Hey, So today I am seeing a girl who I have not seen since last year (before summer break). WE talked on the phone multiple times and she kept saying she loves me but doesnt want to be "another girl/ a hookup if im bored." Any ideas on how to make sure that she gets that shes not just a hookup girl today? She invited me to her place.

Is she just going to be another hookup to you? Or are you only interested in her?

I am only interested in her. I hung out with her today and, strangely. I felt no need to try and get somewhere with her, I would love to make passionate love to her etc. But I didnt even try and kiss close her because we talked for hours and hours and hours and I just enjoyed being in her presence (btw I am in highschool) I met her mother (I already knew her father). We were together in middle school but, you know how immature girls and their friends are at that age especially. But were on for watching donnie darko in two weeks at my house. After that should I try and say that i really would like to be exclusive? She told me over the summer that she loved me but didnt trust me. But she seemed SO into me today non stop hair playing. We started talking about personal stuff and she laid her head on me and then would randomly just hold onto my arm for a while and then play with my hair and etc. So i believe she is into me... But yes...to answer your question, i only want to date her....no other girls...im not even interested in other girls.

you're in love bruhhh.. take it easy. stop being so interested in her, relax start talking to other girls maintain contact with her, but be more indifferent than into her, before you make her you're girl

First off, I would be concerned with any girl telling you they love you after so short a while. Or maybe I misunderstood and just need more info. (Though I guess people in HS always toss that around too freely anyways, so...)

Secondly, if you're not interested in other girls, you run the risk of idolizing this girl, and thinking you don't have any other options. It's just a future protection thing. If she starts manipulating you and treating you bad, you'll be saying to yourself "gee, it stinks that the girl I have is so abusive", rather than saying "get out of here girl, I'm going to find a better one"!

Thirdly, she's giving you many signs she's interested. If you don't start reciprocating and give those signs back (playing with her hair, going in for a kiss, etc.), then she'll give up and move on. Take the chance, and you'll almost certainly not be turned down.

Alright. Ive known her for a few years, and yes people do toss around that word way too frequently but I only told her I loved her once and that was before summer started. But I did play with her hair a little bit, and I would give her shit for stuff. So I believe that I'm showing interest. She is coming over to my place in two weeks so I will go in for a kiss then. Maybe just at the end of the night since she believes I am a "player" which is creating a lack of trust so I just think that taking it slow will hopefully show her that shes not just "pussy." Which is odd to me she doesnt understand because Ive even admitted to her that the majority of girls are to me and that no matter what I still have been really interested in her. I don't understand what you mean about other girls....are you saying that I should not get into a relationship with her? Or just that she needs to understand that I can get a girl in a second. Also, we go to different schools (me an all boys school her an all girls school) so we are not seeing each other every day, so should I try and make contact with her once a week or would that make it seem like I had just forgotten about her. Im just REALLY struggling with figuring out how to get her to understand that she is something different in my eyes.

I really like that you're mature about all this, unlike many 30 year olds on this site! Kudos. I like that you've already identified the issues, and just need the solutions. That's what we're here for, and I think you're well on your way to doing well.

Having known you for a few years and being in HS, I understand the whole love thing, so no problem. Still wouldn't say it personally, but hey, you're going to say what you're going to say, and it's ok.

Your main issue is that she doesn't want to be thought of as just a piece of meat. This is what we call Anti-Slut Defense. She doesn't want others, or herself to view her as a slut. Look through this forum for some ASD techniques, and let me know what your plan is, or if you can't find any, I or some others on here can help you out.

What I was saying about other girls is a mentality thing. Being interested on only one girl, when not in a relationship, really drains you, and causes you to "put her on a pedestal" so to speak. Knowing and having interest in other girls saves you from that, and allows you to see what's different, about this girl you like, so you can appreciate her more for who she is, uniquely.

Oh, as for calling, everyone on here will give you their own take on it. Listen to their advice as well, and decide what you think is best.

But my opinion is that you're in HS, so you're the best judge of how often to call. If you want to call once a week, because that's all you feel like? Cool. But don't hold yourself back. If you feel like calling every day or every other day? Cool. But don't push yourself.

Don't go into it with a plan. Just be sitting there and then BAM you think "Hm, I'm bored. Maybe I'll call her."

The fresh prince, thank you for all of your advice. The anti slut defense i dont believe is whats going on here though... She doesnt want me to hurt her, at least she told me that multiple times after saying that she was "whipped" by me. Because of how she thinks im a player and i showed interest in her a lot and then would hook up with other girls. So I put myself in this position, I just didnt realize to what an extent it would be. Since Pick Up seems to be so that you can find someone who you truly do love, it seems to be preventing anything to happen with that someone. But maybe it is ASD. It just seems like shes more afraid that I'm going to cheat on her, rather than that others will view her as being "that girl." However, if it is anti-slut defense do you have any suggestions on what to do? We were talking about other girls and how they've changed and she seemed to be saying that she thought they were sluts and I just told her that at least they know what they like since it seems like not very many people do which i thought would help make her understand that I don't view people badly because they are "sluts." But, as you can probably tell I'm new to this "love" feeling and actually really wanting her because of her so I don't really know what to do, and REALLY don't want to screw up because of some small thing.

It could be that. Has she ever been hurt before, and experience with guys leaving her like that? If so, then you need to take it really slow. Spend a lot more time with her, and show her that you value her. Don't supplicate and give her compliments every five minutes to boost her ego. Just show her that you're investing in her.

In both cases, ask her out, and get that ball moving.

If not, it still could be that she's worried about that, but more likely just ASD. Just keep doing what you're doing, showing her that you don't judge people. Use the old "double standard trick", that's my favorite. Are you familiar with that one?

I'm afraid im not totally familiar with that one. But yes, and that guy was me. However, I was not aware of it. Basically, I told her I loved her at the end of the year and I broke down and just said, "I really want to kiss you." And then she didn't want to because it was with tons of people etc. However, I took it personally and thought she had lost interest. So, I realized that I had to get over her. The next weekend there was a party at my ex girlfriends friends house and we made out and such there. Then the girl who I'm in love with heard and I guess she actually meant I love you when she said it back to me. So, It's primarily my fault.

Double Standard Trick (Or whatever the real name is... ):

FreshPrince: Hey baby, you know what's unfair is that there is a double standard in society.

Slimmy: Oh? What's that?

FreshPrince: You see, if a guy has sex with multiple women, he's considered a stud-it's a good thing. But if a woman has sex with multiple guys, she's considered a slut.

Slimmy: Yeah, you're right. Why is that?

FreshPrince:I don't know. It probably has something to do with ancient times when women were traded like property and were required to be tied down to a single man. If she had sex with a different man, it was like she was disobeying the natural order of stuff. But hey, I think that's stupid.

Slimmy: Yeah it is.

FreshPrince: I don't judge like that. In fact, I don't really care for much of society's norms. I just think they inhibit people from doing what they really want and need to do. Like colored restrooms in the south. You just have to ignore all that, and do what YOU want to do.

Yeah, I don't think that that technique really fits me. It just doesn't work for how I run my game. I can 100% see how it works for others. But I'm almost sure that that is not the problem. And actually, thankfully to what you've said, everything seems to actually be going really well. I think that her trust is going up and I'm actually really chilling out and kind of actually...excited to be in a relationship since I haven't been in a serious one that will last a few years (fingers crossed.) But I think, with the help of you guys in the future probably, it's very likely that if everything works out and she becomes my girlfriend, we will be together for a while to come. Since being an hour away at school I think will help separate that but im about a 20 minute walk to her house so we can still see each other plenty. But it keeps rumors and such out of our lives because of how the two social scenes of our schools are on opposite sides of the earth. Plus her going to an all girls school and me an all boys school (I know it helps me with focus on academics.) But I also think it will help keep her head straight because shes a pretty mentally strong girl. So, thank you. I will keep you posted on how stuff goes, but so far she initiated a facebook message after i didnt talk to her for a day. So I think the interest is high. Plus some friend was saying how crazy she was for me...still. So, I think if I follow your advice everything is going to really work.

Awesome, man. Then congrats!Sounds to me like you're going to use the oldest ASD trick in the book--be patient. Haha! Nice work. Keep it up!

Okay...so, I was talking to her last night. And she came up with calling me mr.tough guy since when we had been hanging out earlier and I was talking about how I really was not very into being in love, let alone actually letting her know that. And she was like "ohhhh so your a tough guy , huh?" so then blah blah blah she gets to saying today that thats her nickname for me from now on. So , I said alright, I'll bet that in 2 weeks when you come over to see Donnie Darko you will have forgotten. And shes like nahhh I'll remember (playing along). And so then we keep on going at that andI'm like alright "if you win you get whatever you want.... of course i have to be able to get it.... and it cant cost any money" and then she just blatantly says "i dont want a prize" (this was after i logged off since i logged off immediately after my message and I just replied "hahahahah alright." This doesnt seem like a good sign....since she probably thought that the prize was like a kiss or some sort... .