so we ended up moving in together anyway. 2 weeks yday. And were pretty happy living together. We are like a couple though. Everything we do togrther-shopping, spending time together at home, cooking for eachother.
So basically I do love her still and I know she has feelings for me still as well and I want her back because I know it's worth it and we can a pretty good future together, but I don't really know how to go about it...

My problem is that I know there is a formula here to get her back- all the right things to do and not do. Now.. I do a lot for her so I'm in the process of toning that down an creating a higher value of myself, as well as making her believe that I'm going out to eat etc. With other chicks. I'm also learning a bit of bf destroyers. So I understand that much, but what I need here is real game lol and honestly I don't have that.. Especially AFTER I get the girl. I've been pretty touchy with her and kissed a few times when we drank, which she always tells me I have to stop because I am not her bf, but I know she still enjoys it, but I did overdo it and I think I made the gap between us just that little bit bigger. She never holds it against me though so our relationship is always pretty cool.

Ok that's enough.... I'm sorry about the long post but I thought detail was required in such a situation. I hope you guys can and are willing to help me with this.

she used you. she's an attention whore.... Girls need other people to validate themselves to make them happy... She used you to validate herself while her bf was away... she never intended to give him up, and she just lied to you/lead you on. At this point there is nothing you can do to get her back except behave like your over it. Cut contact completely... What she might do is contact you telling you she misses you or bla-bla... it's bullshit, she wants validation from you and if you give in she'll have it and get bored. IGNORE THIS completely don't even reply, she might eventually say she wants to get back together, then you can offer her under the condition she leaves him. She probably won't go for that though.

The fact that you LET her use you ruined your value in her eyes for long-term... when she said she was "obligated to go back" you should have been a man and put your foot down...... women want a man who neglects them and cares about himself first, and doesn't even THINK about her feelings.... You were too nice of a guy to her... nice guys don't get the girls.

edit: to help you get over her/ feel better right now, start working out, start reading some material from credible dating guru's.... start learning about HOW to get new women and it WILL make you fell better. You'll become excited to try and you can't feel bad/excited at the same time.


edit: you might be saying well she was soo sweet and so nice and.... doesn't matter. Girls do care about what everyone else thinks so they act nice when your with them, but that doesn't mean she gives a shit about you... she just wants validation. EVEN IF you get her back this can not be a serious relationship girl, I would fuck her and during that time focus on finding a new girl so you can dump this girls her ass.

Ok that's an interesting response. Wasn't really expecting it. I'm not sure what to say because as you can imagine even when you say that it doesn't change how I feel SPAM. So I know that at least in the meantime I'm going to pursue this... That being said, I respect and acknowledge what you've said. Besides, I have wondered before if I was being used.. In fact I feel a bit of anger now because I know that there is a very good chance that you're absolutely right. In any case thanks for that

You know what.. Even if she's not going to leave him and I have no future with her, like you said just fuck her and leave- then that is what I wanna do at least. Especially because we are living together so I may as well make the most of it, even if it means using HER to my benefit.

So, I still ask for any tips/advice/methods to get her in my bed. Lol

It would be easiest to get over it if you just kicked her out/ threw away everything that reminded you of her.... when everything is gone, over time you'll think about her less and less until your over it.... if you keep her around you'll constantly be reminded of her... It's in your best interest to kick her out and just move on... BUT since people don't do what's rational and do what they FEEL, if you can't manage that, just be self centered, get everything you can out of sex w/ her and stop caring about her needs during sex.

Yeah I know that you're right. I guess I'm a sucker for punishment when it comes to this sort of thing. But anyway, can I get some tips to seduce her at least haha..
i'm actually with her today and I've noticed she's very happy and touchy. I'm kinda just being cold and a little distant SPAM but that's not gonna really create any sexual tension or anything. Cheers

[quote="Inblissabyss"]Yeah I know that you're right. I guess I'm a sucker for punishment when it comes to this sort of thing. But anyway, can I get some tips to seduce her at least haha..
i'm actually with her today and I've noticed she's very happy and touchy. I'm kinda just being cold and a little distant SPAM but that's not gonna really create any sexual tension or anything. Cheers[/quote]

yes it will o_O.... when women are frustrated they get aroused. Play hard to get. Reward her slowly when she shows you a lot of interest. If you can manage it make her take you out and pay for stuff, if she invests a lot into you, you'll be worth more because if she loses you she knows she also loses everything she put into you.

THINK ABOUT YOURSELF ONLY and she'll be more attracted to you... if you only care about your wallet, your time, your feelings.. you naturally will have the attitude that she is winning YOU over and that will make your value sky rocket because in her eyes, your the one who can take or leave her while she is the one who will get to have you if she does everything right.

What are her and her boyfriends plans? Is she going over to see him again? Is he coming back?

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just because my name is safety doesn't mean i like condoms

Reward her how? Any lines or moves I can make ? Even though we were together for a few months and we had sex a lot I feel so hopeless right now with this stuff fark

you have to read some stuff about women man....reward her with interest. There's something called a "social frame" and that's the perception of everyone in the room.... If you think your value is higher than HER value, and she thinks YOUR value is higher than her own... then social frame is your higher value and she's lower value. If you can keep this frame, she will do stuff to earn your affection, to win your love, to earn your interest. If you truly believe that your better than her, and you behave in such a manner she will be sucked into that belief as well. Women are full of self-doubt, insecurity, and lack of confidence... so what you do to keep that frame is make her prove herself to you... ask her qualifier questions like "what are your aspirations in life, what's fun in your life, what kind of music do you like....blabla and after she starts talking about herself if you share something in common, go hey yeah me too interesting.... if you don't show her disinterest.... when she touches you reward her occasionally back by facing her or giving her positive body language, when she pulls away give her negative body language. Reward her when she does stuff that pleases YOU and your feelings, and punish her when she does something you don't care for, and occasionally be neutral when she does something good. If you reward her good actions slowly then she will become frustrated, wanting your attention/affection and she will give MORE of it in order to gain it from you.... as long as you don't give her too much affection too fast eventually she will give everything she has to give to get more from you.


edit: it's a validation thing... she seeks validation from you, If you give her interest/affection/love she get's that validation and she feels good about herself but treats you like shit in return... however if you deny HER affection/interest/love then she DOESN'T get her validation and feels bad about herself... She will try a little harder to get that validation she seeks if you give it small doses, she will keep coming back for more but won't really be fulfilled....

I think her future with him isn't 100% in terms of him coming back anyway. I know that this is where she wants to live. Apparently she is going to visit his home country and meet his parents in 8 months. And then when I kissed her the other night (when we were drunk) she said somethig like "what are you going to do? My bf is coming here in February.(I assume for holiday, so possibly he will come and then she will go back with him to meet the parents as a holiday)

I think the biggest mistake you're making her is trying to be overzealous, overinvested when it comes to her.

In a way, you are unable to differentiate a sexual liaison from a full relationship with her. You are approaching both in the same way. When you're trying to get laid, you can't be trying to show her your soul, and you can't be trying to see hers. It has to be light, fun.

Remember, that this woman is already in love with her guy and has been having thoughts of marriage with him. You're just a person she is rooming with and incidentally, you guys have a rather close relationship.

Ignore the whole "If I met you sooner, I would pick you" non-sense that she's saying. That is basically said to soothe your hurt ego or so her brain says.

Take from her what you want, if it's just physical connection it would be easier on you both since you won't bring up her boyfriend and she would just think it's sex.

In the meantime, you should continuously make efforts to improve your lifestyle. Meet new women all the time. You might find someone better to give your attention to, who knows.

February is 6 months away. 6 months is a lot of time, if you catch my drift..

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" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

Six months is a long time indeed. Well as I was saying yday, I was being distant and she was being touchy etc. Well I could tell she was in a horny stage. Anyways I pretty much kept my cool and made her come to me. Made her pay for the shopping carry the shit around. Basically she was doing everything I said. Cooked dinner.. Used this boyfriend destroyer I learned from another thread, which then made her say things like "i dont know the future, if I'm going to end up with my bf, we even discussed it a couple if times- that our future together is uncertain".. She's never said anything like that except when we first got together. Anyway, I could see her frustration building up the more shit I gave her or making her do things. All the while though, she kept craving my attention and company. I quite enjoyed this, and even thought I could keep it going forever just to get some sort of revenge.

Then we drank and ended up fooling around a bit,(nothing much) but she was sorta on and off about it which was frustrating especially being drunk and then we ended up having an argument about the whole thing, and went to sleep lol. I think we both took the whole thing too seriously. Especially me. But this morning I crawled into her bed and spooned her and it's all good again.

So yeah I get a lot of mixed signals from her. I'm pretty good at reading people for the most part, but not at influencing them. That's basically why I asked for help. After reading your replies I'm unsure what step I will take with her but I'll probably just keep playing along if perhaps only to practice and build my game up.
But i will of course be improving myself- i've started working out again and updating my style, and if someone else comes along I might just go for it and take with me what I learned from this relationship and you guys haha. Anyways thanks and I'm still open to suggestions to lines or routines to seduce her into sex. I'm pretty sure it will happen if I keep playing the game right.

I agree with dude who said you need to treat her like shit (or at least not like your monogamous wife or something). Think about it dude, if she cheated on her REAL boyfriend with YOU, what's keeping her from cheating on YOU with another guy? Nothing is. This relationship you have seems almost like an open relationship. You said you had sex with her, yet you don't know how to seduce her? Dude. She lives in your house. Treat her like you own her. I'm not saying beat her and get arrested for domestic violence, but show her it's your way or the highway. Because what it seems to me is she thinks you're just friends with benefits and is actually planning the future with the boyfriend (but judging by how she acts when dude isn't around, probably won't last that long and end up like most marriages these days). Get what YOU want from her, don't let her walk over you. She doesn't own you. You shouldn't even care about her. Getting attached to a girl (because you had sex) is a female trait. If she thinks it's cool to have 2 boyfriends then you should meet a new girl and bring her home and bang her. That will make your "girlfriend" EXTREMELY jealous and she'll probably try desperately to get you to like her again, assuming she has those kinds of feelings for you (which she probably doesn't seeing how she has a boyfriend in another country she's cheating on with you, but that doesn't matter because she might still want your attention like most women do.)